Wednesday, December 16, 2009

it seemed like a good idea the night before

Can it be done? Can we do it? What, you might be asking? Well, since you asked…can we, as single adults, find someone to laugh with, pillow talk with and make love to without an attachment? Were we made that way? Is it possible for two people of the opposite sex to do just that… have sex with no attachment? Hey you asked! I know this topic is a little out there for my blog, but I have many single friends, both guys and girls, and this topic comes up all of the time. So I thought I would engage it and give you my two cents.

In the early stages of my divorce, I was often desperate to find a quick fix for my pain. I would often imagine what a weekend of sex without attachment would look like. I thought, maybe, just maybe, it would be an amazing prescription for my hurting heart. After all, we all, at some point, get to a place where we long for the affection and touch of someone of the opposite sex. The idea of sex without attachment gives us the sense of remembering what it is like to be 100% authentic again, 100% me, wherever we are at that particular moment, no failed games, no future promises, just me and someone with whom I would laugh, talk to and relax with…no expectations!

Well, I’m here to tell you that for most people this kind of relationship cannot be done. Usually one of the parties involved, most of the time it’s the woman because we are usually the emotional ones, gets hurt. Even if the expectations are clearly laid out and the rules are made, someone always gets hurt in the long run. After all, God created us to have relationships with one another. And once the newness of “sex without attachment” wears off, I would assume that the dynamics of the relationship often change. Someone starts to become jealous and questions the “friendship” and there the breakdown begins…feelings get hurt, hearts get broken, friendships get destroyed.

In the long run, is it worth it? No! Is it a good short term fix? No! But the problem is that even though we as human beings know this kind of relationship is not good for us, we do it anyway. Unfortunately, we have become an instant gratification society and this type of relationship feeds right into that.

If only we could look beyond our physical needs, push through the heartbreak and propel our lives forward into the future. We would see that we are better off without these types of harmful relationships. Because let me tell you, I am currently in the future looking back at that exact possibility four years ago when I was contemplating this behavior. I managed, at that time, to push through those instincts…but this time around I couldn’t push through and here I am back at square one again, contemplating sex without attachment yet again. It’s a viscious cycle that I can’t seem to get a break from. And I have just one word to describe this never ending frustration….UUUGGGHHHH!!!!

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