Do you have friends that continually tell you how lucky you are to be single? I do, and sometimes (who am I kidding, most of the time) hearing them say this is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Don't get me wrong, I love being single, but it took me a long time to get to this point. And if I were being truly honest with you, if I had a choice, I would choose to be married. I do know that my friends sometimes live vicariously through my "fun" dating stories...but they just don't get the reality of it all, and that reality is DATING SUCKS!
My friends used to assume that every date I went on was perfect. They visualized the violins playing, while the happy couple drinks a bottle of wine alongside a fabulous Italian dinner. There is a handsome man and beautiful woman (me :-), both smiling, both laughing and enjoying each others conversations. Well, I got news for you...this NEVER happens. It may happen in the movies, but never in real life.
Thankfully, only a few of the dates I have been on have been labeled as disastrous. As we conclude another awesome Independence Day weekend, I am reminded of this story that took place exactly one year ago on the 4Th of July, 2008. This is a story of another Rick...I will call him Rick #2 because it is the perfect representation of what our date was...shitty!
Rick and I met online and had been chatting and IM'ing for a couple of weeks. We had never really connected on the phone because he had been traveling out of the country in those weeks and it was difficult to get on the same schedule. The holiday was quickly approaching and I did not want to sit at home. It had been one of those rare nights that I didn't have plans or my kids. The evening was beginning to look a little bleak. But thankfully after a couple of text messages, Rick #2 finally got up enough nerve to ask me to meet him downtown for fireworks and a couple of beers. I happily obliged, but learned after this horrible evening, never to accept a last minute date...it can't lead to anything good. By this time, desperation had set in and I thought meeting Rick #2 was a better idea than sitting at home by myself.
We had decided to meet at an open air restaurant that usually has awesome live music, of which I have recently become a HUGE fan of. And of course, the venue was perfect because it was a great spot to watch fireworks. I called Rick #2 once I go close and he was walking right by an empty parking spot that was within a block of the restaurant. He was super nice and actually stood in the spot until I got there. I don't know about you, but this act just scored a huge "brownie point" in my book. Rick #2 was officially up one in my book! As I was pulling int he spot I, of course, was checking Rick out and was happily surprised at how much he looked like his picture. For those of you in the online dating world, you already know that 90% of the people on these sites don't look anything like the pictures they post. But Rick #2 actually did, he is officially up two points in my book! So far we are off to a good start! Unfortunately, that is as good as it got for Rick #2!
I got out of the car and he said "hi" and smiled really big. "Oh shit" were the first words I thought to myself. He had some sort of "mouth piece" in. Not like a retainer, but something that had some kind of metal work to keep his tongue from doing one of two things: either it was to prevent himself from swallowing his tongue accidentally, or it was to prevent him from constantly sticking his tongue out at me. Either way, it was not good! Then he spoke some more and I could hardly understand a word he was saying. I can only assume this was because he didn't have a fully functioning tongue. I knew I was going to need a beer quick to get through this freaking evening! Suddenly I was wishing I was at home in my comfy pajamas watching a chick flick.
We go to the outside of the bar to listen to the music and the place is packed. So unfortunately for me we have to stand very close together. You would think that this would help in my ability to understand what the hell Rick #2 is saying to me, but it doesn't. The only thing I can really make out is that he is totally making fun of some girl up front dancing to the music. I can never really place my eyes on her, but by the way he is describing her, or at least the way I am understanding his description of her is freaking hilarious. He is describing (and doing) this particular bird dance that reminded of a dance a friend of mine used to do in High School. I could only picture her doing this dance and had no choice but to laugh. Every time I get a glimpse of this girl that he is making fun of it is always from behind and she is never dancing. She looks pretty normal to me but after a few adult beverages and Rick #2's rendition of this dance I can not help but laugh.
At one point Rick #2 nudges me and says to look behind me because the girl he is making fun of is coming right towards us and eyeing him like she knows him. I quickly make it look like we are in the middle of a deep conversation because obviously he doesn't want to talk to this girl. He then says in a chuckle, "if she can't dance, she definately won't be able to carry on a conversation" and begins laughing at his comment. I'm not laughing, I'm just thinking to myself at this point that Rick #2 must be a horrible dancer.
Anyway, this girl comes up to us...my back is, of course, facing her so I can't see her. She proceeds to give me one of the biggest bear hugs I had ever gotten. I can only imagine the look of horror on my face at this moment. Rick #2 is laughing hysterically(he has officially lost all brownie points in my book). I recognize the voice of the woman giving me a bear hug as my cousin whom I haven't seen in over a year. Can you imagine my horror, or Rick #2's horror for that matter, when he realized that the chick he had been making fun of all evening was actually my cousin? It didn't sit well with me and I can imagine it didn't sit well with Rick #2 either. I'm' sure he was freaking out that I was related to her.
By now, I am so over the evening and ready to go home. Rick #2 walks me to my car and I am dreading that awkward moment of "is he going to want to kiss me, if he does what do I do" moment. Oh man, dating sucks! As we get closer to where my car should be parked...and yes I did say "should be parked" I realize it is not in the spot where I left it. Panic struck as I looked over my shoulder and saw a sign with an arrow pointing to my spot that said "tow zone". You have got to be kidding me! Rick #2 of course laughed but offers to drive me to the tow lot to pick up my car. I'm very annoyed by him on the drive because he keeps chuckling and laughing at the fact that my car was towed from a spot that he saved for me. It may have been funny to "Mr. I have to wear a piece of metal in my mouth to keep from swallowing my tongue" but it was not funny to me!
We finally get to the tow lot and there is no one there...it's only 11:30 on one of the busiest nights downtown...I can't believe no one is there. I finally get a hold of some girl with a raspy voice that says she will be right over to help me out. When she gets there she pulls my paperwork and hands me a bill for $250. I was stunned, two hundred and fifty freaking dollars!!! Conveniently, it was at this moment that Rick #2 decides he is just to tired and needs to go home. He quickly gives me a hug and leaves me stranded in a tow yard in the middle of downtown at 11:30pm. What an ass! I was pissed! I had to actually walk into the very far unlit back corner of the lot by myself to get my car.
I wasn't in my car but five minutes and I get the following text from Rick #2, "I had a great time, hope we can do this again sometime soon. I will go halvsies with you for the tow bill and pay you when I see you next. Call me." Seriously, three thoughts come to mind at this moment. First, why couldn't he just give me his half of the money before he left. After all, he did brag all evening about how he waited in that parking spot until I got there. Second, even if he didn't want to pay for half, shouldn't he have waited to make sure I got to my car o.k.? I mean...this tow lot was in the absolute worst part of town. And third, does he really think that I would want to go out with him again? Really? What a shitty night!