Dear Coffee Guy...or as I like to call you, Steve,
Thank you so much for arriving at our planned destination five minutes early so that you wouldn't have to buy me a cup of coffee. Thank you also, for smiling warmly at me when I looked you in the eye upon arrival. Hello, it's me! The picture I sent you was a picture of me taken just a few days ago...I know you recognized me. How do I know this? Becuase you went on and on about how pretty I was in our past conversations.
Maybe those first two initial thoughts should have been red flags. But again, against my better judgment, I decided to stay and tried to have an actual conversation with you to see if we were more than just two single people being fixed up on a date by a computer generated program.
Oh how I wish I would have gone with my initial instinct and left then instead of waiting for you to openly talk about your favorite kind of movies. For future reference, porn is not a good answer, especially on a "get to know you date."
I would say thank you for the cup of coffee, but you didn't buy me one. I would also say thank you for the good conversation, but we didn't have one. I can only say thank you for saying "I'll call you" at the end of our "special time" together, because only guys that are planning on NOT calling say they will call.
One final note, I received the following text message from you five minutes after we parted ways. Ummmm...I don't think it was intended for me.
"You are the light of my life and after the not so exciting coffee date I just had, I am ready to make amends and try to work things out with you. The grass definately is not greener on the other side, you were right all along! I love you."
Based on this text message, I would like to offer you the following advice,
1. DO NOT send a text message asking for forgiveness
2. DO NOT talk about a bad date in said text message
3. DO try a face to face apology with flowers and a nice dinner
It's no wonder why you are still single.
Good luck in life,
Ms. You don't know what you are missing
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Julie,
ReplyDeleteKim got me on this site and this post is fantastic! You're better off, especially since he misspelled definitely! And he might know exactly what he's missing - he just can't handle it :)
Stopping by from SITS. This is classic. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAlso stopping by from SITS and may become addicted to your blog since I'm thiiis close to being a single mom.
ReplyDeleteThis guy was a loser...it can only get better from here, right? Right??
HAHAHA! Sorry, but you HAVE to laugh at this now! What a douche! Glad that one got away, huh?
ReplyDeleteWhat a date! I can't believe he didn't buy you coffee. I don't think the text message receiver will take him back.
ReplyDeleteWhat a LOSER! You're right, you should have left sooner.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your SITS day!
Ohmygosh!!! How horrible!
ReplyDeleteAfter my divorce, I had many, many first dates. And very, very few second dates. You sincerely have my sympathies!!!
Big hugs!
Find yourself a fabulous soldier!!!! :D
Oh WOW! How can you be so dumb and send that text message to the WRONG person!?
ReplyDeleteNo. Effing. Way.
ReplyDeleteNo way.
He didn't.
Oh! HE DID!
Ha! Don't worry about him . . . karma will come around and bite him in the butt soon enough! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I'm not dating. What a dweeb!!
ReplyDeleteHopefully she took him back and took him off the market. I feel sorry for her actually. What a moron. I've had many first dates, horribly wrong dates, lots of blogging fodder however. Hang in there, someone is getting divorced all the time.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I'm in no hurry to subject myself to the stupidity of the male species again.
ReplyDeleteWow, bad dates make such great blog material. You almost can't make that stuff up.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like every recent date I have been on... which, hasn't been any recently. So, ok. Prior to recently, this sounds like every date I have been on!
ReplyDeleteYou're a riot.
I'm popping over from SITS... My jaw just dropped to the ground reading this post! He sounds like a giant turd!
ReplyDeleteWow. Just wow. You are a warrior to have to deal with that crap. I hope you haven't been subject to any terrible "dates" like this since!
ReplyDeleteNo way. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Oh, that is just grand. Not so awesome while there, I'm sure, but it makes for a great story! Like your writing style here - very "GOOD beach read (not the crappy ones)."
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS Day!
Oh, I hope you came back with an awesome text response!
ReplyDeleteA bad date at the time, but good entertainment for us! You should feel good about that, at least!
aw poor you! what a jerk. don't give up on online dating. I met my fiance on match.com!!
ReplyDeletestopping by from SITS
I so hope you sent him a text message back that said "After the not so exciting coffee date I just had I don't accept your apology. Maybe you should just move to the desert, so you don't have to worry about that grass."
ReplyDeleteOHolyWow what a lovely date... How did you contain yourself? Kapow Alice! Right in the kisser!
ReplyDeleteStopping in from SITS!
~Kelli @ Smidgens
Ew, what a...word I don't think I can type here. Suffice it to say, I'm disgusted. Loser.
ReplyDeleteHim, not you!!!!
I also met my husband online. But it was on Craigslist. Long story.
Ick, I can't believe he accidently sent you that text after the "date", LOSER!
ReplyDeleteOh. My. Gosh. How awful! That is just crazy! Stopping by from SITS.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that my laugh was at your expense...you can't even say you got a good free cup of coffee out of the deal! What a moron! Sorry for him, though, not you! Great post, by the way! = )
ReplyDeleteWow. I'm just speechless. What a douche is right! I mean, to not even pick up the tab on a cup of coffee is beyond me. If this is what I have to look forward to in the dating world, then I look forward to a future with 100 cats. Seriously. But the bad dates always become the best stories, right??
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff! I am also stopping in from SITS, congrats on being featured today!!! I can't wait to read more :)
www.mypixieblog.com
LOL. What is wrong with people? I shudder to think what I might have done after receiving that text.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from SITS - have a great day!
Ally
omg, are you serious! Did you really get that text message? so funny!, and I agree with you, no wonder he's single.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have to date these kinds of guys, but I love that you can look at the lighter side. I was horrified at every detail as I laughed my way through the post.
ReplyDeleteYou blog title says it all. By the way that is my favorite quote on my Facebook page. My daughter makes fun of me, but most times it's true.
Oh, my! Aren't you SO glad he talked about porn now and not much later after you were interested? I bet he wasn't EVEN SINGLE!!!
ReplyDeleteStopping by from SITS and glad I did! Worth a laugh!!
Oh I loved this! Eek! What an icky guy, but at least it's a funny story!
ReplyDeleteStopping by from SITS, you are a great story teller!
Wowsers. That is horrible! Sometimes you think that guys like this only exist in those horrible teeth-clenching sitcoms. Ouch. Sorry you had to put up with that. At least you don't have to again... with him. Better luck next time! Go with those instincts!!
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS to you brave lady! This post was great because you were brave enough to meet the dude. Too bad he was a douchebag. I hope this didn't sour your dating outlook because the frog to prince ratio is was unbalanced. I really like your blog.
ReplyDeleteOHMIGOD. I cannot believe there are still men out there like this! I hope you texted him back!
ReplyDeleteStopping in from SITS :)
WOW.
ReplyDeleteOMG - that sounds like out of a movie!!! Happy SITS day :)
ReplyDeleteOh wow!!! What a loser!!!I will laugh eventually!!!
ReplyDeleteOH MY! I think I would have HAD to text him back acting like the girl he thought he was texting.
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS day!
Wow!
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious. I love it.
ReplyDelete