Are we really done on this island

I hate being single! There I said it. I know that is kind of a strong statement that needs some clarification, but bottom line is I do hate it! It's a day to day struggle to not only be single, but to be a single parent as well. Every morning I wake up and would say within the first five minutes of opening my eyes I have some random thought about being single. These thoughts can range anywhere from wishing I had someone waking up in my big bed next to me, to wishing I had someone to help me make breakfast for my kids so that I could sleep in, to wondering when I'm going to be lucky enough to have that connection with someone special. My singleness just seems to consume my thoughts from morning until night.

Bottom line, I think about being single a lot. I have come to realize that this lifestyle is not necessarily a bad thing for me. It may not be what I want for myself, but it's not bad. Nope...that didn't help, saying it out loud and writing it on paper does not make me feel any better about being single. Over the years I have been so focused on my kids and being a mom that I have lost sight of what I need and want. And being single is not it!

I have been lying for years when I tell people that I love being single, but ultimately I would love to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes I feel like I am just supposed to tell people that I love this lifestyle. But in all actuality it has become the easy way out. I have figured out that it is a lot easier to carry on conversations with people when they think I am happily single. If they think otherwise, I tend to get the "oh, I feel so sorry for her, she must be so lonely" stare. And avoiding that reaction makes my life so much easier.

Shows like Sex and the City have glamorized being single. They write it in a way that makes everyone envious of that lifestyle. This show was written to show us how fantastic being single can be. But in reality, that is not how the typical single person lives his/her life. I know there are people out there living this lifestyle that absolutely love it, and I envy that. I wish it could be me, but it's not. I would be willing to bet that there are very few single women that are 100% secure in their singleness. The reality is that I loved Sex and the City, until I became one of those girls. Let's be honest, I don't want to be the single girl, sleeping with random guys, spending money, drinking cosmos and partying it up until 4am. It's not the life for me!

The worst part is that I used to feel bad about admitting that I don't enjoy being single. Not anymore! In all honesty, it is what it is and I just need to accept it and make the best of my life. It is sometimes difficult to be a strong independent single woman. I can't hold it together all of the time without support. I envy those women that can do it and love to do it, but it just isn't me.

I don't NEED a man in my life to make me complete, that I am 100% sure of. But I would like a man in my life to share experiences with. I am a much better person when I know that I am loved and needed. I need cuddles, phone calls, kisses and the moments when we learn to appreciate each other. In the end I have learned to enjoy being single more days than I just tolerate it. I do believe there is hope on the horizon that I will find that special someone some day...hopefully sooner than later. Who knows, maybe he has already come into my life and I just don't know it yet. In the meantime, I am committed to enjoying my singleness and all that it has to offer!