Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Something is not right here


It’s a vital part of who we are. God created us all to be communicators whether we want to or not. In my book it is the most important part of a relationship between two people. Whether it be communicating with your boss, spouse, friend, or potential lover it’s imperative to figure out how best to communicate with each other early on.

It’s tricky because people communicate in so many different ways. Some people communicate better verbally, some better with actions, and even some better through written word and song. It’s all acceptable, yet confusing at times.

You see, I like to consider myself a processor. I tend to listen, soak it all in and then sit on things for a day or two before I can come to terms with what has been said. Now, I don’t do this on little things, like what kind of milk to buy, 2% or skim, that would be crazy…but I do process on the bigger things in life. Things like whether or not to send my kids to summer camp, or whether or not to approach my boss on a sticky subject matter, or even whether or not to go out on a date with a cute electrician (more on that at a later date). Those are definitely all “process worthy.”

But my question to you is this, what happens when one person communicates one thing with words and a totally different thing with actions? How do you communicate with someone whose verbal communication speaks a totally different language than his/her actions?

It can be confusing, right?

I have this friend, ok, my non-boyfriend boyfriend, who falls into this category. His verbal communication skills are awesome! I’ve never known a man who can communicate like he does. He is a total people person and loves creating relationships. It’s a skill I truly wish I had. When we go to dinner he makes friends with the waiter/waitress, he chats up the people behind the coffee counters, and even invites strangers to join us for dinner. All super cool qualities to have, that I have never even thought about until I met him. And it’s because of his actions, that he creates these relationships. In fact, we were out to dinner the other night and he made our waitress feel so comfortable that at one point in the meal she actually sat down at our table to chat with us. I love that!

But (come on people, you had to know there was a but coming…no one is ever that perfect) his actions speak a totally different language.

What do I mean by this? Well, I’m not going to spill the detail, but suffice it to say the reason he is my non-boyfriend boyfriend is because we are at two totally different places in our lives. We are headed down two different paths. Well maybe not two different paths, but, let’s just say I am so much further along in my path than he is. But the key is we enjoy spending time together. Unfortunately for me the time we do spend together is often very confusing because he communicates differently verbally than he does with his actions. I often leave his presence very confused and frustrated, but at the same time very excited for the next time when I may see him. And for a processor like me…this is VERY FRUSTRATING!

Bottom line, when communication is good I often feel understood, and emotionally connected which in turn makes me feel confident. But more often than not I am too afraid to do what it takes to create those feelings in any of my relationships, because that would require vulnerability. And vulnerability scares the crap out of me. Because in my mind vulnerability can only mean one thing…hurt.

It’s the one hurdle in my life that I am still trying to overcome…

“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.” -George Bernard Shaw

Monday, June 28, 2010

Because it makes me feel pretty, that's why

Today is a celebration of sorts.

It is my one year Blogaversary.

Can you believe it? I can’t.

When I first started blogging, I thought, who really wants to read what I have to say? Do I really have anything of importance to share with other women? But somehow I was able to get over my fear and write from the heart. And you know what? It has been more therapeutic than I ever could have imagined. Theraputic for me! Selfish, isn’t it?

Selfish or not, I attribute my blog to being a huge part in my recovery from a divorce that I did not ask for nor want. It has really helped heal my heart, my mind, and my image of me, all of which were damaged by a few harsh words from my ex many years ago.

I have come a long way in this past year.

But what has surprised me the most is that I have learned something about myself that I never thought I would learn. Something that I have longed for and hoped for for years. Something that means more to me than anything else in the world. Something that makes me cry every time I think about it.

Yep…that’s me…loving myself…FINALLY! I never ever ever thought I would love myself like this. I love everything about me, but most importantly, I have learned to love my curves that I came to hate.

I still have a ways to go, but I have come farther than I ever thought I would. And that makes me happy!

Happy Blogaversary to me!

Inspired by this.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Top Ten Friday

Let me start today’s post off by saying this…I am in NO way a fashionista! I like to think that, as an almost forty year old, I dress a little more trendy than my mom did when she was forty. But that’s it, that’s as far as my fashion sense goes. In fact, the only fashion mantra, if you will, that I live by is this, “just because something is on the runway, or in a magazine ad, or touted by a designer or celebrity, it does not necessarily mean it looks good or is cool to wear.

Hear me on this people!

One of my biggest pet peeves is that celebrities are often more worried about being trend setters than they are about wearing what looks good on them.

So I guess this begs the question, is fugly the new pretty?

In hopes of answering that question, I give you my Top Ten Least Favorite Hollywood Fashion (or lack thereof) Trends.


You’re welcome!

10. Beyonce Knowles

The only thing I have to say about this is that if I was paying a stylist to help dress me and he/she put me in this, it would be immediate grounds for termination. I’m just saying! I have absolutely no interest in bringing back the trends of the 80’s ala Olivia Newton John.

9. The Olsen Twins

There is so much wrong with these girls. For starters, I can’t tell what season it is. They give off every indication that they are freezing, but then wear sandals. My grandma’s crocheted scarf and black witches cape don’t seem to go well together either. And the one, I can’t tell them apart, looks like she took her mom’s good lace table cloth and threw it on as she was running out the door. I’m all about being eclectic, but this is a little overboard in my mind.

8. Shawn White

Shawn. Shawn. Shawn. I have just one thing to say to you. Skin is NOT the new black! Cover it up beefcake!

7. Rhinna

Rhinna is a tough cookie to crack. Very rarely do I like what she is wearing. More often than not it is to edgy for me, but she is young and can often get away with that. My issue is the “zoombas” she is wearing in this picture. Please, please, please tell me these pants won’t be coming back? Every time I think of these pants I picture the Chicago Bears singing the “Superbowl Shuffle.” I don’t know why, but I do.

6. Lindsay Lohan

This train wreck never really wears anything that doesn’t look like she pulled it out of a dumpster, so I was a little surprised to see her in something a little, oh shall we say, bedazzled? I hate this jump suit trend. Sorry if this offends anyone, but I just don’t get it. I have yet to see one that looks good on anyone. And, Lindsey…a bit of advice for you…We all know your are wearing your SCRAM ankle bracelet under those fantastically flowy pants. You’re not hiding anything from us. Might I suggest you own up to your trainwreckishness and be proud that you are getting help, or being forced to get help…either way it’s all good!

5. Lada Gaga (or Lady "are you freaking kidding me" as I like to call her)

I don’t even know where to begin with this woman, so I won’t. The only thing I will ask is when did it become appropriate to wear nothing but your lingere and boyfriends baseball jersey to a game?

4. Kelly Bensimmon

For those of you that don’t know Kelly, she is the one that had the supposed breakdown on the Housewives of New York. Frankly I just think she is all around coo coo! Anyway, back to the outfit. Kelly, my dear, this is a shirt, not a dress! You are in your early 40’s, might I suggest some pants or leggings?

3. Katie Holmes & Daniel Radcliff

There are just so many things wrong with this picture. First, am I the only one that is totally uncomfortable with the height difference between the two? It’s almost like she is standing there with her twelve year old son, and that’s just creepy. Second, is this dress two small for her up top? It’s like she was shoving a couple of watermelons into a plastic case for blueberries. I’m just saying. And lastly, what is up with all the material below? Not a flattering look for her at all. Bless her heart!

2. Katie Holmes

Sorry for all of you Katie Holmes fans out there, I don’t mean to keep bashing on her, but her lack of style for the most part is just so irritating. I could come up with a hundred reasons why I don’t like her style. But I think this outfit says it all. Didn’t she learn anything from the Jessica Simpson high waist pants fiasco? They don’t look good on anyone! Please Katie, don’t include these pants in your fashion line, I beg you!

And my number one least favorite Hollywood Fashion Trend...I think this celebrity sums it up well...

1. Emmy Rossum

All I can say about this outfit is, “thank God Emmy! It’s got to be a tremendous relief for you when your dance class and your need for attention intersect! You’re such a little multi tasker!

Stay classy people! Stay classy!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

It was an accident, honest

I have this great group of friends whom I adore more than anything in this world.

In fact, I don’t know what I would do without them. I would never have survived my divorce without each and every one of them. They all contributed to my survival in their own way. I love them dearly, but sometimes they can be sneaky and do the unthinkable.

One of them, and I have no idea who, has put in a basic profile for me on cougarlife.com. I don’t have proof that any of them did it, no one seems suspicious. But as of late I have been getting emails saying “so and so” is interested in your profile at CougarLife. I would never ever ever, in a million years sign myself up for this. In fact, I have never even heard of it until I started getting emails from them. So I have no choice but to blame my whole core of friends. That is, until someone is brave enough to step forward and fess up.

I’m not mad…just amused.

I was deleting 4 or 5 emails a day from my inbox without even looking at them. Honestly, I had no interest in being a part of this website…let alone dating a cougar cub. But, eventually my interest was peaked. But only peaked in a way that I was curious as to what my friend(s) said in my profile to get so many “hits”.

So I decided late last week to check out my profile…and was SHOCKED at what I found. Here it is below...

(this is my picture)
Profile Headline: “It’s not you, it’s me”
Age: 38
Hometown: Nowhere, IN
About me: single

That’s it…that’s all my profile said about me. And it is this profile that gets 4-5 hits a day, but not just hits…I get email’s with statements like this…

“You seem intriguing, would love to meet you”

“Love your profile, can we connect”

“You seem like a woman of many words, would you like to chat?”

And the best one I’ve gotten was the second one from a very cute guy in my area. He sent it at 5pm last Friday and it said

“You are HOT! Can we catch a drink tonight?”

Wow…I don’t know about you, but that email alone makes me want to run a brush through my hair, put on some lipstick and go meet my prince charming.

As embarrassing as this may sound, I decided, for kicks, to click on this guys profile and read more about him. And I have never ever laughed so hard in my life…

For starters he was very attractive…my type totally. Tall, good looking, active, full head of soft looking hair, 35 yrs old, and had a graduate degree. “Not bad” was my first thought…then I read on…

ABOUT ME: Attending seminary school studying psychotherapy and theology. I have a love/hate relationship with God. If you are interested, which I assume you are, we can talk about that stuff later.

I’M LOOKING FOR: Hook ups, but I’m into getting to know someone too. I’m not going to date a boring person, I’ve seen and done to much with my life. Oh, I’m looking for adventure too. Since moving to Nowhere, IN I’ve been bored out of my mind. Email me if you are interested

Well, I don’t know about you, but I wanted to run straight to my keyboard and respond to his fantastically written profile. Wow! Who wouldn’t want to date a guy that may or may not like God, but is totally into hook-ups and adventurous women…He’s a 10 in my book!

So for those of you out there that are in happy marriages, I give you my life!

For those of you that are thinking of leaving your spouses to experience the life of a single person, I tell you that this is probably one of the best profiles I’ve seen in a long time…I kid you not! The men that are dating online, don’t get much better than this. (read with heavy sarcasm)

Charming, isn’t it?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am staring at you, you're hot

I can't believe how much flack I have gotten over my most recent Top Ten Friday post. You know the one about the Hot Hollywood Dads. In fact, I got so much flack that I thought a post justyfing my number one pick is so much more important that recapping the yawnfest that is the Bachelorette.

The number of emails I got regarding Ed Burns being my number one pick for Hollywoods Hottest Dads was overwhelming. Many of you thought that Matt Damon should have been number one. I agree, and that is why he made it in the top three...hey, not everyone can be number one, right? But, bottom line, it's my blog and Ed Burns is and will always be number one in my eyes.

Well at least until Ryan Reynolds has my babies...and when that happens, he will obviously be my number one pick. Sorry Ed! But I felt like I needed to lay that out there right now so when that day comes, no feelings are hurt.

Now on to the important stuff...why Ed Burns?

My answer...HELLO, why not?

In fact, I am so convinced that Ed Burns and I would be perfect for each other, that if our paths crossed and he wasn't married, we would totally date. And after much research, here is how I came up with that conclusion...

He is a fun loving guy who loves to play guitar...and we all know I'm a sucker for a guitar player.

He has an err of confidence about him...see, his movie poster even says that. Already, I'm smitten.

He is a hard worker...and looks good while doing it. Serisously people, this is a no brainer.

Obviously he is a great dad...

And has a beautiful smile...

Looks good in flannel...

And facial hair...

But this is the one...this is the one that does it for me...clearly he cleans up well and that is a beautiful thing in my eyes.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Every time someone says "stop", I think "collaborate and listen"

Ok, I have to be honest with you…this weekend was a GREAT weekend and in the little downtime I had I started thinking about some things in my life that I enjoy more than anything in this world. Since my “list” posts seem to be a favorite amongst my loyal readers, I thought I would share these things with you…

Hope you like!

Taking Fridays off, jammie days, when someone saves me a seat, fitting into my favorite pair of jeans that I haven’t been able to wear for a while, when someone holds a door open for me, watching Sports Center highlights immediately after the game, driving around with the sunroof open and the air conditioner blasting, the first text message between new friends, the light bulb moment (I had a major one of these this weekend), Friday nights at 5pm, glances between lovers, the moment on vacation when you forget what day of the week it is, peeling the sticky glue off of the back of your credit card, watching my kids faces when I complete the best card trick ever, napping under a shade tree with someone special, a sleeping baby on your chest, when dreams come true, laughing so hard you start crying, sleep overs under the stars, the smiles I get from my kids when I get home from work, finding money in my pockets, the feeling I have after a really good work out, moving on, awesome girlfriends, the second to last bite of an ice cream cone, singing loudly when I’m alone in the car, when company events are scheduled on company time, when your boss leaves early for the day, a hug when you really need it, when someone plays with my hair, sleeping with one leg outside of the covers and one under the covers, looking at your kids and flashing back to how tiny they were on the day they were born, knowing that I have two sweet boys to come home to every day, getting recognized for doing something I love, the smell of freshly cut grass, the cold side of the pillow, snowfall on Christmas Eve, and getting an actual hand written note in the mail.

Seriously, every time I look at this list I realize how lucky I am and how great my life is. I think I will post this one on my bathroom mirror as a reminder on those tough days.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Top Ten Friday

Girls, girls, girls. You are in for a treat today!

I’m so excited you have decided to stop by my blog. If this is your first visit, I hope this post entices you to come back and visit in the future…if not, your blind!

I’m just saying.

Welcome to this weeks edition of Top Ten Friday where we celebrate Hollywood’s Top Ten 10 Hottest dads.

No need to thank me. You deserve this.


10. Brett Michaels

Is it just me or has he become sexier in light of his recent health issues? To me there is nothing sexier than a man who finally (no matter how old he is) realizes that being a good dad is sexier than the rock star image.

9. Gavin Rossdale

He is definitely a good combination of rocker and dad…this man has it figured it out and that is sexy!

8. Robert Downey Jr.

Ok…I will admit he has had his moments, but boy did he clean up and make a fabulous comeback. I don’t know if his Ironman character is anything like he is in real life, but if he is…I’m totally in love with his personality too.

7. Ben Affleck

I like to consider him an all around good dad. He seems like the ideal husband who has figured out the perfect balance between work and family.

6. David Beckham

Need I say more…this man’s body is a wonderland!

5. Gabriel Aubry

Aka: Mr. Halle Berry, I’m sure he gets sick of that but the two of them sure do make beautiful babies

4. Matt Damon

Another one that I like to relate to his movie character. Something about the idea of him being anything remotely close to Jason Bourne is so sexy…am I right ladies?

3. Patrick Dempsey

Dr. McDreamy…needs no more explanation

2. Hugh Jackman

I know he took lots of flack for his role in Australia opposite Nicole Kidman, but he was so hot, I didn’t even notice his acting.

And my number one pick for Hollywoods Hottest Dad...

1. Ed Burns

This was my first crush, before Ryan Reynolds. In case that picture did nothing for you, this one will…

Holy Sausages Batman! Now that’s a sexy dad!

Happy Father’s Day to all you lucky dads out there! May your weekend be filled with empty promises of good behavior from your kids…

On a side note…this guy was going to make my Top 10 Hot Hollywood Dad’s list until I saw this picture of him.

I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t include a 30 year old Justin Beiber look alike on my list…sorry ladies!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I'm not crazy, I'm colorful

Some of you that read my blog know that I am a hard core rocker girl! I love music. I love it loud and I love it fast. Creed, Kiss, James Blunt and Pearl Jam (thanks Jules) are just a few of my current favorites. I listen to these CD’s over and over again in my car at very loud obnoxious volumes. I’m sure that the people that pull up next to me at lights are thinking the same things that I think of teenagers who pull up next to me with their rap music blaring…”seriously, is that necessary?”

But I don’t care. I really don’t.

This hard core music affects me like no other music I have ever known. If I’m sad or had a bad day at work, jamming it out is always an instant cure. There is no better form of therapy than letting the music take over my emotions. It’s the beat, the guitar solos, the rhythm…it all helps heal me of whatever it is I may be going through.

Monday was a perfect example of how music can heal the soul.

I had a rough day. I woke up grumpy. I had issues in both my personal life and work life. I was clearly in a funk to anyone who saw me or talked to me. I left the office a little early in hopes that a longer louder drive home could get me out of my funk. I got into the car and turned the volume up before I even turned the car on. That, my friends was a big mistake, huge!

To top off my bad day, the CD player was stuck. And you will never guess what it was stuck on. Nope, not Kiss, Creed, Pearl Jam or James Blunt. Nope, I couldn’t be that lucky. It was stuck on the “Squeakquel, by the Chipmunks”. Yep…I was jamming to Single Ladies by the Chipettes before I even pulled out of the parking space. And the worst part, my CD Player wouldn’t do anything. I couldn’t change the CD, I couldn’t eject it, and I couldn’t switch it off. Nope, I was stuck listening to the entire Squeakquel Album. Turns out I had a short in my stereo and the guys at the auto dealership love me and fixed it quick, thank God.

But it made me realize that for me, music is kind of like a drug. I’m addicted to it…or so I thought.

Recently, my non-boyfriend, boyfriend has opened my eyes to another part of “music”. Did you know that there are lyrics involved in music? I had no idea. Seriously, I know you think I’m being sarcastic here but I’m not. I totally listen to the “music” part of music. I never ever pay attention to the lyrics. I may know the lyrics by heart and sing them at the top of my lungs, but more often than not, I have no idea what they are saying because I mostly focus on the “music”.

We were in the car the other day and he played a John Mayer song. As soon as it started, I scowled and said “I hate this song”. But what I realize now is that I actually like the song…the lyrics were amazing…I just didn’t like the “music.” So, I did what any normal person would do, I logged onto Pandora.com and downloaded a bunch of “radio stations” of bands that I “don’t like” to actually give these musicians a try.

And do you know what I found? I actually like the likes of The Fray, Train, Coldplay, Matchbox 20, Five for Fighting, The Goo Goo Dolls (hello, “Let Love in”…LOVE IT!), Jack Johnson, John McGlaughlin, Jason Mraz, Counting Crows, Carolina Liar and even John Mayer. Yes you heard me right…I’m jumping on the John Mayer bandwagon. He may still be a tool, but he sure is talented! I get it Jennifer Aniston, I now get what you saw in him…my apologizes. . It’s amazing! I never realized how talented these guys are…

So please, if any of the musicians listed above are reading this, I owe you a huge apology! No more bad talking from me…total support from here on out from the He Who Laughs Last household.

And to those of you like me out there, whether it be just the lyrics you listen to or just the music, I beg you to hear both.

It will change your life!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wake up boys, I'm the package that good things come in

I'm so excited to be guest posting at Southern Momentum today. Come check out my views on Father's Day.

Now on to today's rant...


Is that what I have become to the people in my life?

My friend in Cincinnati seems to think that. He actually called me a “distraction” yesterday when he text me to talk about a tough situation he is currently in. I was pissed at that comment and haven’t replied to him since. I’m also in the middle of another situation in my life where I am beginning to feel like a distraction of sorts.

I’m frustrated!

Why is it that people always seem to use me for my emotional support and then spit me out when they are through with their crisis? Why is it that I always seem to be the rescurer of all? A life preserver of sorts? And while I am spending my time picking them up, dressing their wounds, and being someone they can count on, I can’t seem to keep my own head above water when it comes to my own life?

You see, I have always been this way. It’s a trait I get from my dad. Ever since I can remember, my dad was always a caregiver. He was a natural when it came to taking care of people, whether they be sick, stranded, or in tough situations. He was always there with open arms, no expectations, no acknowledgement necessary, he is just always glad to help out.

When his parents were sick, he was constantly by their bedside caring for them. When my mom was sick he dropped everything and took care of her until the day she died. When my ex walked out on our family, he was ringing the doorbell waiting to pick up the pieces. He’s just cool like that.

I LOVE this trait in my dad.

I HATE this trait in me.

Like I said, I get it honestly. In fact, it’s a quality I hope my kids get. I see it a little bit in Hamilton, my oldest. Gibson is still too young to know any different. There is nothing a mother of boys could want more than to raise a caring, compassionate son who steps up to the plate when needed. No ifs ands or buts. My grandma, my dad’s mom, I’m sure was proud of the son she raised in my dad, but just in case she wasn’t before her passing, she would definitely be proud of him now.

The problem with this quality is that the “caregiver” is usually the one who gets hurt in the end. Whether it be the person they are helping dies, or gets what they need and moves on. Either way, it just doesn’t seem fair.

This is where I get frustrated with men in my life.

You see, I’m the kind of girl that doesn’t like to see anyone hurting. So when someone comes into my life that is hurting, I tend to want to drop everything and help, be a support and pick up the pieces for them. I want to do whatever is necessary to make that person feel better and stop hurting, no matter what it may do to me in the meantime. I can’t help it, I’m just that way. I know that is how God created me to live.

And I’m ok with that.


But I ask this question…why does it always feel like I get burned in the end? These men get what they need and gradually stop calling…gradually stop needing me…gradually stop communicating until they eventually fall off the radar and I am left to pick up the pieces of a broken heart. Not necessarily a broken heart in the love sense, but in the sense of the reality of knowing that I don’t have that person in my life to help me pick up my pieces when times get tough for me.

So it begs the question, who do I turn to? Who is my caregiver, the person that will drop everything for me? That’s one of the reasons I loved being married…I was always guaranteed to have that someone to wrap me up in a big bear hug and tell me that everything was going to be ok. That’s all I need, but I can’t seem to get that. Sure, they all say they will be that person…but the reality of it is…they don’t and if they do, it’s usually too late.

I know this is a good quality to have, but I hate that I have it.

That’s a very selfish statement, I know.

But it is what it is and I can’t help the way I feel.

Heck, I’m owning my selfishness and moving on…at least with me, you know where you stand!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Guard and protect her heart

Ok...I have to admit, the Bachelorette is like a train wreck. I can't NOT watch it when flipping through the channels trying to figure out a way to waste my evening. Honestly, I struggled between watching Jerseyliscious and the Bachelorette. Thank God Jerseyliscious was a repeat! I know I said I couldn't do the recaps anymore, but I just couldn't stay away. I didn't watch last evenings show with my full on attention, but here are just a few tidbits I pulled that I thought you might enjoy...

1. Did anyone else think that Chris L's (aka:Cape Cod Chris) description of what he thought Kasey's (aka: nose talker) image of Ali was when he talked and dreamt about her was so spot on? Here is what I envisioned Cape Cod Chris was describing...


2. I have come to realize that Ali only has a fear of flying when she is flying with someone that she really likes and wants to cuddle with. Did you notice her fear of flying didn't come out at any one point on the helicopter ride with Nose Talker?

3. Oh no he didn't!!!! Did Nose Talker just break out into song? (chirp...chirp) oh sorry, Nose Talker, you weren't done yet! He thought it was pretty intense stuff. I think Ali thought it was more along the lines of awkward, weird, or completely uncomfortable. Please don't do it again Nose Talker!

4. Did Ali really ask Nose Talker how their relationship was different than other relationships he has had in the past? Uh...maybe the fact that you are dating 10 other guys at this point is a difference...need I say anything else?

5. I am of the opinion that the ABC intern needs to be F-I-R-E-D fired! Why would he/she think that it was appropriate to put seven guys in spandex shorts?

6. Jonathan, (aka: Weatherman, aka: Ron Burgundy)I'm surprised you have never sung on Broadway before...really? You have such a fabulous voice! (read with sarcasm) On a side note: I am usually uncomfortable when men serenade me, but Jesse, you can serenade me anytime you want, in spandex too!

7. Is it just me or was anyone else completely uncomfortable watching Ali and Roberto (aka: Rico Suave) rehearse for their Lion King performance?

8. Frank (aka: Frankie Boy) and I have so much in common. All we need is that little look or sweet smile from someone special to be sure about where we stand in their heart.

9. Weatherman (aka: Ron Burgundy), let me give you a little advice. Stop talking about getting one on one time with Ali. Step up to the plate, strap on some balls, take the girl by the hand and tell her exactly how you feel! You know, just like Frankie Boy did right after Ali shot you down...Doh!

10. Chris L (aka: Cape Cod Chris) is a total winner in my book! Any guy who brings me flowers and chicken noodle soup when I am under the weather can just consider himself my favorite man in the whole world!

11. Shame on ABC for making everyone think, for the past three weeks, that Kasey tried to slit his wrists. That is a new publicity low!

12. Am I the only one that loved the rainbow analogy that Cape Cod Chris' mom left him with before she died? I have to admit, it made me a little teary eyed because that is one of the things that my mom said to me before she died too..."look for me in the rainbows."

13. Weatherman, weatherman, weatherman. There was not a spark when you sang to Ali, just some uncomfortable cricket chirping.

14. Nose Talker, Nose Talker, Nose Talker. Permanent ink is not the way to a girls heart. Might I suggest chicken noodle soup and flowers next time?

15. I cannot believe Ali let Jesse (aka: Mr. Peculiar) go! I would definitely pick the country boy over the city boy if Jesse were the country boy. And did you see those jeans on him? Holy Cow!

I only have one last thing to say...Mr. Peculiar, you are definitely so much better off without Ali. You deserve someone with more depth who can appreciate you for you. Someone like, oh I don't know...maybe moi!

I'm just saying!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Patience is a what?


I wish I had it. It’s something I desperately want, but secretly know I will never have. It’s not something that happens overnight. And in this instant gratification world, it’s something that is often hard to come by. I think the secret to patience is “doing something in the meantime”, going on with your life like you are not anxiously awaiting the perfect scenario. It’s something I struggle with and battle daily.

When I think about patience I think of it like I do the building up of a muscle, it’s something that needs to be worked on every day in order to see the progress. It makes a woman beautiful in middle age. It’s the art of hoping. It is necessary. It can conquer destiny and is often the key to contentment.

So if it’s all of those great things, then why can’t I have more of it?

Well I can’t have it because it entails the capacity to wait…and waiting is not something I’m good at. I can’t wait for my favorite pair of jeans to go on sale before buying them. What if they are all sold out by the time they are on sale? I know, I know, then it wasn’t meant to be…but in my book I’m always “meant to be” when it comes to new jeans.

The funny thing about patience is we are constantly working on it. No one is ever perfect at it. It’s a challenge that we will continue to face day in and day out. It’s not like you can wave a magic wand and you suddenly become patient with everything, because if that were the case, I would take out a loan to buy that wand.

What I am learning in my never ending quest to find patience in my life is that I need to trust my gut, love myself and have patience even when I think it may be impossible. I am slowly but surely learning to let go of the life I have planned for myself to make more room for the life that is waiting for me. I know I have a purpose! I just have to allow myself to live my dreams, have the courage to be my own best friend and act on what I love and who I am…and life will follow.

Hmmmm….easier said than done???

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Because I said so

Parenting is a tricky thing. As a parent there are many things that I want to teach my boys.
Many of them are on a smaller more practical scale. Things like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on their own, riding a bike, doing laundry and phone etiquette. While I believe these are all very useful and valuable lessons, there are many things on a larger scale that I feel it is my responsibility as a parent to teach them in order to give them the opportunity to become successful, happy and loving adults.

Because I am so addicted to lists lately, I thought I would share some of the lessons I hope to teach my kids along the way.

I’m always proud of you, no matter what…even when you screw up.

Speak up, don’t be afraid to share your opinions.

Listen with your ears, you don’t always have to be the one talking.

Think before you speak, always choose your words wisely.

Celebrate the little moments, because those are the ones that matter.

Don’t pick on other kids, everyone is different and that is ok.

Help me carry things, you will probably be stronger than me before you become teenagers.

Defend yourselves and each other.

You don’t have to be the best at everything as long as you always do your best.

Always be open to learning, for learning is the greatest gift of all.

Follow your gut, trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t right.

Take risks. Everything you do is a learning experience.

Spend your money wisely.

Always be grateful. There is never going to be a time when you don’t have something to be thankful for.

Always respect women. You will be sorry if I ever catch you treating a woman badly. 

Choose wisely.

Don’t change yourself for anyone. You are perfect the way God created you.
Do as I say, not as I do when it comes to texting and driving.

If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, they are not a true friend.

Friendship is a two way street not a one way path.

Talk to me. I’m a great listener. There is never anything that you cannot tell me.

Own up to your mistakes. It’s ok, we all make them.

Don’t settle in your relationships.

Vote. It’s your right as an American. Take it seriously.

It’s ok to say no, mean it when you say it.

Always be humble.

Take care of your body, eat right and exercise regularly, trust me you will feel better when you do.

Be patient, good things take time.

Lead by example.

Take pride in your appearance.

Girls love a guy that can cook and do his own laundry.

Being married is a good thing, no matter what your dad says.

Nothing bad has happened tomorrow. Every day is a new day fresh for the taking.

Understand priorities.

Nothing I do in my life will ever compare to being your mom! You will feel the same way when you have kids, after you turn 40 and I let you start dating, of course!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Don't be a hater

Ok…you know what? Something weird is going on. I know it may seem odd when I say this, but I have this sneaking suspicion that someone new is reading my blog.

Is it sneaking or stinking? Either way, it smells funny in here.

I’m not positive, but I have this feeling that my dad is reading my blog. I know, I know…those of you that know my dad are saying, “there is absolutely no way in hell he is reading your blog.” Why? Because he doesn’t know anything about computers, DVR’s, programming clocks, cell phones or setting the timer on the microwave. Let’s just say he is “technically challenged.”

So it definitely brings up the question, if he is so technically challenged, how would he be reading my blog? Well, as much as I hate to do this, I’m going to have to pin it on my sister-in-law who shall now be known as “Mrs. I don’t want to hear about your underwear”. Yeah you know who you are! I’m calling you out, in the nicest way, of course!

There is just no other logical explanation…Some of you may be wondering how it is that I think he may be reading my blog. Honestly, it’s just a hunch I have based on some of the conversations we have been having lately. He brings up things that we haven’t talked about before, but that I have written about here.

So, I can only conclude one of two things, either he has figured out how to turn a computer on (hell will freeze over before that happens) or someone is feeding him information. Sorry, Mrs. I don’t want to hear about your underwear…I’m blaming you!

Either way, it doesn’t really matter, but I feel like I need to clear up a few things about some posts I have written in the past.

So dad, if you are reading this let it be known that:

This blog is mostly fiction…like 99%, yeah….99% that’s a good number (ssssshhhhh…what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him)

I am a good girl…if the image I portray is not of the good girl nature then I am totally making it up.

I would never ever get in a car with a guy on the first date, nor let him massage my feet

I save at least 50% of my paycheck and rarely blow money at Target, on booze, or fun.

Yes I would ditch my family and friends for a chance with Ryan Reynolds…that’s no lie

Please don’t count the jeans in my closet and tell my friends how many pair I actually own…as far as they are concerned, it’s 27…a solid 27!

No matter what I say, I am really looking for more qualities than just “breathing” in my future husband

Don’t, I repeat, don’t ask me why it is not appropriate to eat a banana in the aisile of the Home Depot on a Saturday morning

Please don’t get mad that I shared the story about the conversation we had about the “beeper thingy” that was driving you nuts (beeper thingy = stopwatch)

And last but not least…

No matter what you think, I do not…let me repeat, DO NOT intentionally put my kids in harms way when I’m driving…I just get distracted easily…squirrel!

Welcome to the madness that is my life dad if that is, in fact, you who has somehow figured out a way to read my blog.

And if it’s not you, dad, that is reading my blog, then everything that you just read here is pretty spot on about my life… I’m just saying!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Sorry people...I just can't do it

It is with deep sadness that I write this post today.

I know many of you have come to love my blog and look forward to reading it every day, or at least I have convinced myself of that anyway. But I just can't do it anymore...and by "it" I mean the weekly update on the Bachelorette! Sorry people, I just can't sit through two hours of it every Monday night. I am honestly so embarassed for Ali and the tools she has to choose from that I spend most of the show hidden behind a big pillow on my couch saying things like...

"oh no he didn't" and

"wait, what, huh?" and

"you've got to be kidding me!"

It just isn't worth my time...I may post something here and there every now and then, but I just can't commit my precious time to the Bachelorette this season. I don't know what it is, but I think it's funnier to watch the girls pawn over the Bachelor than the boys pawn over the Bachelorette.

Now, do you want to know what I did last night instead of watching the Bachelorette?

I read this...

...well, I read it after I stared at the cover for the first 30 minutes of the Bachelorette. I have one word to describe this cover...YUMM-O. I don't know about you but I want to go out and buy a 1,000 copies and plaster my bedroom ceiling with them...

Monday, June 7, 2010

Hello summer

Summer has finally arrived in the He Who Laughs Last household. To me it's is all about cherishing the moments and enjoying what life has to offer. So many times in my past I was worried about the next thing that I didn’t take time out to enjoy the little things. And thanks to my non-boyfriend, boyfriend I’m slowly realizing that it’s the little things in life that I should learn to cherish more.

And by little things I mean, ice cream under a shade tree, flying kites on a windy afternoon, fishing in the bask of the sunlight, football in the park, bike rides at sunset, catching fireflies on a humid evening, photography, good conversation under the stars, campouts on the deck, a good glass of wine, running through the sprinkler, fresh tomatos from the garden, lunch with girlfriends, butterfly watching, walking on the canal, journaling under a shade tree, sunsets, sunrises, the innocent laughter of children, thunderstorms, movies in the park, running through the puddles, picking strawberries, catching some rays, coffee at the corner café, dinner outdoors, live music, quiet car rides, flirting, hiking on a beautiful day, enjoying memories of loved ones, sunflowers, bubbles in the back yard, melting popsicles, road trips, lemonade stands, waterslides, sleepovers, creek walking, trips to the zoo, fire works, baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, cutting your sandwiches into triangles, and picnics in the park.

I don’t know about you but I can’t wait to cherish all that this summer has to offer…it is looking very promising in the He Who Laughs Last household!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Top Ten Friday

When I was a kid I swore I would never be an “uncool” parent like I thought my parents were. I always felt like my parents were old, even though they weren’t. They were “younger” parents than I am. But I am finding that it is more and more difficult to be cool the older we get. Sure I can wear trendy clothing, but it’s not just the clothing that makes me “cool”. In fact I saw a picture of an old friend of mine recently with his new girlfriend and they were both wearing very trendy clothes, and I immediately thought….”hmmmmm, is that really necessary?” I felt like they were probably a little old to be wearing what they were wearing, thus I thought they seemed uncool. It’s a viscious cycle that never seems to end.

It made me start thinking about my age and how sometimes I don’t feel cool anymore. My Non-boyfriend boyfriend always tells me I’m not old, but I think he says that for different reasons, *wink wink*. Nevertheless, it got me thinking about things that I do in my life that make me seem uncool.

So sit back and relax while I share with you the Top Ten Signs You Are No Longer Cool.

You’re Welcome!

10. When someone mentions “surfing” and you automatically picture waves and a surf board.

9. You actually ask for your dad’s advice instead of rolling your eyes at him when he gives it to you unsolicited.

8. You bought your first car for the same price that you paid for your son’s iPod Touch.

7. You remember the Rolling Stones as a rock group and not a corporation.

6. When jogging is something you do to your memory and not as a form of exercise.

5. When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.

4. You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have an early morning the next day.

3. You criticize the kids of today for their loud music, and emo hairstyles forgetting that you flashed your way to the front row of a Motley Crue/Poison concert your freshman year in college.

2. You think “tragically hip” is when a middle aged man leaves his wife, gets a new sports car, and a 20 year old girlfriend.

And the number one way to tell that you are no longer cool…

1. You find yourself listening to talk radio (I’m not ashamed to admit that I love it!)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

OMG...my head just may explode

A City girl in rural Alaska has awarded me with my 2nd blog award. Is it bad that this excites me so much? It makes me smile when I can make others smile. And of course it also makes me smile when I am given an opportunity to talk about myself again!

I absolutely accept this award and I highly recommend that you check out A City girl in Rural Alaska. I love, love, love her blog!

On to the rules...In order to accept this blog award, I have to share with you 10 things about me. But I’m a rebel and thought I would try something different. So keeping in line with yesterday’s post, I thought I would share with you some of the things that I struggle with in my life…stick with me…it’s a good list! Hey, I just figured you would like to know that you aren’t the only one that struggles with things. Am I right?

So here ya go…

I struggle with: body image (thanks ex), single parenting, concentrating at work (I’m in an office with 12 windows looking out into a plethora of trees), judgemental people, choices I have made in my life, the idea that anyone would want to put ketchup on eggs (sorry Sheila), increasing the amount of money in my savings account, my weight, finding Mr. Right, raising my kids to be all that they can be, balance in my life, jumping on the Oprah bandwagon, reading more than two pages in a book at night before I fall asleep, keeping up with laundry, taking time for me, controlling impulse spending, saving for retirement, finding time to pursue my passions, keeping a journal (that’s why I blog), consistently exercising, eating healthy, cleaning toilets (I live in a house with three boys…need I say more), letting go of past hurts, seeing happiness in my future, trying to please everyone, standing out in a crowd, public speaking, being more active in my kids school activities, being lonely, asking for help, taking things slow, enjoying the ride, challenging myself, writing my book, staying on track, sticking with things, taking good pictures, finding a way to de-stress that really works for me, enjoying the moment, rejection, keeping my closet clean and organized, staying on top of things and last but not least, my biggest struggle of all is keeping up with all of my friends.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

What's not to like

I like people:who are interested in the answers I give to the questions they ask, who put things back where they belong after they are done using them,who don't judge, who give me a task and trust that I will complete it, who notice the little things, who appreciate a good woman when they see one, who value the meaning of family, who give more than they receive, who know that true friendship is a two way street and not a one way path, who like to laugh, who love to love, who are open to change in their lives, who see the good in people and acknowledge it, who help the needy and poor, who love God above all others, who can laugh at themselves, who are compassionate, who make me feel special,wanted and needed, who follow their dreams, who set goals and strive for them, who take risks for love, who love kids, who are strong, who aren't afraid to stand up for themselves and others, who are beautiful on the inside, who understand the importance of family, who understand that live is about the little things, who aren't afraid to express their feelings, who aren't afraid of their emotions, who genuinely want to get to know me...the real me, who can make me smile, who make me feel safe, who aren't afraid to tell the truth.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Math wizards and bachelors do not go hand in hand

Seriously people…I don’t think I am going to be able to make it through this season of the Bachelorette. My attention span is not equipped to watch with full on attention. The only way I could manage to get through last nights episode was to half heartedly pay attention and try to listen for things that made me chuckle. So today I share with you some of the funny things the guys and Ali said last night.

But before I get to that, I came up with a little game while watching the show in hopes that it would help me sit still for two freaking hours. Everytime Ali was picked up and twirled by one of the guys I did a shot. Unfortunately, I had to stop playing this game about 10 minutes in…Anywho, the twirl count got up to 8 last night.

On to my favorite lines of the evening:

“I’m dating 17 guys right now…that’s awesome!” -Ali before her first one on one date

My thoughts: Hmmmm….classy, Ali, very classy!

“I’ve got a beautiful car, a beautiful girl and we are cruising down the highway…what could go wrong?” -Frank (aka: Frankie boy), at the beginning of the first date

My thoughts: Cockiness never wins in TV. Have you ever noticed when actors/actress’ say things like “it doesn’t get much better than this” or “life is so good”…things automatically go bad? I think Frankie just written his own ticket home, maybe not for a few weeks, but he definitely jinxed himself.

“I didn’t lie to you, I just told you ½ the truth.” –Justin (aka: Rated-R)

My thoughts: Justin said this as he was trying to defend his career choice and the fact that he is NOT doing the bachelorette for publicity. I now think he is the one with the girlfriend.

“You’re a good looking guy but you have nothing to say, are you going to be ok with that?” - Craig (aka: Toupe Tom) trying to bring Jesse down

My thoughts: Craig is bringing out the claws early, he is obviously a man with a huge ego, little insecurity and has absolutely no clue what life and relationships are all about.

“Uncomfortably Uncomfortable…that’s all I got to say.” -Hunter (aka: Move outta my way, I gotta pee)

My thoughts: This was definitely one of the funniest lines of the evening. Hunter said this after having to dawn a pair of bright yellow tighty whiteys for a swim suit photo shoot. Thank God Ali’s favorite color was yellow because that is all he had going for him.

“Ali on a scale of 1 to 10 is a 63” -Ty (aka: Bless his heart) during the swimsuit photo shoot on the beach

My thoughts: definitely not a math wizard…

“Craig M is an egomeniachial jerkoff” -Jonathan (aka: Ron Burgundy)

My thoughts: I think I may need to consult the urban dictionary for a definition of egomeniachial jerkoff!

“Jesse is hot. Jesse is sexy. That’s sort of where I am with him” -Ali before her date with Jesse

My thoughts: I tend to speak in “caveman speak” when I am talking about Jesse too. In fact the only words I can come up with to describe him are “hummana, hummana, hummana”

“If Jesse comes back with the rose today that means there is one less rose for us” -Chris H.(aka: Brody)

My thoughts: Another math wizard!

“I do everything, I travel the world and I play baseball” -Roberto (aka: Rico Suave)

My thoughts: Traveling + Baseball does not equal everything…another math genius!

So you see what I’m dealing with here…Not a lot of substance to go on! But I will go out on a limb and say that I think Justin (aka: Rated-R) is the cheater with the girlfriend back home, and Jesse (aka: Mr. Peculiar) and Roberto (aka: Rico Suave) would be my top two picks as the winner. Secretly, I hope she dumps both of them because I believe they can both do better than Ali.

But that’s just my two cents!

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