A couple of weekends ago Hamilton, Gibson and I had the distinct pleasure of joining my brother, sister-in-law, neice, nephew and dad at Chuck E. Cheese for my nephews 3rd birthday. I totally get why kids love this place, the noise, the games, the music, the fast pace, the pizza…I get it, I really do. But for what it’s worth, as an adult, it totally SUCKS! I will continue to go for future birthday parties, but never, and I mean never will I ever suggest having a party there for one of my kids…and here’s why.
Top Ten Reasons my kids will never ever and I mean EVER have a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.
10. I did not know that you could use one of the tables in the restaurant as a changing table for a very dirty infant diaper. (yes, some lady was changing a diaper right where they had dinner ten minutes later).
9. Sneezing on the glass guard of the salad bar is apparently not frowned upon.
8. You can only buy 1/2 of a “fake vomit” with 156 tickets. Who would have thought?
7. You can, however, buy (2) plastic cobra snakes, a tootsie pop, a tic tac toe game and a plastic bracelet for 156 tickets. Unfortunately my brother and sister-in-law had to fork out about $100 in order for my kids to win such fabulous prizes.
6. Most parents appeared cornered like Custer at his last stand while the children ran amok as if dancing to some evil sadistic ritual…damn, why didn’t I bring my flask.
5. All the teenagers that work there often stared at me like they were looking past me with a thousand-yard stare into hell.
4. It wasn’t long into our adventure that I suddenly wished Chuck E. Cheese sold beer with a taser gun on the side. (It’s weird how my kids and nieces and nephews never seemed to bother me in these situations, it’s usually the other kids whose parents let them roam around with no supervision that drive me to want to drink).
3. Any place that has a giant rat as a mascot should probably rethink their form of branding.
2. Kids often think that going to a place where you can “be a kid” means you have permission to push, shove, kick, and pat people in mascot uniforms on the butt. Poor Chuck E!
And the number one reason why my kids will never ever and I mean ever have a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese…
1. There were so many staff members constantly coming up to us that I eventually had to refer to them all by the nicknames I gave them, girl who talks to soft, too much make up girl, boy whose job it is to clean grubby finger prints off of the games, salad bar girls, etc. I bet the employment turnover ratio in that industry is HUGE!
Now if you will excuse me, I’m off to wash off in a bat of disinfectant hand sanitizer. Just typing this post about Chuck E. Cheese makes me feel all dirty inside.