Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Seriously I expect to much

So…online dating, huh? Yes it sucks! But what are you going to do…suck it up and try to have as much fun as possible, right? Right! After being less than one week in, I have created this list of simple advice for men in regards to their online profiles and first dates. Just a few basic things to keep in mind…nothing major…but please, please, please…take this information to heart. Who knows, it might just help you out in the long run! I’m sure you men have some advice for women as well…if you do, please leave it in the comment section and I will be glad to write an unbiased blog with your suggestions for women as well!

Here goes...

When you say you are athletic and toned, I expect that you won’t have man boobs and a beer belly.

When you say you are six feet tall, I expect you to be six feet tall, not 5’10.

When you use “let’s have fun” as your tag line on your online dating profile, I expect that you like to do more than just sit on your couch all day drinking beer and watching Sports Center.

When you say you like “coffee and conversation”, I assume you like to talk and won’t expect me to carry every single conversation we have.

When you say you are funny, I assume there will be some laughter involved when we talk.

When filling out your online profile, I expect that you will have more requirements in your mate than just being between three feet and eight feet tall.

When I ask you how long you have been divorced, I expect you to be able to rattle off a number, give or take six months, without having to find your divorce decree.

When we are on a date, please don’t ever refer to you ex-wife as your wife…one slip up may be acceptable, but seriously, three times in one night…NOT ACCEPTABLE!

When we go on a date, I would expect you to use manners and some kind of utensils, either a fork or chopsticks and NOT your fingers, when eating sushi off of the same plate as mine.

When I read your profile, I will assume that it is heartfelt and genuine and not full of bull shit and fluff because it is what you think women want to here. Believe me fellas, we can see right through that stuff.

If you want me to respond to your wink or email, please post a nice photo of you taken by a friend, one that is without an ex-wife/ex-girlfriend, one where you are fully clothed, and one of you that is not taken by you standing in front of your bathroom mirror.

Like a lot of women, I like to see fun pictures you have taken, but please post pictures of yourself on your profile as well. I love that you have photographed some of the most beautiful places on earth, believe me, I do, but what I really want is to see a picture of you first and not your freaking cat playing a guitar!

And last but certainly not least…please, please, please don’t ever post things like “good N long lasting” on your profile…that kind of crap makes me want to throw up!

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