The Easter Bunny can suck it

The first official holiday after a divorce can be the loneliest holiday ever, even when surrounded by family and friends. There was something about my ex not being there that just sent me back to memories of holidays past. As hard as I tried, I couldn't push those memories out of my mind. It sucked, but it was reality and I had to deal with it! My first holiday as a single mom was Easter, thank God! I was so glad it wasn't something like Christmas or Valentines Day. I probably would have slit my wrists if one of those were the first. My goal was not to be alone and keep things as normal as I could for my boys who were eighteen months and four at the time. I decided to go with my dad and kids to my brothers house in Tennessee for a long weekend. This would be sort of like a mini vacation for us...a chance to regroup, get out of the house, and honestly get the freaking holiday over with as quickly as possible.


So being the good mom that I am, I go on an Easter bunny shopping spree. I spend so much money on Easter stuff for my kids, it's pathetic! (still being paid for by my ex, so why not, right?) Need I remind you, my kids are eighteen months and four, they will never ever remember this day again! But the mom guilt has sunk in! Honestly, I was just trying to prevent hearing the words "where is daddy" all weekend. So what better way to do that, than to purchase a shitload of toys and candy? And I mean shitload! My trunk was packed. There was only room enough for my poor dad to bring one very small duffel bag. He, of course, commented on the crap in the trunk, but bless his heart, he understood my goal and knew not to mess with a frazzled woman just trying to survive her first holiday as a single mom. He was there for support, and support he did!


I honestly don't remember much about the weekend other than actual Easter Sunday. We got up in the morning to go to church with my brother and his wife. Mind you, at the time, I was not very spiritual. My mom had passed away a few years before and I resented God for that so I was kind of in limbo. Because of this I had not stepped foot in a church on an ongoing basis in years. This, in turn, meant that my boys had never been to a Catholic church on a Sunday. This was my first mistake. Many mistakes were made this day, but after that first one, I won't point them out individually...it just really makes me feel like crap every time I point out my flaws.


Anyway, we get all dressed up. I decided to wear a really cool black skirt, and pink top with sandals and of course my kids are dressed in matching sweater vests, t-shirts and khaki pants...the standard little boy Easter outfits. We get to church 30 minutes early, as all good Catholics do, and it was already packed. Because this was the first real visit to church for my boys I wanted to be sure to sit as close to the back as possible. This provided an easy escape if I needed it. My brother and his wife happily obliged. We were not as far back as I would have liked to have been, but we were back as far as we could get. It was getting so crowded that they were beginning to put chairs out in the huge welcome center of the church. You know it is Easter so they cram everyone in like sardines. I don't know if you have ever been to a Catholic church before but on Easter Sunday they break out the incense, which smells like crap! I, as an adult, can handle the smell. However, my four year old immediately makes it known that he doesn't like the smell. His complaining gets louder and louder. I am giving him the evil eye, and yelling at him quietly (as all good Catholics do when trying to discipline their children during church) but nothing was working. He just kept getting louder and more obnoxious. Eventually he is being so obnoxious that I need to get him out of there. He is almost hyperventilating he is so mad at me. My goal was to just drag him out of there as fast as I could and not allow the scene he was making to get any worse.


O.k...right now you are probably thinking...I'm sure this kind of thing happens all of the time...it's tough for kids to sit sill that long...and you are right. But from here on out...things took a dramatic turn for the worse!


As I am quickly trying to drag my screaming son up the isle (which, by the way, feels like it is about a mile long and the largest hill I have ever climbed) he is so pissed at me that he screams at the top of his lungs "YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY!" I was mortified! But not as mortified as I was about to become. The screaming and yelling was pissing me off so much that I was just trying to ignore him and make him go away in my mind. I sensed that he knew this! How, you might ask. Because in one fell swoop, with his free hand, he managed to grab my skirt and pull it down to my knees! I kid you not. I was almost in tears. My face was bright red, along with my panties and I just wanted to cry! My only saving grace is that I'm sure I will never ever see any of these people again in my lifetime! Luckily this "fiasco" didn't occur until I got to the back of the church, right at the entrance to the welcome center, where there were only about 200 people staring at me and gasping in disbelief.


I drug my son out in utter embarrassment while trying to pull my skirt back up to where it belonged. We got to the car and I didn't know what to do. I took some deep breathes to calm myself down and by this time my son was singing happily in his car seat like nothing had occurred. I didn't know what to do. I was fuming mad and needed to let him know that his behavior in church was unacceptable. Then it hit me. I called my nephew, who stayed home during church to put out the "shitload" of Easter Bunny stuff, and I asked him to gather it all back up and put it away where the kids wouldn't see it. There would be no Easter Bunny this particular year.


And true to my word, the Easter Bunny did not come to my brothers house that year! I thought I was so clever and thought for sure my son would learn from this experience. But to this day, he has absolutely no recollection of Easter being cancelled that year.


The Easter Bunny can suck it!