Monday, December 21, 2009

No judgment allowed

All I can say is whew…these past couple of weeks have been crazy! Only (1) more day until a twelve day “stay-cation” for me! Woot! Woot!

November-January are considered my “busy months” at work. Why does the term “busy month” make me sound like an accountant? Anyway, I will admit, but only to you guys, that I am totally struggling to keep my head above water. I swore in the beginning when I decided to blog that I wouldn’t use this format as a bitch session and so far, I think I have done a pretty good job of being true to my original plan. However, today is different! I can’t hold it in anymore and have decided to use this blog to get something off of my chest.

My topic today is a doozey. I’m warning you now that this post is LONG. So here is your chance to back out…no hard feelings…I promise! Anyway, today I want to talk to you about my biggest pet peeve in the whole world…ok, maybe even the universe. I know, some of you are probably thinking, “here she goes”, but this, I can assure you, is a topic that I have never written about before. I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. Today’s post is about jumping to conclusions about people before you actually get to know them, or in lay mans terms…JUDGMENT!

Ever since I was a little girl, my parents instilled in me the capability of getting to know someone before I made any strong conclusions about who they are, and because of this value, I think I am a fairly good judge of people. I have only had a few people, in the span of my life, that I have been wrong about. But one thing is for sure, I do my research and/or really get to know someone before I pass any kind of judgment on them. And I mean MY research…not things that people have fed me or told me…my honest to goodness own research. I don’t EVER let people put words into my mouth. What ever I spill, you can guarantee is from me…from my heart!

Ok…so why am I bringing this topic up, you might ask? Well, last week I had an incident with a friend of mine who made a snap judgment about another friend of mine that is so untrue. It is so totally off the wall that I have taken complete 100% offense to the comment, and it had nothing to do with me. My purpose for talking about it today is just to get it off my chest! I have been up for nights thinking about this particular text conversation and I know if I write about it and vent about it, it will help me get over it and move on… I promise…this will be the only time you hear about this from me.

It all started earlier in the week last week when my friend (who will further be known as “Friend A”) sent me the following text.

Friend A: Do you have an email addy for “Friend B”? “Friend C” wants to get in touch with “Friend B”.

And before I could respond to her I got another text from “Friend A” that said this.

Friend A: I was at an event with “Friend B” and “Friend C”, and “Friend B” was weirding me out, like over the top weirding me out.

I was a little confused and thought I may need some clarification on who exactly “Friend A” was talking about and what “weirding me out” actually meant. I wanted to make sure I was clear in my understanding of what she was trying to relay to me. So here is how our text conversation went down.

Me: Who was wierding you out? “Friend B”?

Friend A: dude, “Friend B” creeps me out and my gut was screaming BIG TIME ADDICT.

At this time I was no longer confused I was PISSED! After all, “Friend A” barely knows “Friend B”. So how can she claim him to be an addict, of any kind? I didn’t know how to respond. But what I decided is that I didn’t want to get into a heated debate because clearly I was pissed that she was jumping to conclusions about a friend of mine, whom she barely knows. I needed time to step back, and organize my thoughts so that we could have an adult conversation about these harsh statements. So here is how the rest of our text conversation went.

Me: “Friend B” has an email address, but no longer has internet connection so I don’t know if he would get the message or not. (this is me…being calm…breathing deeply, answering “Friend A’s” original question and not saying what I really wanted to say)

Friend A: SA. (translation: sex addict). KNEW it. That dude creeps me out…love that my gut is right on target! Phone# then?

Me: I take complete offense to this statement! “Friend B” IS NOT A SEX ADDICT! (here I go…I couldn’t remain calm…no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t do it!)

Friend A: clearly his not having internet is proof!!! Jules, I know this because of years of counseling on this subject. SA IS VERY COMMON. Sorry to have offended you.

Me: Obviously you don’t know “Friend B”! He stopped his cable/internet because the cost went up and the expense was not justifiable to how much he used it.

Friend A: free gmail account through the library . Don’t take it to personally Julie. You need to do research on SA.

Ok…let me stop this conversation right here. So if I understand “Friend A” correctly… because “Friend B” has a free gmail account and has to go to the library to check his email…these are two of the three things (the third being his weirdness) that qualify him as a sex addict? Well, hold on…I guess I would be considered a sex addict as well! I don’t have internet service at home, I have a free gmail account (who pays for email anymore) and I sometimes go to the library on the weekends to respond to lengthy emails that I can’t respond to on my phone. Clearly, I am a sex addict (hear the sarcasm?). Oh and what about “Friend A”? She has a free gmail account and if it weren’t for her work computer she would be at the library on the weekends checking her free gmail account. I wonder if she has made the connection that she is a sex addict too (more sarcasm)? Surely she has…from all that research she has done.

Back to the conversation…

Me: I am completely 100% offended by your comment about “Friend B”…just because he doesn’t use his email account anymore doesn’t make him a sex addict. U should do more research before labeling someone!

Friend A: I have many books on this topic I’d loan you if u’d be open to reading them.

What? Hell no! I’m not going to read them. I know I am not an expert on sexual addiction, just as much as I know my friend is not a sex addict! I’m not going to research this topic, period! But here is what I will do…I will defend those innocent people that are being judged for being a little weird. Is “Friend B” quirky? Sure he is…aren’t we all? But “Friend B” has a heart of gold! He is a wonderful man that will make some woman very happy one day. Unfortunately, it is comments like the one that “Friend A” made that label people for life…and when it comes to my friends I will fight to the death to protect them from things like this. As a matter of fact, if someone made comments like these about “Friend A” I would defend her to the death as well.

How dare you tell me not to take this personally! You made it personal! All I ask is that you get to know someone for more that a few minutes at a couple of events before you make assumptions like this that could ruin someone for life. Have dinner with him, meet him for coffee…understand his life and where he is coming from before you label him, falsely!

That’s it…I’m done…it’s out in the open and off my chest! I will no longer discuss this topic on my blog!

Thanks peeps for letting me vent! I promise…starting tomorrow…it’s back to normal for me. And by normal I mean, me, complaining that I can’t find Mr. Prince Charming, or me, stalking Ryan Reynolds, or me, trying to clarify the difference between friends, boyfriends, and lovers with no attachment…you know less heavy, less meaningful gibber gabber! Things that make the world go round…

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