Friday, July 30, 2010

Top Ten Friday

Welcome to today’s Top Ten Friday where I break it down…

I don’t watch a whole lot of TV but one of my all time favorite shows is Modern Family. To date, I have laughed my butt off through each and every episode. Phil Dunphy, the dad, is by far the funniest character on television today. His goals are to be a cool dad and a great husband. He’s the kind of guy that thinks everyone wants to hang out with him.

So to honor the funniest television character to date, I thought I would share with you my Top Ten Favorite Phil Dunphy Quotes or Dunphy”isms” as I like to call them.

Your welcome!

10. Cheerleading in my college was so cool. The football players were so jealous that they wouldn’t even let me and my buddies Trevor, Scotty and Ling go to their parties.

9. (while talking about Desiree, the hot neighbor) Am I attracted to her? Yes. Would I ever act on it? No way not while my wife is still alive.

8. I act like a parent and talk like a peer, I call it peerenting.

7. Claire likes to say, you can be part of the problem, or you can be part of the solution, but I believe you can be both.

6. Claire is a perfectionist, which sometimes is a good thing, like when it comes to picking a husband.

5. I was 11 years old. I hit ten straight fastballs in the batting cage. Then my friend Jeff Sweeney took one in the groin. I yelled “ball two!” Everybody laughed. That’s when I knew I was funny.

4. The iPad comes out on my actual birthday. It’s like Steve Jobs and God got together to say “we love you Phil.”

3. (about friending his ex-girlfriend on Facebook) She’s one of the 447, everyone wants a slice.

2. (speaking to his wife, Claire) You’re all the porn I need.

And the number one funniest thing Phil Dunphy has ever said….

I’m a cool dad, that’s my thang. I surf the web. I text. Lol, laugh out loud, OMG, oh my God, WTF, why the face?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Flattery will get you everywhere

Over the past year I decided that if I was going to take my life seriously, then I was going to have to focus on my life 100%. So last summer I unofficially took myself off of the dating market. I decided I didn’t need the distraction. And it worked! I was able to really focus on me and the lives of my kids.

For once, it was a very refreshing time in my life.

Sure, I missed the companionship, but the recent companionship of my non-boyfriend, boyfriend took care of that…for a while anyway. Until, of course, I realized that that particular friendship was so one sided, high maintenance and gave me nothing in return. I know that that sounds selfish, but when you enter into relationships of any kind with someone who is too damaged to give back in return you get frustrated about relationships in general.

That’s why when “The Cute Electrician” came along 6 weeks ago, he was a welcomed breath of fresh air in my life. You see, the day before I met the Cute Electrician my non-boyfriend, boyfriend had encouraged me to get out and date. I wasn’t really that excited about the idea, it’s not like I was going to go out on the prowl and start looking for the perfect man. But when the Cute Electrician came along, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. After all, he had the absolute best pick up line I had heard in all my years of dating.

I had gone to the hardware store one day on my lunch hour. Our offices had just moved and I needed to get some shelves to hold the inventory that had been shoved in a corner office at our old complex. As I was looking at the shelves, I noticed the Cute Electrician out of the corner of my eye. He came over and stood next to me and started looking at shelves too.

Yeah, I was checking him out…he was tall and fit, with salt and pepper, short, wavy hair…totally my type. So when he picked me up with the following conversation, I was totally smitten…

The Cute Electrician: “So, you’re looking at shelves?”

Me: “yes”

Short 30 second pause…

Me: “So, you’re looking at shelves too?”

The Cute Electrician: “Nope…” (smiling ever so cutely)


There was an instant ease of conversation that overcame us. He was funny with a quick wit and a bit sarcastic (which I LOVE!). We hit it off immediately, and made plans to get together that weekend. He called me that night and we talked for hours. I liked who he was and who he wanted to become. So when we met a couple of days later to hit a bucket of golf balls and have lunch it was no surprise when he greeted me with a kiss…a nice, warm, oh so sweet hello kiss.

Over the next few weeks we went out on several dates. My favorite date by far was on a Saturday. I was just wrapping up 4 days of intense meetings at work. He left me a message in the morning that said nothing more than this, “Hey…I know you are stressed and have had a rough week, so I am picking you up at six…no questions asked, just be ready to have fun with me, your Cute Electrician.”

I loved this!

Any guy that could recognize the fact that I needed a break, took the initiative to plan something fun, and didn’t take no for an answer was a winner in my book. Too bad I knew he was too good to be true. But, as promised, we had a blast…a little Tom Petty and a late night picnic in the park under the stars…all planned by him…One of the best dates I have ever been on…actually, probably THE best date I had ever been on.

He was just the type of guy I was looking for, except for the fact that he and his fiancĂ© (of five years) had only been separated for 4 months. I instantly knew our “relationship” wasn’t going to go anywhere, but his company was a great distraction at the time and I enjoyed being in his presence. I was careful from the beginning not to let my heart get involved. Because I knew it would eventually end.

And it did…his fiancĂ© realized that he was a good catch and wanted to rekindle what they had.

I wasn’t hurt, it was expected.

If anything, he made me realize that there are awesome guys out there that are capable of being a co-partner in a fantastic relationship. It has definitely encouraged me to not give up on friendships, dating and searching for Mr. Right.

Thank you Cute Electrician!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My cup runneth over

I know deep in my heart that God created me to be a mom of boys.

He knew I would do much better with football, dirt, and rambunctiousness. Something in him told him that I would not be good with emotions, hair bows, and make-up.

And he was so right!

Don’t get me wrong, my friends that have girls all do such an AWESOME job of being moms to them, but it’s just not for me. A friend of mine was telling me this weekend about shoe shopping with her eleven year old daughter and I think I sweat through the entire conversation. The thought of having to shop with daughters is very overwhelming to me. With boys, it’s easy…shorts, jeans, t-shirts and sweat pants, that’s it. They don’t care if they go together or match. As long as the shorts come below the knees and the t-shirts are a little oversized they are happy. And as long as they are clean when they put them on, I’m happy.

In general, I have it very easy with two boys. Or at least that is what I used to think.

Last night put a whole new perspective on being a single mom of two boys.

You see, it’s the beginning of football season. Normally shopping for football gear is something that Hamilton and Gibson do with their dad. But this year, I decided to help the Ex out and take the boys myself.

Yeah, I’m cool like that!

$217 later…we left Dick’s Sporting Goods…boys happy and content…me overwhelmed and in tears.

It never occurred to me what I would be subjected to when shopping for sporting equipment for my boys. I never dreamed it could be as bad as it was. In fact, this morning, I woke up in a cold sweat still shocked and overwhelmed by the events of the evening.

Yep…you guessed it, never in a million years did I think I would ever have to be buying one of these for my kids…

I was completely mortified!

I had no idea there were so many sizes and options.

Thank God we ran into one of Hamilton’s friends and his dad shopping for the same…ahem…”gear” because I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. And quite frankly, never did I think I would be carrying on a conversation with one of the football dads about the sizes of our boys “packages”.

It’s quite humbling and horrifying! But I absolutely love this dad…so it was kind of funny too!

Even more horrifying is when the cute Sales Guy comes over later to ask if I needed help. He said I looked confused…

We started carrying on a conversation about how he never had to wear a cup when he was playing football. Correct me if I’m wrong, but not only is it horrifying talking to strangers about your sons “junk” but it’s equally horrifying talking about the “junk” of said stranger…a cute, hunky, probably not legal kind of a stranger.

Anyway, thank God Gibson was there to bring us back down to reality because our conversation immediately came to an embarrassing halt when he yelled out from across the aisle…

”Hey mom…face facts, we need to wear the cup in case someone hits us in the balls. Let’s go already.”

Check please!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Accept bullshit...receive bullshit

It’s me…I’m back!

I’m still swamped at work.

I’m still frustrated with my personal life.

It’s still hot here in the Midwest.

But, I’m back…and I have a lot to say!

The past month has just been crazy busy for me as I’m sure it has for many of you. My problem is that I have never had a whole month like this, especially in the summer when things are supposed to be a little more laid back and relaxed. Thankfully, my kids were on vacation with their dad last week and it allowed me some time to catch a breath and focus on the important things in my life…my friends!

Yeah for true friends!

Even though I have been super swamped the lessons I have learned, in the hecticness that has become my life, did not go unnoticed.

Lessons like:

• When you are in need of friends, your true friends step up to the plate no matter how busy their lives are.

• If you think you are busy, nine times out of ten your friends are busier.

• I DO NOT, let me repeat, DO NOT have a lot of patience for chaos

But, by far, the most important lesson I learned during this stressful season in my life is this…

• It is me that teaches people how to treat me. If I accept bull shit, I will only receive bull shit.

I know, I know…it’s a simple thought, but one I often forget.

You see, my problem is that I am stuck in my life long pattern of taking way too much from others. So much so that I take it until I can’t take it anymore and then just end up getting so frustrated and walk away completely. I know it’s not healthy, but it’s the only way that I seem to be able to function in these dysfunctional relationships that I get myself into.

As you have read in my past posts, I consider myself to be a caregiver of sorts. I tend to latch onto those that may not have the perfect lives. I tend to want to jump in and be the rescurer, the nurturer, the shoulder to cry on, the one that helps them get through the tough times. Yet I am always shocked when they hang me out on my own once they have gotten back on the straight and narrow.

It’s like clockwork. It happens EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!

And it happened again this weekend. I got hung out to dry by someone whom I thought was becoming a great friend. But what I realized is that our friendship was very one sided. He used me to get through the last few months of his very rough divorce and then threw me out when he was done with me. And quite frankly, that pisses me off. In fact, I can remember the exact moment at dinner on Saturday night that I knew I was done and had completely checked out. It was when he actually called me “coach” when discussing the finality of his divorce. I realized at that moment that I would probably never ever hear from him again.

And here it is Monday…and not a peep! And I’m ok with that. Because I am done accepting bull shit as a standard in my life!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Top Ten Friday

Sorry people...Top Ten Friday will have to wait yet again.

Not because I'm in a funk.

Not because I'm stressed.

Not because it's hot outside.

But for the only valid reason a girl has to not post...and that is the fact that my Ry Ry boy got hurt on the set of this film.

...And I did what any stalker/care-giver would do. I dropped everything to be by his side and kiss his boo-boo.

Ok...he seemed a little shocked when I showed up with flowers and balloons in my sexiest lingerie. But he sent his friends or "body guards" as he likes to call them to take me to this nice little room in the basement of his house. While I must say, it's not a very inviting room, it only has a cement bench and a toilet with no walls for privacy. But there are a few other people here that I am getting to know well. Oh...did I tell you that this room also has bars on one wall and we even have our own body guard that unlocks the door to come and get Ry Ry's visitors one by one. I can only assume that they come and get us as he is up for visitors...

I will let you know as soon as it is my turn.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


A new friend sent me an email this morning about faith. And it was very reassuring. I’m sure he knew it was something I needed to hear from someone other than who I normally listen to in my life.

You see, so many times I second guess things that I shouldn’t. It’s a habit that I am trying to free myself of, but it’s difficult. I know it’s something that most people grapple with on a daily basis, but it often takes a conscious effort on my part to be aware of and take action of these moments in my life. Too often I ignore my call to have faith and that is usually when I become down and get in my “funk” as I like to call it.

I have to continually ask myself, if I knew everything about tomorrow would it change how I lived today?

No, I don’t think it would.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I love this! Somehow I need to keep that stored in my brain and bring it out whenever I start to second guess things, which, if I were being honest with you, would pretty much be 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I’ve learned the hard way that I block my dreams when I allow my fear to get bigger than my faith.

As I grow older, it seems to become more and more difficult to have faith because so much has happened and I have seen too many things and been hurt too many times. But, even though I struggle with faith, I need to remember that I may not go where I want to go but that I will always end up where I should be.

I know the old saying “God will only give me what I can handle” is true, but dang it…why does He trust me so much?

So here is to me…taking the first step to faith even though I don’t see the whole road in front of me. No more sitting back and hoping. No more wishing. No more trying to believe regardless of the evidence. From now on, I can promise you, my faith will be a daring faith that is not afraid of the future, and most importantly, not afraid of the consequences!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I forgot to plan what happens next

So, it's no secret...I'm in a funk!

I'm stressed at work.

My personal life sucks.

And if the Bachelorette doesn't start to pick up in intensity soon I may just end my life! Kidding, of course, but come on ABC...I want to give you props for a good show, but I just can't do it. Last nights episode of the Bachelorette made me want to rip my eyeballs out again.

But before I get to the very brief (and by very brief, I mean 4 sentences) recap of last nights yawnfest, I give you this...

This was the wrapper on a piece of Dove Chocolate I ate this morning. And quite honestly it's the only thing, besides my girlfriends on Sunday night, that have put a smile on my face in the past couple of weeks.

Thank you Dove!

Now onto the breif recap of Yawnfest Episode 6, or something like that...I can't keep track when I'm bored to tears!

Here are my thoughts on last nights episode...

1. Cape Cod Chris- I will be your shoulder to cry on when Ali dumps you, because she will. Your the best one on the show which means you will get the boot. And I just want to make it clear to you that when that happens, don't be sad, because I am much better for you, I promise! I love your dad, your family, and your dog! My kids would love all of you guys too...I'm just saying!

2. Roberto- Seriously, we all know how much I love a man in uniform...especially the kind with tight pants. YUMM-O! This is the man that Ali will pick, but their relationship won't last long. He is to good for her, just like she says. He will bore of her quickly, I promise!

3. Frank- Who the hell gave him permission to wear his grandpa's old button down cardigan and loose fitting v-neck wife beater on a date, let alone national television? What was he thinking.

4. Kirk- I like you, you are cute, but we all know that your dad's taxidermy business is what blew your chances with Ali. As much as she said it didn' did, trust me! From one animal lover to another...we like our animals alive and not frozen in your basement freezer!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Top Ten Friday

I know...I know, it's a day early, but it's my blog and if I want to post my top ten Friday on Thursday...I will. I'm cool like that. it just me or did that sound really bitchy?

Anywho. Here is this weeks Top Ten Reasons why I'm taking a break from blogging for a couple of days.

10. I'm stressed at work.

9. I'm stressed at work.

8. I'm stressed at work.

7. I'm grumpy because I'm stressed at work.

6. I'm stressed at work.

5. I'm stressed at work.

4. It's hot outside and who can concentrate in this weather.

3. I'm stressed at work.

2. I'm stressed at work.

And the number one reason why I'm taking a small break from blogging...

1. I'm stressed at work, grumpy and can't concentrate in this heat.

See ya soon peeps! Stick with me. I promise I will be back sometime next week!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Open Letters

Dear Lindsey,

Bottom did the crime, you do the time! Just because you are a celebrity doesn't mean you can drive intoxicated, skip probation hearings, and avoid court orders.

Grow up and become accountable for your actions!


Dear Boss,

Attending company dinners and meetings on my time is not my idea of fun, no matter how excited your voice sounds when you ask me to attend.

Your Loyal Employee,

Dear Hamilton & Gibson,

When I ground you from your iPod Touch and DS games because you aren't responsible enough to remember to bring them home from the restaurant, I'm doing it out of love. It doesn't mean that I don't like you, think your an idiot, or hate you. I am just trying to show you that there are always going to be consequences to your actions.

I love you no matter what!

Dear Neighbors,

It's July 7th...enough with the fireworks already. My kids may never sleep if you don't stop setting them off past midnight. And if my kids don't sleep, it means I don't sleep, and when I don't sleep, I become very grumpy!

Happy July 7th!
Your Friendly Neighbor

Dear Sleep,

Where art thou?

A Grumpy Julie

Dear Stress,

Please go away! I am asking you nicely this time!

A Sleep Deprived Julie

Dear Fellow Hueston Woods Creek Walkers,

Please, please, please pick up your trash. I beg you to stop throwing water bottles and cigarette butts into the creeks. It not only ruins the environment, but it also hampers my kids ability to have a good time because we spend most of our time picking up after your lazy asses!

An Environmentally Friendly Girl

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

If a Cougar Convention happens and no one attends does it make a sound

I was appalled!

I couldn’t believe it when I saw it on the news.

I couldn’t believe that women my age would stoop so low.

As low as a… “Cougar Convention!”

Yep, I couldn’t believe it when I saw it on the Today Show this past weekend. And you know me, I had to research it before I ripped on it. I’m just cool like that…

But more than being appalled, I was embarrassed by what I saw.

When I think of a cougar, I think of a woman in her 40’s with bleach blonde hair, fake nails, make-up up the wazoo, wearing tons of jewelry and animal print. So when I looked up the convention online, imagine my surprise when I saw this picture first.

Yep, they fit my description to a T! This is exactly why I only own one animal print top and one pair of snake skin leather heels. I don’t ever, and I mean EVER want to be mistaken for one of these women.

I guess my question is this…why do we have to make such a big deal out of older women dating younger men? It’s my opinion that these “Cougar Conventions” make this status a little more, shall we say, “hill billy” than necessary.

I mean come on, these conventions include an appearance by the Chippendales and a “Miss Cougar” competition. (that’s so 1980’s). The winner of the Miss Cougar completion was actually on record saying “I feel so amazing because so many guys still find me desirable! I’m worth something…namely their sexual desire!” Hmmm…I don’t know whether to feel sorry for this woman or kick her down in the middle of her high. To me this says, “I’m a hollow shell of a woman whose self worth is completely tied to her ability to make guys want her in order for her to feel better about herself.”

There is nothing positive about that! We have come too far to revert back to statements and behaviors like this.

For years, older men have been dating younger women and to my knowledge, (all 5 minutes of google research that I did) there are not conventions for them.

So why do we have to put such a huge emphasis on older women dating younger men?

Can’t we just be happy and not over analyze when Mr. Right walks into our path? I am of the opinion that we should never judge or balk about where we find love and who we find it with, because in my book we are just lucky when we do!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Top Ten Friday

Welcome to this weeks edition of Top Ten Friday...where I break it down!

And boy do I have a very special edition this week.

It is officially summer and nothing says summer better than a 4th of July Celebration. I have decided to host a party this weekend and invite the Top Ten Hottest Abs in Hollywood.

Don't stress if you didn't get an doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means that I wanted these ten guys all to myself!


10. Andy Roddick- Yummy tennis Abs!

9. The Situation- He may be a tool, but you have to admit he has some killer abs!

8. Taylor Lautner- Hardcore Twilight abs!

7. Channing Tatum- Humana, humana, humana!

6. Christiano Ronaldo- Can't forget to celebrate the abs of our hot soccer studs!

5. David Beckham- this one too! Holy washboard stomach! Makes me want to do my laundry on his abs...

4. Mario Lopez- needs no explanation, other than the more I can see him with his shirt off, the better the party will be.

3. Shemar Moore- a hot Hollywood abs post would definitely not be complete without this beautiful creature!

2. Robert Buckley- every time I see pictures of him it makes me sad that they cancelled Lipstick Jungle...damn you abc...damn you!

And my number one invite to the Hottest Abs in Hollywood Party would be...none other than...

1. Ryan Reynolds- no explanation necessary...You're welcome!

HAPPY 4th of JULY!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The best part of the journey

I have to admit...I'm stumped for things to talk about today...

I know, it's crazy!

When have you ever known me to be short on words?

Breathe people...breathe! I promise I will have a fantastic Top Ten Friday tomorrow.

My original post was going to be about things that melt my heart. But after thinking about it for a week or so, I could only come up with two I thought I would share them with you...

Love these guys bunches! They were with their dad last night and I can't wait for them to come home.

That's it...that's what melt my heart!

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