Cleanliness is next to Godliness???

Have I ever told you how much I hate to clean my house? I hate it more than anything in this world. You see, I live in a house with two boys who always have their friends over playing and it always seems to make my house smell like a college dorm!

So I am constantly cleaning.

I’m the kind of person that likes order and cleanliness. My house is never…and I mean never 5 minutes away from being picked up and presentable to let’s say the Queen of England. That’s just who I am and how I roll. I enjoy a clean house.

Unfortunately, the time that I usually put into cleaning my house has been used up trying to keep caught up with work. You see, last week the warehouse that houses our curriculum caught on fire and we lost EVERYTHING during the first week of our four month long busy season. Needless to say there has been a lot of additional stress and additional hours put in dealing with the insurance company, fire Chief, printing companies and students…not to mention the countless hours of editing (that I should have had done weeks ago) in preparation for reprinting all of our books.

As you can imagine, I am under a TON of stress.

And when I’m stressed in one area of my life, I tend to slack in others.

And the area that is lacking now is my house, and I’m torn. I don’t like cleaning, but I also don’t like living in squalor, so this, you can imagine, presents an internal conflict of interest that at times I find very tear-provoking.

I know I mentioned in one of my numerous birthday posts last year that if I had one of these...



...then I would never ever complain about cleaning again.

But I have one of these and realize now that what I really meant to say was, if I had one of these...



...then I promise I would never ever complain about cleaning again.

So please, I beg you House cleaning God’s, send one of these hot boys that like to clean over to give me a little inspiration! If not send someone to buy me drinks…lots of drinks!

Or better yet, just send me him...



...I think he could inspire me to do anything!

Thank you in advance!

Kickin it cold dorm style with the Bachelor Pad

Can I first say that this show is so trashtastic that I’m struggling to get my head around it. I don’t know if you watched it or not, but I felt so dirty by the time it was over that I wanted nothing more than to take a shower.

Kudos ABC! Kudos! This is going to be a fabulous show!

Cast of Characters:

Tenley
Season: Jake, On the Wings of Love season
Nickname: Ms. Enchanted

Jesse B
Season: Ali, Needs to run a Brush through her hair season
Nickname: Humana, humana, humana

Natalie
Season: Jason, Don’t make me pull a Mesnick season
Nickname: Princess

David
Season: Jillian, Hot tub make out season
Nickname: My new crush (I love a good bad boy)

Gwen
Season: Aaron, I didn’t watch this season
Nickname: Momma

Jessie
Season: Jake, On the Wings of Love season
Nickname: Ms. Nark (because she is the one that ratted Justin out)

Jonathan
Season: Ali, Needs to run a brush through her hair season
Nickname: The Weatherman ( of course, I may be referring to him as the local funny boy…he had some great one liners that I will share with you later)

Nikki
Season: Jason, Don’t make me pull a Mesnick season
Nickname: Ms. Don’t sleep with him on the first date, it will just bite you in the butt

Juan
Season: Jillian, Hot tub make out season
Nickname: Mr. Hasn’t figured out he is gay yet

Wes
Season: Jillian, Hot tub make out season
Nickname: Mr. Toolbag

Krisily
Season: Charlie, I’m not really drunk, I just normally act this way season
Nickname: The girl no one remembers

Elizabeth
Season: Jake, On the Wings of Love season
Nickname: Resident Psycho

Jesse K.
Season: Jillian, Hot tub make out season
Nickname: Mr. Wus

Kyptin
Season: Jillian, Hot tub make out season
Nickname: Mr. Abs

Ashley
Season: Jake, On the wings of Love
Nickname: The Stewardess (remember she dressed up as a stewardess for Jake, our resident cargo pilot)

Payton
Season: Andy’s season (I have no idea who he is, I guess I missed that season)
Nickname: The other girl that no one remembers

Michelle
Season: Jake, On the wings of love season
Nickname: I’m not giving her one because she won’t make it past the first episode

Gia
Season: Jake, On the wings of love season
Nickname: Ms. Why is she here, she has a boyfriend

Craig
Season: Ali, Needs to run a brush through her hair season
Nickname: Mr. Don Johnson

Rules of the Game

Our Host, Chris Harrison reminds us again that there are nineteen contestants, or money hungry sex-aholics, as I like to call them, each with a chance to find love and win $250,000. Juan summed it up best when he said, “if I had the chance to walk away with $250,000 or the love of my life, I’d go for the money.” Shocking, I know, but he only said out loud what all 19 toolbags were thinking!

Best Quotes of the Night

“Michelle has the hottest body in the house, but if you hook up with her you have to be careful she doesn’t cut your thing off.” -Wes, Mr. Toolbag, referring to her psycho behavior during Jake’s season

“So how are the abs?”
-Our Host Chris Harrison, welcoming Kypton into the Bachelor Pad

“If Craig’s hair shows up without Craig, that would be great”
-Jonathan, The Weatherman, speaking about his nemesis Craig, aka, Mr. Don Johnson

“When Craig won the Twister competition, I knew there was pretty much no God.” -Jonathan, The Weatherman, speaking about his nemesis Craig, aka, Mr. Don Jonnson

“There just weren’t enough roses for Michelle’s personalities, besides, it’s hard to put a rose on a straight jacket.” -Jonathan, The Weatherman, speaking about Michelle, I’m not going to give her a nickname because she won’t make it past the first episode’s, departure from the show

And last but not least, to wrap up this fantastic recap of last nights events, I give you a list of things that I hope ABC has purchased in bulk at Costco for this season.

1. Band aids, for all of the back stabbing that will be going on.

2. Chlorine, to kill all of the germs/sperm in the bathrooms, hot tub and pool

3. Alcohol, there will need to be plenty in order to put up with Tenley who still craps rainbows and butterflies

4. Sunscreen, for all of the cleavage and nakedness

5. Waterproof mascara, for all of the waterworks. If last nights episode is any indication of the tears this season, we are in for a real treat.


Cool Kids remaining:
Tenley
Jesse B.
David
Gwen
Jessie
Jonathan
Nikki
Wes
Krisily
Elizabeth
Jesse K.
Kyptin
Ashley
Payton
Gia
Craig

Not So Cool Kids asked to leave:
Juan
Michelle

Until next week!

Top Ten Friday

Sorry people...Top Ten Friday will have to wait yet again.

Not because I'm in a funk.

Not because I'm stressed.

Not because it's hot outside.

But for the only valid reason a girl has to not post...and that is the fact that my Ry Ry boy got hurt on the set of this film.



...And I did what any stalker/care-giver would do. I dropped everything to be by his side and kiss his boo-boo.

Ok...he seemed a little shocked when I showed up with flowers and balloons in my sexiest lingerie. But he sent his friends or "body guards" as he likes to call them to take me to this nice little room in the basement of his house. While I must say, it's not a very inviting room, it only has a cement bench and a toilet with no walls for privacy. But there are a few other people here that I am getting to know well. Oh...did I tell you that this room also has bars on one wall and we even have our own body guard that unlocks the door to come and get Ry Ry's visitors one by one. I can only assume that they come and get us as he is up for visitors...

I will let you know as soon as it is my turn.

Top Ten Friday

Welcome to this weeks edition of Top Ten Friday...where I break it down!

And boy do I have a very special edition this week.

It is officially summer and nothing says summer better than a 4th of July Celebration. I have decided to host a party this weekend and invite the Top Ten Hottest Abs in Hollywood.

Don't stress if you didn't get an invite...it doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means that I wanted these ten guys all to myself!

Enjoy!

10. Andy Roddick- Yummy tennis Abs!



9. The Situation- He may be a tool, but you have to admit he has some killer abs!




8. Taylor Lautner- Hardcore Twilight abs!



7. Channing Tatum- Humana, humana, humana!



6. Christiano Ronaldo- Can't forget to celebrate the abs of our hot soccer studs!



5. David Beckham- this one too! Holy washboard stomach! Makes me want to do my laundry on his abs...



4. Mario Lopez- needs no explanation, other than the more I can see him with his shirt off, the better the party will be.



3. Shemar Moore- a hot Hollywood abs post would definitely not be complete without this beautiful creature!



2. Robert Buckley- every time I see pictures of him it makes me sad that they cancelled Lipstick Jungle...damn you abc...damn you!



And my number one invite to the Hottest Abs in Hollywood Party would be...none other than...

1. Ryan Reynolds- no explanation necessary...You're welcome!



HAPPY 4th of JULY!

Top Ten Friday

Girls, girls, girls. You are in for a treat today!

I’m so excited you have decided to stop by my blog. If this is your first visit, I hope this post entices you to come back and visit in the future…if not, your blind!

I’m just saying.

Welcome to this weeks edition of Top Ten Friday where we celebrate Hollywood’s Top Ten 10 Hottest dads.

No need to thank me. You deserve this.

Enjoy!

10. Brett Michaels


Is it just me or has he become sexier in light of his recent health issues? To me there is nothing sexier than a man who finally (no matter how old he is) realizes that being a good dad is sexier than the rock star image.

9. Gavin Rossdale



He is definitely a good combination of rocker and dad…this man has it figured it out and that is sexy!

8. Robert Downey Jr.



Ok…I will admit he has had his moments, but boy did he clean up and make a fabulous comeback. I don’t know if his Ironman character is anything like he is in real life, but if he is…I’m totally in love with his personality too.

7. Ben Affleck



I like to consider him an all around good dad. He seems like the ideal husband who has figured out the perfect balance between work and family.

6. David Beckham



Need I say more…this man’s body is a wonderland!

5. Gabriel Aubry



Aka: Mr. Halle Berry, I’m sure he gets sick of that but the two of them sure do make beautiful babies

4. Matt Damon



Another one that I like to relate to his movie character. Something about the idea of him being anything remotely close to Jason Bourne is so sexy…am I right ladies?

3. Patrick Dempsey



Dr. McDreamy…needs no more explanation

2. Hugh Jackman



I know he took lots of flack for his role in Australia opposite Nicole Kidman, but he was so hot, I didn’t even notice his acting.

And my number one pick for Hollywoods Hottest Dad...

1. Ed Burns



This was my first crush, before Ryan Reynolds. In case that picture did nothing for you, this one will…



Holy Sausages Batman! Now that’s a sexy dad!

Happy Father’s Day to all you lucky dads out there! May your weekend be filled with empty promises of good behavior from your kids…

On a side note…this guy was going to make my Top 10 Hot Hollywood Dad’s list until I saw this picture of him.



I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t include a 30 year old Justin Beiber look alike on my list…sorry ladies!

That's how Julie C's it

I am 39 years young. In those 39 years I have always been a rule follower. Growing up I always did the sensible thing, I was always where I told my parents I would be, and I never missed curfew. Well except for the one time when my best friend and I drove my mom’s convertible camaro downtown for some fraternity convention and picked up a couple of guys that “made us late for our curfew”. I remember dropping my friend off at her house very early in the morning and peeling out of the driveway because I didn’t want to confront her mom who was waiting on the steps for her…ummm, us. I felt bad letting my friend take the heat for that, but I soon forgot about the heat she was taking when I got home to both of my parents angrily awaiting my arrival.

Nowadays (does that word make me sound old, or what?) my life doesn’t really include a lot of adventure. I am a single mom raising two boys struggling to find the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, I don’t have time for anything else.

In the five years since I’ve been divorced I’ve noticed a pattern among the men I have found myself attracted to: emotionally unavailable!

They are either in love with someone who isn’t in love with them, newly divorced and just want to sow their wild oats, or “not in a good place in their lives.” Quite frankly, I’m sick to death of this pattern. I often ask myself, why these men are the men that I am attracted to? Why can’t I find the guy that actually wants to be married and find someone to share his life with? Does that man even exist? Or maybe, just maybe, I am attracted to these men who can’t commit because it will make me feel better in the long run when a relationship doesn’t work out. Or maybe I am attracted to commitment phobes because I myself am a possible commitment phobe and just don’t know it yet? Hmmmm….

My problem is, more often than not, I get stuck in the friendship zone while waiting for these guys to grow up and figure out what they want in life. I eventually become the fist popping girl that they can count on at the last minute to fill the void in their evenings. I’m the one they call to go see a movie with when they don’t want to go alone, or the girl that likes to have a few drinks, listen to live music and not expect anything at the end of the evening. In the back of my mind I am “waiting out” their life phases, in the back of their minds, we are creating great friendships. But if I were being honest with you, without sounding like a complete b*&%$, I would tell you that I really don’t have time for phone buddies, text relationships, and pen pals. I barely have enough time in my life to nurture my true friendships and raise my kids.

But what is a girl to do?

I may not know what I am supposed to do, but I can tell you what I am going to do…

I’m going to take a stand! And by “take a stand” I mean take action…so last night I gave myself a little pep talk and decided to try and accomplish #71 on my “101 things to do in 1001 days”(yeah for me, $10 more into the “bucket jar”).

Goal #71: Ask a cute boy on a date

I bought concert tickets to one of my favorite bands this summer and I casually said to a friend of mine, “you should go with me.” And he flat out rejected me by saying he couldn’t commit to it right now because the next three months of his life were very busy. He doesn’t have a lot of free time, and what free time he has is usually unexpected and last minute. I was floored! I can’t believe someone can’t find 2 hours in their schedule three months down the road…In fact, I often think in situations like this, if he really wanted to go with me, he would find a way to make it happen.” If the roles were reversed and I really wanted to go to this concert with him, I would make it happen. And it’s these thoughts that I usually fester on and let chip away at the self esteem I have so desperately tried to work on.

Bottom line…you live and learn. What have I learned, you might ask?

1. I have learned that I will never ever ask a cute boy out on a date again.

2. I have learned that great friendships are two sided, both parties must give and take equally.

3. I have learned that if a friendship becomes lopsided, it may not be a true friendship and usually only ends up fulfilling the needs of one of the parties involved.

4. I have learned that true friendships involve more than just text conversations, emails, and phone calls.

5. I have learned that it is virtually impossible to create good “friendships” with people of the opposite sex.

And there you have it! That’s how Julie C’s it!

By george I think she's got it

As a single woman the two questions I get asked most by single men are,

1. What do you do for a living?
2. What are you working on?

I know, it seems weird, but it is what it is. The first one, “What do you do for a living” is the question I get asked most when I am out on the town with my friends, which as most of you know, is not much anymore. And the second question I usually get when I’m either at the bookstore or the coffee shop working on my book.

It never fails…it’s always one of those two.

I realized this weekend when I was packing up to leave the book store after a marathon writing session that my answers to these questions just might be what is scaring men off. I know it seems crazy, but it’s the only thing I can come up with.

After all, it can’t be “me”, because I am such a good catch, right?

Anyway, let me set the story up for you:

Scene: Me: hot, independent, single mom with nothing better to do on a Saturday night but sit at the book store working on my book. Laptop open, research scattered about, Venti coffee in one hand, pencil in the other.

Action: After a few hours of feverishly working away on my book I glance over to notice a tall good looking blond male staring at me. He kind of has a “Youth Pastor” vibe about him. Either I just pegged his job or it’s an occupational hazard for me. You see, I run a non-profit Christian Ministry during the week and I am usually surrounded by young “Youth Pastor” types.

Anyway, after sitting there for a couple of hours the Youth Pastor (as I will continue to refer to him) gets up to grab a stack of books to look at. After surfing through them for about 30 minutes he gets up to grab a cup of coffee. Once he is away from his seat, I look at the stack of books to see what is so interesting to him.

Major turnoff, all of the books are about narcissism…not good! But I digress.

I continue to feverishly work on my book. I think I’m onto something and don’t want to stop, but every once in a while I catch the “Youth Pastor” glancing my way. We play a game of cat and mouse with eye contact, but that’s about it. I’m trying to focus on my writing, I’m on a roll! About 9:45pm the bookstore employee comes over the PA to announce that the store will be closing at 10pm. I finish my last thoughts and start to pack up. The Youth Pastor finally gets the balls to strike up a conversation.

Youth Pastor: You look like you are working on something very important.

Me: I am. I’m writing a book!

Youth Pastor: May I ask, what it’s about?

Me: Sure, it’s about surviving after divorce

Youth Pastor: (turning pale) Sounds interesting, have a great night.

Me: (smiling uneasy) You too!

Wa wa wa…that’s it! You see, my answers to those two questions are 1.)run a non-profit Christian Ministry, and 2.) writing a book about divorce. And these answers, no matter which way you look at them, tend to scare men off. When I meet men in a bar they are usually immediately turned off by anything Christian related and when I meet available men outside the bar they are usually turned off by the fact I am writing a book about surviving divorce.

I just can’t catch a break!

I’m sure if I would have met that particular hot Youth Pastor at a bar and he asked what I did for a living, he might be interested in hearing me talk about my profession, but somehow the odds of me meeting a Youth Pastor at a bar are pretty close to zero. And to be honest with you if I met a guy at a bar and he said he was a Youth Pastor I would probably be totally turned off.

It’s a no win situation, a vicious cycle if you will! Whatever is a girl to do?

I can't hear you over the sound of how pretty you are

I’m embarrassed and ashamed! There I said it! Quite honestly, I never thought I would become this kind of woman, but I have. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I am actually glad that the winter Olympics are over! I know, I hate to even put those words in writing because it makes me sound so un-American.

But the truth of the matter is this…

I didn’t deserve to watch the Olympics because I can’t appreciate the athletes for who they are and what they have accomplished…oh no, I have a sick and twisted mind. You see, I’m not the kind of person that can just enjoy a day at the zoo with my kids, oh no. I have to be sure to check out every cute dad that walks by. I can’t go to the grocery store without a little lipstick. What if Prince Charming walks in while I’m there? I can’t plan my work attire based on the meetings I am having that day. I have to plan my attire based on who is going to be attending said meetings. I’m sick, I’m twisted, and I’m embarrassed.

I thought I had grown up, matured and changed, but I haven’t.

Nope, I haven’t changed one bit, but I have hit ROCK BOTTOM, yep, I have. Truth be told, I couldn’t even watch the Olympics for the pure athleticism of these men and women. Nope! Not me! While everyone was standing around the water cooler talking about how awesome the athletes were, I couldn’t grasp the concept of how much time and energy someone like, this…



must have put into racing around in circles day after day after day. Oh no, I couldn’t appreciate his commitment and hard work. I couldn’t appreciate it, because every time I saw him in competition, I couldn’t help but picture this



I can’t help it, my mind wanders…

What about him…



…Bode Miller? Look at him! Look at the position his body is in. But can I appreciate that his body is in the position while going 80mph? Nope, not me, because when I think of Bode Miller, I can’t help but visualize this…



Hot, isn’t it? When I think of this picture, I fantasize that it is me (and not the camera) that he is looking at while playing with the…ahem…hose. Look at those dreamy eyes and chest muscles…I can only imagine!

I can’t help it, my mind wanders…

What about Christof Innerhofer? Look at the determination on his face.



You can almost feel the power and energy that he has to use to contort his body in a way that makes him fast and tight. But I can’t appreciate it because I only see this



Look at those biceps and delicate baby boy facial features. I just have one word for you…Yummy!

I can’t help it, my mind wanders…

I tried. I really did. I tried so hard to get into cross country skiing and Kris Freeman. Believe me, I know how difficult it is. I’m not a skier. In fact the first time I ever skied I had difficulty walking to the chair lift in my skis. In fact, I got pumbled by the chair lift. They had to stop it until I could get up. So believe me, I know how difficult Cross Country skiing can be. But I can’t appreciate the hard work and dedication that Kris Freeman has here…



Because when I think of Kris Freeman, I see this fantastic specimen of a human being…



Seriously who looks like this?

But again, I can’t help it, my mind wanders.

And here is Kyle Nissen. He is amazing. In my mind anyone that can fly down a ski slope, do multiple twists in the air and land without breaking anything is either a freak of nature, or so phenomenally built that I can’t even stand it. But can I appreciate this?



No way, because when the guys around the water cooler start talking about Kyle, all I can think about is this…



I can’t help it, my mind wanders.

And finally, I have to give a thumbs up to the Canadian hockey team…they rocked it out this year. What an unbelievable gold medal game against the USA, right? Unfortunately, that’s me blowing BS because I honestly have no clue as to the details of that game. Because when I watch him



All I see is this.



I can’t help it, my mind wanders.

I know I have a problem. But it’s a problem that I haven’t come to terms with yet. I know they say you have to hit rock bottom before you can be successful with any kind of addiction recovery. But quite frankly, I’m not ready to deal with it. I have hit rock bottom in the sense that I can’t appreciate awesome atheletes for their accomplishments. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with admiring the human form. And until you can convince me otherwise, I may never recover!

I just have one question for you…when are the summer olymics?

Yeah, so you know who you are

Ok…so I ran into this guy last week…well, I didn’t actually run into him, but we were at the same place three different times in less than 24 hours, THREE CHANCE MEETINGS, mind you. I think this constitutes “running into him”, right? I vaguely met him a few months ago , and oh yeah, we also talked on the phone once before a meeting we both attended. He was a very nice guy; young, shy, quiet and by the way, H.O.T. hot!

Well, for some reason, I just struggle when it comes to getting my brain to get my body to do what it should! So let me lay this scene out for you as it played out in my head:

Leading Man: H.O.T hot young buck with a good head on his shoulders
Leading Lady: ahem…Me
Scene: Me, wondering if H.O.T. hot young buck with a good head on his shoulders could possibly be interested in me, a divorced single mom with two awesome boys and a lot on her plate at the moment. And if he is interested, would I maybe possibly be interested back (hell yes is the answer to this question)? But what if he isn’t interested in me…do I get upset or just not care? And if I don’t care, why? I should care because there is absolutely nothing wrong with him or me, for that matter, except that maybe he is a little young for me, or maybe that I am little old for him, but it doesn’t really matter because neither of us is going to make a move. Seriously, this is the story of my life!

At least I am now aware of my standard thought process, but I still find it very odd. Why do I do this? Why do I really care if he is single or not? Why am I curious to see if he wants to get my phone number? Why am I even thinking about this? Fact is…he wasn’t interested enough to do anything about our THREE CHANCE MEETINGS!

Bottom line: When I am single, even if I’m not actively looking, I am still single and looking, and, therefore, I analyze every possible situation to the core.

So, Yes, H.O.T hot young buck with a good head on his shoulders, you are cute. Yes, I noticed you. Yes, I noticed you noticing me. Yes, we shared a couple of lingering flirtatious glances at all THREE CHANCE MEETINGS!

Here is the problem. When I was leaving the third chance meeting, and we were smiling at each other, I think that maybe, just maybe, you might have assumed that I might know what to do next…but here is a hint, I DIDN’T!

And because my legs are much faster than the processing time in my head (note above content), by the time I got to my car and realized that you were not just smiling at me, but SMILING at me…it was too late. I couldn’t hold my head up high and go back into the restaurant and strike up a conversation with you because that would just be weird, almost stalker like. Plus there is that whole, shy thing I have going on with super H.O.T hot guys!

So here is my suggestion to you, if we are so lucky as to run into each other again, please, please, please follow me, say something or better yet, hand me the instruction manual on how to approach H.O.T hot young bucks such as yourself. Please mark the pages that may be of interest to me. Obviously, I haven’t seen a copy of this top secret manual that you seem to think I might have read.