I have learned recently that it is very difficult to grow up in a society where I will never be the pretty girl, where everyone seems to have everything I don’t, and where dreams are always one cloud away from where I am standing. The life pattern is the same. Everyone starts out with a clean slate. We work our way through life and we begin to make our mark. We make our choices, face our decisions and keep moving forward. But someday, when we look back over our lives, we will wonder who we really are or who we have become.
When I was little I had this idea that life could be perfect. That if I were careful enough, I would never make a mistake, never be lonely, never be misunderstood, and never be scared…but unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way. Life is big and messy and what I have realized is that I just have to take the chance, climb in head first, and hope for the best.
I bring to my life a certain amount of mess. And because of this mess, my emotions swing ever so abrubtly between being confident in myself, my life choices and the direction I am headed…to the extreme polar opposite of being that puddle of emotion on the kitchen floor feeling like I have yet to make a right choice in my life and doomed for failure before I turn 40. There is not really an in between spot… no grey area, it’s either one extreme or the other. I see everything through the same lenses…it’s either awesomely great and I am bound to lead this wonderfully fulfilling life or I’m headed for failure and my best hope is to wind up living in the basement of some old ladies house with 20 cats, making paper dolls out of old newspapers.
However, today I had an enlightening “ah ha moment” when I heard someone say “my life has an awesome cast, but I can’t seem to figure out the plot”. It reminded me that my life has an insane amount of good in it. I have an amazing family and the best friends that a girl could ever ask for who never make me explain myself and don’t ever judge me. I have a job that I love that keeps me spiritually grounded and I have an encyclopedia like knowledge of all things related to celebrity gossip.
I’ve learned that every day of my life must be lived to the fullest, even if it does include making stupid mistakes. Life is about smiling, laughing and crying. Life is about making the most of what I have and have been given. It’s about keeping and losing relationships. It’s about falling in love and being hurt by love.
Life was given to me as a challenge, it’s not an easy challenge by any means but it is a challenge that I can choose to accept and make the most of or let go by the wayside and continue to live in this “whoa is me world.” After all, I only have one shot at it…so I am choosing to take the bull by the horns and squeeze every little drop out of it that I can. I have faith that eventually all of the pieces will fall into place. And until then I promise to laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and understand that everything happens for a reason.
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