There are many flaws about me to which I could call your attention to. But, quite frankly, I did not sleep much last night because I was addicted to the ongoing coverage of the death of Osama Bin Laden, so I’m tired and choosing not to beat myself down on a Monday morning!
Yeah, I love myself that much.
Now with that said, it’s already May 2nd. I cannot believe that this year is already almost ½ way over. It seems like the older I get the more time flies. And with every significant change of the calendar, ie: each new month, I consider myself born anew. Because if I don’t , I end up being too hard on myself when I don’t reach my goals that I made the year before.
On the first day of the year, I signed a personal oath to myself about finishing my book, strengthening my relationships, finding the perfect job and doing everything right for a change. In typical fashion, I would then spend the next 364 days holding my breath and waiting for these goals to magically finish on their own. This is where my unhealthy attachment to “right” comes into play. The right project, the right man, the perfect job…the pressure to not make a mistake or waste my time or be anyone’s fool, quite frankly, stresses me out.
The months tend to flounder. I spend my days waiting, holding out for a sign or a winning lottery ticket, only to become more and more frustrated. You see, I’m never sure what’s right and I’m so afraid to be wrong. I should ask questions, but I would rather wait until an answer falls in my lap. It’s easier that way.
Yeah, that’s usually how I do it.
But not this year. Not in 2011.
This year, I am giving myself permission to be wrong and fail on occasion.
From here on out, I am going to focus on the wrong projects. From here on out, I want to follow the wrong leads. From here on out, I want to let my book sit and stew. From here on out, I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and focusing on the things that make me uncomfortable, things I don’t really need to know but want to try.
I declare 2011 my throw away year!
This is my year for learning, growing and not being a fool when it comes to relationships in my life.
This is my year for effing up, letting in, breathing out, and moving on.
This year I don’t need or want answers.
This year, I’m giving myself permission to have fun and not be so consumed with the outcomes.
This year, I’m gonna “do it my way” ala Mr. Frank Sinatra.
Now…let’s get moving…I only have 8 months to eff it all up and start anew on January 1, 2012.