Bad dates lead to good stories, Part #1

Notice the title of this blog…this one is Bad dates lead to good stories, Part #1. It’s number one because I have had many horrible dates in the past yet to talk about and if my luck continues as it has in the past, there will be many more bad dates in the future to tell you about! With that being said…I don’t think I have ever had as bad of a date as I did this past weekend…I will just preface this story by saying…”oh no he didn’t” will definitely come out of your mouth before the end of this story.

Ok…so I told you last week that I signed up for Match again and from the very moment I hit “pay” on the online application I regretted it. On the first day I had 150 emails & winks to respond to…and out of all 150 matches, as predicted, only two were even half way decent. The kicker is that these two profiles did NOT have accompanying pictures. Against my better judgment, I decided to ask for pictures of these two men because they had interesting profiles. The one I am going to talk about today is one I think I will call “Ass”. I’m going to call him Ass because this is honestly the first time I have ever been out with a guy who acted like an Ass so early on. This behavior usually takes a while to appear, but he managed to make it happen on the 2nd date…a new record!

Anyway, Ass and I went out for Sushi last week. He was a nice enough guy, but definitely not my type. He was ok looking, shy, quiet, reserved, and not much of a conversationalist. I’m looking for someone that is outgoing, an extrovert, creative, funny and honest…he didn’t match up at all, but I thought I would give him a 2nd chance. My thought behind the second chance was that maybe he needed to get to know me a little better to get through his shyness. But what I really learned is that I need to trust my gut instinct…from now on, I’m going with the gut!

The issues with Ass started immediately after this Sushi date. He began texting and calling me like his phone plan was going to end tomorrow…non-stop! At first it was very flattering, but it became so obnoxious so quick that I was getting irritated. By Friday evening he was already telling me that he missed me. Keep in mind we had gone out on ONE less than memorable 2hr date only 48hours prior and he already “missed” me…this was a little weird on my part. He kept telling me that I was pretty and funny and all I could think to say was “thank you”. I never reciprocated with the same statements because I believe in honesty and I didn’t think he was all that great looking or funny for that matter. I know that’s mean, but it’s true. At one point on Friday night I mentioned that I was going to hop in the shower, and this is where the major “red flags” came into play. In the matter of 30 minutes, I got one phone call, one voice mail and six text messages. The messages were along the lines of “where r u?” “why aren’t you texting/calling me back?” Seriously, it was only 30 minutes…kind of freaked me out.

Anyway, we decided to go out again on Sunday. The original plan was to go out, but I had had a late night on Saturday and didn’t really want to go out. So we decided to grill out and have some wine. I know…you all are thinking, “what the hell?” It’s like the guy in a horror movie that goes down to the dimly lit basement to check out the mysterious noise only to get slaughtered. The people on the outside are saying “NOOOOOOOOOOO don’t do it” but the idiot in the movie doesn’t listen. Well, just call me the "idiot" in this movie of my life. So I get to Ass’ house and things were fine…we both like golf so we were watching the end of the tournament and having a cocktail. Things seemed good, he was loosening up a little, but it was only good for a very short period of time.

After dinner we go out onto the patio of his very beautiful home. I was complaining that my feet were hurting from my run earlier in the day. He immediately grabbed my foot, without asking me mind you, and instantly started massaging it…yes, very uncomfortable moment…I pulled my leg away and he was totally offended…he just kept saying that he wanted to make me happy. I responded with “I don’t like massages.” I know this is weird, but I never have! In fact, in the span of my life, I have only had one massage that I have enjoyed and that was at the Ritz Carlton in Naples. It’s just usually something that I don’t feel like spending my money on. I can’t justify it, so I have convinced myself that I don’t like them. Anyway…Ass kept asking me all night if he could massage my feet and it didn’t matter how many times I told him no, he would continue to ask. Finally I told him NO in a louder tone and his response was again “I just want to make you happy.” Believe me I was 100% happy with him not touching me in anyway. He tried one more time and when I told him I was happy not having him massage my feet he asked me to leave! Can you believe it? So I immediately got up and left, a little freaked out! The thought of the entire evening still makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth.

It wasn’t ten minutes after I left that he started the following text conversation:

ASS: Y leave so fast?

ME: Seriously? I don’t stay where I’m not wanted…

ASS: It takes tons to be friends. Tons and tons. You r tough to read (hmm…I wonder what part of, I don’t enjoy massages, was tough to figure out)

ME: I’m not willing to put in ANY effort into having a friendship of any kind with you. Please don’t contact me again!

ASS: Fine! Good Bye!

Yep, that’s it! That’s the kind of crap I deal with…daily! I secretly hope that there are others out there on Match that have these kinds of issues…because that’s what gets me through the day, just knowing that other people have to weed through the psychos too. Surely there are other women out there attracting screwballs like this wondering how many more frogs they have to date to find a Prince.

Bottom line: DATING SUCKS!