I have come to realize when I get nervous I pull out my finger guns

Have you ever had one of those mornings when you are awakened by your alarm early and you keep hitting the snooze button because you don’t want to come face to face with the fact that you didn’t finish college, or the fact that you are a single mom struggling to support a couple of kids, living a life dreaming you should be doing something completely different than what you are currently doing. And then you suddenly realize that no one is reading your blog, not even your best friends, and the last guy you slept with you know you shouldn’t have slept with but you can’t help it and continue to sleep with him anyway. And then you start to think of the future and how you will probably end up dying alone and unloved and the only relief that you get from the sad existence that has become your life is the five stolen minutes of sweet oblivion that is sleep?

Okay, well that thought…was what came racing to my mind a couple of days ago at the beep of my alarm. And what I realized is that most mornings I have similar thoughts! But today was different, I started reflecting on my past and things that I have learned about myself. And I realized I have “come to realize” quite a few things about myself.

I have come to realize my chest size is the perfect size. You’re welcome, you know who you are!

I have come to realize my job is the best thing that has happened to me in the past five years. I love that I have the opportunity to learn something new about my faith everyday!

I have come to realize when I’m driving that I need to pay closer attention to what I am doing …YIKES!

I have come to realize I need my mom in my life. It’s hard to raise kids without having a mom to ask for advice.

I have come to realize I have lost a lot of myself from the stupid selfish decisions I have made in the past few years.

I have come to realize I hate it when people in my life disappoint me because they can’t live up to the unrealistic expectations that I have secretly given them.

I have come to realize if I have been drinking I should not be near a phone with texting capabilities.

I have come to realize that money is not what life is all about. Life is about the relationships you create and nourish.

I have come to realize certain people will never change.

I have come to realize I’ll always be a hopeless romantic.

I have come to realize my brothers have worked hard and created awesome lives for their families. They are great dads, husbands, sons, and brothers.

I have come to realize my mom helped raise my brothers and I in a way that I could only hope to copy when it comes to raising my kids!

I have come to realize my cell phone is something that I can’t be without.

I have come to realize when I woke up this morning I was so tired that I think I may have forgotten to floss my teeth before I brushed them. Hmm…maybe I will go buy floss, a toothbrush and toothpaste at lunch. If I don’t I won’t be able to think about anything else.

I have come to realize that last night when I went to sleep I might have slept better if I would have listened to myself when I said, “don’t worry about it, tomorrow will be a new day”. But oh no…I had to lie awake and let the thoughts consume me.

I have come to realize my dad has been my rock for the past five years. I have become way to dependent on him and need to wean myself from that dependency in 2010.

I have come to realize when I get on Face Book it doesn’t excite me anymore.

I have come to realize I really want to go someplace warm with someone special. Trying to get up the nerve to ask him, is another thing all in itself!

I have come to realize life is full of ups and downs but it is what we do with those ups and downs that make it what it is.

I have come to realize this weekend is the weekend I am going to get my butt in gear. My goal is to lay out my 2010 Book Writing Plan!

I have come to realize the best music to listen to when I’m upset is hard rock played very loud…that way the loudness tends to drown out the thoughts in my head.

I have come to realize my true friends will be friends for life, no matter what stupid decisions I may make! They may not agree with me, but they support me and love me no matter what!

I have come to realize this year…hmmm…we are only 20 days in, I haven’t had any great epiphany’s yet.

I have come to realize my ex is someone that I really miss.

I have come to realize maybe I should not be so hard on myself.

I have come to realize I love hard!

I have come to realize I don’t understand those that judge people without getting to know them.

I have come to realize parties are not my thing anymore.

I have come to realize I’m totally terrified of never being loved again.

I have come to realize that my life is on the uphill swing and getting better every day