Pickability

Sometimes I think people remain single because they are just too picky. This thought has made me start analyzing my past relationships. I started wondering if I have just been to picky about the men I have dated in the past? Do I spend more time looking for that one thing that I just don’t like about them, or do I choose to focus on the positives? This question has always been one that I have struggled with. I rationalize this behavior with my theory on cooking. I could look through hundreds of recipes and never find something that I want to make. I am the kind of person that will stop reading a recipe as soon as I get to the first ingredient that I don’t like. It could be only an eighth of a teaspoon of something, but if it is something that I don’t like, I don’t have a problem convincing myself that I don’t need to make that meal.

This “habit” dates back as far as my teenage years. My best friend and I always used to think the cousin of one of our friends was really cute, but I couldn’t get past his feet. He had the ugliest toes of any toes I had ever seen. My friend used to laugh at me and tell me that I was being to picky and that I needed to not let those little things bother me, but I just couldn’t get past it so I choose to never even fantasize about a future with him. I know it’s crazy. I don’t know why I do it, but I can’t help it.

This reminded me of a guy I dated a couple of years ago. Let’s call him Nick. I met Nick at a bar…shocker! And this night was a “first” for me. Because my friends thought I was way to picky, they challenged me to find a guy that I was interested in meeting and make the first move. For those of you that know me, you know this is not how I roll. I don’t hit on guys! I don’t try to pick guys up! I’m still somewhat old fashioned and want to be pursued. But this was a challenge, and I very rarely walk away from a challenge. So I hunted down my “prey”. I chose Nick because he was nice looking, but not overly good looking…I didn’t want to go into this challenge with a turn down…so I chose an average looking guy. He was sitting at a table with another guy and they were being chatted up by two “average” looking girls. I made eye contact with Nick a couple of times and I could tell that he wanted to get rid of the girls who were currently at his table. So I did what every girl would do who was challenged at a bar. I did a shot of vodka, slammed my glass down and went over to Nick’s table, before I lost my liquid courage. I walked up to Nick and gave him a big hug and acted like I was excited to see him and said…”oh my gosh…it’s been years…how are you?” He played right along and we ended up concocting this story that we were long lost friends from High School. The two girls immediately felt out of place and walked away. Nick and I and his buddy Tad ended up chatting the night away. I was so proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and approaching Nick and his friend.

This boldness led to a “semi-long distance” relationship with Nick. It was an exciting time in my life, because Nick used to be a pitcher for a major league baseball team and was currently a scout for another major league baseball team. He lived in another state and would come back to town a couple of times a month. But I would also go and visit him a couple of times a month as well. Nick was always great! He was funny, very social and knew how to treat me like a queen when we were together. I loved hanging out with him…never was there a dull moment!

So what was my problem with Nick, you may ask? I didn’t like the way he packed his suitcase…I kid you not…that was my issue with him. I know it is corny, but it drove me absolutely nuts. Every weekend we spent together he was traveling…either here to my hometown or I would meet him somewhere on the road. So he was constantly living out of a suitcase. His suitcase reminded me of one of those prank cans of peanuts. You know the one that you open and the foam snakes come popping out. Well Nick’s suitcase was similar to that. When he opened it, it was always loaded with waded up clothes. I just couldn’t stand it. He would even give the clothes the old “sniff” test when he pulled them out of the suitcase. Honestly, it made me throw up a little in my mouth. I justified this “issue” by telling myself that if he couldn’t keep a neat suitcase, then he probably couldn’t keep a neat home. And if he couldn’t keep a neat home, then could he really keep a good woman. I know it’s corny, but that’s how I justified it. In the end that was the deal breaker for me. When I broke it off with Nick I blamed it on distance, but in reality, it was the suitcase that I just couldn’t get over.

For every five things I like in most guys I could find one little itty bitty thing that most people wouldn’t be bothered by and let it get to me. I don’t know how to get past this. I mean think about how many times you have run into someone that you nixed, because of something stupid, and who is now happily married, and looks pretty normal. How many times have you walked away thinking that maybe you were to hard on him? Does the way a man packs his suitcase tell you how he will be in a relationship? Does the way a man’s toes look really have anything to do with the type of boyfriend he will be? In the grand scheme of things, the legitimate deal breakers should be differences in things like morals, values, religion, and addictions…not whether or not he can pack a suitcase or get weekly pedicures. I need to do a better job of reminding myself that no one is ever going to be perfect…not even me! Because if I don’t do this could eventually risk pushing the right guy out of my life and not even know it.