Wednesday, March 31, 2010

My retirement plan

I always support my kids in any of the activities that they seem to like. I make sure they get to every practice, afterschool club and game on time. In fact, we are usually a few minutes early.

Why?

Because I want them to know that if they are serious about something they need to be 100% focused on that event as it is happening. If they want to play football they will attend the “optional” summer camps. If they want to play basketball, they will participate in the “drills clinic” put on by the local High School team every summer, I don’t care if they have to get up thirty minutes earlier than they would on a normal school day. If they want to take the afterschool “comic drawing” class then they will do the “homework,” even if it is optional.

We are a 100% family!

If they decide to try a new sport, they will see it through to the end of that particular season even if they know within five minutes that they don’t like it.

We are a 100% family!

I’m not going to lie to you, we are a 100% family because momma is raising her “retirement plans”. Oh yes…this is no joke. My boys, even though they are only 9 and 6 have been slated as my means to an early retirement. And by early retirement I mean I’m banking on being retired by the time I am fifty. No pressure Hamilton and Gibson!

That’s why when I saw this…



...I knew I was in the clear.

I knew I was on the home base run to early retirement when I came across this fantastic piece of artwork. What is this you might ask? Well for those of you that don’t know this piece of artwork recently sold for 9.6 million dollars. No, that’s not a typo. I said 9.6 MILLION dollars.

I know, it made me want to run to CVS and buy a ruler and a sharpie too.

But then I remembered these bad boys lying around my house. And by “lying around my house” I mean, I had to dig them out of the trash.

...shhhssh, don’t tell my kids.

First is this bad boy…



…it’s titled “MY MOM”. Surely this is worth some money? Maybe not 9.6 million dollars, but do you think I could trade it for the penguin Japanese eraser and a webkin?

Or what about this…



…it’s titled “INSIDE MOM’S CAR”. Is it just me or does it look like someone threw up in my car? It has a certain charm to it, doesn’t it?

This one is one of my favorites…



…it’s called “FAMILY”. See the bald no neck guy on the end to the right? Gibson can’t decide if that should be dad or grandpa. I think it’s pretty clear, it’s neither. It sorta looks like the mailman.

Or what about this one…



…it’s called “TOYING WITH THE PENGUIN”. It may not seem like a masterpiece to you, but when it’s your own child doing the drawing, everything is a masterpiece. Am I right?

…now this one…this one has a certain peculiairty to it if I do say so myself



It’s titled “WAKING FROM NIGHTMARE”. This stumped me. And when I asked Gibby why he named it Waking from Nightmare he said this, “because I had a nightmare once that scared me so bad, I wet the bed. But that was when I was little, I don’t wet the bed anymore.”

And of course, my favorite…



I asked Gibby if this was called “MONSTER” and he said “duh mom, it’s called SPONGEBOB!”

While my ability to name good artwork might be a little iffy, I think my eye to spot it is quite rare.

Now I’m off to find the sucker that paid 9.6 million for the sharpie induced artwork and see if I can sell him a crock of shit too.

Oh, and FYI…I would take less than 9.6 million, I know good artwork when I see it and I’m willing to bargin!

36 comments:

  1. This put a smile on my face! Great post!

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  2. That just cracks me up. I need to stop filing (yes my file is the trash)these and posting them on the web!! Forget the art....isn't Tyler Hansbrough your son?????

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  3. LOL
    This is hilarious!! Something is only worth what someone else is willing to pay.

    Stopping in from SITS.

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  4. This is greatness. Stopping by from SITS.

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  5. Stopping in from SITS. Happy day!! I don't have kids of my own, but I have a refrigerator covered with nieces nephews masterpieces. :)

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  6. this is surely million dollar art, love your titles =) My baby just started making her art and I loooove it, you've inspired me to share! btw, stopping in from SITS!

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  7. You have a promising retirement plan there, such budding artists! It's crazy how much some people will spend on goofy things, isn't it. I think your boys need a bit more practice though, I can tell what those things are.

    Congrats on your SITS day!

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  8. It is spongebob!!!!! Good luck with your retirement plans. My retirement plans have to get their butts to hockey soon...momma needs a new pair of shoes!

    Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
    www.mawhats4dinner.com

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  9. This is brilliant. I need to go find my box o' artwork and start working on my ebay store immediately!

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  10. If I ever start a rock band? It will DEFINITELY be named 'Toying with Penguin.'

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  11. Here from SITS. Love your blog, you are quite adorable!

    Joanna

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  12. OMG! I bet I have a 9 million dollar gem too! I am off to look. :)

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  13. 9.6 million for that?? Crazy! I like your boys' artwork much better!!

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  14. Yes. I was right. I'm going to just love your blog! I nearly spewed coffee out of my nose at the Waking From Nightmare.

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  15. LOL. I thought Waking from Nightmare said "Walking" from Nightmare. And I thought the pee stain was a cape ...

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  16. Oh, woe is me. My "retirement plans" aka my three daughters are all grown, and they are teachers! How's that going to help my retirement? They think they're doing good for mankind but what about ME? I'm with you -- raise Picasso and wait. Terrific blog, you are hilarious.

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  17. Ha! I love it! Stopping by from SITS.

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  18. Waking from Nightmare is my favorite! I'd say you've got a cool million in that one. Tell the "art collectors" it was painted by your cat though, and you can double that number!

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  19. Sounds like a great plan to me! One man's trash and all that, right?

    Stopping by from SITS.

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  20. I love it! And your kids' artwork is adorable, too! Let me know how that stuff sells, I've saved some of my son's stuff, but I could part with it for retirement... :-)
    Happy SITS Day!
    ***Ally

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  21. I love that you are pimping out your kids' artwork. Someone should come along any day now and compensate you nicely for all that. Hang in there.
    Love your outlook on life, love your blog. I can't stop reading, and laughing.
    Just stopping over from SITS.

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  22. I love this post!! I'd love for you to check out the Dirty Little Secrets on my site. We had one from a reader that "secretly" throws her kid's artwork out after they go to bed & if they spot it in the garbage in the a.m, she says "oh, how did that get in there, it must have accidentally fallen in!" Another good one is when the music plays on the ice cream truck, it means they are OUT of ice cream! Funny stuff... not that I am promoting lying to the kids or anything {wink}. Anyways, Happy Sits Day!
    Steph from www.southernmomentum.com

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  23. *LOL* I just know I have some 9.6 million artwork kicking around my house too! HAH!

    Happy SITS day. Love the post.

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  24. You are too funny!! I don't have kids yet, but I love your 100% family philosophy, just fabulous!!

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  25. Great post! I absolutely love your way of thinking and what adorable and entertaining pictures! I just love it!! :D

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  26. I am still laughing at your brutal honesty about your early retirement package of 2 unsuspecting providers.
    You are good... Happy SITS Tuesday!
    Cheers,
    E

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  27. I know what you mean about retirement. My 3 year old was intently watching Justin Beiber on SNL the other day (he wasn't up at midnight we DVR it) and he informed us he was going to be a singer. I enthusiastically supported this declaration telling my husband retirment was now in sight. Happy SITS and good luck with the future artists.

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  28. Too funny! I can't belive someone would pay that much for that "art" - lol!!!!

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  29. Happy SITS day! I am still in shock about the $9.6 million!

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  30. I'm a little late, but I'm a single mom also working full-time & in school full-time, so you understand.

    I immediately recognized Spongebob (my favorite cartoon).

    Happy (late) SITS Day!

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  31. I think you may be on to something. I need to start going through my boxes of papers. With all the kids I have, I could have a very nice retirement.

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  32. Very cute pics. I recognized Spongebob too.

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  33. I couldn't resist grinning as I scrolled down your blog. Yes, retiring early may be better for some. It's so sweet of you to include your kids in your planning stage.

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  34. As long as you have a well-planned retirement, it is okay to retire at the age of 50. There are a lot of things you can do after retirement, and you can do things you missed when you were still employed. Nonetheless, it’s moving of you to consider your family above everything else. Somehow, the love we have for our family, especially our children, does make us become naturally selfless. :)

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  35. Your kids need you more than anything else. Glad to hear that you're considering early retirement, so that you can spend more time with them. Work now and save a lot - the earlier, the better. Anyway, just be wise enough in choosing a retirement plan. Choose only the best; it's you and your family's future that is at stake here.

    -Ouida Talbott @ AnchorYourPlan

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