Divorce does not equal failure! Oh wow…did I really just say that out loud? Honestly, it took me over four years to be able to convince myself that my divorce did not equal failure. I struggled with this concept more than any other concept in my recovery. My brain was just stubborn when it came to this theory. I couldn’t get it through my thick skull that I had no control over the situation so I couldn’t consider it a failure. What I had to realize was that my divorce was just part of my story. The part of my story that I was holding on to…and holding onto for dear life! I think it’s how I was created. I identified myself with my divorce. It was my comfort zone. I had convinced myself that it was the reason I am who I am and I was using it as an excuse to not live the life I wanted.
What I eventually realized was that my story was preventing me from moving on with my life. I had to figure out a way to move beyond it before I could actually move on, have a smile on my face and laugh again. Oh boy…did I want to learn how to laugh again. So you know what I did? I sat down with my friend and told her my story…one last time. It was the story of who I was before I got married, who I became during my marriage, and who I wanted to be after recovering from my divorce. My friend was a trooper. She had heard my story a hundred times…and told me a hundred times that I was a better person than I was giving myself credit for. She loved me and would have listened to me tell my story a hundred more times if that is what it took to help me move on. At the end of my story I made a conscious effort to keep my divorce in the past and reminded myself for the last time that my present and future was so much more than what someone had done to me. By living in that story I was giving my ex and the situation all the power…all these years later. I know, what a waste of time, effort and energy!
My life is now about not letting my past dictate who I am, but letting it be a part of who I want to become. From now on I will be busy creating my new life…my new story! So my goal by the end of 2009 is to figure out what I want my new life, relationships, finances, health, love, family and my body to look like in 2015. I believe with all my heart that this new life is possible. I know it is within my reach and I am EXCITED! You see, I figured there are two choices I can take. I can choose to take action now and purposely create my new life, or I can look back in five years and see nothing but more wasted time. I will NOT waste another five years!
So I ask you, my friends…the next time I start my story…please stop me and remind me to choose something better to talk about. Nudge me with a little reminder that the story I am telling is in the past…even if it is mid-sentence. Remind me that my divorce was a test and not a final! Remind me that my life is a series of events, small ones that lead up to big ones that make me who I am.
The divorce does not define you, nor did the marriage in the past or the marriage in the future. I had to realize that tough one as well. Where is your definition? Read Psalm 139:13-18. Is it easy to admit? Not when you feel like crap because of the trials of a failed marriage. But our significance is found in Christ. He gives us better value than anyone else. Do I always live that way? Of course not. I take each new day as another chance to take that next step. Great post.
ReplyDelete