Monday, October 19, 2009

Destination: Self Acceptance

Ok…it’s been six years since the birth of my second son and I have to say I’m still striving to love this body that has become me. And this self love is so difficult to come by especially when according to most height/weight charts I am apparently overweight. In fact, at my last Doctor’s appointment, my good hearted, humorous, and sweet Doctor told me that if I were only a half inch taller I wouldn’t be considered overweight anymore…I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at that statement. But the more I thought about it…the angrier I became! Seriously people, I’m healthy, I eat right and I exercise regularly…I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT! I am a mom, strong and loving, who wouldn’t change a thing at the expense of my boys.

You see this picture here.
You know what it is? It’s a picture of a normal woman who has been pregnant twice and given birth to two healthy children. But more than that, it’s not just any woman, it’s me… six years after the birth of my second son.

Yes, call me crazy! I know! It took a lot of positive self talk for me to have the confidence in myself to share this picture with you. In fact, you may even be asking yourself why I would post such a picture…a picture of my mommy belly, stretch marks and all. Well, I’m posting it because I have come to terms with the fact that I will never ever be that five foot six inch tall size six girl that I was in college. I am a real mom, who has given birth to real kids, living in a real world! I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that I will never ever look like Heidi Klum, who lives in a world with a never ending budget and endless trainers, cooks, doctors, make up artists, stylists and nannies. I’m confident I could look like her if I had the same resources she had. It has taken me a while, but I have come to terms with the fact that I can still be sexy, I can still have sex with the lights on, and I don’t have to avoid mirrors any longer. I have come to terms with who I am and what I look like!

So with this new found “freedom” in myself, I made a decision…a decision to stop obsessing over not liking the changes my body has been through over the years, and viewing my flaws as a part of what makes me me, and me, in reality, is a mom. I am what I am, you either love me for me, or you don’t! Bottom line, I love me and right now that is all that matters. After all, my flaws are a reflection and reminder of what I have done. I HAVE GROWN AND NOURISHED TWO BABIES IN MY BODY! Men, what is your excuse?

Don’t get me wrong, I still get pissed when I see pictures of celebrity moms posing in their bikinis weeks after delivery with perfectly smooth skin and two or three pack abs. And I still have a little, and I mean a very little, bit of resentment for those real-life mom friends of mine that were lucky enough to come out of multiple births unscathed. But in general, I feel lucky, because most of the moms I know went through what I went through and look like me and love me.

Maybe one day I will be 100% content with my body, but until then I will keep striving for my destination of self acceptance. And before my train arrives, I just keep reminding myself that I am beautiful and sexy too…A beautiful and sexy mom…with a flabby belly and stretch marks to boot…and I am ok with that!

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