Thursday, July 30, 2009

Can I tell you something

Why are there so many rules to dating and relationships? Shouldn’t dating just come naturally instead of always worrying about what should or shouldn’t be done or said? Honestly, this day and age, I feel sorry for most men. Not all, but most. They just can’t seem to do anything right when it comes to relationships…they can’t seem to win when trying to enter into a new relationship. If he calls a woman immediately after a good date to ask for another he is often seen as spineless, and cowardly. But on the other hand if he waits several days to make the call, the woman often gets irritated because she has done nothing for those three days but analyze over and over again every moment of the date.

So guys, here is some, advice, not rules, to the dating front from a female perspective. There are hundreds of websites and blogs dedicated to this topic. Some of the advice came from these, and some of it is based on my own experiences.

If you like a girl, call her the day after your date if you want to see her again. It’s lame to wait.

Girls need to be told straight up what the deal is! We constantly tear apart everything you say and do. I’m begging you…to please help us stop torturing ourselves and be honest. If you like us, tell us. Even if you have made yourself clear, tell us anyway. We can never hear too many times how much you like us.

If you receive an email from a woman, please put some thought into your email responses. One word replies are unacceptable. We will just wonder what is wrong and make some story up about why your response was so short. We don’t expect a book…a few sentences is all we are after. This is your chance for you, especially the shy guys, to shine and be clever, witty and humorous!

Cutting an email short with phrases like “I will talk to you later” or “have a good night” will only drive us nuts. These phrases are like dismissals to us. You might think responses like those are fine, but we don’t interpret them the same way you do. (As an example, here is the thought process a girl puts into a term like, have a good night: “He told me to have a good night? What could he possibly mean by this? Why can’t he just call me and say good night? As a matter of fact, what is he doing tonight? Why doesn’t he want to go out with me? After all, we did have fun last night. Does he kiss a lot of girls like he kissed me? Is this a game to him?”…and on and on and on we will go until we drive ourselves nuts.

If you don’t like us and don’t have any intentions of seeing us again, then by all means, don’t wine us , don’t dine us, don’t stay out with us for several hours, don’t kiss us goodbye, don’t kiss us on the lips, and don’t, whatever you do, don’t say you will call us when you know you won’t! (My two cents on this topic: Men…do you not get it? We don’t want to be led on nor do we like to be led on! Don’t promise us things if you aren’t going to follow through. We are big girls and can take rejection. It’s ok if you aren’t into us. There are other fish in the sea. Chances are we probably aren’t into you either. So just say “Good night, it was nice to meet you” at the end of an evening is perfectly acceptable. Don’t waste our time or our feelings!

If you are on the fence about wanting to see us again, this is ok! We might be on the fence about you too. All you have to do in this situation is say “thank you” and whatever you do, make no mention of another date. Go home and sleep on it. The next day things will be clearer. (My two cents again: Please get comfortable with the fact that that, we can handle not getting a promise of a phone call at the end of the night. We won’t cry ourselves to sleep, we won’t slit our wrists, and we won’t die if you aren’t interested!

Now onto some basics for both men and women…again, these aren’t “rules” per say, but advice that I have either been given or given to my friends.

If you are in a bad mood, reschedule your date. Men and women alike don’t want to date grumps!

Men and women who come from picture perfect families usually have high expectations for their own relationships. Try not to get discouraged by this. Your goal is to get the other person to come to the present and stop living in the past.

Men and women who come from divorced families usually have a better idea of a good marriage. These people have seen the worst and usually know what they don’t want in their own relationships

Everyone has a list of must haves. Be willing to adjust the list of must haves depending on the person you are with. This is critical.

Men like pretty and well kept women. Women like men who are well dressed and can create a good appearance without much effort. With that being said, keep in mind that the clothes don’t make a man. Don’t ever turn someone down because you don’t like the way they dress. More than likely when you start dating they will start asking for advice and this is when you make your move on their wardrobe. Trust me…this always happens!

You get invited on a date…you go on a date! If you aren’t seeing anyone at the time you are asked out…always go. After all, you never know when you might meet your soul mate.

Don’t ever answer your cell phone on a date. If you are expecting an urgent call then make your date aware of it early on in the evening.

Even beautiful sexy men and women get nervous before dates.

Ladies, this section is for you. Here are some random thoughts for the times when you are thinking to yourself, “hmmmm, I wonder if he likes me”. And guys, if you like a girl, follow some of the advice below to let her know.

He likes you if he calls you early in the day to confirm your plans for the evening. He doesn’t like you if he texts you twenty minutes before you are supposed to meet.

He likes you if he is focused on you and nothing else on your date. He doesn’t like you if he does nothing but work the entire time you are on your date. (yes ladies, this actually happened to me…I’m sure it will be the subject of a blog post soon).

He likes you if he offers to come pick you up. He probably doesn’t like you if he texts you the name of a restaurant and asks you to meet him.

He likes you if he rearranges his schedule to fit you in and see you, no matter what. He probably doesn’t like you if he says he is really busy and will catch up with you in a couple of weeks.

He likes you if he remembers things that are important to you. He probably doesn’t like you if he takes you to a sushi restaurant on your first date even though you have told him several times you were allergic to fish.

He likes you if he stops running from party to party looking for the next new chick. He probably doesn’t like you if he keeps on running!

So there you have it…just some basic clear cut stuff for you to file away in that head of yours. No matter what, always remember that men and women communicate with each other the way they want to be communicated with. What do I mean by this? Take me for example, I am the kind of girl that likes to do special things for the special person in my life. I do this because I like it when that special someone in my life does thoughtful things for me. Bottom line…really “listen” to what your significant other is telling you and remember the important things. Show him/her a little love a lot of the time and you will go far!

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