My 1 New Years Resolution

If you are anything like me, you make resolutions every year only to break them before the month of January is even over.

Well, this year I am making one resolution…and that is to diet. I know if I could just lose a few pounds I would feel a lot better about myself.

And to make that happen, I have one lifestyle change that I am going to make. No, I’m not going to eat any different, no I’m not going to change my exercise routine any, and no, I’m not going to mentally convince myself that I need to do either of these things.

No, this year, I’m doing things different.

And by different I mean, this year, every time I think I am hungry I will commence with naked jumping jacks in front of the mirror...no matter where I am!

Yep, that’s my plan! Just the thought of that alone makes me want to throw up a little bit in my mouth.

I apologize in advance to anyone who may see me performing this desperate ritual, but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

Ready for 2012

2011 was a rough year for me, hence the 4 month blogging break during the summer/fall. I thought it was going to be a great year, after all, I turned 40 in March. I was ready, I was prepared to be a new woman, but then things changed. I got my heart broken, I battled with a bout of depression, and my grandma, whom I was very close to, passed away.

The toughest one of the three to deal with was the death of my grandma. Heartbreak can be healed with time and depression can be healed with drugs, but the death of someone close to you is often very difficult to get over.

She lived 92 wonderful years, 40 of which I had the pleasure of sharing with her. When I was 28 my mom, her oldest daughter passed away. When that happened, my grandma was one of the women in my life that also took on the “mother” role. These last twelve years, have been special with her. Our bond has grown stronger and stronger over the years.

She passed away in October. I was prepared, yet devastated at the same time. The last few months of her life I made notes of several of the things she told me that I wanted to always remember. As I looked back on these things, I realized she was preparing me for her death. She was trying to say all of the things to me that she wanted me to remember and share throughout my life.

So, in honor of my grandma, here are her little anecdotes on life…

Follow your heart- When I was going through my divorce, she said this to me many times. She knew that I had enough people in my life giving me their opinions of what I should and shouldn’t do. But not her, even though she didn’t agree with me and the Ex divorcing, she always told me to follow my heart. I will always cherish that.

Say what I need to say- Even though she didn’t always say what she needed to say, she always wanted to keep peace in the family, she encouraged me to always say what I needed to say. If you don’t, you will always wonder “what if…”

Do what I need to do- She was always very supportive of me and the things I chose to do in my life, she always told me to prioritize and do what I “need” to do. Sometimes our needs get pushed aside by our wants and I struggled with this a lot, especially early on in my divorce. It was a gentle reminder that my kids needs should come ahead of my wants…this was a valuable lesson for me.

Make a difference- This was her shout to me to be passionate about something and to make a difference. She didn’t care what it was but she always stressed how important it was to be passionate about something. She was passionate about her faith and sharing it with others. In 2012, I’m determined to find my passion.

Find true love, he’s out there- After my divorce from the Ex, she was quick to remind me, that he was the doofus and obviously not my true love. She encouraged me until the day she died, not to give up on finding my true love. She knows he is out there for me. I am choosing to believe her!

Always be happy and grateful- She was always happy and grateful. I cannot remember a time when my grandma was not grateful for the things she had. She may not have had a lot in life, but she was loved and that is all that mattered to her. I loved this about her!

Be proud of yourself- this is the number one thing I will always remember about my grandma. I cannot remember a time that she would not take the opportunity to tell me how proud of me she was. Whether it be in a letter or in a face to face conversation, she always told me she was proud of me. To this day, I tell my kids everyday that I am proud of them, and I attribute that to her always telling me how proud she was of me, no matter what was going on in my life.

Become the best version of yourself that you can be- I’m determined to accomplish this! I’m not sure what the “best version” of me looks like, but I hope I will know it when I get there.

Forgive those that hurt you- this was always big with my grandma! From the moment my Ex walked out on me she told me that I needed to forgive him, but not for him, for myself. And you know what, she was right. I have learned that forgiveness is not for the person you are forgiving, it is for yourself so that you can move on!

It’s obvious that my grandma was a good woman! I hope one day that I can be as good of a grandmother to my grandkids as she was to me, my brothers and my cousins. I miss her terribly every day. But every day I am also reminded of one of these little tidbits that she left me with, and for that I will forever be grateful!

Bad Santa

So the Christmas season is officially over and I can't believe I forgot to share two things with you...

The first being the Kardashian Christmas Card Photo (below)



Is it just me or do they all look unhappy here? I bet they weren't thinking about "the reason for the season" during this photo shoot, I guarantee they were thinking about about the fact that Kim can't be single for any period of time...the thought of her possibly dating Kanye West would make me have that look on my face too.

...And the 2nd thing I forgot to share with you this year, is the disturbing message we (and by we, I mean me) got from Santa this year.

***If you have kids that are still believers…please stop here for two reasons; 1) I’m a little concerned that you let your young children read this blog and 2) this is a story of how my 8 year old almost became a nonbeliever this year.

So Gibson brings home a phone number, given to him by his 2nd grade teacher, to call and see if you have been put on Santa’s naughty or nice list. We call it, on speaker phone, and this is the message we get…

“You have been confirmed on the naughty list, you will receive nothing for Christmas you naughty little bitch, WTF, our analysis of your phone concluded that you have completed one of the following; robbery, kidnapping, or murder, but chances are your crime was not stopping at a stop sign and throwing recyclable goods in the trash. Regardless, we have concluded that you will receive nothing for Christmas, which of course, is the reason why Santa hates your guts.“

I kid you not…this is the message that we listened to…all the way through.

Now some of you might be asking, why didn’t you hang up after you heard the word bitch? I tried, I really did, but it was almost as if my arm was too heavy to lift and I couldn’t disconnect. I was enthralled.

It’s not an excuse, but it is what it is.

At the end of the conversation, I looked over at Gibson and he looked a little like this…



I spent the next 20 minutes reassuring him that someone was messing with Santa’s phone and that he didn’t mean any of those things. He seemed fine and went to bed great.

The next morning, however, I was awakened by the sounds of little footsteps coming into my room even before my alarm went off. Gibby, that’s what I call him, snuggled up next to me and said “Mom, I was up all night thinking about that message from Santa. I wanted you to know that I don’t think he really meant all of those mean things he said about YOU.”

Ahhh…the innocence of an 8 year old at Christmas.

At least I still had a believer for another year.

Back in the saddle again

It’s been 4 months and I have realized one thing…

I MISS WRITING!

I miss sharing my stories. I miss hearing myself talk out loud when I’m writing. But most of all, I miss my friends in the blog world.

So, I’m challenging myself to pick up writing again in the new year, but in order to do this, I must date again. After all, what is a dating blog without stories about dating? Right?

I have some stories from the summer that are doozies, but more importantly, I’m looking forward to putting myself back out in the dating pool in 2012.

Is it scary? Heck yes it is, but what is a girl to do…continue to sit at home on Saturday nights? I think not. I will never meet anyone that way…at least that's what all my friends tell me.

So stay tuned as I dust off my computer, put my brain to use and spill out some funny stories, some of which may or may not include:

• Being contacted by the ex’s of two separate guys I went out with (one time each) this summer
• Being spit on by Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue
• Being called an “old lady” at a bar in Chicago
• Being a single mom from Thanksgiving thru Valentine’s Day
• Having a secret crush on one of the dads from my sons basketball team

I know…It’s about as exciting as Christmas Eve is to a six year old…you can’t wait, can you?

And I can’t wait to share!

Stay tuned…

This is the end

I'm shuttin' it down people!

I'm sorry to say, it's been a long tough summer and I just don't have it in me to write anymore.

Rest assured I will still be reading all of my favorite blogs, but for now, I just don't have it in me anymore to write my own.

Good luck to you all!

Family

This is Hamilton, my 10 year old.





This is Gibson, my 7 year old.





This is us on a good day...






This is them...on a typical day...



Yeah, they're keepers!

Open Letter, the Dating Version

Dear Ex(s),

No, I did not delete you or block you from my Facebook account. Quite frankly, I’m tired of Facebook and deactivated my page last week, but that’s not the point of this letter. The point of this letter, is to remind you that you dumped me. And when you dump me you no longer have the right to know what I am doing, or see what I am up to, or look at my pictures. You lost that privilege when you chose to move on!

Sincerely,

You snooze you loose
************************************************************

Dear Suitor,

I don’t really care if it was one of my dear friends that recommended we connect. If the 2nd word in your initial email to me is the word “seen” and the first word is “I”, as in “I seen that you and I….” I can tell you it won’t happen between the two of us. I’m not a grammar snob by any means, but “I seen” is just too hilljack for my liking.

Sincerely,
A Dating Snob

*************************************************************

Dear Recent Date,

I don’t know how else to say this, but I’m not interested.

Sincerely,
Read the clues

*************************************************************

Dear You Know Who You Are,

I’m sorry! I wish you would give me a chance to explain better. What you “heard” me say is not what I was “trying to say”. Oh, and when I said you couldn’t come over, the real reason didn’t have anything to do with my dad…

Sincerely,
Please let me explain

*************************************************************

Dear Instant Gratification Girl,

Good things come to those who wait!

Sincerely,
Patience is a virtue
*************************************************************

Question...

...if I drink an entire bottle of Skinny Girl Margarita, is it still considered a skinny girl cocktail?

Through the eyes of a mother

I hate it when I let more than a few days fall between my blog posts. I start to feel guilty after about 24-48 hours of not posting. I feel guilty because I am so ADD that if people don’t post a few times a week on their blogs, I tend to lose interest, and I don’t want anyone losing interest in my fabulous stories!

For that…I apologize!

And to make up for it, I have another great Gibson story to tell you. For those of you that don’t know me or my family very well, Gibson is my 7 year old. He is a very fun loving, energetic, emotional child. He reminds me a lot of myself at his age. Oh, who am I kidding, he reminds me of myself now as a 40 year old woman.

He just wants to be loved and accepted by everyone and if he gets the slightest indication that you may not like him, he takes it very personal and sometimes finds it difficult to recover from that emotionally. He is funny…actually, he is hysterical! (he gets that from me) He gets frustrated easy. (he gets that from his dad) But my favorite thing about him is his creativity. He loves to draw, write, and make mini movies.

A couple of weeks ago, I took Gibson and Hamilton, my 10 year old, to our local 4th of July community festival. One of the booths at this festival was a caricature booth. You know, the place where you sit in a chair for 10 minutes and the artists creates an overly large, comical rendition of your face. I love these kinds of whimsical things. So I forked out the $20 a piece and had the artist do individual pictures of the boys.

Here is Gibson…



…Isn’t he cute? I love his freckles!


And this is Hamilton…



…he is so grown up, it makes me want to cry.


And this, my dear friends, is a caricature of me, drawn by Gibson.



I know, I know, it made you want to throw up in your mouth a little didn’t it? Only a mom could love this picture as much as I do, but if I were being honest with you, every time I look at it, I can’t help but think of this…



…and that makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

But that’s my life…and I love it

Epic FAIL

My date…you know the one with “Mr. Showerhead”? Yeah, it didn’t go so well.

It’s the story of my life.

I tried really hard…I did.

I tried to make a good impression, even though it wasn’t our first.

We have spent many many mornings together in the past, but nothing quite as quaint as what I was expecting this past weekend.

I was prepared…more so than any other date in the past.

I had on comfortable clothes, didn’t eat all day, and was eager for what was to come.

I brought all the right tools, had all the appropriate…ahem…protection and was raring to go.

But guess what?

I didn’t even get to first base.

Nope, not even close!

I couldn’t even budge the damn showerhead. I tried all different angels with the wrench and it wouldn’t move. Mr. Jackhole put the showerhead on so damn tight that I couldn’t loosen it, no matter how hard I tried!

Damn!

Another dating disappointment.

I tried not to take it personally, but you all know me, I always take rejection in my dating life personally.

Thank goodness my brother is coming to town this weekend.

Fixing the showerhead will be first on his “brother-do” list!

It's on!

Have you ever reached a point in life where you either have to accept whatever you are doing and just exist or stop talking about what you used to be and do something completely different?

Maybe?

Well, I’m there!

I’m 40! I’m too old to just exist and accept my life as it is.

Yeah, I’ve gotten the shaft a time or two. Get your head out of the gutter people, by “shaft” I mean jipped on life!

I’ve picked up the pieces of my life a time or two as well.

But lately, I’ve just been existing. I’m tired of existing!

I want more.

I want to be happy.

So I’m going to fight…fight for what I want.

Currently what I want, may not want me, but I’m too old to let it pass me by.

I’m fighting…

I’m fighting for me for once…

I’m scared and sick to my stomach, but I don’t want to wake up one day and wonder…”what would have happened if I just sucked it up and went for what I wanted?”.

Nope…that’s not going to be me…not again!

For once, I’m putting me first and letting my walls come down…

Wish me luck…I’m not the kind of girl who usually “wins” in these types of situations, but it’s a chance I’m willing to take.

It’s on like Donkey Kong!!!!

I have a date

This weekend is going to be very exciting in the He Who Laughs Last household. Not only will there be the consumption of lots of food and alcohol, good concerts, lots of family, girlfriend time and awesome fireworks, but sprinkled in amongst all that 4th of July goodness, is a date.

Stop rubbing your head in confusion…you heard me correct…a date.

But not just any date.

Oh no, this date will be unlike any other date I have ever been on. In fact, it will be a first in the book of He Who Laughs Last.

No, it’s not with Ryan Reynolds…damn people, stop getting me all excited about something that we all know will never happen!

I have a date with….drum roll please….

…my shower head!

And I’m so excited!

Yep, I even put it on my calendar for Saturday afternoon, in between my haircut and the Motley Crue concert. Oh yeah…you heard me correct…Motley Crue…4th row. (I hope to have some exciting stories to report about his particular event)…Motley Crue, not the date with “Mr. Shower head”.

And because I haven’t had much luck dating lately, I did what any single girl would do who is anxious about a date…I googled him…and I came up with multiple DIY instructions.

I’m anxious, excited and nervous all at the same time…kind of like a real date. The only difference is, I won’t be shaving my legs for this one.

Oh yeah, it’s gonna be good…I can feel it!

Match maker, Match maker, make me a match...

In case you aren’t aware yet, my kids are all about finding me a significant other. I would say it’s because they care about their mom’s happiness, but that would be a lie. I believe, in my heart, that they care so much about it because I care so much about it. They know I’m writing a book…they know I have this blog. They don’t read either, but they always say things like, “that would be good for your blog” or “hey mom, can we watch the Tooth Fairy? You know there is a little eye candy in that movie for you?”

Is this right...No.

Is this good parenting…No.

But, it is what it is, I am who I am…I’m not gonna hide it from anyone...not even my kids.

Now don’t get me wrong…I’m not the kind of girl who brings home every guy I go on a date with. In fact, in the six years I have been divorced, my dad has met three of the guys I dated, and my kids have met one. I even dated a guy for 9 months that I didn’t introduce to my kids or my dad.

I’m very protective of who my family, especially my kids, meet!

So, tonight, I’m at home, doing some writing when I hear the pitter patter of three seven year old boys coming up the stairs. Ok…if I were being honest with you, I would tell you that I smelled three sweaty seven year olds coming up the stairs before I could hear them. I hate the way kids smell when they have been running and playing outside in the heat…it smells like a college fraternity in my house…I can’t wait to break out the Febreeze when they all go home.

Anyway, back on track…Gibson, and his two friends Brycen and Dillon come barreling up the stairs. Gibson starts yelling at me with excitement, “mom…mom…Dillon’s dad is at the park you have to come down and meet him.”

Now, you might be wondering why Gibson was so excited for me to meet Dillon’s dad. No, it’s not because he is single. It’s because Gibson has been dying to go to Dillon’s house to play and every time he asks I say no. Why do I say no? I say no, because I have never met Dillon’s parents before. And I guess I’m just the kind of mom that is protective enough of my kids that I need to meet the parents living in the houses that my kids spend time in before they actually spend time there.

It makes sense, right?

So I go downstairs and walk across the street to the park, and Dillon’s dad comes over to me and says (and I quote verbatim), "Hi, I’m Tim. I’m Dillon’s dad. It’s nice to finally meet you. Gibson talks a lot about you and reminds me every time that I see him that I would love you because you are funny and single.”

I kid you not…I can’t make this stuff up people.

I’m standing there, uncomfortable, embarrassed and anxious to go back inside when Tim realizes that he probably embarrassed me and says, “you wouldn’t be interested in me anyway, I’m married with 4 kids under the age of nine…that’s enough to scare all the ladies off.”

I openly laughed out loud of the truthfulness in his words.

Uncomfortable, inappropriate, and priceless all at the same time!

Random thoughts...

To the guy next to me at the red light, I can see you picking your nose…even through tinted windows, please stop.

You can never convince a 10 and 7 year old that their grumpy and whiney behavior is due to the fact that they are tired. They never think they are tired.

A weekly manicure and pedicure is the best thing a girl could do for herself.

Flashing my way to the front row of a Motley Crue concert in my 20’s was a thrill. Doing it in my 40’s could be a reality in the next couple of weeks, this both excites me and frightens me at the same time.

This week my dad took my kids to see a movie. He gave them two choices, either Green Lantern, or Mr. Popper’s Penguins. Gibson’s response was “we better see Mr. Popper’s Penguins, mommy will be mad if we go see her boyfriend without her.” Man, I love that boy, always thinking about his momma!

One thing I both love and hate about my new job is that they highly encourage employees to bring a spouse or significant other to most company functions/meetings/seminars. That’s a lot of pressure for a girl without a significant other anywhere in sight.

I have 3 weeks and 3 days to find a “significant other”. I’m not feeling good about my chances.

Wonders how my brothers and I ever survived without XBOX, Wii, iPods, cell phones, and cable television.

WARNING: if you ask a child for thoughts on what you are wearing, they WILL BE HONEST with you! And I quote Gibson verbatim this weekend…”mom, if you wear that dress, you will be single for the rest of your life.” I wore the dress anyway, and now more than ever, I believe his every word.

Wishing my house clean, does NOT make my house clean.

I love my new Nook…hence the reason my house is not clean.

Having dinner with new girlfriends is awesome! But when one of those new girlfriends is texting/IM’ing on her cell phone the entire evening, it becomes very clear that she will NOT be a new girlfriend. I don’t have time for people that won’t take five minutes to get to know me and realize that I can be more entertaining than a damn cell phone in a nice restaurant….bitter, party of 1?

Summer Lovin'

Summer started this week!

I’m so excited!

Here’s just a few things I’m lovin’ for summer…

1. Iced tea…



...I’m not gonna lie…I drink it year round. But in the summer it tastes especially good!

2. Running through the sprinkler



…the laughter that this insues is priceless


3. Ryan Reynolds…shirtless



…no other explanation necessary

4. Road Trips with the one you love



…of course I’m still working on “the one you love” part


5. Being carefree




6. Sun flowers




7. Watermelon




8. Girlfriends




9. Berries



...YUMMO!


10. Fourth of July



…Freedom…Independence…Enough said!

Word of the Day

I made up a word this weekend.

Closure-ish: (n) A part of closure; to make oneself believe that one has received finality in a relationship in order to desperately pack away thoughts in the back of one’s mind, never to be seen again…until the next time the phone rings.

Yep…that’s a pretty accurate definition, don’t you think?

Don’t think I just came up with this word out of the blue. Oh no, there is a story behind it.

As most of you know, I got my heart broken in February by Mr. Jackhole. It’s the story of my life! For those of you that don’t know, I allowed myself to become vulnerable and let my walls down for the first time in six years with Mr. Jackhole. He swore he wouldn’t eff up the relationship, but he did.

I wasn’t surprised.

Anyway, the past 4 months he has been sending me random text messages to “check up on me”. Until a couple of weeks ago, I would just give him very brief curt responses to his messages. Then one day a couple of weeks ago, we began carrying on actual conversations via text. I figured, why not…what could it hurt to be nice to the guy?

I’m not one that holds grudges for any length of time.

Long story short, he came to town this past weekend.

We met for drinks.

He brought his “A Game”.

Damn you Mr. Jackhole…I love you’re “A Game”!

He was sweet, funny, talkative and most important, apologetic. He apologized for everything. We talked, laughed and drank the night away. I can’t tell you how many times I just wanted to forget the past and how much he hurt me and just let things go back to the way they used to be between us.

Because I will admit, things were great between us.

Every time he made me remember how good things were between us, I put my mind in reverse and reminded myself how much he hurt me in the end. When we kissed, I had to force myself to remember how he effed things up between us. And each time he made me laugh, I immediately replaced the laughter with the recollection of the painful end to our relationship.

It was this that enabled me to remind him that he effed things up between us and that I didn't know if I could trust him again.

Closure-ish…I’m good until the next time I see him or he texts me…

A girl can only be so strong for so long!

What men want

I have met so many fabulous people at my new job! I mean FABULOUS! They are not only fun to work with, but the best part is that the ones I sit next to have the same sense of humor as I do…you know, dry, witty and very VERY sarcastic…and this makes work FUN.

I was having lunch with some of them on Friday and one of the guys made this comment to me, he said, “it’s no wonder you are still single, guys like to be needed and it is very clear that you don’t “need” a guy.”

I was shocked!

He was right…I don’t “need” a guy…but I "want" one.

So, we carried on with the conversation a little more…you know in a very funny, sarcastic way. He got all “girly” and giggled at everything I said…you know in a way that girls are supposed to when they want to get the attention of a guy.

Yeah…that’s not my style.

My style is to show the guys that come across my path, that I am a put together independent woman. I have a great job that I love. I can support myself and my family. I own my own house. I have my shit together (thanks to 4 years of therapy). I have a great ex-husband who is a terrific father. I have two boys that are at a stage where they realize that it is a good possibility that I will be in a relationship one day with someone other than their dad.

These qualities are what makes me…me!

Apparently, these qualities scare men off.

So here’s the deal. I had an ah ha moment this weekend. And here it is…

I guess I do need a man in my life!

You know what made me come to this conclusion?

Here it is…

I hate my showerhead!

Yep…that’s what made me realize that I NEED a man in my life.

So here’s the deal…I need a man to come over and fix it for me.

It has been driving me crazy for months now, and I’m afraid to take it apart and fix it, at the risk of breaking it.

I could wait for my brother to come to town and fix it, but I don’t think I can wait that long. You know, I’m an instant gratification kind of girl!

So if your single, a handyman, have your own tools, are emotionally stable, and available at all this week, let me know…I will even buy you dinner after!

Will it help if I giggle and bat my eyes when I ask, would that be more appealing to you?

Wait...what?

So…here’s a question for you…

Between me and my dad, who do you think currently has a great dating life?

Stumped?

I will give you one small hint.

No wait…I will just give you the answer…

…It’s NOT me!

For those of you that know my dad, you probably had to re-read this to make sure you read it correctly. For years, my dad has been totally against dating and being social. But something in him has recently clicked and he has been on some dates with the same woman the past month or two.

I’m so stoked for him!

It’s been almost 12 years since my mom died and I’m glad he is finally feeling comfortable enough to get out there and be social.

And the best part is that my friend has someone she wants to fix him up with too. So not only is he going on several dates with the same woman, but he also has one in the waiting if anything goes wrong with this new woman.

I know, it’s fabulous!

Now, if we could just flip the switch and put someone good in my path to date, and maybe line one up in case that doesn’t work out, it would be much appreciated!

Ready…set…GO!

Find me a date!

Three things I'm obsessed with this week

1. Google is a guitar today...I LOVE GOOGLE!



2. The Weiner-T...come on, you know you want one!



3. NBC's new show, "Love in the Wild"...hello, sign me up!

Gibson's DO TO list

I’m a list girl.

I’m embarrassed to admit it but I get a certain amount of satisfaction when I cross things off of my “To Do” list at the end of each day.

I get this trait from my dad…he is not a list guy, per say, but he is very very organized. In fact, he is so organized that at times it can get annoying.

Knowing this about me, you can imagine how proud I was when I pulled this “Do To” list, as Gibson likes to call them, out of his school folder... (

(typed exactly how he wrote it)

ThursDay Do To list

1. Wake up

2. Eat beakfast

3. Get on jacket

4. Get on bus

5. Do mornin work

6. More school stuff

7. Lunch

8. Take quick nap but don’t let ms. Cate see

9. Get back on buss

10. Try not to get in trubl on the bus

11. Go home

12. Hav snak

13. Braden’s house for more snak

14. Play

15. Come home

16. Eat diner

17. Bug my brother

18. Brush teeth

19. Watch tv

20. Go to bed

21. Start over tomoroow

Some days I wish life were still this simple, don’t you?

Always a bridesmaid, but never one who shits in the street

It was a pee your pants funny kind of movie.

Ok, at my age everything is pee your pants worthy. You know, by the time you’ve had a couple of kids it just gets harder and harder to control.

Sexy, huh?

It’s no wonder I’m still single.

Anyway, enough about my bodily functions and back to the movie.

I have to say, I haven’t laughed this hard at a movie…ever! I laughed from the very first scene to the last scene.

A few times, in fact, I laughed so hard I cried.

And sadly enough, quite a few times I just cried. I didn’t sob uncontrollably or anything like that, but I did get teary eyed.

I cried, because I saw the reality of my life in Annie…and it wasn’t pretty. In fact, a couple of times it was embarrassing. From her relationship with her “eff buddy”, aka Hot Fireman in my life, to the reality that the lives of her friends are so much better than her crappy life.

But the worst is that as the movie went along I saw a lot of myself in Annie, the sad, lonely and pathetic part.

John Hamm played her eff buddy. A lot like my relationship with the Hot Fireman, Annie wanted nothing more than for him to like her for more than just a warm body. She convinced herself that what they had was awesome because he was so hot, even though she felt like crap after each time that they were together. She felt like crap because she knew deep down inside that she wanted more than he was willing to give her, and she was willing to settle for that. And because she was settling, she was closing the door to potential good guys, aka, Officer Rhodes in the movie.

It hit me like a ton of bricks when Lillian, the Bride and Annie’s best friend, said to Annie, “You are a total catch. Any guy would be psyched to be your man. You should just make room for someone who is nice to you.” My friends have been saying that to me all along, but it’s funny how it takes a total stranger for it to hit home.

So, to my girls…my new motto in life is this…”it’s happening, it’s happening, oh God, it’s happening!”

Flaunting is for the birds

Starting my posts with “I hate…” is not something I enjoy doing, but lately I’ve been doing it quite often.

So today I am going to start my post with this…

Do you know what I love?

I love when people donate to charities. I love when people help out those in need. I love when people do whatever they can to help better the lives of others.

I try to give and donate when I can, but as a single mom who often lives paycheck to paycheck it gets tough. So more often than not, I donate my time and talent more than I do my money. And I usually feel good when I’m done.

I know there are tons of people out there that have millions and millions of dollars and give a ton of it away. It always makes me happy when that happens.

To the contrary though, I hate when they are extravagent to the other extreme. You know like when a celebrity couple spends $25 million dollars on a 10 bedroom mansion…what do they need a house that size for when it’s just the two of them? Or when someone like Paris Hilton spends thousands and thousands of dollars a day on useless items, like jewelry and clothes for her dog.

And this….this is one of my biggest pet peeves…



This is a picture of the 20.5 carat engagement ring that Kris Humprhies just gave to Kim Kardashian.

Really?

Is this extravagance really necessary?

My question is this, what business does a 26year old have buying a 20.5 carat diamond engagement ring for a cool 2.5 million dollars for his 30 year old fiancé that he has only known a little over 6 months?

What is this world coming to when we have people in Joplin, MO who have lost their homes and can’t seem to keep their heads above water and Kim Kardashian is wearing 2.5 million dollars worth of jewelry…on her ring finger?

Quite frankly…IT DISGUSTS ME!

I feel sorry for Kris Humphries. Why you may ask? Well, in my mind an engagement ring is the “promise” of things to come. And if he is already purchasing something that extravagant this early on in their relationship, then I am of the opinion that he will never ever be able to keep her happy!

Poor fella!

Lessons Learned the Memorial Day Edition

I include my Ex on the neighborhood pool membership every year. This year, however, we were listed as The Ex & Julie + our last name, on the key tag. It made me feel weird.

Also available in the tampon machine in the bathroom of my local movie theater; Purdue face tattoos, lip gloss glitter, sour candy and ibuprofen. Who would have thought?

The Midwest seems to be back on good terms with Mother Nature…knock on wood!

My attention span for bored little boys on long weekends is very limited.

75% of my life (friends, family and job) is AWESOME, it’s the remaining 25% that I continue to struggle with.

I always feel like a new woman after a fresh manicure and pedicure.

I hate spring cleaning but my house always looks so good when it’s done.

Ryan Reynolds is in a movie with Jason Bateman coming out in July. The movie looks stupid but I will still pay top dollar to see it.

There is nothing like a few pots with gorgeous flowers to dress up my trashy looking lawn.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t figure out my stupid showerhead. I wish I had a handyman that could not only take care of that but take care of me too!

At 40, I still cannot throw a Frisbee!

They always come back…it’s a fact, they just do!

Participating in my first Warrior Dash in August with my girlfriends excites me yet scares me at the same time too.

Vacuuming a 3600 square foot house in 90 degree weather is a workout in itself...who needs a gym membership?

Nothing...that's what I've been missing

Have you ever spent time dreaming about the things you don’t have but wish you did? Do you ever find yourself envious of what those around you have? I’m not gonna lie, I have. In fact, I think that way a lot.

That is until today!

Today, for some reason, I woke up and thought “Holy crap…I have it…I have it all”

For some of you, this realization of mine may piss you off, because I know there is a little part of you that loves the self loathing I do here in my blog. Never fear my friends, there is more of that to come! I promise!

But I feel like I must acknowledge what is right in front of my face.

I woke up today, put my feet on the floor, in my bedroom, in my house…that I own.

I woke up to two awesome kids, who love ME, who were excited to see ME, who count on ME…every day, no matter what.

The clothes I picked out the night before, fit great and looked exactly as I had imagined them to look before I went to bed.

I had a great hair day.

There was hardly any traffic on my way in this morning which put me ahead of schedule for the day.

I have money in my bank account and am able to pay my bills in full and on time each month.

I work for two awesome men who regularly ask me how I am, how I’m doing and if they can make any changes to make my life easier.

I have AWESOME friends! Ones that always know what I need…and usually it’s just a laugh.

I have a job that I love that offers me great health insurance, a 401K plan for my future, and the ability to put a roof over my head and food on the table.

I have the ability to say what I want to say, practice the religion I want to practice, and be who I want to be on a daily basis.

Today, I couldn’t ask for another thing! Today, I appreciate my life! Today, I want nothing more!

Tomorrow, I hope for the same.

So I was at a party this weekend with some friends. I didn’t really want to go. The thought of being a homebody this weekend had been weighing heavily on me all week. I was looking so forward to spending Saturday and Sunday with me, myself and I. But a couple of my friends wouldn’t let that happen. Their theory is that if I don’t get out there in the world and mingle, then I will never meet Mr. Right.

They had a good point, so I decided to go.

Of course, I didn’t know anyone at the party, except for the two people that I went with. But that has never stopped me. I’ve never been a wall flower. I can strike up a conversation with anyone and convince you at the same time that I am interested in nothing other than the one on one we are having.

Yeah, it’s a gift…don’t hate me!

Anyway, there was this particularly good looking guy eyeing me by the fireplace. And you all know me well enough by now to know that I was not going to make a move. I figure, if he is interested in getting to know me then he will come over and make the first move. Andy by golly, he did.

But much to my dismay, it ended quicker than it began. Here is our brief 30 second conversation…

Him: Hi, my name is Brian, what is your name?

Me: I’m Julie.

Him: It’s great to meet you Julie. I’ve been watching you all night and your smile really got to me. I couldn’t leave without coming over to introduce myself.

Me: Well, it’s nice to meet you Brian. What do you do for a living?

Him: I’m a firefighter.

Me: (suddenly losing interest and finding it difficult to hold back the look of disappointment on my face). That’s a very noble profession.

Him: You don’t sound too excited about my profession.

Me: Oh I am, it's just that I’ve had a go around or two with a fireman lately.

Him: Well, was he gorgeous and single like me?

Me: He was definitely gorgeous, and he said he was single…so yeah, I guess you could say he is gorgeous and single. But enough about him, tell me more about you.

Him: I save lives…what more do you want to know?

Me: (stunned silent)…

It’s no wonder I’m still single

Lessons learned

Just because your kids aren’t in the car it doesn’t mean you still can’t play slug bug.

Going to work can be fun.

There is always one mom at school functions that makes you feel like you just don’t do enough.

I can’t remember what it feels like to get a full 8 hours sleep.

My mornings would be so much better if my kids didn’t have to spend them in time out.

It’s ok to stay in on a Saturday night…in fact, I’m looking forward to it!

I’m usually not into meatheads, but part of my new workout goal is more protein…meatheads may be just what I need!

I envy men because they get along. Case in point: when a man walks into a room full of other men, he doesn’t get eyed up and down and silently criticized for his ugly belt…well, unless that room is a room full of gay men.

Boys suck! (this is a lesson that I learn every week but forget each week too)

A good handyman would make my life so much easier…a lawn boy too, oh yeah, and a housekeeper, a cook, and a personal trainer would all be appreciated as well.

A salad just isn’t a salad when you make it yourself.

People aren’t always who they portray themselves to be.

Being true to myself is sometimes very difficult, but I know it will pay off in the long run

Gas at $3.91 a gallon is NOT a reason to celebrate.

Open Letter

Most of you that read my blog, know that I’m a processor of sorts. It takes me a while to sort through situations in my life. I need time to think about things before I can move on. So here we are almost 4 months out of my relationship with Mr. Jackhole and I have a few things to say to him. I love it when I get to this point, because it means that I am officially 100% over it all, over the hurt, over the pain and over the memories. And of course I’m going to handle it in a mature way, and by mature, I mean I’m going to blog about it and hope he reads it.

Dear Jackhole (formerly known as Mr. Perfect for Me),

You know what…you are right, it took some time, but I’m officially to the point where I can say WTF about the relationship we had.

Early on, you spoke my language, you complimented me. You said everything I wanted to hear. You made me feel special. You changed my idea about love. I started to believe in it again. I started to believe in fate too.

And then you did what you promised you wouldn’t do. You proved that it was all a lie. You proved that love didn’t exist. It wasn’t fate. You weren’t in love and what I was feeling was for nothing. It was like watching something that I believed in die a quick death.

You said one day we would laugh about this. Well, I don’t think I will ever laugh about it. It wasn’t funny to me. It was my FUTURE and the future of my kids and you were a part of it right before you toyed with me. You hurt me and I believed in you.

Now all I can say is this, thanks for effing things up. You promised you wouldn’t but you did and I have nothing but gratitude for it. Because what I eventually realized is what you were saying all along was true. We are two different people. We live completely different lives. I live one of love, truth and integrity. You live one of selfishness, selfishness and more selfishness and I want no part of that.

Fortunately for me you hurt me like you did or I may have never seen it.

Cheers to the future!
Happily single…

White trash fabulous

Have you ever been addicted to something so powerful that you can’t imagine in your wildest dreams ever living without it?

Well…I’m sad to say, I am!

Hello, my name is Julie and I’m addicted to Facebook.

Please don’t judge me or laugh at me behind my back. I have tried several times to give it up, only to get right back in the saddle again. There is always something that intrigues me, something that I just can’t ignore.

And all it takes is one click…and I’m addicted all over again.

I was so proud of myself. This time I lasted almost 2 weeks. You see, since I have started my new job, I have not been able to find the time to log in and catch up on what my friends are doing, so I just decided to delete my account. I never really thought about it. I never laid awake wondering what my friends were up to or what I was missing.

That is until I got a message saying “you must log in to retrieve your White Trash Fabulous invitation”. Well, who can ignore that…so I reactivated my account and got the following invitation to my cousins 40th Birthday Party.

You are cordially invited to *Cousins* White-Trash-Fabulous 40th Birthday Party at *bar of your choice*, June 10th at 6 PM. The theme, White Trash Fabulous, will celebrate 40 years of *Cousins* antics that include big-wheel races, taking a bath in a restaurant kitchen sink, and getting the cops called on a party before 10:00 pm. Please wear your most fabulous white trash attire, including but not limited to; denim jacket with the sleeves cut off and a white snake decal ironed on the back, a purple, lime green, and orange windsuit, or maybe a demin skirt and wife beater (but don't forget to tuck a pillow in to the wife beater so everyone knows that you're preggo, you don't know who the father is, and you need a goddamn draaaank).

Of course, don't hold back on the mullet...because nothing says "I keep it formal, but I'm here to party" like a finely trimmed Missouri Mudflap. A special prize goes to anyone who actually cuts their hair into a real mullet. And by "special prize" I mean merciless ridicule.

So, come one, come all! Because, let's get real, *Cousin* is turning 40 and we need as many people possible to help carry her back to her apartment in a wheelbarrow....

(PS: Someone bring a wheelbarrow)

The email above and an email entitled “Your grandpa sitting on his front porch naked” are the two reasons I logged back into Facebook. Come on, don’t judge me…you know you are curious about this email too. But don’t ask me for details. I’m trying to forget what I saw. Let’s just say there is an image burned on my corneas for life that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

Enough said!

So, if you’re lucky and a White Trash Fabulous kind of guy that can pull off a mullet and wife beater send me your number and I will take you as my date to my cousin’s birthday party. Don’t be shy, you know you want to break out your white trash attire! It’s ok to admit it…I won’t tell anyone.

He's just not that into you when

He's just not that into you when...

He doesn’t plan in advance, he cancels dates more that he keeps dates, he wants to wait until the two of you have more than 3 hours to spend together, he takes longer than 36 hours to respond to a simple text message, the majority of the time spent together is between the hours of sun down and sun up, he only wants to spend time together on his terms, he is not making an effort to see you, he says things like “I’m no good at relationships”, he only contacts you every few days or so, he initiates with phrases like, “we need to get together soon” but then never follows through, he doesn’t want regular consistent contact with you…and so on and so on.

My question is this...

If it doesn’t take a genius to figure this out…then why do I feel like such an idiot?

A tall drink of water

So this week, I started my new job.

I love my new job!

It’s everything that my old job wasn’t.

In fact, for the first time in 40 years I actually enjoy going to work.

The only bad thing is that I have been so busy that I haven’t really found the time to update my blog. I was exhausted by the time I got home each night. So exhausted that I didn’t feel like doing anything on the social front…no girls night outs, no dates, and no hanging with friends. This, in turn, means no fresh blog material.

And for that, I’m sorry!

Well, I guess I shouldn’t say I have no fresh blog material, because I do have a few articles in my mind that I need to write. Articles like, why Mother’s Day brings out the Ex’s, or, How to tell when I’m just not that into you, or even, What does a girl have to do to spend time with you? Yep, those articles are all in my head, just not on paper yet.

So until I get the energy to put one or all of those ideas on paper, I leave you with this tall drink of water.

You're welcome!

How an 8 year old finally made me feel cool again

Well, here we are! It’s Monday morning and I survived yet another Mother’s Day without my kids and without my mom. If I were being honest with you, I would tell you that I had a pretty good day. But I don’t want to be honest about it, because being honest would make me sound like a bad mom, yet again.

You see, I actually enjoyed the first part of my day without my kids and in the company of other kids.

Shhhh….don’t tell my kids that I spent the day with ten 8 year old little girls, a couple of 12 year olds and my dear friend Jane.

And it was great!

But most importantly, many lessons were learned about the differences between girl and boy birthday parties…here are a few.

Girl birthday parties consist of quiet, the occasional giggle and please and thank yous, whereas boy birthday parties consist of running, yelling, and lots of sweat.

Girl birthday parties consist of manners, sweetness, and sharing, whereas boy birthday parties consist of running, yelling and lots of sweat.

Girl birthday parties consist of order, pleasentries, and excitement, whereas boy birthday parties consist of running, yelling and lots of sweat.

Girl birthday parties consist of fruit, milk and cupcakes, whereas boy birthday parties consist of running, yelling and lots of sweat.

Girl birthday parties consist of sugar and spice and everything nice, whereas boy birthday parties consist of running, yelling and lots of sweat.

And last but not least, girl birthday parties consist of pony tails, pretty dresses, and cute tights, whereas boy birthday parties consist of crazy hair, mismatched clothes, dirt, and, oh yeah, running, yelling and lots of sweat.

Unlike moms of girls, I am used to the crazy hair, mismatched clothes, dirt, yelling, running and sweat. So you can imagine my intimidation when trying to buy the perfect gift for one of the sweetest little girls I know. I stressed out about it while I was at the store, while driving to the party, and even during cake and ice cream. I was nervous when it came time for gifts. I just didn’t want to feel like the crazy lady that doesn’t have any clue what to buy little girls, even though I once was a little girl

So you can imagine my relief when the birthday girl’s eyes lit up when she opened my gift. But nothing beats the reaction of another little girl in the room when she said, “wow, you are definitely invited to my birthday party!”

And because this blog is all about me, the first thing that came to my mind after it was all over is…

“Finally! I’m a cool girl again!”

And it only took an 8 year old birthday party for me to fit back into the clique that I always wanted to be in growing up.

Pathetic, right?

Pathetic or not, I don’t care…I’m takin what I can get!

Mother's Day can suck it

Since I’ve been a mom, Mother’s Day has never been a favorite holiday of mine. But since I’ve been divorced Mother’s Day has become my least favorite holiday of the year.

Why. you might ask?

Mother’s Day always falls on a Sunday.

Sunday’s are days that my kids always spend with their dad.

My mom passed away 11 years ago, so that in itself makes Mother’s Day difficult.

My dad will be in Florida visiting his brother.

My twin brother will be in Washington DC chaperoning a field trip.

My older brother lives in TN.

My friends are either spending the day with their kids or their moms.

So, you see, I got nothing on Mother’s Day!

My kids, friends and mom are all unavailable.

Thank God I still have a very unorganized closet calling my name.

Verbal vomitting

Some days I’m a good mom, some days I’m a great mom, most days, however, I would say I’m an average mom.

Yesterday, on the other hand, I was the worst mom imaginable to a 10 year old boy.

Hello, my name is Julie and I am a horrible mom!

There, I said it and I feel much better. Hamilton, my 10 year old, doesn’t feel much better about it, but I do, and that’s all that matters, right?

Wrong!

Last night, I did the unthinkable when I took Hamilton to basketball practice. Yep, I did. I stopped and talked to the coaches before I left to let them practice.

I don’t know what came over me.

They were chatting when I walked by.

They seemed so inviting.

So I stopped to chat.

They are great guys.

It’s not like I had never done it in the past.

So when I casually mentioned that it was getting harder and harder to motivate Hamilton to go to practice in the evenings, and they agreed when it came to their boys, I didn’t think much of it. We laughed about it and commented how it was a long season and all the boys were probably ready for a break this summer.

It never occurred to me that Hamilton would come home from practice in tears, humiliated and more mad at me than he had ever been before.

Turns out the coach lectured the team about respect and asked the boys to raise their hands if they felt the same as Hamilton about not wanting to come to practice anymore.

No one raised their hand…of course they didn’t. They aren’t stupid! If they would have raised their hands, they would have probably had to run laps.

Which would have suited Hamilton better than being called out in practice for a comment that his mom had made to the coaches.

I felt horrible when he confronted me last night! I never dreamed that comment would have caused the rucus it did in practice.

I couldn’t sleep last night…at all! Maybe that is my punishment for being such a horrible mom.

Or, maybe my punishment is this brief conversation that we had on the way to school this morning.

Hamilton: Mom, I need to tell you something, but you have to promise not to get mad.

Me: OK (uh oh, here we go…)

Hamilton: You’re head looks big from the side.

And that my friends, is how a 10 year old repays his mom for opening her mouth and inserting her foot all at the same time!

Lessons learned last week

If you don’t ask for what you want you will spend your life wondering why everyone else gets what they want.

I don’t care what anyone says, it’s my path and I’m going to follow it at my own pace.

Leave a party just a little after it’s peaked…trust me, you will thank me one day for this advice.

Do not compare yourself to others, you never know what they have been through to be who they are or where they are.

Hallmark cards with music are great until your 7 year old gets a hold of it and takes it to the bathroom with him…at 2am…good times!

When you need help, ask for it. People can’t read minds!

Trust your gut; but more importantly, you have to learn to tell the difference between your gut feeling, hormones and wishful thinking. This is tough for a single woman in her 40’s.

Men are from earth! Women are from earth! It’s a fact, get over it!

The more I learn, the dumber I feel.

Getting back up after you fall down is the most important aspect of failing.

It doesn’t matter how often I vacuum my house, I will forever be sweeping up pine needles from the Christmas tree.

Opening the new window after you have shut a door to your life can be scary and exciting all at the same time.

If you want to be considered the best mom in the world, surprise your kids with a trip to the toy store out of the blue. If you want to be considered the worst mom in the world, walk out without buying anything because you didn’t think their behavior while in said toy store was worth a purchase.

Vodka logic

There are many flaws about me to which I could call your attention to. But, quite frankly, I did not sleep much last night because I was addicted to the ongoing coverage of the death of Osama Bin Laden, so I’m tired and choosing not to beat myself down on a Monday morning!

Yeah, I love myself that much.

Now with that said, it’s already May 2nd. I cannot believe that this year is already almost ½ way over. It seems like the older I get the more time flies. And with every significant change of the calendar, ie: each new month, I consider myself born anew. Because if I don’t , I end up being too hard on myself when I don’t reach my goals that I made the year before.

On the first day of the year, I signed a personal oath to myself about finishing my book, strengthening my relationships, finding the perfect job and doing everything right for a change. In typical fashion, I would then spend the next 364 days holding my breath and waiting for these goals to magically finish on their own. This is where my unhealthy attachment to “right” comes into play. The right project, the right man, the perfect job…the pressure to not make a mistake or waste my time or be anyone’s fool, quite frankly, stresses me out.

The months tend to flounder. I spend my days waiting, holding out for a sign or a winning lottery ticket, only to become more and more frustrated. You see, I’m never sure what’s right and I’m so afraid to be wrong. I should ask questions, but I would rather wait until an answer falls in my lap. It’s easier that way.

Yeah, that’s usually how I do it.

But not this year. Not in 2011.

This year, I am giving myself permission to be wrong and fail on occasion.
From here on out, I am going to focus on the wrong projects. From here on out, I want to follow the wrong leads. From here on out, I want to let my book sit and stew. From here on out, I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and focusing on the things that make me uncomfortable, things I don’t really need to know but want to try.

I declare 2011 my throw away year!

This is my year for learning, growing and not being a fool when it comes to relationships in my life.

This is my year for effing up, letting in, breathing out, and moving on.

This year I don’t need or want answers.

This year, I’m giving myself permission to have fun and not be so consumed with the outcomes.

This year, I’m gonna “do it my way” ala Mr. Frank Sinatra.

Now…let’s get moving…I only have 8 months to eff it all up and start anew on January 1, 2012.

I've got a playdate with destiny

I think I mentioned before that I have been working through a 30 day renewal program. Well, it has officially become a 45 day program, life kind of got in the way. It was a gift I bought myself for my birthday. I hit 40 and BAM…I felt a crisis coming along. I wasn’t where I wanted to be in my life and I was scared that I didn’t know how to get where I wanted to go.

I had just broken up with my therapist and quickly felt my world crumbling around me, but I couldn’t go back to him for advice. Oh no, I had to prove to him that I learned a lot over our years together and I could survive life without him.

I didn’t realize how dependent I had become on him and his guidance.

It was kind of scary!

So I took the bull by the horns and started this renewal program. And can I say WOW! It has really opened my eyes up to me. It kind of pisses me off that my years of expensive therapy never brought me to this realization. But it is what it is. Maybe my therapist was telling me this all along and I just didn’t get it.

Don’t judge me, I was never a super smart girl in school. But I sure did have fun!

I hope to write a few posts in the future about the realizations I have come to in this 45 day process. But to put them all in one post would be confusing and quite frankly, downright boring!

So today’s focus is the eye opener I had regarding my personal life.

One of the days throughout this process we had to answer two questions: First, write about a time in your life that made you feel wonderful or joyous, and second, write about a time in your life that made you feel sad, unhappy or frustrated. Both times I wrote about experiences I had with the only two men I have ever been in love with.

Then we had to compare and contrast our answers.

This is where my light bulb moment came into play.

When I was answering the questions I talked about how the Ex made me feel when he asked for a divorce and compared it to my relationship with Mr. Jackhole and how he made me feel throughout. Of course, there were two totally different sets of feelings, sadness and frustration in one, and happiness, and self confidence in the other. However, the end result for both relationships was hurt, sadness and tremendous pain for me.

And there-in lies the light bulb moment.

I believe the reason I cannot find Mr. Right is because I am scared of being hurt by someone again. Therefore, I don't open myself up completely to the person I am spending time with.

I have recently been spending some time with and chatting with the Hot Fireman again. I love our time together even though it is very rare. I love it when he texts me and I know he is thinking about me. I love the way he makes me laugh and feel. I love it when I make him laugh. We just always seem to have fun together. I definitely love spending as much time with him as I can.

But the last time we hung out, he made a comment early on in our time together that I seemed nervous. I wasn’t nervous, persay. I think I was more scared than anything. Scared of what could happen if we continue to chat and spend time together. Scared of what could happen if I let my heart get involved. Scared of what could happen if I let my heart take control of the relationship instead of my head.

You see, I continue to believe that if my head is in control then there will always be a “safe” distance between us. What scares me is that moment that I lose control and let my heart overpowers my head.

The trick has become trying to find an even balance between the focus of my head and the focus of my heart at the same time. You know, kind of like when you were a kid and you tried to pat your head and rub your belly at the same time. (ok…stop for a moment and try it…go ahead…you know you want to)

Great, now that you got that out of your system, let’s try to focus again.

I’m almost done.

The trick to patting your head and rubbing your belly at the same time is to keep moving your attention, rapidly, from one hand to the other and back again. If you don’t you wind up either rubbing or patting both your head and your belly. In other words, sacrificing one for the sake of the other.

Just like that silly little game, I realized that in order to not focus on the potential of a hurtful outcome with the Hot Fireman, I need to readjust my thinking and rapidly move my focus from my heart to my head and back again at all times when it comes to our relationship. Otherwise, I will end up sabotaging what could possibly be a great thing in my life.

Make sense?

I LOVE LIGHT BULB MOMENTS!