Have you ever been addicted to something so powerful that you can’t imagine in your wildest dreams ever living without it?
Well…I’m sad to say, I am!
Hello, my name is Julie and I’m addicted to Facebook.
Please don’t judge me or laugh at me behind my back. I have tried several times to give it up, only to get right back in the saddle again. There is always something that intrigues me, something that I just can’t ignore.
And all it takes is one click…and I’m addicted all over again.
I was so proud of myself. This time I lasted almost 2 weeks. You see, since I have started my new job, I have not been able to find the time to log in and catch up on what my friends are doing, so I just decided to delete my account. I never really thought about it. I never laid awake wondering what my friends were up to or what I was missing.
That is until I got a message saying “you must log in to retrieve your White Trash Fabulous invitation”. Well, who can ignore that…so I reactivated my account and got the following invitation to my cousins 40th Birthday Party.
You are cordially invited to *Cousins* White-Trash-Fabulous 40th Birthday Party at *bar of your choice*, June 10th at 6 PM. The theme, White Trash Fabulous, will celebrate 40 years of *Cousins* antics that include big-wheel races, taking a bath in a restaurant kitchen sink, and getting the cops called on a party before 10:00 pm. Please wear your most fabulous white trash attire, including but not limited to; denim jacket with the sleeves cut off and a white snake decal ironed on the back, a purple, lime green, and orange windsuit, or maybe a demin skirt and wife beater (but don't forget to tuck a pillow in to the wife beater so everyone knows that you're preggo, you don't know who the father is, and you need a goddamn draaaank).
Of course, don't hold back on the mullet...because nothing says "I keep it formal, but I'm here to party" like a finely trimmed Missouri Mudflap. A special prize goes to anyone who actually cuts their hair into a real mullet. And by "special prize" I mean merciless ridicule.
So, come one, come all! Because, let's get real, *Cousin* is turning 40 and we need as many people possible to help carry her back to her apartment in a wheelbarrow....
(PS: Someone bring a wheelbarrow)
The email above and an email entitled “Your grandpa sitting on his front porch naked” are the two reasons I logged back into Facebook. Come on, don’t judge me…you know you are curious about this email too. But don’t ask me for details. I’m trying to forget what I saw. Let’s just say there is an image burned on my corneas for life that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
So, if you’re lucky and a White Trash Fabulous kind of guy that can pull off a mullet and wife beater send me your number and I will take you as my date to my cousin’s birthday party. Don’t be shy, you know you want to break out your white trash attire! It’s ok to admit it…I won’t tell anyone.