A Celebration of Life

I hate to ring in the New Year on a sad note, but I really wanted to take today’s post to pay tribute to someone special in my life who recently passed away. And instead of focusing on the sadness surrounding the event, I am going to focus on the positives and refer to this post as a Celebration of Life and not a mourning of death.

Scott was my ex-brother-in-law. Again, I hate to focus on the negative and refuse to call anyone in my ex-husband’s family an “ex”…so to me Scotty has always been and will always be a great “brother-in-law!” He passed away two days before Christmas and since, this time has been very emotional for myself and my boys. But, as always with my blog, writing about these kinds of things often helps me get over the struggle, transition, hurt or in this case, the grief.

One of the things that I hate about writing this tribute is that I am afraid that I won’t be able to capture the essence of who Scott really was in so few words. I’m afraid I won’t be able to capture all that I want to say and then I will be left with the feeling that I didn’t do him justice. But I am going to give it my best shot.

Scotty was a unique man. It wasn’t until I met him years and years ago that I realized that being an adult wasn’t for wimps! Life was hard and not the pretty picture I had always envisioned. It is only recently that I realized just how difficult Scotty’s life had been. You see, Scotty and I were both raised in similar families…middle class, Christian families full of love and joy, but we took different paths and therefore, our lives turned out much different. But even though our lives were different, we shared many things. And it is Scotty’s death that made me really think about these things.

I find much comfort in believing that, like Scotty, I demonstrated love more in things that I do than in things I say. In fact, in my book, actions always speak louder than words. And Scotty ALWAYS made me feel very comfortable especially in the realm of his family. Even after my divorce from his brother, he would go out of his way to make sure that I was aware of the request for my presence at family functions, no matter what his brother wanted.

But not only did he always make me feel welcome and comfortable, he always took an interest in all of his nieces and nephews. He was an avid fisherman and took them fishing on many occasions. In fact, at the beginning of every spring my kids beg me to get out their fishing poles so that they can fish in the pond across the street from our house. I know this is not a trait they got from me! In his final healthier days, Scotty would take the time to play computer games with my boys, play miniature golf in the basement, and teach them how to lovingly take care of his four legged creatures.

When push comes to shove, when it came to his nieces and nephews he was a good Uncle and when it came to me, he was a great brother-in-law. I will always remember Scotty as a spunky, loving man whose heart was like gold, whose spirit will forever be rememberd, and whose life and death has changed many, including me.

My biggest regret is that I never shared these things with him. I can only hope that in some small way Scotty knew how much he was loved by everyone.

In Loving Memory
Scott Cameron Spidle
1962-2009

Bitrthday memories

Today would have been my mom's 67th birthday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her in some way or another. I so wish she were here with us today. She would have loved being a grandma! This picture of her is my absolute favorite! She is carrying me and holding my twin brothers hand. We are about 1 1/2in this picture. I could only wish that my body looked like that 18 months after having one child.

My mom was a teacher her whole life. She absolutely loved kids and loved her job. She was not only a teacher Monday thru Friday from 9 to 5 but she was also a wonderful teacher on the home front.

I have to admit, it is tough being a mother without having my mom in my life. Don't get me wrong, I have other women in my life that I can, and do, go to for motherly advice, but I can only dream of going to my mom when the going gets tough. And some days that is a tough pill to swallow. As I reflect back on the memories of my mom and the awesome life she not only lived, but help provide for me and my brothers, I can't help but be reminded of the things she taught me early on that have stuck with me today. I thought it would be fun to share some of them with you here. You're Welcome!

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done.
"If you are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me about religion.
"You better pray that that stain will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about time travel.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into tomorrow!"

My mother taught me about reason.
"Because I said so, that's why!"

My mother taught me about logic.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you are not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me about foresight.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you get in an accident."

My mother taught be about irony.
"Keep crying and I will give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about osmosis.
"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!"

My mother taught me about contortionism.
"Will you look at that dirt behind your ears?"

My mother taught me about stamina.
"You will sit there until your plate is clean."

My mother taught me about the weather.
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me about hypocrisy.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me about the circle of life.
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of this world."

My mother taught me about behavior modification.
"Stop acting like your father."

My mother taught me about anticipation.
"Just you wait until we get home!"

My mother taught me about sex.
"How do you think you got here?"

My mother taught me about my roots.
"What, do you think you were born in a barn?"

And the one lesson my mom taught me that I never believed would come to fruition...

My mother taught me about justice.
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Last week can suck it, just like the Easter bunny

Wow! Can I just say that last week was a doozey! Not only was it the first week of two of the busiest weeks of the year for me at work, but last week was also a huge reminder of how precious life really is.

Tuesday was the day of all days. I was going to a meeting before work and totaled my car in an automobile accident that was 100% my fault. I was not only thankful that I was the only one of the three people involved that came out with any injuries, a broken toe and a couple of bruised ribs, but I was even more thankful that the woman I hit didn’t have any of her four children in the car. As I was resting on Tuesday afternoon all I could think about was how precious life is. But my car accident wasn’t the only thing that made me think about the value of life. I had also been thinking a lot about my friend Julie who died in a car accident one year ago to the day of my accident.

Julie was an amazing woman! She was married to Jeff, who was my ex-husbands room mate in college. Julie was one of those women who didn’t have to try very hard to make friends. She was cute, bubbly, had strong opinions and was loved by many. People always wanted to be in her presence. In fact, I remember the first time I met Julie. My ex husband and I were at a party at Jeff and Julie’s house right before they got engaged. I remember her coming over to me and immediately making me feel very welcome. She went out of her way all night long to make me feel like one of the group. I can’t tell you how much I loved her for this. I am an extrovert but some of the time I feel like people just aren’t interested in what I have to say, but I NEVER felt this way about Julie.

She was an amazing wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend. She adored her family and loved life more than anyone I had ever known. Unfortunately, when my ex and I got divorced, he got Jeff and Julie…you know how that goes. But with that said, they were the type of people that would give me the shirt off their backs all these years later.

Thinking about Julie this week has definitely made me think a little bit more about my life and the choices I have made in my past. Thinking about Julie makes me want to hug my kids one more time before I leave in the mornings. Thinking about Julie makes me appreciate the beautiful life I have. But most importantly, thinking about Julie makes me look back at the friendships and love that I have in my life. Even though Julie and I weren’t close toward the end of her life, I still think about her everyday and the influences she had on me and my life…and that, my friends, is prescious!

Julie Trusty-Nawrot 1965-2008

Oh what I would do to have her back for one moment

For me, this is the saddest day of the year. A day of heartache and pain…I remember her last day as if it were yesterday. Her loving family gathered around to say their good byes, my distraught dad overwhelmed with emotion, sitting by her bed willing her to get better or pass peacefully. Sitting by her bedside holding her hand as life left her body was more emotional for me than anything I have ever experienced. The year, the day, the hour are forever burned in my brain. Today, August 17, 2009 is the 10th anniversary of my mom’s death. Oh how I wish I could turn back the clock…turn back the clock and take her out to dinner one more time, or send her flowers, or tell her how much I love her…but I can’t because she is gone. I would give it all up for one more chance…one more opportunity.

Looking back there were so many times that I took my mom for granted, so many times I blew off her advice or rolled my eyes at her. I don’t know, I guess I always assumed she would be there for me through all of the ups and downs in my life, worrying about me, caring for me. But one horrible day she was gone, that was it and I was heartsick…It was to late, to late to say the words I wanted to say to her for so many years …to late to do the things I wanted to do with her…Oh what I wouldn’t do to have her back again, if only to say the things I never got the chance to say.

I was going through some things that I had kept over the years that my mom had given me. In this box was a handwritten note from her that she gave me on graduation day. She had found this list in an article she was reading and wanted to make sure that these were the things that I would one day share with my kids. To this day I cherish this list and want to share it with you as well. I only hope that one day my kids will cherish these words as much as I do today.

I gave you life, but can’t live it for you.
I can give you directions, but I can’t be there to lead you.
I can allow you freedom, but can’t account for it.
I can teach you right from wrong, but I can’t decide for you.
I can offer you advice, but I can’t accept it for you.
I can give you love, but I can’t force it upon you.
I can teach you to share, but I can’t make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect, but I can’t force you to show it in return.
I can advise you about friends, but I can’t choose them for you.
I can tell you about drinking, but I can’t say “no” for you.
I can warn you about drugs, but I can’t prevent you from using them.
I can tell you about lofty goals, but I can’t achieve them for you.
I can teach you about kindness, but I can’t force you to be gracious.
I can pray for you, but I can’t make you walk with God.
I can tell you how to live, but I can’t give you eternal life.
-Author Unknown

So my advice today…no matter how old you are, if you are still lucky enough to have your mom in your life…Tell her how much you love her. Tell her how much you respect her. Tell her how much you appreciate her. Say it…show it…EVERYDAY…because some day it may be to late.