Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Stick a flag on your forehead and do it for your country
In the life of a single girl it is important for us to have a group of friends in our lives that we can count on at any moment. Count on to be our friends, confidants, shoulders to cry on, or just to pick us up and remind us that things will be ok, no matter how bleak they may look at the moment. But more importantly, we need these types of relationships to help us see clearly the things that we may not even recognize, or choose to overlook, in those of the opposite sex, because we are so desperate to find love.
These “red flags” that we rely on our friends to point out, are glaring signals that something is wrong. You know the “uh oh” that sometimes tends to form in the pits of our stomachs, or the uncomfortable feelings that we just can’t shake, yet we choose to ignore in our search for Mr. Right. And when we choose to ignore these red flags, it immediately becomes a search for “Mr. Right Now” and not “Mr. Right”. We can’t help it, the prospect often makes us blind.
During my five years of experience dating as an adult, I’ve come to realize that it is best to acknowledge red flags from the beginning and move on. Instead of dating, hoping he will change, and getting hurt in the long run. Which is what most of us tend to do because of that desperation to find “the one”.
One thing that I have found recently that has helped me become less dependant on my friends in this area is that I have spent some time clearly defining myself and what I cannot compromise on in a relationship and then sticking to it! The way I see it, dating should be like a sport. I am on team “finding Mr. Right” and Mr. Right is on team “finding Ms. Right” and sometimes I need a referee or girlfriend to throw the yellow flag when something is just not right in the middle of the game. But more often than not, it is my responsibility to participate to the fullest and do my best to win the game.
While I am still somewhat dependant on my friends to help me pick through the bunch, I’m slowly becoming more and more confident in myself in finding these red flags on my own. As I look back on the men that I have dated or wanted to date, they have all had huge red flags, most of which, I choose to overlook in hopes of somehow fitting them into my “Mr. Right” mold. As I was thinking about these men the other day, I couldn’t help but laugh at some of the obvious red flags that I chose to ignore from the beginning. Thought you might get a kick out of some of them too.
Text God- we went out on five or six dates and on each date he was constantly texting. He told me that he was being stalked by an ex and he was working on his game plan with his attorney. I believed him. Hello womanizer!
Joey Bag of Donuts- he was constantly in and out of a relationship with his ex wife. I though it was sweet that he was willing to keep an open mind about reconciliation. Turns out he is just the kind of man that always has to have a woman in his life whether she is good for him or not. Hello insecure! (but I love you anyway Joey D!)
The married man- uhhhh, need I say anymore?
Mr. TV- He was an ex professional football player turned local Sportscaster. We had a blast when we went out, but it was always late at night (after his shift at the television station) and always at local meat market type of bar. Hello, in desperate need to constantly have women all over him. I couldn’t compete!
Mr. Buckeye- Although there were many red flags in this 9 month relationship, the one that sticks out the most is when he wouldn’t talk to me for a couple of days after he busted me sitting on his bed in a pair of jeans. He actually told me that it was disrespectful to sit on his bed in jeans…can you say “control freak”?
Mr. Cougar Cub- Our dates were always at sleazy bars on the opposite side of town from where we lived. He obviously never wanted to take the chance that he would run into someone he knew…like maybe his fiancé!
Old Balls- (don’t ask about the nickname, it’s what my friends gave him and I chuckle everytime I think of it, so I’m keepin’ it) We went out on 7 or 8 dates and NOTHING romantic ever happened…I gave up and stopped returning his calls. Since becoming his friend on FaceBook I would say about 90% of his friends are single females. I will call him “commitment phobe”.
Anyway, you get my point! Everyday is a learning experience. All of these things happened for a reason and as long as I learn from each one then none of them was a waste of time! Right?