Math wizards and bachelors do not go hand in hand

Seriously people…I don’t think I am going to be able to make it through this season of the Bachelorette. My attention span is not equipped to watch with full on attention. The only way I could manage to get through last nights episode was to half heartedly pay attention and try to listen for things that made me chuckle. So today I share with you some of the funny things the guys and Ali said last night.

But before I get to that, I came up with a little game while watching the show in hopes that it would help me sit still for two freaking hours. Everytime Ali was picked up and twirled by one of the guys I did a shot. Unfortunately, I had to stop playing this game about 10 minutes in…Anywho, the twirl count got up to 8 last night.

On to my favorite lines of the evening:

“I’m dating 17 guys right now…that’s awesome!” -Ali before her first one on one date

My thoughts: Hmmmm….classy, Ali, very classy!

“I’ve got a beautiful car, a beautiful girl and we are cruising down the highway…what could go wrong?” -Frank (aka: Frankie boy), at the beginning of the first date

My thoughts: Cockiness never wins in TV. Have you ever noticed when actors/actress’ say things like “it doesn’t get much better than this” or “life is so good”…things automatically go bad? I think Frankie just written his own ticket home, maybe not for a few weeks, but he definitely jinxed himself.

“I didn’t lie to you, I just told you ½ the truth.” –Justin (aka: Rated-R)

My thoughts: Justin said this as he was trying to defend his career choice and the fact that he is NOT doing the bachelorette for publicity. I now think he is the one with the girlfriend.

“You’re a good looking guy but you have nothing to say, are you going to be ok with that?” - Craig (aka: Toupe Tom) trying to bring Jesse down

My thoughts: Craig is bringing out the claws early, he is obviously a man with a huge ego, little insecurity and has absolutely no clue what life and relationships are all about.

“Uncomfortably Uncomfortable…that’s all I got to say.” -Hunter (aka: Move outta my way, I gotta pee)

My thoughts: This was definitely one of the funniest lines of the evening. Hunter said this after having to dawn a pair of bright yellow tighty whiteys for a swim suit photo shoot. Thank God Ali’s favorite color was yellow because that is all he had going for him.

“Ali on a scale of 1 to 10 is a 63” -Ty (aka: Bless his heart) during the swimsuit photo shoot on the beach

My thoughts: definitely not a math wizard…


“Craig M is an egomeniachial jerkoff” -Jonathan (aka: Ron Burgundy)

My thoughts: I think I may need to consult the urban dictionary for a definition of egomeniachial jerkoff!

“Jesse is hot. Jesse is sexy. That’s sort of where I am with him” -Ali before her date with Jesse

My thoughts: I tend to speak in “caveman speak” when I am talking about Jesse too. In fact the only words I can come up with to describe him are “hummana, hummana, hummana”

“If Jesse comes back with the rose today that means there is one less rose for us” -Chris H.(aka: Brody)

My thoughts: Another math wizard!

“I do everything, I travel the world and I play baseball” -Roberto (aka: Rico Suave)

My thoughts: Traveling + Baseball does not equal everything…another math genius!

So you see what I’m dealing with here…Not a lot of substance to go on! But I will go out on a limb and say that I think Justin (aka: Rated-R) is the cheater with the girlfriend back home, and Jesse (aka: Mr. Peculiar) and Roberto (aka: Rico Suave) would be my top two picks as the winner. Secretly, I hope she dumps both of them because I believe they can both do better than Ali.

But that’s just my two cents!