Monday, March 29, 2010

Friendships are like a two way street, not a highway and a bike path

I had dinner this past weekend with a really great friend. For the sake of this article let’s call her “Lovely Gal.” Lovely Gal and I have known each other only a few years but our connection was instant upon our first meeting. She is a single mom, like me who works hard to support her family, like me, and struggles with the work/life balance, like me.

Lovely Gal and I really bonded and connected through our friendship with Toxic Friend. You remember Toxic Friend? She’s the one I had to back away from late last year because of some hurtful comments she made about another friend of mine. Well, long story short, having dinner with Lovely Gal made me start thinking about the people in my life, especially Toxic Friend, that I have had to walk away from and how sad it makes me.

I will admit I’m not good at walking away, giving up, or putting myself first, but in the case of Toxic Friend, I had to force myself to put me first. I didn’t take walking away from my friendship with her lightly, quite the contrary, it was one of the most difficult decisions of my life because I knew when I walked away from Toxic Friend I would not only be walking away from one of my dearest friends but I would also be walking away from my core group of single friends whom I had grown to love with all my heart.

I think about Toxic Friend often and how I basically blogged about the demise of our friendship instead of talking to her openly about it. But honestly I was fed up and tired of fighting a never ending battle with her. You see, every time I would try to mention to Toxic Friend how her comments about another friend of mine were hurtful to me all she could do was offer me books and research material about why she said the things she did about my friend. She never once took into consideration how her comments were hurtful to me. Oh no, she was just more worried about me agreeing with the hurtful things she was saying about my friend.

And that is when I decided to take a deeper look into my friendship with Toxic Friend. And quite frankly, I didn’t like what I was seeing. I saw a person that I had loved, stood by, championed, leaned on, and laughed with but never once did I feel like those feelings were reciprocated about me. I got frustrated with what I like to call our “one sided” friendship and realized that I had to throw in the towel.

I realized that our friendship had been taking me down a path that I was no longer willing to travel anymore. I was fed up with Self Destruction Street and Deniability Drive. I no longer wanted to travel those roads. I wanted to somehow find my way to Happiness Highway and I knew that being friends with Toxic Friend would prevent me from going that direction. I could no longer drive down those dead ends with her any longer. I couldn’t participate, I couldn’t watch anymore. I had to take a U Turn and evaluate the direction I had been going.

To this day I still feel bad about how our friendship ended, but I am a much better person without her in my life.

To this day, my weekends are lonely and not as much fun as they used to be, but I am a much better person without her in my life.

To this day, I am still hurt and saddened for the rode that Toxic Friend is on, but I am a much better person without her in my life.

To this day, I think about Toxic Friend daily, but I am a much better person without her in my life.

To this day, I love Toxic Friend dearly, but I am a much better person without her in my life.

To this day, I miss her desperately, but I am a much better person without her in my life.

1 comment:

  1. So glad you're on the road to Happyness Highway...

    Sounds like you made the right decision.



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