Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I'm a sucker for

When I was poking my brain trying to come up with some ideas of things to write about today I started listing some things that I am a total sucker for. After compiling this list, I realized that I didn’t have quite enough of anything to write an entire post about, but what I did have is a fantastic list of things that make me feel good and make me smile. And who doesn’t love thinking of things that make you smile? So I thought I would share this list with you…it’s not complete, nor will it ever be complete, but it makes me happy! I hope it makes you happy too!

- Beautiful fall days
- Thinking about the best date I ever went on
- Hamilton & Gibson
- Football, especially the Indianapolis Colts and Ohio State Buckeyes
- Writing
- A day with absolutely no responsibilities
- Dark chocolate
- The smell of fresh cut grass
- Kiss, the band and the action
- Time with my girlfriends
- Boys that will break my heart
- Movies of any kind
- Tootsie Pops
- Paul Giamanti, because he is flat out amazing
- Photography
- Creative people
- Someone else washing my hair
- Effen Vodka
- Making lists
- The perfect status update for FaceBook
- Desperate Housewives, of any kind, The OC, New York, New Jersey, and even Atlanta
- A big, fat, glossy fashion magazine
- My bed
- My closet
- Black and white pictures
- Ryan Reynolds, because he is so beautiful
- My family
- Sleeping late
- Soup, on any day of the year
- Ice cream
- Beautiful stationary
- Snow days
- Guys who cry, but who also…you know…fix cars and do other manly things
- Handwritten letters
- John Stewart, because he is just plain funny

This list is putting a huge smile on my face as I write it…I just love it!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Signing off

The problem…the boys with online dating profiles! Typical! They are the ones who struggle to hold down a decent job. They are the ones who think they can sing for a living but in actuality, they can’t. They are the artists who aren’t quite artsy enough. They are the lower management kind of guys that will probably not amount to much more. I know this sounds snobby, but I had higher hopes when it came time for my online dating experiment. I guess deep down, I knew it probably wouldn’t amount to much. But it was definitely the distraction I was looking for…for a couple of months anyway!

I learned many lessons during this little dating experiment I was conducting. The most prevalent lesson by far was that the online dating world is quite different from meeting real people, in real places, through real connections. I guess I knew this, but it has finally sunk in…loud and clear. So for this reason and the few others that I talk about below, I have decided to put an end to this crazy experiment and put my future relationships in the hands of God and of course, my friends too!

During this experiment, I also learned that online dating was kind of like shopping for candy in a candy store. It was an overwhelming task with all of the options that were thrown my way. It was sometimes difficult to make a choice..even if I was shopping for a “particular piece”. Often I would walk by the piece I went in looking for because something fancier or prettier caught my eye. I found myself shopping this way on online dating sites as well. I would often ignore the ones that might seem right for me because someone prettier and more savvy poked his head in my profile only to ultimately find out that the prettier fancier ones were not right for me. And by the time I figured out the prettier fancier ones weren’t right for me it was to late with the ones that fit my original ideals. I just couldn’t help myself!

Ok..I will admit that I am an instant gratification kind of girl in many areas of my life. But one thing I have learned over the years is that my dating life is one area where I have had to learn to take things slower. Online dating made this very difficult for me. I have found that I actually enjoy moving at the pace of real life interactions; a couple of emails, a few phone calls, meet for drinks or coffee, and then possibly dinner. Instead I was constantly being asked out within the first one or two online interactions. This was NOT flattering. It was borderline creepy and it almost made me feel cheap at times. My problem was that when I would tell men of this process that I thought was good for me to follow, I would be rejected. Very frustrating! What happened to the times of getting to know someone a little before meeting for dinner?

My biggest frustration by far with online dating is the fact that we are NOT a society of readers. I have found that most men don’t seem to take the time to really think about who they are or what they want before completing their online profiles. Most profiles seem to either be so incoherent and almost impossible to understand or have so many misspellings that nothing makes sense! This then leaves me with no choice but to put an even bigger focus on photographs. But, I was most frustrated with the men who clearly did not read my profile before sending me an email or a wink. I can’t tell you how many times I was contacted by men who were clear in their choice to date women that didn’t have kids…hello…I have two!

So , with these lessons, I think it is time to close my online dating account and move on to bigger and better things. As a “send off” to this experiment I have been conducting, I thought I would share some random thoughts I still have about several of the men I have dated or wanted to date over the years.

-I hate that I let you hurt me!

-I wasted almost a year on you. I thought that I loved you, but I feel like you never really cared. So I stopped answering your calls and got over you. I heard the other day that you are now engaged and I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I miss you!

-When you told me you didn’t ever love me and were never attracted to me, I believed you! It only took me 3 ½ years of good expensive therapy to retrain my brain…thanks for that!

-It took you “hooking up” with two of my friends to figure out you weren’t the one for me.

-I still haven’t moved on, I think of you everyday!

-I hate myself for letting you break my heart.

-Why did you pick her and not me? What is wrong with me? You made me feel ugly!

-He is so beautiful when he laughs, it makes me want to be funny!

-I wanted you too but didn’t admit it to you because you are friends with my ex-husband. Instead, I have spent countless hours convincing myself that I didn’t want anything more than a friendship with you. I’m so sorry I hurt you!

-I know you lied to me. I know you are still lying. I don’t forgive you.

-I’m moving on only because I have to, I still have feelings for you.

-I miss your friendship terribly, but have no choice but to keep my distance because of who your friends are.

Now that is what I call closure!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Open Letters

Dear Invited Guests to Gibson’s 6th Birthday Party,

You’re right…the football field was small, but it was as big as I could make it. I don’t have an NFL size back yard, therefore, I cannot spray paint an NFL size football field in my back yard. Stop bitching and enjoy the day, after all, it was made for a six year old boy!.

The girl who feels under appreciated for her hard work and creative ideas

Dear Blind Date from Saturday Night,

You were a super nice guy, however, you just reminded me way to much of my ex-husband and I don’t think I could ever get past that.

Thanks for dinner,
The girl with memories

Dear Hamilton & Gibson,

I am sorry…this is not how I wanted to spend the summer. I was hoping to be able to take you on a fun fantabulous vacation of sorts. I imagined having the money to do this. Instead all I was able to offer you were a couple of day trips here and there. You said they were the best days ever, but I had greater hopes for our summer.

Here’s hoping for a better summer next year!

Your mom that tries to do it all

Dear Boy…you know who you are,

If you wait for perfect conditions…life will happen around you…and once you realize that, it will be to late!

Frustrated girl in Indy

Dear Former Mr.

It is ok to converse with me…I won’t bite! It is ok to look at me in other ways than the judgmental ways that you do…I won’t bite! You aren’t all that you think you are!

The one that is happy she got away!

Dear God,

I’m trying! I really am! I am feeling like you are trying to teach me something, perhaps how to be strong. I don’t know. I thought I was strong, but these days, if it’s not one thing it’s another.

My marriage failed…I bounced back. I got my act together, got a great job, am supporting my kids and trying to figure out what you have in store for my future. I made some forays into dating and so far have failed miserably…to many losers, to many rejections!

All I ask is that you give me a little hint…a hint of something to look forward to…something positive that will make my days easier. Please tell me that something good is around the corner!


Monday, September 21, 2009

I can't believe my baby is six

I am dedicating today’s blog to my youngest son Gibson who is celebrating his sixth birthday. I can’t believe he is already six...time sure does fly when you're having fun. I have definitely enjoyed reflecting over the past six years and thinking of the numerous smiles Gibson has put on my face.

He is such a funny boy, he gets that from me! He loves waking up in the morning and truly does enjoy everything that each day brings his way. He loves sports of any kind, video games and being in kindergarten. Gibson can talk to ANYONE and has never met a stranger.

Yesterday we had a “flag football” birthday party for him. This entailed me spray painting a miniature football field in my backyard. This, I believe, has officially put me on the “coolest mom in the world” list. Even though we are from Indiana, Gibson has a fascination with the Pittsburgh Steelers and Ben Rothlesberger. So even though it killed me to see him dressed like Rothlesberger, he still made me smile. For those of you that care…the Steelers beat the Colts 34 to 28…

The Geekster (this one gets lots of looks when people hear me call him this)
Geeker Beaker


(in a frantic search for the missing DS that was sitting on his lap) “Mom, you know I have eyes like my dad and sometimes I can’t see the things that are right in front of me.”—if he only knew how true this really was

Me: Do you like my jeans?
Gibby: Yes
Me: (couldn’t stop there, oh no…I had to push the envelope)
Do they make my butt look big?
Gibby: No, but they make your belly look fat.

Gibby: Mommy, do you still love daddy?
Me: Yes (a six year old doesn’t need to know anything more than this right?)
Gibby: Well, Daddy only loves you as a friend (Damn the ex…beat me to the punch)

This morning after waking up from a jam packed busy birthday weekend: “Mommy, why do I have to go to school, I’m never leaving home anyway so I won’t ever have to get a job.”

Me: (while practicing ABC’s with Gibby) “Apple starts with….”
Gibby: “A”
Me: Boy starts with…
Gibby: “B”
Me: Car starts with…
Gibby: “Duh…a key mommy!”

“Mommy, I’m so glad I’m six…this is the oldest I have ever been.”

After giving me a kiss goodbye one morning…”Mommy, I think it’s time you get your mustache shaved.”

After driving by a yard in our neighborhood that was covered in dandelions one Spring “Mommy, why can’t we have a yard that pretty?”

FAVORITE FOOD: Chicken Wings



BEST FRIEND: My brother, Hamilton

WHO DO YOU LOVE MORE THAN ANYONE IN THE WORLD: God (I was secretly hoping for “mommy”, but this answer is just as good)

I sometimes wish Gibby was still this…

But am so glad that he is now this…

Friday, September 18, 2009

Love is a battlefield

Ahhhh…the things we do for love! Am I right ladies? Isn’t it crazy the hoops we jump through for men? Highlights, manicures, pedicures, gym memberships…the list goes on and on and on. Oh sure, we justify these things by saying we “do them for ourselves”, but in reality, who are we kidding? We do these things to be “prettier” for the men we hope to attract. Sure I like a good manicure and pedicure, but do I really “NEED” one every other week? No, but I get one every other week for fear of running into someone cute at, let’s say, the grocery store…wearing a pair of flip flops. Men notice these things…trust me, they may tell you they don’t but they do.

I like to try new things to spice up my appearance. For example, this past week at my monthly spa appointment I tried something called a “derma plane”. This is a process of removing the peach fuzz from a woman’s face. I know it sounds kind of corny, but don’t knock it until you have tried it…Thanks Amy for the recommendation!

Another thing I have done to try to keep myself up is join a Boot Camp class. This spring I got a call from my friend Josh, who I used to work with. He owns a gym now and was starting a boot camp class and asked if I wanted to join. I am always up for the challenge so I said, “Hell yes”! Five months in and I am still loving it! I have only lost a few pounds but I have gone down two dress sizes and am currently concentrating on dwindling down my body fat percentage.

I do this class three mornings a week from 6am-7am. Most mornings it is a huge challenge to get up and get to class…I am not a morning person! But once I am done I feel awesome. And if I end up not going to class I really do feel fat all day. There was one day when I struggled to get up and get dressed for class, drug my ass out of the house, drove for almost 20 minutes and then turned around, drove home and went back to bed. That’s right people…I was five minutes away from the gym and turned around and came home…that was a tough day! The reason I love this class is because it is such a challenge, physically and mentally! I have been a couple of times when people have been wearing watches that track the number of calories they are burning during the 1 hour workout. Their numbers are anywhere from 900 calories to 1400 calories…in one hour! When I leave the gym I literally look like I have taken a shower I am so sweaty and usually my legs and arms are still shaky by the time I get to work.

The reason I am telling you this is because this weekend marks the end of the Summer Pound Down that we have been participating in for three months. And how do we reward ourselves? Me? Well, I reward myself with a day to sleep in and a huge pancake breakfast upon waking! The other, more motivated people than me? They reward themselves with a three hour challenge. Hold onto your hats people…here is what is involved in the challenge that these dedicated gym goers will be doing tomorrow morning as I am stuffing myself with pancakes…keep in mind all of these things are timed as well as counted…

1. 3 mile run…I know, sounds easy! But this, my friend, is just the warm up.

2. 24 hill runs…this is just what it says…running up and down a huge hill 24 times. And if you are lucky, running is the only thing you are doing. Sometimes, if Josh is in a grumpy mood, we have to do things like lunges and side shuffles up and down the hill…SUCKS!

3. Push ups…Men have to do 400 and women have to do 200 if they are done normally or 400 if they are done on the knees. I was talking to Josh today and he is allotting 30 minutes for this portion of the challenge. He can do 400 pushups in under 5 minutes, I’m just saying! The dude has a kick as body and his strength is AMAZING!

4. Farmers walk…this may sound easy, but it sucks too. You have to walk back and forth on a flat surface carrying 50% of your body weight if you are a man and 35% of your body weight if you are a woman. In Josh’s explanation of this particular event, you have to walk 10 “small” laps. Well, I got news for you…there is no such thing as a “small” lap when you feel like you are going to throw up!

5. And last but not least…everyone has to do 500 burpees. What is a burpee you might ask? Well, in short it is PURE HELL! For those of you that don't know what a burpee is here is a link to see one ( Sucks, doesn’t it? I can maybe do 25 in a row before feeling like I have to throw up…I don’t know how these people are going to do 500 of them.

So, to my buddies at Survival Fitness who are challenging themselves this weekend…I say Good Luck and Kudos to you. I will definitely be thinking about you as I am stuffing myself full of pancakes laden with fresh blueberries, homemade maple syrup and a couple of strips of lean bacon.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I need uglier friends

When I was a little girl I used to have to go to my friend Karen’s house to play Barbies. My parents were adamant about not allowing me to have barbies in our house. As a little girl, I never understood it, but as an adult, their reasoning behind this has become very clear to me. My parents never wanted me to have a distorted image of women, based on this character, Barbie. They didn’t want me growing up thinking that the 5 foot 9 inch blond bombshell, with the measurements of 36-18-33, were the same measurements of an average woman. I see their point, I really do… but the reality of it is that if I didn’t learn and adjust my thoughts about women as a kid, I would have to do it as an adult. In other words, sooner or later I would have to come to grips with reality.

My childhood was the best childhood ever! I never really knew about rejection and I never really felt like I didn’t measure up. I knew I was smart, funny and loved by lots of people. And to me…as a nine year old…that was all I needed. But one day, I clearly remember getting on a jam packed school bus and there being only a couple of spots still available to sit. I scanned my opportunities and finally decided that the cute nine year old boy with his missing front teeth would be the best option for me to sit next to. Boy was I wrong! As I went to sit next to him, he set his lunch box on the empty space beside him and clearly said “no ugly girls allowed”. It was the first time in my life that I can actually remember feeling ugly, bad, wrong or unacceptable. I didn’t know this boy. In fact, I had never seen him before, but it didn’t make the hurtful words any easier to hear. I remember crying all night to my mom about this boys comments- she, however, couldn’t understand why I was so upset. He was just some silly, insecure boy who made a silly comment. But it didn’t matter to me…it still hurt.

From that moment on, rejection seemed to become a constant in my life. If I liked a boy, he liked a prettier girl, usually one of my friends. If I wanted to ask a cute boy to the dance, he would ask a cuter girl, usually one of my friends. Let’s face it, the prettier the girl, the more invitations and boyfriends she would get and the better her status amongst our peers would be. I remember always looking in the mirror wondering when it would be my turn to be the pretty girl.

With that said, it wasn’t until after my divorce that I really felt the pressure of being measured against the pretty people. I t wasn’t until this time in my life that I really noticed that my friends were prettier, skinnier and perkier. Sometimes I even feel like the “goon” when we are out. You know, the bigger girl that is casting the shadow over her more beautiful friends. I don’t know if it has always been this way and I was just oblivious to it, but one thing is for sure, that is how it is now! Women are judged first on their exterior looks! It is not until I can catch someone’s eye, with my outward appearance, that I even have the opportunity of showing them the best part of me…my inner beauty. It just seems like those who have the outward beauty, that matches up with that of society, are the only ones who even have a chance to catch the eye of someone special. If you are thin, tall, have great hair, and your eyes aren’t to close together then you have it made, but if you are just average, like me, it is extremely difficult to catch the eye of the opposite sex, especially when I am in the presence of my other single girlfriends. It just seems to me that for a relationship to even have the chance to take off, the guy has to think that the girl is really pretty on the outside right away…and that just plain SUCKS!

Think about it…if you ask most women what originally attracted them to their boyfriend or husband they will probably say something like his personality or his quick wit. But, if you ask a man that same question, more than likely, you will get a superficial answer like, her hair or her eyes, or her….ahem…(insert name of unmentionable body part here).

So…I think I need to get uglier friends. Or, I know…how about this…I could just go against society and stop trying to take care of myself. I could eat horribly and gain some weight. I could stop washing my hair. Maybe I will even go as far as to wear my clothes over and over again without washing them until they get that great permanent dirty scent. This, my friends, would definitely keep boys and relationships at bay. At least this way I wouldn’t have to deal with anymore broken hearts because boys would definitely have an excuse to not be attracted to me. My friends would still love me..they may not want to be around my greasy assed hair and stinky clothes, but they would still love me, right?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Celebrating my 4 year Singleversary

September 13, 2009 marked my four year anniversary of being single. Four years ago, I thought my world was ending. I tried to be strong and remind myself daily that things would get better. But sometimes I spent more time trying to convince myself that this was true than actually believing it.

But what I have learned is that while a great marriage may be the best situation of all for me, the reality is that most marriages are not great! And being in a so-so marriage as compared to being happily single is a no-brainer for me. Married couples who feel sorry for single people, whom they think are lonely, should realize that we single people often feel sorry for married couples who seem lonely in their relationships.

The unfortunate part is that we live in a society that focuses on couples and this is why it is sometimes hard for single people to enjoy being single. I will admit that I was dropped from the social circle of many of our couple friends, but this just forced me to go out and make some amazing single friends whose friendships mean more to me now than any of those superficial couple friendships that my ex and I shared.

Sure there are moments…often related to the DVR or Tivo, or putting braclets on by myself, or having to make every single decision by myself, and the hardest, not having someone care about or concerned about me. But I think I do a pretty good job of making up for these things with my family and friends. Heck, I even survived my first dreaded “sick as a dog” scenario alone, and managed to come through it just fine with tons of support.

In fact, I have come to really enjoy the solitude in my life. I enjoy the peacefulness, insight, and meditation. It gives me the opportunity to really focus and learn things about myself that I would not otherwise do. I can do what I want when I want and most importantly, I rarely argue with myself!

So in true celebratory fashion, I have come up with a list of the top 25 reasons why I really enjoy being single…

My bed is MINE! I can sleep on any side at any time.

I have the freedom to persue my passions without the fear of being judged.

I can drink straight out of the Orange Juice carton if I want to.

My grocery bill has been cut in half.

I don’t have to share my New Yorker magazine with anyone.

I have many more opportunities to be social and meet more people.

I am focused on being happy with who I am instead of focusing on who and what my ex wants me to be.

I have the closet all to myself.

I can do what I want with my money.

I have more time to myself.

Free drinks at pubs and bars…BONUS!

I can have male friends without having to defend myself.

I can flirt whenever and wherever.

I am not accountable to anyone. If I want to do something, I just do it.

I don’t have to write Birthday, Mother’s Day, and/or Valentines cards on behalf of my ex anymore.

I can eat cereal for dinner and not feel guilty that I didn’t make a meal.

I don’t have to shave my legs everyday.

I can treat myself to a new pair of MEK’s and not have to pretend like I have had them forever.

I can have my own social identity.

There is no one to criticize my car, the state it is in, or how I choose to drive it.

I can get out all of my photos and love notes from ex-boyfriends to remind me how desirable I am.

I can discuss my problems with my friends without being told I am being disloyal.

I am able to be a “YES” to life!

I can make my own decisions without the weight of a second opinion weighing me down.

And last but certainly not least, I can be ME without being judged!

WOOT! WOOT! All reasons to celebrate! Happy Singleversary to me!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The single signal

How many times have you gone on a first date that you thought went well only to talk yourself out of how well it went even before you left the parking lot? This, my friends, happens to me all of the time. In fact, it happened to me just this morning.

My friend from high school fixed me up on another date with a friend of hers. I swore after the last date she fixed me up on, that I would never let friends fix me up again, but she seemed to think that this new guy would be a really good fit for me. So I thought about it for a few days and finally agreed to let her fix me up with, oh...let's call him, "Mr. Personality."

I met Mr. Personality for coffee today before work. He was such a nice guy...and cute too...BONUS! He is the kind of guy that can talk about anything. I like this in a guy, especially on a "get to know you coffee date" where conversation can sometimes be tough and awkward.

Mr. Personality is definitely my type of guy. Our conversations seemed to be good and flowed least I enjoyed them! What was supposed to be a quick cup of coffee before work ended up being almost two hours. I just really enjoyed hearing about him, his life, and the future he is fighting for. I like a man with a good head on his shoulders, that knows what he wants and totally knows how to enjoy life! And Mr. Personality fit this description to a tee!

The problem with Mr. Personality...NOTHING! The problem with me...Well, I managed to convince myself that I probably wasn't Mr. Personalities type even before I pulled my car out of the parking lot. If you were to ask me why I didn't think I was Mr. Personalities type, I would not be able to give you a concrete answer. I would probably hem haw around with a lot of ummmm's and uhhh's and I don't really knows, but never be able to come up with something of substance. After thinking about this all day, I realized that I do this alot. I put up this wall, after most of my dates. And I think I do it because I fear being rejected. And rejection is easier to handle if I have already convinced myself that it wouldn't work. It's like I'm sabotaging things before they even start...and that's not fair to anyone.

So here is what I think...Because it is so hard to find someone, not only, that I am attracted to but someone that is equally attracted to me, I think there should be some kind of signal given to help me single out those that might have an interest in me. In fact, I think we all should be equipped with some kind of "single signal" that only single people have and that magically disappears once we get married. I mean, think about would not only help us single people with those that we have an interest in but it would also help us weed out all of those losers that are married but portray that they are available.

Maybe it would be like an earring that we get the day we are born that gradually wears know, kind of like that silly red Kabalah bracelet that people like Madonna and Lindsey wear. Or maybe it would be like a "mood earring". Something that would magically turn green if there was an interest in someone of the opposite sex, or it would be yellow if there were some uncertainties, but it would clearly be red if there was no interest from one or both parties involved. This way there would never be any guessing...we would always be able to "go with the glow"...get it? Kind of like "go with the flow"!! Man...I crack myself up sometimes!

Anyway, think of the time it would save! Not only time, but the heartache as well. There would be no waiting around wondering if he liked me because I would know even before stepping into my car how he felt.

Let's just say that Mr. Personalities earring was green...this would give me the confidence to know that there was some attraction there and that I should just be patient and wait for him to call me. It would give me some peace of mind and possibly even help me from concocting all these stories in my head as to why he probably doesn't like me or why I am not good enough for him. However, on the other hand if it were red, I would know immediately that he didn't have an interest in me and I would move on without wasting days wondering if he liked me or not.

I know this is a crazy idea, I know it is a little far fetched, but there needs to be something to make dating easier! I know that sometimes attraction grows and changes and may even disappear over time, but the single signal doesn't work in those situations. It would only be for those times that I am happily flirting away with the cute guy at the party, or having a good conversation with the nice looking boy sitting across from me at the coffee shop. It would only be used in those new times to help prevent wasteful flirting...God knows, flirting is good...wasteful flirting SUCKS!

So that's it...there you have contribution to society. Science...take it away and make me proud! Give me something to make dating easier before it kills me!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Blind dates scare the crap out of me

So I need to be very honest with you guys! Not that I haven’t been in the past, but this is something that I have never ever told anyone, not even my best friends!

About a year after my divorce I saw a marriage and dating counselor a couple of times thinking that maybe she would have some miracle solution for my loneliness. But after a couple of sessions with her I decided that I had a lot more personal healing to do before I could even begin to think about dating, in a serious manner, let alone marriage. Once I had this revelation, I decided that maybe I shouldn’t be forking out the money I was for the counselor until I had my life a little more lined up.

Anyway, long story short, almost three years after our original meeting, I got a random email from this counselor . The email was basically a personal ad for a gentleman that she was trying to find the perfect girl for. His profile was very intriguing, the only thing I didn’t match up on was age. He was looking for a woman in her 40’s. Ok…I’m not 40 but, from her description of this guy, he was someone that I was definitely interested in meeting. So, on a whim I decided to reply to her email. My response was just simple…”I’m 38…is that close enough?” I was half heartedly kidding with my response thinking I was just trying to be funny, but five minutes later a reply message popped up from my counselor. “I think that is close enough…you two have a lot in common.” I was shocked at her quick response. I pondered this email for a couple of days before I replied back to her.

So now, because of my “cute response to her email” we have a very blind date next week. And by very blind, I mean, she won’t even tell me his name. I know this is weird, but for me, this is probably good. Let’s say, for example, she told me his name was Mark. I’m the type of person that would think about past Mark’s I have dated and come up with some preconceived picture in my head of this guy. For the sake of this blog post, the Mark “in my head” would probably be one that had a foot fetish…I’m just saying…anyway, it is this preconceived notion that my counselor is trying to prevent me from concocting in my head before the date. So for this reason, I am glad that I don’t even know his name.

However, not knowing his name makes this whole scenario very scary. Here is how it is supposed to work; ideally, the counselor makes a dinner reservation under her name. The perfect scenario is that Mr. No Name would show up a couple of minutes before me and wait. I would then arrive, give the name of my party to the hostess and he would immediately stand up and introduce himself to me. From there we would be seated and a fantastic evening full of good conversation and chemistry would begin. But as we all know…this kind of scenario never happens to me, it’s a fact of life…it just doesn't!

Now here is how I see this scenario playing out in my head. Per the counselors request I go get my hair cut (I know…I was shocked by this…my hair has always been my pride and joy) and I walk out of the salon with an 80’s perm. Then I head to MAC for a makeover where I come out looking like my Barbie head that I put makeup on when I was eight. I head to Applebee’s…I know, nothing like a kid friendly restaurant for a first date, only to find that there are three reservations under the same name as my therapist and to no avail there is no one waiting patiently for me to arrive. I sit at the table waiting for Mr. No Name to show up. After 30 minutes I ask the hostess if anyone else has come looking for my party. “Oh yes”, she laughs…”he has been here for almost a half hour, he is on the other side of the restaurant.” She escorts me to his table where I meet this middle aged “old man” in a jacket and tie who is already two sheets to the wind waiting for me to arrive. From there the conversation goes nowhere and we find that we have nothing in common.

Yep, that's it...that’s how I see this “blind date” playing out… Oh boy, I can’t wait!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Finding a good man is like trying to nail Jello to a tree

So I have been struggling with what to write today. I’m not really in a funny mood, or a creative mood, or even a writing mood, but I know if I don’t write something I will lay awake tonight feeling guilty that I let all my readers down. I know, it’s crazy, but that’s just me…I’m a people pleaser! And there are over two hundred of you that subscribe to my blogs…and that’s a lot of people that rely on me and my crazy dating life to make theirs look better. With that said, I can’t make any promises that you will laugh at this post, but I hope you do.

So here is a compilation of a few dates gone bad in the past four years…these are just short snippets that I didn’t think needed a full post, but were worth sharing. As I look back on these uneventful events the only thought that really comes out of my brain is WTF?

Mr. Was better when he didn’t talk I met Mr. Was better when he didn’t talk at a bar. I was out at a bachelorette party with some girlfriends. He intrigued me. He was sitting at the corner of the bar where I would go every time I ordered a drink. He was cute and seemed to like flirting with me. Actually, I don’t know if he was flirting with me, or if my cocktail laden brain thought he was flirting with me…either way, there was something mysterious that attracted me to him. When I wasn’t getting a drink I would catch him randomly watching me with my girlfriends, smiling at me in a flirtatious way…I would get chills. Did I mention that the bar was loud? Did I mention that the bar was packed? Mr. Was better when he didn’t talk eventually came over and started dancing with me…we chatted a little, or come to find out, I chatted…it was so loud I had to read his lips…he was saying nice things…or so I thought. It was time to leave and he wanted to walk me out to my car…We made out like high school kids…no talking…no conversation…just good old fashioned making out! Then came the moment…he asked me for my number so he could text me…why would he want to text me? He was deaf! Come to find out he loved going to bars that were loud because he could pretend like he was carrying on conversations with women (because we all know that most conversations in loud bars are based on reading lips) and they wouldn’t know he was deaf. He was nice…he was cute…but as you can imagine, communication was tough. I never saw Mr. Was better when he didn’t talk again.

Mr. What is wrong with your… Mr. what is wrong with your…was a really nice guy. I actually met him at a local wine bar. I was at the wine bar to meet a blind date who never showed…I know, story of my life! Mr. What is wrong with your…was there with some work colleagues. I could feel him staring at me with the “oh, that poor girl just got stood up look” for the hour that I waited for my blind date. He was very attractive. The best part about him was his full thick luscious head of brown curly hair…yummy! I love guys with thick curly hair. I would assume this is because I was married to a bald man for so many years and didn’t realize how much I liked running my fingers through a guys hair until I started dating again. Anyway…once Mr. What is wrong with your…left his colleagues he came and sat down by me and we polished off a few glasses of red. We had great conversation, good laughs and a few sweet romantic gestures between the two of us. At the end of the evening Mr. What is wrong with your…was very polite. He asked me for my number, gave me a peck on the cheek, opened my car door and I was on my way. We talked a few times during the next week and made plans to go out to dinner. I was pumped for this date! Mr. What is wrong with your…was waiting for me at the restaurant when I arrived. There were only three people at the bar, a woman smoking like a chimney, an older man with a purse and woman’s coat, obviously either waiting for his wife or living out his secret fetish of dressing like a woman, and a man that kind of looked like Mr. What is wrong with your…, but it couldn’t be him because he had, yes….wait for it…a chunk of ear missing from his right ear. I don’t mean a little piece like Mike Tyson bit it off in the parking lot…I mean like half of his ear was missing. My stomach sank…I secretly prayed this wasn’t Mr. What is wrong with your…Unfortunately it was. He turned around with a huge smile on his face, came over and gave me a hug. I kind of hugged him like he was my 100 year old aunt who had warts on her face and smelled like moth balls. I tried to make the best of the evening, but I couldn’t get over the ear thing. How could I not notice this at the wine bar? I like to think I am a better person than this…but I just couldn’t take my eyes off of his ear. I’m such a bitch! Mr. What is wrong with your…called me the next day to say he didn’t think we were a good match. I think he had issues with me staring at his ear all night with a look on my face like I was going to throw up…But I feel better knowing that we “ weren’t a good match” was the reason for him not wanting to see me anymore. To this day, I still feel bad for my lack of grace in this area.

Mr. Put that thing away is another priceless story. We met at a work function. He was in town on business and my boss was hosting some clients in a suite for the basketball game. Mr. Put that thing away came with a friend of his who was a client of my boss’. Anyway, we hit it off…he was really cute, seemed very laid back and was the life of the party. Not “the life of the party” in an obnoxious way, but in a way that people wanted to be around him. The best part is that he seemed to just want to be around me. I was flattered. We had great conversation and couldn’t seem to pull ourselves away from each other…and not in a physical way people…get your minds out of the gutter! At the end of the game, we didn’t want the night to end so we headed to St’ Elmo’s for shrimp cocktail and some wine with a few other people. This night was by far one of the most fun nights I had had in a long time. The six of us were like old friends even though we had all just met. The evening came to an end and Mr. Put that thing away was heading back home in the morning. It was a bitter sweet ending to a really fun night…or so I thought it was the end. Mr. Put that thing away walked me to my car. He was very polite. He asked me for a kiss. SIDE NOTE: guys, girls like it when you ask them for a kiss! Don’t just assume you can have one, use your manners and ask…99% of the time you will NOT be turned down! Anyway, he was a great kisser! We decided to just be in touch with each other when he came back into town…this was best, for me anyway…I didn’t need any kind of long distance thing at that time in my life. As I was driving home I got a really sweet text message from Mr. Put that thing away. It said something along the lines of him having a great time and he couldn’t wait to come back into town. When I got the message a big sigh of relief came over me along with a huge smile. I didn’t reply…I wanted to bask in the moment. Then my phone beeps again…this time a picture message with a note, “a little something to remember me by”. My first thought was “oh how cute, he is texting me a picture of him to remember him by.” Oh it was a picture of him all right…it was a picture of his rock hard…ahem….member! I was floored! This was before the time that “sexting” became popular by media standard. I was like a fifth grader on the playground with my girlfriends when I got that message. “Ewwww” was the first thing that came out of my mouth and then I threw the phone on the floor like it had been contaminated! Funny thing…I kept the message for a couple of days because I was afraid to highlight it to delete it for fear that the picture would freeze on my phone!

Now, I could go on and on and on with awesome stories like this, but I don’t want to bore you with them all in one day. Keep reading my blog…trust me…there are many more good ones to come!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Oh no he didn't

For those of you that read my blog, you know that I have just recently gotten back into the online dating game. In fact it has been a month. And in that month, I have gone on some doosies…did I really just use that word…sounds like something my grandma would say…but I digress. Anyway, I have gone on a few bad dates, a couple of good dates and come across some hilarious online profiles. The following are things that guys, who have contacted me in one way or another, have actually said on their profiles. I kid you not! I hope you get a laugh out of them like I did…

1. “I’m just on here to meet friends. I am involved with a special lady yet there is an understanding that we can have "friends", so here I am. I know, I know…It’s one of those things. But hey, it’s better to be honest than lie to someone, right?

2. “ok, I’m going to go ahead and put it out there now, I AM NOT LOOKING TO MARRY YOU…I just want to go out, have some fun and get my party on!”

3. “I’m to busy to fill out this profile now, but trust me, I am one cool cat.”

4. “I don’t need to be on this website, I don’t have trouble meeting women, I just want to meet different women.”

5. “Please, no heavy baggage, or drug or alcohol addicted women with unhealthy habits.”

6. “I am looking to meet someone serious, loyal and secure. Please, only email me if you are interested in ME and not a free dinner.”

And last but not least, here are three “profile names” that I have come across that just make me bust out laughing.

1. WellHungHero
2. Casanova-69
3. Fister

Hmm…and these guys wonder why they are still single!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Hot vs. I know I'm hot

I ran into an ex this weekend at a birthday party for a mutual friend. For the sake of this story, I’m going to call this ex, HOT. I was kind of shocked to see HOT at this party. I originally was prepared to see him there, but at the last minute heard he wouldn’t be in attendance and was secretly relieved. But a few drinks into the night and BAM...HOT arrived, unexpectedly. As we talked I was thinking back to the time, as adults, when HOT and I dated. It made me think about the men like HOT who are very attractive, but don’t know it , as compared to the men totally opposite of HOT that know they are hot and unfortunately have nothing else to offer society but their looks.

First, let me tell you a little bit about HOT. We went to high school together. He graduated a year ahead of me and was a big time wrestler. HOT is the kind of guy that is so good looking, but doesn’t realize how good looking he actually is. Humble would be a great word to describe someone like HOT. I LOVE this kind of guy! HOT and I weren’t great friends in high school…after all we were in different classes both of which consisted of over 700 students. We were acquaintances, both athletes, and had some friends in common. He always had very pretty girlfriends, and I always thought he was way to far out of my league. At least that is what I used to tell myself. Of course, maybe we never connected because I had a boyfriend in high school…who knows…

Flash forward to my adult life…About six months into my divorce I ran into HOT at a club. He came up to me and we started chatting. We were chatting like we knew each other in the past, but I honestly had no clue who he was. Finally he mentioned we went to high school together and when he told me his name, I was floored. Floored because he looked exactly like he did in high school, and I didn’t recognize him. Immediately, my insecurities set in. You know, the ones I had from when my ex-husband walked out on me. The ones when my ex told me he was not in love with me, and wasn’t attracted to me, EVER…those insecurities! I hate it when those insecurities rear their ugly heads!

HOT and I hung out that night at the club and I was excited when he asked me for my number. We ended up going out on some dates and the chemistry (physical and mental) was great. We connected on many different levels. I loved being around him! The problem, you might ask? The problem with us, I think, was that we were just at two different phases in our lives. He had been divorced for awhile and was just coming off of a break up (from the girl he eventually married, mind you) and I was no where near healed from, nor ready to move on from my broken marriage. Let's just say HOT and I were out to have a little fun! It was a while ago, but I think in all actuality we just eventually grew distant. He would call me and I would wait a couple of days to call him back. Then I would call him back and he would wait a few days to call me back…etc. We obviously weren’t right for each other!

I tell you all of this because that is why it was so good to see HOT this weekend! It was a reminder that there are genuinely good guys still out there. He was just one of those good guys. He is a hot guy, but doesn’t know he is a hot guy. There is just something about this kind of a guy that doesn’t know he is hot. It’s like there is this easy to be around handsomeness that is so much more satisfying and amazing than overt, total hotness! Keep in mind this is not low self esteem either. Believe me HOT is good with himself, just in a different way than those idiots with huge egos!

This is a guy who is totally unaware of how physically attractive he is. To me this means he has worked really hard to be awesome in other ways, like in his career or family life. He clearly has made a conscious effort to develop himself in other areas because he wasn’t counting on his looks to get him through life.

The difference between the kind of person HOT is and the guys that make it clear to you about how hot they are is that the ones that think they are hot never spend any time developing themselves because they are banking on their looks to get them through life. They don’t work to make anything else about themselves beautiful. Like, say…a personality, or brains, or talent. Pretty much they know they are hot on the outside and use that exterior beauty and only that, as their contribution to society…and that my friends is not pretty!

Don’t get me wrong, guys can also be on the other end of the spectrum…and by this I mean, someone who doesn’t know that he is hot but also sucks at life…this of course, is a very sad way to live. And there are also those that KNOW they are hot in a cocky, condescending, obnoxious, insecure way and don’t give a shit about what anyone else thinks, this too is very sad.

Bottom line…everyone is going to get old! The fortunate part is that the guys that are hot and don’t know it will be fine…it’s the jerks who think they are all that, that didn’t work on any other attribute that will have a life long battle with internal ugliness! And this, my friend, is no way to go through life!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Who said we have to

Media schmedia…Why do we let them dictate our lives? Why is it up to the media or the world of marketing to decide when we can and can’t buy things?

Think about, we are approaching Labor Day. This is a day set aside to celebrate all of those hard working men and women. This is our day of rest and relaxation. A day we celebrate with our friends and families at backyard BBQ’s. But as I was reading the paper this morning I noticed a huge headline that said “Only 131 shopping days left until Christmas” in big bold letters!

This, my friends, irritates the crap out of me. We have just stepped across the line from August into September and already the marketing magnets are worried about their bottom dollar. The stores are already filled with Halloween candy. And come October 1st I guarantee we will see stores filled with bright colorful full-on Christmas displays…It’s September people!

But it only gets worse from here on out! The unfortunate part is that we can’t even enjoy the holiday where we are supposed to be thankful for all that we have because companies are so worried about being in the black! It’s unfortunate that we go from Halloween directly into a Christmas shopping frenzy. Madness on the roads, in the stores, everywhere we look people are spending money that they don’t have to buy presents for people that they don’t like…it’s pandemonium!

And why would we even think about catching a break to recover from the holidays before they start pushing Valentines Day down our throats…January and February is a celebration that supposedly leads us to the most romantic day of the year, at which point we are reminded that the Easter bunny is right around the corner.

And Easter…why, that’s just minutes before summer, isn’t it? Time to buy new clothes, plan vacations, and oh, by the way…can you still fit into that bikini you wore last year? But whatever you do…hurry up, because the back to school frenzy is just around the corner…and the rush, rush, rush frenzy of the media and marketers will be starting all over again.

Honestly, this rush rush rushness saddens me. I used to look forward to Halloween as a kid, but not months before Halloween. I used to look forward to putting up our Christmas tree the first nice weekend in December. I used to be able to celebrate and enjoy the holidays without worrying about what’s next.

Why do we rush? Who said we have to? Can’t we have Halloween fun and decorations in mid October, Christmas carols and shopping in December, pink hearts and chocolates in early February? Can’t we have some down time at the mall. Can we not have a chance to shop at the mall just to shop and not have to worry about purchasing something for a particular holiday that is months and months away? I like shopping for “stuff”…non traditional, non-denominational, non-holiday, non-hallmark stuff. Stuff like, well, like… underwear! Oh who am I kidding we all know I don’t shop for underwear (I threw in this statement just to gross out my sister-in-law).

So seriously people, let’s stop rushing and sit back and smell the roses. After all, it is only Labor Day weekend…let’s make a pact to just enjoy each other and celebrate not having to call in sick to work on a Monday for a change!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Not anymore

For some reason I have been addicted to lists lately. I keep a running “to do” list at home and at work. Both lists have a box in front of each item that I am addicted to checking off. My palms actually get a little sweaty at the thought of being able to check an item off of one of these lists. This sense of accomplishment is huge for me. I don’t have a lot of people in my life to praise me on a daily basis, so this “checking items off” ritual is my form of pats on the back…it’s what keeps my tank full!

What this new found sense of accomplishment has taught me is that I’m not the girl I used to be. I’ve changed a lot over the years, some for the better, some for the worse. But through the good, the bad and the ugly, here is what I have learned:

I used to be the girl who worked out everyday. I am now the girl that realizes there is more to life than a six pack and killer arms.

I used to be the girl who was jealous of the lives celebrities lived. I’m now the girl who has realized that I could never be paid enough to be watched, criticized, and scrutinized for every move I make.

I used to be the girl who thought going to work solely meant working. I’m now the girl that knows if I don’t throw in a little fun while there, I will never get through the day.

I used to be the girl who thought ALL men were pigs. I’m now the girl that thinks most men are pigs.

I used to be the girl who drove an SUV because it was the cool thing to do. I’m now the girl that drives a sensible four door car because it gets me from point A to point B and gets more than ten miles to the gallon.

I used to be the girl who did not care about having God in my life. I’m now the girl that knows without God, I am incomplete.

I used to be the girl who dated jerks. I’m now the girl that just dates weirdos!

I used to be the girl who thought that people who were over thirty and not married were old maids. Now that I am over thirty and not married I don’t think that anymore.

I used to be the girl who wanted a lot of kids. I’m now the girl that thinks two or three is sufficient.

I used to be the girl who thought I couldn’t survive without a man in my life. I’m now the girl that knows that I can!

I used to be the girl who thought that I had to complete my list of life goals that I created when I was twenty. I’m now the girl who realizes that it is sometimes more realistic to change the plan in the middle of the game.

I used to be the girl who thought the perfect family was a traditional family…you know, mom, dad and 2.5 biological kids. I’m now the girl that realizes the perfect family is what you make it, as long as love is involved, it is the perfect family!

I used to be the girl who would just let things bother me and not stand up for what I believe in. I’m now the girl who will fight to the end for what’s right!

I used to be the girl who wasn’t very strong. I’m now the girl that could move mountains.

I used to be the girl who hated being single. I’m now the girl that is enjoying the journey.

I used to be the girl who felt guilty for having fun when my kids were with their dad. I’m now the girl that understands the importance of a little “me time”.

I used to be the girl who was afraid of failure. I’m now the girl that happily takes credit for my achievements and responsibility for my failures.

I used to be the girl who couldn’t make decisions without consulting others first. I’m now the girl that listens to my moods, follows my instincts, enjoys being silent and pays attention to what happens next.

But by far the most pertinent thing I have learned over the years is how important it is to continue love those around me, NO MATTER WHAT! I am learning to embrace the love, share the love and by all means, accept the love of those that want to love me.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Can't, Can, Won't, Will, Shouldn't, Should...

I can’t
Say no to Hamilton and Gibson, watch horror movies, get enough of reality TV, keep a fresh manicure for more than a couple of days without it getting chipped, cook, flip past an episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter without being mesmerized, go a day without thinking about my mom, drive a stick shift

I can
Only do so much, be a real bitch at times, sleep anywhere anytime, flirt like there is no tomorrow, make a decision when needed, Internet stalk like a pro, get very irritated very quick, be a good cheerleader when it comes to my kids sports

I won’t
Be that parent who yells at her kids from the sidelines, tolerate lying, be afraid of being alone, ever be mistaken about being in love again, ever run for distance again, ever give up on family, be anything but the best I can be, stop fighting for the people I believe in

I will
Watch movies I love over and over again, forgive but never forget, clean in a frenzy and then turn right back around and watch the dust bunnies collect again, always be a good communicator, always tell the truth, only spank my kids when they need to know that something they did is dangerous, ALWAYS love my kids unconditionally

I shouldn’t
Go to bed angry, brag about my ability to cyber stalk, compare my life to others, shut down when people hurt me, live so much in my head, worry so much about the future, take my dad for granted, let mean, vindictive people get to me

I should
Be more forgiving of those that hurt me, get up before 10am on Sunday mornings, count my blessings…twice, be able to go a day without wondering “what if”, stay home more Saturday nights than I go out, be emotionally stronger in front of my kids, ask my friends for support when I am down, give up on some friends

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