My retirement plan

I always support my kids in any of the activities that they seem to like. I make sure they get to every practice, afterschool club and game on time. In fact, we are usually a few minutes early.

Why?

Because I want them to know that if they are serious about something they need to be 100% focused on that event as it is happening. If they want to play football they will attend the “optional” summer camps. If they want to play basketball, they will participate in the “drills clinic” put on by the local High School team every summer, I don’t care if they have to get up thirty minutes earlier than they would on a normal school day. If they want to take the afterschool “comic drawing” class then they will do the “homework,” even if it is optional.

We are a 100% family!

If they decide to try a new sport, they will see it through to the end of that particular season even if they know within five minutes that they don’t like it.

We are a 100% family!

I’m not going to lie to you, we are a 100% family because momma is raising her “retirement plans”. Oh yes…this is no joke. My boys, even though they are only 9 and 6 have been slated as my means to an early retirement. And by early retirement I mean I’m banking on being retired by the time I am fifty. No pressure Hamilton and Gibson!

That’s why when I saw this…



...I knew I was in the clear.

I knew I was on the home base run to early retirement when I came across this fantastic piece of artwork. What is this you might ask? Well for those of you that don’t know this piece of artwork recently sold for 9.6 million dollars. No, that’s not a typo. I said 9.6 MILLION dollars.

I know, it made me want to run to CVS and buy a ruler and a sharpie too.

But then I remembered these bad boys lying around my house. And by “lying around my house” I mean, I had to dig them out of the trash.

...shhhssh, don’t tell my kids.

First is this bad boy…



…it’s titled “MY MOM”. Surely this is worth some money? Maybe not 9.6 million dollars, but do you think I could trade it for the penguin Japanese eraser and a webkin?

Or what about this…



…it’s titled “INSIDE MOM’S CAR”. Is it just me or does it look like someone threw up in my car? It has a certain charm to it, doesn’t it?

This one is one of my favorites…



…it’s called “FAMILY”. See the bald no neck guy on the end to the right? Gibson can’t decide if that should be dad or grandpa. I think it’s pretty clear, it’s neither. It sorta looks like the mailman.

Or what about this one…



…it’s called “TOYING WITH THE PENGUIN”. It may not seem like a masterpiece to you, but when it’s your own child doing the drawing, everything is a masterpiece. Am I right?

…now this one…this one has a certain peculiairty to it if I do say so myself



It’s titled “WAKING FROM NIGHTMARE”. This stumped me. And when I asked Gibby why he named it Waking from Nightmare he said this, “because I had a nightmare once that scared me so bad, I wet the bed. But that was when I was little, I don’t wet the bed anymore.”

And of course, my favorite…



I asked Gibby if this was called “MONSTER” and he said “duh mom, it’s called SPONGEBOB!”

While my ability to name good artwork might be a little iffy, I think my eye to spot it is quite rare.

Now I’m off to find the sucker that paid 9.6 million for the sharpie induced artwork and see if I can sell him a crock of shit too.

Oh, and FYI…I would take less than 9.6 million, I know good artwork when I see it and I’m willing to bargin!