Monday, January 4, 2010

A Celebration of Life

I hate to ring in the New Year on a sad note, but I really wanted to take today’s post to pay tribute to someone special in my life who recently passed away. And instead of focusing on the sadness surrounding the event, I am going to focus on the positives and refer to this post as a Celebration of Life and not a mourning of death.

Scott was my ex-brother-in-law. Again, I hate to focus on the negative and refuse to call anyone in my ex-husband’s family an “ex”…so to me Scotty has always been and will always be a great “brother-in-law!” He passed away two days before Christmas and since, this time has been very emotional for myself and my boys. But, as always with my blog, writing about these kinds of things often helps me get over the struggle, transition, hurt or in this case, the grief.

One of the things that I hate about writing this tribute is that I am afraid that I won’t be able to capture the essence of who Scott really was in so few words. I’m afraid I won’t be able to capture all that I want to say and then I will be left with the feeling that I didn’t do him justice. But I am going to give it my best shot.

Scotty was a unique man. It wasn’t until I met him years and years ago that I realized that being an adult wasn’t for wimps! Life was hard and not the pretty picture I had always envisioned. It is only recently that I realized just how difficult Scotty’s life had been. You see, Scotty and I were both raised in similar families…middle class, Christian families full of love and joy, but we took different paths and therefore, our lives turned out much different. But even though our lives were different, we shared many things. And it is Scotty’s death that made me really think about these things.

I find much comfort in believing that, like Scotty, I demonstrated love more in things that I do than in things I say. In fact, in my book, actions always speak louder than words. And Scotty ALWAYS made me feel very comfortable especially in the realm of his family. Even after my divorce from his brother, he would go out of his way to make sure that I was aware of the request for my presence at family functions, no matter what his brother wanted.

But not only did he always make me feel welcome and comfortable, he always took an interest in all of his nieces and nephews. He was an avid fisherman and took them fishing on many occasions. In fact, at the beginning of every spring my kids beg me to get out their fishing poles so that they can fish in the pond across the street from our house. I know this is not a trait they got from me! In his final healthier days, Scotty would take the time to play computer games with my boys, play miniature golf in the basement, and teach them how to lovingly take care of his four legged creatures.

When push comes to shove, when it came to his nieces and nephews he was a good Uncle and when it came to me, he was a great brother-in-law. I will always remember Scotty as a spunky, loving man whose heart was like gold, whose spirit will forever be rememberd, and whose life and death has changed many, including me.

My biggest regret is that I never shared these things with him. I can only hope that in some small way Scotty knew how much he was loved by everyone.

In Loving Memory
Scott Cameron Spidle

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