I made up a word this weekend.
Closure-ish: (n) A part of closure; to make oneself believe that one has received finality in a relationship in order to desperately pack away thoughts in the back of one’s mind, never to be seen again…until the next time the phone rings.
Yep…that’s a pretty accurate definition, don’t you think?
Don’t think I just came up with this word out of the blue. Oh no, there is a story behind it.
As most of you know, I got my heart broken in February by Mr. Jackhole. It’s the story of my life! For those of you that don’t know, I allowed myself to become vulnerable and let my walls down for the first time in six years with Mr. Jackhole. He swore he wouldn’t eff up the relationship, but he did.
I wasn’t surprised.
Anyway, the past 4 months he has been sending me random text messages to “check up on me”. Until a couple of weeks ago, I would just give him very brief curt responses to his messages. Then one day a couple of weeks ago, we began carrying on actual conversations via text. I figured, why not…what could it hurt to be nice to the guy?
I’m not one that holds grudges for any length of time.
Long story short, he came to town this past weekend.
We met for drinks.
He brought his “A Game”.
Damn you Mr. Jackhole…I love you’re “A Game”!
He was sweet, funny, talkative and most important, apologetic. He apologized for everything. We talked, laughed and drank the night away. I can’t tell you how many times I just wanted to forget the past and how much he hurt me and just let things go back to the way they used to be between us.
Because I will admit, things were great between us.
Every time he made me remember how good things were between us, I put my mind in reverse and reminded myself how much he hurt me in the end. When we kissed, I had to force myself to remember how he effed things up between us. And each time he made me laugh, I immediately replaced the laughter with the recollection of the painful end to our relationship.
It was this that enabled me to remind him that he effed things up between us and that I didn't know if I could trust him again.
Closure-ish…I’m good until the next time I see him or he texts me…
A girl can only be so strong for so long!