Things aren't like they used to be

I recently went on a date that I would definitely label “the best date ever”. Never, in my four years of being single, has any date ever come close to this category. This guy, who I swore I wouldn’t write about, was the kind of guy that could actually carry on an intelligent conversation while having fun at the same time, he opened doors, laughed at my jokes, asked me about me, and most important, was actually interested in what I had to say. The thing I liked the most was our ability to laugh the entire night. His sense of humor was right up there with mine, quick, witty and a bit sarcastic. Never was there a dull moment in our conversation.

As I look back on this date, I have realized that men and women don’t know how to date anymore. It’s all about meeting out somewhere and having fun but never getting the opportunity to actually have good conversation and get to know one another. This is the reason I believe that most relationships don’t work out today. We spend way to much time focusing on partying and having fun together but never take the time to actually learn anything of substance about each other.

Why can’t we take dating back to the time when women were ladies and men were gentlemen. There was no rush to jump into a relationship or bed, for that matter. Men respected women and women respected men. There were real rules to courtship and no one ever thought to go against these rules. The rules often led to real relationships and real commitment. Men knew how to treat women. They courted them properly. They opened car doors and genuinely got to know the woman they were with. They knew the process of courtship and they knew that the end result was commitment, love, marriage, and sex. Today, however, things have changed, everything is backwards. The end has become the beginning. Sex has somehow become the prize when the prize should actually be commitment and love. Sex, in my mind, should be the reward for getting to know someone and falling in love with them. It shouldn’t be given away in the beginning! Men and women are equally guilty of this.

The sexual revolution has made us who we are today. Both men and women at that time thought it was great. Men could have sex without commitment and women could have sex without hesitation or question. No one needed love, no one needed commitment. No one wanted love and no one wanted commitment. Guilt free sex…it was (and still is) all the rage. Women gave up their rights to be loved and cherished. The more partners the better, no expectations from anyone. And things haven’t changed much since then. Men and women are still using sex for the wrong reasons. I don’t believe this is how we were created to live!

I think we need a revolution of our own. Nothing major, it doesn’t need to be painful! We need to step away from a sexual revolution and into another, one man, one woman at a time. I once saw written that we need to stop our “Sex and the City” attitudes towards who we are and what we need. I love that! I think the men of our generation have been taught by us, that the goal is sex and that we all share that same goal. Well, I’ve got news for you…I don’t share that same goal and I believe there are a lot of women out there like me, but are to scared to step up and take a stand. We need to stand up for what we believe in! Don’t fall to the pressures of our friends, the media, the world.

I think it is time we start thinking about ourselves and our needs, instead of doing what everyone else is doing. I believe if we do this we will retain the relationships of the men and women who come into our lives. We will actually know our spouses before we marry them! Huh, what a crazy concept!