What men want

I have met so many fabulous people at my new job! I mean FABULOUS! They are not only fun to work with, but the best part is that the ones I sit next to have the same sense of humor as I do…you know, dry, witty and very VERY sarcastic…and this makes work FUN.

I was having lunch with some of them on Friday and one of the guys made this comment to me, he said, “it’s no wonder you are still single, guys like to be needed and it is very clear that you don’t “need” a guy.”

I was shocked!

He was right…I don’t “need” a guy…but I "want" one.

So, we carried on with the conversation a little more…you know in a very funny, sarcastic way. He got all “girly” and giggled at everything I said…you know in a way that girls are supposed to when they want to get the attention of a guy.

Yeah…that’s not my style.

My style is to show the guys that come across my path, that I am a put together independent woman. I have a great job that I love. I can support myself and my family. I own my own house. I have my shit together (thanks to 4 years of therapy). I have a great ex-husband who is a terrific father. I have two boys that are at a stage where they realize that it is a good possibility that I will be in a relationship one day with someone other than their dad.

These qualities are what makes me…me!

Apparently, these qualities scare men off.

So here’s the deal. I had an ah ha moment this weekend. And here it is…

I guess I do need a man in my life!

You know what made me come to this conclusion?

Here it is…

I hate my showerhead!

Yep…that’s what made me realize that I NEED a man in my life.

So here’s the deal…I need a man to come over and fix it for me.

It has been driving me crazy for months now, and I’m afraid to take it apart and fix it, at the risk of breaking it.

I could wait for my brother to come to town and fix it, but I don’t think I can wait that long. You know, I’m an instant gratification kind of girl!

So if your single, a handyman, have your own tools, are emotionally stable, and available at all this week, let me know…I will even buy you dinner after!

Will it help if I giggle and bat my eyes when I ask, would that be more appealing to you?

Nothing...that's what I've been missing

Have you ever spent time dreaming about the things you don’t have but wish you did? Do you ever find yourself envious of what those around you have? I’m not gonna lie, I have. In fact, I think that way a lot.

That is until today!

Today, for some reason, I woke up and thought “Holy crap…I have it…I have it all”

For some of you, this realization of mine may piss you off, because I know there is a little part of you that loves the self loathing I do here in my blog. Never fear my friends, there is more of that to come! I promise!

But I feel like I must acknowledge what is right in front of my face.

I woke up today, put my feet on the floor, in my bedroom, in my house…that I own.

I woke up to two awesome kids, who love ME, who were excited to see ME, who count on ME…every day, no matter what.

The clothes I picked out the night before, fit great and looked exactly as I had imagined them to look before I went to bed.

I had a great hair day.

There was hardly any traffic on my way in this morning which put me ahead of schedule for the day.

I have money in my bank account and am able to pay my bills in full and on time each month.

I work for two awesome men who regularly ask me how I am, how I’m doing and if they can make any changes to make my life easier.

I have AWESOME friends! Ones that always know what I need…and usually it’s just a laugh.

I have a job that I love that offers me great health insurance, a 401K plan for my future, and the ability to put a roof over my head and food on the table.

I have the ability to say what I want to say, practice the religion I want to practice, and be who I want to be on a daily basis.

Today, I couldn’t ask for another thing! Today, I appreciate my life! Today, I want nothing more!

Tomorrow, I hope for the same.

How an 8 year old finally made me feel cool again

Well, here we are! It’s Monday morning and I survived yet another Mother’s Day without my kids and without my mom. If I were being honest with you, I would tell you that I had a pretty good day. But I don’t want to be honest about it, because being honest would make me sound like a bad mom, yet again.

You see, I actually enjoyed the first part of my day without my kids and in the company of other kids.

Shhhh….don’t tell my kids that I spent the day with ten 8 year old little girls, a couple of 12 year olds and my dear friend Jane.

And it was great!

But most importantly, many lessons were learned about the differences between girl and boy birthday parties…here are a few.

Girl birthday parties consist of quiet, the occasional giggle and please and thank yous, whereas boy birthday parties consist of running, yelling, and lots of sweat.

Girl birthday parties consist of manners, sweetness, and sharing, whereas boy birthday parties consist of running, yelling and lots of sweat.

Girl birthday parties consist of order, pleasentries, and excitement, whereas boy birthday parties consist of running, yelling and lots of sweat.

Girl birthday parties consist of fruit, milk and cupcakes, whereas boy birthday parties consist of running, yelling and lots of sweat.

Girl birthday parties consist of sugar and spice and everything nice, whereas boy birthday parties consist of running, yelling and lots of sweat.

And last but not least, girl birthday parties consist of pony tails, pretty dresses, and cute tights, whereas boy birthday parties consist of crazy hair, mismatched clothes, dirt, and, oh yeah, running, yelling and lots of sweat.

Unlike moms of girls, I am used to the crazy hair, mismatched clothes, dirt, yelling, running and sweat. So you can imagine my intimidation when trying to buy the perfect gift for one of the sweetest little girls I know. I stressed out about it while I was at the store, while driving to the party, and even during cake and ice cream. I was nervous when it came time for gifts. I just didn’t want to feel like the crazy lady that doesn’t have any clue what to buy little girls, even though I once was a little girl

So you can imagine my relief when the birthday girl’s eyes lit up when she opened my gift. But nothing beats the reaction of another little girl in the room when she said, “wow, you are definitely invited to my birthday party!”

And because this blog is all about me, the first thing that came to my mind after it was all over is…

“Finally! I’m a cool girl again!”

And it only took an 8 year old birthday party for me to fit back into the clique that I always wanted to be in growing up.

Pathetic, right?

Pathetic or not, I don’t care…I’m takin what I can get!

Lions and tigers and bears...oh my!

I’m scared of stupid things.

Things like snakes, spiders and men who post shirtless pictures of themselves online. Snakes and spiders I can deal with now, although I wouldn’t want to find them sharing a bed with me or anything drastic like that, but I know they are God’s creatures and I should love them. At least that’s what I tell myself when I see them in places I know they shouldn’t be.

On the other hand, men who post shirtless pictures of themselves online, they have always scared me and to this day still scare the crap out of me. It’s a fear I will never grow out of. And I hope to God I don’t find them sharing a bed with me either.

Now, over the years, as I have become more independent I have realized that there are things in my life that used to scare me but don’t anymore.

Things like…

Dying. I know who I am, I know what I believe and I know where I’m going…enough said!

What people think of me. I don’t care anymore. I am who I am. I know what I want. I know what I deserve.

Being alone. It is so much better being alone than it is to be alone in a relationship.

My future. For the first time in a long time, I’m excited to see how the next 40 years of my life play out.

Getting old. As long as I do it gracefully, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. It is what it is. I can’t control it. And I refuse to take any drastic measures that could have me looking like either of these women from the Real Housewives of Miami.




Being a strong independent woman. I have been told by men in my recent past that me being a strong independent woman is sometimes intimidating. But I don’t care anymore, I’m not going to conform. I like who I am. I’m not a wet noodle and I’m not looking for a wet noodle.

Being single. It’s ok. I don’t have to answer to anyone, well except my kids, but those are usually answers that I can handle.

Shopping for a bathing suit. Again, I don’t care anymore what people think of me anymore or how I look. No BODY is perfect and I am learning to love me and mine.

4th grade advanced math homework. It doesn’t scare me now that I have come to terms with the fact that I don’t have all of the answers and it is ok to look for instructions on the world wide web.

A 7 year old with a shitload of confidence. Confidence is good…no matter what age, right?

Now that I have listed the things that I am no longer afraid of, let me reassure you that I will forever have a fear of public speaking, clowns, and public restrooms.

There is no amount of therapy that will ever suck any of those fears out of me.

I hate the waiting game

I will be honest with you...I'm waiting on some potentially life changing news.

I'm not good at waiting!

Quite frankly, I'm either going to have a Titanic "I'm the king of the world" moment, or, I'm going to jump...it's a fine line!

I will keep you posted!

I choose, Part Deux

Girlfriends over boyfriends

Fresh asparagus over corn on the cob

Ryan Reynolds over any other male celebrity

Jersey Shore over Real Housewives of New Jersey (I contemplated this for a long time…but trashtastic won out)

Facebook over Twitter

Modern Family over The Office

Play over work

Charlie Sheen over Gary Busey and Meatloaf combined

Spring over Fall

Summer over Winter

Kisses over hugs

Jeans over skirts

Heels over flats

Tall boys over short boys

Too cold over too hot

Pedicures over manicures

Basketball over football

Writing over reading

Doctor appointments over dentist appointments

Cocktails over beer

Tea over coffee

Faith over religion

Lovers over liars

Mustard over ketchup

Personality over looks

Netflix over Redbox

Loneliness over settling

XBOX over play station

Dogs over cats

Hiking over running

Sleeping over exercise

SUV’s over cars

Brains over beauty

Being 40 over being 20

Ellen over Oprah

Salmon over steak

Salad over dessert

Listening over talking

Extroverts over introverts

Moi

One of the things I don’t think I do enough of on this blog is write about me (read with sarcasm).

Kidding of course, that’s all I do, right?

According to all of the cool bloggers in the bloggersphere, there is currently a craze about posting random facts about oneself on Twitter in 140 words or less. And since I’m not on Twitter, this is the only outlet I can use to partake in this cool craze.

And I know you are all dying to know more about me. Who am I to keep you from your wants and needs, right?

ENJOY!

1. I don’t like liver.

2. The only bone that I have ever broken is my pinky finger on my right hand.

3. I love the smell of fresh cut grass.

4. Some days I still wish I could have another child.

5. I recently broke up with my therapist. Don’t worry, we left on good terms.

6. I’m a people person and working in an office by myself on a daily basis depresses me.

7. I love my friends dearly, but most days I don’t feel like a good friend in return.

8. I have a twin brother.

9. I am horrible about asking for help.

10. I hate cats and it is a definite deal breaker in a relationship.

11. I’m not a big dessert person, but I could be addicted to carrot cake if I had no impulse control.

12. I hate being alone, but it’s a reality I think I will have to come to terms with.

13. No matter what I do in life, I always hold on to the one thought that I know will get me through, and that is “I’m going to be alright.”

14. I enjoy a good steak even though I could go without meat for the rest of my life.

15. I believe in old fashioned romance, no matter the time or place, I still believe a man should always pursue a woman and not visa versa.

16. I hate the word pleather.

17. I need a good 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night in order to function properly.

18. I constantly worry about my future.

19. I weighed 4 lbs. 11 oz. when I was born, that is the only accurate weight of myself that I will ever share publicly.

20. I cry easily.

21. I read InStyle Magazine…every page…every word…every month. I love it! It’s my bible.

22. I want to take golf lessons…but I need new clubs first.

23. I hate talking on the phone.

24. I could buy jeans every day.

25. I have no tolerance for lying.

26. I love getting flowers “just because”.

27. I went on a date last week with a guy who kept calling me Julia…I never corrected him.

28. I cannot whistle.

29. I’m afraid of waking up one day and not having any memories of my mom.

30. My favorite writer is Malcolm Gladwell…he’s the only reason I subscribe to the New Yorker.

31. I don’t hold grudges.

32. I took 4 years of German in high school. I don’t remember anything. I want to take German again.

33. I can carry on a conversation with anyone.

34. My toilet paper rolls off the top.

35. When I’m wrong, I admit I’m wrong.

36. Clowns scare the crap out of me.

37. I cannot throw a Frisbee.

38. My first concert as a kid was Hall & Oats…yeah, I’m not proud!

39. My dad took me and my brothers to see the movie Porky’s…we were in elementary school.

40. I think I have adult onset ADHD when it comes to relationships…I’m currently working on that.

41. I wish I had more money so I could go back to school and get my college degree.

42. I once went to Hawaii with a guy who didn’t like the ocean.

43. I once drove a 4 and 6 year old to Florida by myself. We stopped to pee once in 13 hours.

44. I take random drives every once in a while to help me relax.

45. I’m very protective of my kids.

46. I tend to over think things.

47. I’m a processor.

48. I’m a sucker for boys that I know aren’t good for me.

49. I’m extremely body conscious…in a negative way. I’m working on it.

50. I think it would be awesome if Anthony Hopkins could narrate my life…it might be more exciting.

51. I’ve never read a Harry Potter book. I have never seen the movies either.

52. I wish I had a job in the fashion industry.

53. I have a very sarcastic sense of humor.

54. I like it when people compliment me on what I am wearing.

55. I’m a news junkie

56. For me, waking up in the morning is a process, not an event.

57. I believe in all of the things that people today don’t believe in, you know, like love, God, peace, happiness, and grace.

58. I am VERY stubborn.

59. I wish someone would fight for me for a change.

60. I met my best friend when we were in 4th grade…we are still close.

61. I could live on cheese and crackers every day.

62. I used to love to read, but since the invention of the Internet, a book doesn’t hold my attention anymore.

63. I was born in Appleton, Wisconsin

64. I have run (1) half marathon and swore I would never do it again…so far I have stuck to that promise to myself.

65. It once took my brother and I 20 minutes to catch a mouse in a 5 foot by 5 foot bathroom. He is 6’2 and I am 5’7…it was a tight squeeze. We were sweating our asses off.

66. My son hates gym…he’s 10 and very athletic, but according to his teacher his flexibility needs work. Seriously?

67. I once dated a boy that I babysat. Relax I was 36 at the time and he was 29.

68. I often get compliments on my smile. I don’t like my smile.

69. I have secrets that I’m not sharing here.

70. I love being in love…even though it’s only happened twice in my life.

71. I love celebrity gossip magazines.

72. I can’t stand the fact that someone like Lady Gaga is a role model for our kids

73. I think I might be addicted to Quaker Oatmeal Squares.

74. I love to write.

75. I hate dancing at clubs, but I love to make fun of those that do.

76. When I’m not in a relationship, I miss kissing the most.

77. The first thing I notice in a man is his height…I know this makes me a looser!

78. I hate first dates. I’ve only been on one really good one in my 40 years.

79. My favorite superhero is Green Lantern, but it’s only because Ryan Reynolds is playing him on the big screen.

80. My favorite band is KISS

81. I love taking naps.

82. I love cuddling up on the couch with someone special and watching a movie.

83. I don’t know how to refer to my ex-mother-in-law. I love her dearly and hate putting the “ex” in front of the endearment.

84. My high school graduating class had 872 seniors.

85. My favorite chore is…oh who am I kidding, I hate chores.

86. I love being a mom

87. I’m addicted to Pandora

88. More often than not I make decisions with my heart instead of my head.

89. I want to be in a relationship with someone who takes being in a relationship with me seriously.

90. I am the kind of girl that roles with the punches.

91. My kids think I am awesome.

92. I love to laugh. I must do it every day.

93. Sometimes I think I am too nice to people.

94. I am afraid to fly, but I don’t let that fear keep me from going anywhere.

95. I sometimes talk to myself.

96. I think I am currently experiencing a mid life crisis.

97. I need a vacation.

98. If I could live anywhere in the world, it would be Hawaii.

99. My favorite color is red.

100. I am currently learning to love myself!

Battles

Loving myself, taming my crazy hair, explaining to a 10 and 7 year old why it is more important for mommy to get a tummy tuck before we get a dog, going through Modern Family withdrawls, keeping a positive attitude about my job, figuring out how faith fits into my life, learning to get through each day without uttering the phrase, “I wish…”, being a fun mom vs. being a disciplinarian, figuring out how to get to AZ in July…missing my friend terribly, getting my lazy ass to the gym, this path called life.

Yep, those are my current battles…what are yours?

It's gonna take a miracle

Do you ever have moments in your life when you know you are being given a sign for something, but you aren’t quite sure what it means? I feel like this happens to me more often than not. But most of the time I tend to ignore these signs and try not to read too much into them because I find that those kinds of situations tend to drive me nuts.

If it’s not 100% clear to me I don’t dwell on it or try to figure it out. You see, I’m an instant gratification kind of girl and if it isn’t clear to me I don’t mess with it.

I have recently gotten a sign…a BIG sign…HUGE!

Last night after my workout at the gym I ran into an old girlfriend of mine. We met at church years ago and used to be pretty friendly. Now our schedules seem to get in the way of church and life, so we don’t see each other much. But last night we picked up like we were great friends.

She is a lot like me. She is a hardworking, independent single mom who also struggles with the balance of being a good mom and having a quality relationship. Within 2 minutes of our conversation we start talking about the men (or lack thereof) in our lives.

We can’t help it…it’s what women do.

She, like me, is frustrated with dating. She, unlike me, made the decision about 6 months ago to not date, focus on herself and her happiness. I like who she has become! Don’t get me wrong, she has always been a great girl, but the confidence she has in herself and who she is, was FANTASTIC!

I was quite envious!

Then, this morning, like most mornings, I logged into FaceBook to be a voyer in the lives of my friends... It’s my coffee, I have to do it in order to function. Anyway, as soon as I logged in, I got an instant message beep from another friend of mine who checks up on me regularly. He is a fabulous photographer and a Godly man who is often very encouraging to me about many things in my life. But mostly about my kids, my writing, and my relationships.

And his suggestion to me this morning, out of all mornings, was to stop getting in the way of myself and start focusing on learning to love what makes me, well…me. He suggested that I date…wait for it…that I date myself, and learn to love me first.
He thinks my missing link is that I’m not loving me and expecting to get that love from someone else.

It was then clear to me.

That’s the “thing” that I saw in my girlfriend last night. She had clearly learned how to love herself first and that love is the love that made her life tick. I suddenly realized that no one is going to be good enough for me until I’m good enough for me.

It became all too clear in a chance meeting with an old friend and an IM chat with a Godly man.

So here’s my plan…

I’m deleting my Match.com profile immediately, canceling my two dates this week, and putting the focus back on me. I have so little time to myself and the thought of spending one more minute with a random guy trying to see if there is a connection between the two of us makes me sick to my stomach. The thought of primping, plucking, ironing, and shaving for one more first date makes me want to pull my eyeballs out.

I’m not shutting myself off to dating persay, but I am shutting myself off from looking for Mr. Right. If he is already in my life, then he is going to have to step up to the plate and reveal himself to me. If I he isn’t already a part of my life, well, it’s going to take a miracle to find me.

And I’m ok with that.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow

40 years ago…I was sharing a womb with my twin brother. That’s where it all began. We kicked and screamed until we could come up with a plan as to who was gonna arrive first. And like usual, I shed a few tears, gave him the puppy dog eyes and won. I arrived on this earth exactly 7 minutes before he did…SUCKA!

30 years ago…I was 10. I wanted to be a teacher just like my mom was, but then I felt sorry for my dad because I wasn’t choosing his profession. Then I asked my dad what he did and he said he worked for the government. I didn’t know what the government was at the time, but I knew for sure I didn’t really want to know what the government was either. (that thought still rings true today) From there on out I wanted to be a flight attendant. Now, I run a small non-profit. I’ve come a long way!

20 years ago... I was 20. I was in love with The Ex and teetering on the edge of no longer being a teenager and trying to figure out how to behave like an adult. I was hormonal. I wanted my way. I expected to continue being treated like a princess. My parents made me wake up and grow up. It is a lesson I am forever grateful for.

15 years ago… I was 25 and on the verge of being married. I knew from the moment we said our vows that The Ex thought our marriage was a mistake, but I didn’t have the balls to confront him. Look where I am now, wanting to be married again, but smart enough to know that I’m not willing to settle for crumbs. I know who I am. I know what I want. I know what I deserve.

10 years ago…I was 30 and six weeks in to being a new mom. I was enjoying my new found “occupation”. I loved being a mom, it’s what I was born to do, I just know it. Unbeknownst to me, it was the beginning of the end of my marriage to The EX because I couldn’t figure out how to balance being a wife and a mother at the same time.

5 years ago…I was 35 and divorced with two adorable little boys. I was lonely, afraid, struggling, unhappy, and if I were being honest, picturing all of the possible ways that I could end my unhappiness. Then I found God, the real God, the God of love. I turned over a new leaf, loved life and couldn’t wait to get up each day.

2 years ago, I was 38 and still struggling to get over the Ex. I was looking for someone that could be half the man that I thought he was. I couldn’t find anyone. I was hurt…I was angry.

1 year ago, I was 39 and finally over The Ex, 100%. I made the delicate turn of knowing that even though my heart wanted him back in my life, it could never be, because he is not good for me. I realized that I could never go back to what we were and still be who I am today, a strong, independent woman!

Sunday…I berated myself for allowing Hot Fireman to continue to disappoint me.

Yesterday…I got pissed because Mr. Good on Paper and Good in Person got upset with me because I have had so little time in my schedule these past couple of weeks to go on another date with him. I tried to explain to him that my time lately has been eaten up by my kids who are on Spring Break as well as my dad who will be having surgery later today . Clearly, family comes first in my book, don’t hold that against me.

Today…I woke up and realized that what happened yesterday with Mr. Good on Paper and Good in Person, is exactly what I am upset at Hot Fireman for doing to me. Oh how the tables have turned. I hate having to call myself out on my mistakes.

Tomorrow… who knows, only time will tell.

Monday Confessions

I confess…
I’m a grump today.

I confess…
I have four dates this week and I’m not really looking forward to one of them.

I confess…
I’m a little frustrated with some of my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I have the best friends in the world, but do they really need to inform me that Mr. Perfect for Me was in town this past weekend? I deleted him from my life for a reason…

I confess…
I’m going to drink this tonight



…in hopes of getting me out of my funk.

I confess…
My creative juices are lacking…and I don’t like it.

I confess…
My faith is currently being challenged.

I confess…
I know the answer to my problems…it’s getting back to the gym…but I’m too lazy to do anything about it right now.

I confess…
I had a wildly inappropriate dream about Hot Fireman last night…and it’s the only thing that I can currently think about.

I confess…
Clowns freak me out.

I confess…
I am a “list” girl. If I don’t start the day off with a list to check off as I go along, I’m lost. I left my list at home today.

I...

So every once in a while I get stumped for things to talk about here on my blog, but rest assured, today, isn’t one of those days. I know you are all wiping your brows and saying “whew” right about now.

I have another list today, because I know how much you all love my lists.

But, I cannot take credit for this all on my own. I stole it! Yep I flat out ripped it off from here. It’s a new blog that I stalk daily. The girl is hilarious and has an awesome dog. I want an awesome dog. She is in the dating scene, I’m in the dating scene, we are both frustrated…enough said. I like this girl. Check her out if you get a chance.

Anyway, I learned a lot about her from her list…so I thought I would share mine with you.

I am… everything I need to be, I’m just me and I like it like that!

I want…to get my darn book finished!

I have… the best life ever.

I wish… people would give my inner beauty a chance before they judge me on my outer beauty.

I know…things in my life are going to change soon! I can feel it! And I’m excited!

I hate…to be hurt.

I hear…the sound of my stomach growling…guess that means I need to eat.

I crave… strawberry ice cream with granola.

I search… for the good in everyone.

I always… misplace my car key.

I usually…am upbeat and happy.

I miss…my mom!

I love… my kids more than anything in this world.

I never…wear underwear. (sorry, is that too much information?)

I rarely…cook.

I cry… at everything. I can’t help it…I’m emotional…thanks mom!

I lose…my phone constantly. I can’t tell you how many times I have to go back to stores to pick it up.

I should…trust my gut more often.

I worry…about my future all of the time.

I dream…of finding the perfect man…please tell me my dreams aren’t wasted!

I was…broken. Now I’m not.

I need… a good laugh every day.

I can… do anything I want if I set my mind to it.

Something happened on the way to turning 40

In my 39 years, 362 days here on this earth I have learned ALOT, some good things, some bad things and some ugly things...but, no matter what, they were all worthy lessons. Some of these lessons I wish I would have learned at different times so that I could have either enjoyed them longer, or been hurt by them less. But we can't always control what we learn and when we learn it, all we can do is change ourselves based on the experiences we have.

So consider yourselves lucky blog fans...I'm sharing with you today, my most prized list to date...I like to call it 39 lessons in 39 years.

1. When people show you the kind of person they are the first time, BELIEVE them!

2. You are so smart, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

3. Credit cards are the work of the devil.

4. If you are going to be a slut, please be discreet about it.

5. Don't be afraid to venture out alone.

6. Don't ever let your eyes play tricks on you.

7. Live your dream and wear your passion.

8. Don't dwell on past relationships, men are like busses, another one comes around every 15 minutes.

9. A half truth is a whole lie.

10. The key to happiness is realizing and experiencing your dreams instead of just dreaming them.

11. Teachers are noble.

12. Read. read. read. Write. write. write.

13. Never say what another person will or won't do.

14. Trust your gut!

15. Nothing beats a good cocktail!

16. Cherish your loved ones.

17. This is your life...do what YOU love!

18. If someone isn't there for you anymore you have to let him/her go no matter how difficult that may be.

19. Now is the time to enjoy the great life that you have.

20. Do not allow others to make you feel like less of a person, no matter what their reason is.

21. Stop fighting yourself.

22. You are good enough!

23. Sometimes your mom does know best.

24. Always be yourself...do NOT pretend for anyone.

25. No one needs to know everything about you.

26. Keep your friends close and forget about your enemies.

27. Nothing, and I mean nothing is better than good sex.

28. Use what you have to get what you want.

29. If you don't like something, don't bitch about it, change it.

30. All emotions are beautiful.

31. Open your mind, arms and heart to new things.

32. If someone wants to be a part of your life, they will make an effort to be in it.

33. You always know what you have, you just don't ever think you will lose it.

34. When things in your life don't add up, then maybe it is time to start subtracting.

35. The good thing about life is that there is always another chapter.

36. Love yourself first!

37. Hold onto yourself tight because sometimes life hurts like hell.

38. Remember, you are beautiful, no matter what anyone else tells you.

39. Don't be afraid to get lost, because it will only help you find yourself.

Sheila-isms

I don’t know if you are like me, but I have a ton of friends. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I just seem to surround myself with lots of good people. And because I have so many, again, not tooting my own horn, I tend to have them categorized. My three categories of friends are: lifelong, besties, and the girl.

“The girl” I am referring to is Sheila. Sheila has been my dear friend for many years. I met her three or four months into my separation with my Ex. From the first moment we met, shopping for clothes at TJMaxx, I knew we would be lifelong buddies. You see when we met she had just moved to my neck of the woods from Arizona (she has since moved back). It was the dead of winter and we were hysterically laughing in the asiles of the store as she was frantically looking for a sweater to buy. We were headed out for the evening in what seemed like below zero weather and she was wearing a cute pair of pants and a tank top, bless her heart,…she eventually caught on to the dress code of the Midwest, but it took a little while.

From that evening on we were attached at the hip. She was a HUGE support for me through my divorce. I know I can always count on her to have my back, pick me up when I’m down, and just make me laugh for no reason at all. I LOVE THIS GIRL!

Because she lives in Arizona, and I’m almost 40 it is often very difficult for us to communicate. I know, I know, you are probably asking yourself how her living in Arizona and me almost being 40 could hamper our level of communication.

Well, remember yesterday’s post when I waffled back and forth about maybe being old and maybe not being old? I mentioned that I like to be in bed around 9 or 10…and with a three hour time difference between Indiana and Arizona, Sheila usually isn’t even off of work by the time I go to bed. If that doesn’t make me sound old, I don’t know what else would. Bottom line, it is difficult for us to even connect on the phone. We always joke around that we are having a love affair with each other’s voice mails.

Anywho…six paragraphs in and I think I better get to the topic of this post. Sheila and I finally connected on Wednesday night after what seemed like weeks of trying to have a phone conversation. And as usual, the phone call ended up being a pep talk for both of us…she is my biggest cheerleader, as I am hers! And as we were talking I was making note of all of the hysterical shit she says and I thought I would share them with you.

I kid you not, these things just roll off her tongue, mid sentence…

“Stick a flag on your forehead and do it for your country!”

“Build a bridge and get over it!”

“We don’t have to date pigs to get a little sausage!”

“Remember you are the prize, and they have to be a winner, not a wiener, to have the privilege of dating you.”

“Shut the front door.”

“Don’t piss in my ear and tell me it’s raining!”

(said in a strong southern accent) “Whoo wee…you could make a jack rabbit hug a hound dog.”

And my most favorite line of all…”You know I love you more than a fat kid loves cake?”

Many of these statements were said to me in our conversation this week as she was pepping me up and preparing me for a conversation that I was stressed about having with someone. And she has left me a voice mail message this morning. I’m sure it is full of more Sheila-ism, because she knows they always make me smile.

Do I need to say it again? I LOVE THIS GIRL! Every girl needs a Sheila in her life!

Lordy Lordy

In the words of John Edwards, Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Jesse James and Bill Clinton…”I’m sorry”. Oh wait, I don’t think Bill Clinton ever uttered those words in the Monica Lewinsky scandal, so never mind, take him off the list.

I’m so so so so sorry! I cannot believe I have let you, my loyal blog readers down, yet again. You see, this time last year I had already put out my “birthday wish list” in order to give you all plenty of time to save your money and buy me the most special gifts you can. I think I got a good 75% of the items on my wish list. Heck, I even got a cute boy for my 39th birthday, but he let me down…so I won’t be asking for one of those again this year. Believe me, I’ve learned my lesson on that.

In exactly 15 days (March 12), I will be, yep, you guessed it 40! I cannot believe it. When I was Hamilton’s age(my 10 year old), my mom turned 40…and I thought she was old. I’d like to think I am a lot younger and cooler than my mom was when she turned forty. Maybe I am, maybe I’m not…bottom line, my kids think I’m awesome! And like all those people over there in Hollywood, I live by the motto “forty is the new thirty”. Oh wait, I think I just read an article the other day that said “forty is the new twenty”. Heck, at this rate, when I turn forty-one, it will be the new eleven…oh man, now I’m getting creeped out.

Anyway, I don’t care what the new forty is…I’m good with being forty, I think. Although, I did throw my back out a week or so ago when I bent down to pick up my hat off the floor, but that doesn’t really make me old does it? Oh and I had a bowl of cereal for dinner the other night…does that make me old? And does it make a difference if I tell you that I love to be in bed by 9pm? It hardly ever happens, but I love it when it does.

I’M NOT OLD! I can still hang with the best of them. I can, on occasion, go out, party it up, hang out until the wee hours of the morning, act like I’m in High School, be hung over and promise never to do it again. I can…I just choose not to, and when I choose not to I usually say something like, “I’m too old to be behaving this way.” But secretly I look forward to the opportunity to do it again.

Anyway, I need to get back on track…and by “back on track” I mean, I need to give you my wish list. If you need an address on where to send your gift(s), just email me and I will be happy to give it to you. Remember, you only have a little over 2 weeks…so, ready, set…go, start your shopping!

Gift Suggestion #1



New golf clubs, these in particular. I am determined to take the sport a little more serious this year than I have in the past.


Gift Suggestion #2



Ray Ban Aviator Sunglasses. I’m not a huge fan of the Aviator sunglasses, but usually by the time I jump on board a fashion trend, it’s on its way out the door. So I figured, if I got these for my birthday then maybe, just maybe another style will come along for the summer.


Gift Suggestion #3



Big Star Vintage Jeans. This needs no explanation…just look at them, aren’t they pretty? And yes, my butt looks fantastic in them!



Gift Suggestion #4



Black Labrador Retriever. Aren’t these the sweetest dogs ever? My ex and I had one when we were first married. In fact, I think the Ex got our lab for me on my 25th birthday. Anywho, I keep wanting to buy my kids a dog…but just haven’t been able to pull the trigger yet.


Gift Suggestion #5



The good old standby…flowers. But not just any flowers, Gerber Daisies! Not the cheesy white and yellow daisies that you can pick up at your local grocery store, but a beautiful bouquet of Gerber Daisies. They are guaranteed to put a smile on my face.


Gift Suggestion #6

A membership here…



And someone exactly like this...or someone who looks remotely like this...



to help me get my ass out of bed every morning and get to the gym. But I think it is important to note here, that as much as I would like to have someone this beautiful to wake up to in the morning, he may not sleep in my bed the night before, because if he did, we would never get out of bed. He must show up by my bedside and wake me with a gentle kiss….screeeeeeeech…sorry, I will stop fantasizing. Just send him over to give me the motivation I need to go work out.


Gift Suggestion #7



OPI- Pink Flamenco nail polish…I LOVE this color, and I normally don’t like having pink on my toes. A nice pedicure or two to go along with this polish would be greatly apprecaited too!


Gift Suggestion #8

And last but not least…one of these...



…yep a tummy tuck! If you don’t want to fork out the bill for the entire thing, that’s ok, a donation to the overall budget would be greatly appreciated.

So that’s it! I know it’s not much **snicker, snicker**, but it’s all I need! It never hurts to ask, right?

Happy Birthday to me!

I hope I never

Waste a Sunday morning trying to recover from a hangover, live my life not knowing what it feels like to love again, feel content enough with myself to think that I never need to improve myself,
have to visit the principal’s office on behalf of one of my kids, have to file for bankruptcy, walk by someone in need and not help,have to bury one of my kids, break someone’s heart (I wouldn't wish that on anyone), have to look for a job, have to figure out a way to support my kids,have to watch Brad Womack on another season of the Bachelor, have to see my dad in pain (watching him recover from my mom’s death is a memory I will never forget),have to battle cancer, have to explain to my kids why I have done something I’m not proud of, have to beg anyone for forgiveness, have to live through another four years under an Obama presidency, have to watch Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansen reunite, have to see my kids suffer, have my heart broken again…I’ve kissed enough frogs already, have to make a life and death decision, have to live my life without getting a tummy tuck…selfish, yes, I admit that, have to wonder why I’m not good enough yet again.

Always, sometimes, never

I ALWAYS...

...Struggle to get out of bed in the morning, whether I wake up on my own or by an alarm clock.

...Get excited when a KISS song comes on the radio or my iPod.

...Love the idea of an adult beverage…hey, it’s 5pm somewhere, right?

...get a little sad when my kids go to their dads house.

...Say yes to the prospect of a blind date, even though I have never, and I mean NEVER, been on a good one.

...Want to suggle.

...Question the decisions I make in my personal life.

...Have someone in my life that I constantly think about. One day it could be my kids, or friends, or a secret lover…but no matter what, I am always thinking about someone else.


I SOMETIMES...

...Wonder what my life would be like now if I had done a few things different.

...Wish I weren't so stubborn.

...Talk to myself at work.

...Miss people too much…especially people whom I know I shouldn’t miss.

...Make decisions because it’s what I want, not because it is what is right.

...Need to spend an entire day alone in order to regroup.

...Feel the need to be a rebel even though the consequences of this behavior is often not good.

...Eat ice cream for dinner.



I NEVER

...Wear underwear (well, except when I am in a dressing room trying on clothes)

...Spank my kids

...Used to like cooked spinach until I cooked it myself, now I’m addicted.

...Want to forget what it feels like to fall in love.

...Get tired of hearing my kids giggle.

...Get tired of kissing.

...Go to bed angry.

...Have enough hours in the day.

I would rather

Go naked than wear fur

Be hot than cold

Be single and alone than alone in a relationship

Write than read

Get the flu than get a flu shot

Stay at home by myself on a Saturday night than hang out at a bar

Vacation in Hawaii on the beach than on the slopes in Tahoe

Be hungry than feel stuffed

Be stuck in an elevator than on a packed plane on the runway

Go into the office early than work late

Date an early bird than a night owl

Sit through a 2 hour horror flick than 2 hours of airplane turbulence

Have a romantic dinner out than breakfast in bed

Go without good food for a month than good sex for a month (unfortunately it’s not always my choice)

I would rather gain 10 pounds than give up sex

I would rather date a tech savvy stud than a poet

Date a funny guy than a rich guy

Run into my ex’s than run into his ex’s

Have sex than watch TV (unless that TV show is about Ryan Reynolds)

Jet off to someplace exotic than take a road trip

Have a full dinner than just drinks on a first date

Have a hot night in than a sweet picnic outdoors

Get more vacation time than make more money

Date a Mr. Fix It than a fantastic cook

Have sex with the lights off than on

Have a relaxing vacation than an adventurous trip

Wear heels than flats on a date

Date a guy that was funny than rich

Have the power of invisibility than flight

Have my ex-boyfriend be nice to me than mean to me

Be hilariously funny than drop dead gorgeous

Send a text than make a phone call

Be a well known author than a celebrity

Take a drive than a short plane trip

Have the greatest friends ever than be the most popular girl at the bar

Travel back in time than travel into the future

Have one really long term relationship being in love and risk getting hurt in the end than have multiple short term relationships with a bit of variety

Have a full bank account than lots of stuff

Have parents that were poor and loved me than were rich and gave me everything I wanted

I'm just a girl who

I’m just a girl whose first love as a child was books.

I’m just a girl who values relationships of any kind. Whether it be between two friends, a mother and son, or lovers, relationships are on the top of my “most valuables” list.

I’m just a girl who overanalyzes everything to death…I can’t help it…it’s a part of my DNA.

I’m just a girl who sometimes uses my exterior happiness to cover up my inner insecurities.

I’m just a girl who sometimes doesn’t think before I act.

I’m just a girl who sees the good in everyone.

I’m just a girl who wants a man to see her value and fight for her.

I’m just a girl who sometimes jumps to conclusions before I know all of the facts.

I’m just a girl who has been known to be stubborn at times.

I’m just a girl who wants nothing more than the love and support of a man in my life, but knows I don’t need that love and support to be whole.

I’m just a girl who finds comfort in everything being just so.

I’m just a girl who is fiercely loyal to those I love. When I’m in, I’m in 100%.

I’m just a girl who feels like my expectations of people are sometimes too high, yet refuses to settle for anything less.

I’m just a girl who is protective of my loved ones.

I'm just a girl who values quality time with those that I love more than anything else.

I’m just a girl who will move heaven and earth to try and keep a promise, or I just won’t make the promise.

I’m just a girl who appreciates the little things in life.

I’m just a girl who sees the imperfections in people, but loves them anyway.

I’m just a girl who loves it when my friends and family see the imperfections in me and love me anyway.

I’m just a girl who believes that no one is perfect, but thinks that there is definitely someone out there who is perfect for me.

I’m just a girl who will never like cats…and I mean NEVER, so don’t try to convince me otherwise.

I’m just a girl who will fight to the death for someone I believe in.

I’m just a girl who can forgive but not necessarily forget.

I’m just a girl who still believes in being persued by a man. You will never see me making the first move.

I’m just a girl who is a work in progress!

I'm one of those people who...

...loves to laugh and make people laugh, would rather spend a quiet night at home than go out, has to have tons of ice in my drinks, likes to process things, doesn't really care what people think of me, will always be truthful, even if the truth hurts, expects a lot from people, had a training bra at a very very early age, will pick you up when you are down, speaks what is on my mind, doesn't settle, has a firm grip on reality, values a person more than material possessions, wants people to be honest with me no matter how much the truth may hurt, loves a good McDonald's cherry pie, can forgive but not forget, will sacrifice for those that I love, is always on time, has a hard time admitting defeat, thinks about my future a lot, can never find my umbrella when I need it, cries easily, needs nothing more than a smile on my kids faces, hates to be the center of attention, finds it hard to give up on something or someone I believe in, doesn't like to fight, has a hard time saying no, puts my kids first, hits the snooze button way to many times, doesn't take shit from people, demands respect and common courtesy, likes to be missed by someone, loves food, has no time or patience for games, expects nothing less than 100% honesty, still says please and thank you, always tries to see the good in everybody, loves to see you smile, always wants what I can't have...