Top Ten Friday

A couple of weekends ago Hamilton, Gibson and I had the distinct pleasure of joining my brother, sister-in-law, neice, nephew and dad at Chuck E. Cheese for my nephews 3rd birthday. I totally get why kids love this place, the noise, the games, the music, the fast pace, the pizza…I get it, I really do. But for what it’s worth, as an adult, it totally SUCKS! I will continue to go for future birthday parties, but never, and I mean never will I ever suggest having a party there for one of my kids…and here’s why.

Top Ten Reasons my kids will never ever and I mean EVER have a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.
You’re welcome!

10. I did not know that you could use one of the tables in the restaurant as a changing table for a very dirty infant diaper. (yes, some lady was changing a diaper right where they had dinner ten minutes later).

9. Sneezing on the glass guard of the salad bar is apparently not frowned upon.

8. You can only buy 1/2 of a “fake vomit” with 156 tickets. Who would have thought?

7. You can, however, buy (2) plastic cobra snakes, a tootsie pop, a tic tac toe game and a plastic bracelet for 156 tickets. Unfortunately my brother and sister-in-law had to fork out about $100 in order for my kids to win such fabulous prizes.

6. Most parents appeared cornered like Custer at his last stand while the children ran amok as if dancing to some evil sadistic ritual…damn, why didn’t I bring my flask.

5. All the teenagers that work there often stared at me like they were looking past me with a thousand-yard stare into hell.

4. It wasn’t long into our adventure that I suddenly wished Chuck E. Cheese sold beer with a taser gun on the side. (It’s weird how my kids and nieces and nephews never seemed to bother me in these situations, it’s usually the other kids whose parents let them roam around with no supervision that drive me to want to drink).

3. Any place that has a giant rat as a mascot should probably rethink their form of branding.

2. Kids often think that going to a place where you can “be a kid” means you have permission to push, shove, kick, and pat people in mascot uniforms on the butt. Poor Chuck E!

And the number one reason why my kids will never ever and I mean ever have a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese…

1. There were so many staff members constantly coming up to us that I eventually had to refer to them all by the nicknames I gave them, girl who talks to soft, too much make up girl, boy whose job it is to clean grubby finger prints off of the games, salad bar girls, etc. I bet the employment turnover ratio in that industry is HUGE!

Now if you will excuse me, I’m off to wash off in a bat of disinfectant hand sanitizer. Just typing this post about Chuck E. Cheese makes me feel all dirty inside.

On a more serious note

I am never one to really brag or boast about things I’ve done, participated in, felt and experienced…well unless it is a MEME and then we all know that I don’t hesitate to share because for some reason I have it stuck in my head that you guys want to hear all about ME and nothing more. But sometimes we have experiences in our lives that are just worth sharing because, well…they touched us so much. Last night I had one of those experiences that I wanted to share with you. It’s not as a means to brag or boast, but to share with all of you in hopes that maybe one day you will be touched enough to do the same thing.

I had the opportunity to go out to dinner with a friend of mine we will call “my non-boyfriend, boyfriend.” My non-boyfriend, boyfriend and I have been friends for only a short time but spend many of our non-working, free hours together, sharing, communicating, working out, drinking wine and eating. He is a kind man with a gentle soul and a huge, and I mean HUGE…heart people…heart! Get your minds out of the gutter! Anyway, he is unlike anyone of the opposite sex that I have ever spent time with. He is sensitive, caring and a great communicator. I enjoy his company tremendously.

Last night my non-boyfriend, boyfriend and I ate dinner outside on the sidewalk of a great Greek restaurant in a part of town that I had never been to. You would think that living in the same city for 36 years of my life would have allowed me the opportunity to visit this particular part of town, but for some reason I didn’t even know it existed. It is in kind of a rough area of town, but it is such a cute and quaint place to be. We ended up sitting outside having a couple of cocktails and a FANTASTIC meal. The food and conversation were fantastic, as always. The servings were huge and by the time we had finished our dinner, it hardly looked like either of us had touched the food on our plates. The excess of the leftover food was almost at a level of embarrassment.

As we were sitting and talking I noticed out of the corner of my eye a gentleman carrying an American flag. He was kind of rough, scruffy and dirty and I am embarrassed to say that I immediately focused my eyes on my non-boyfriend, boyfriend so that I would not have to make eye contact with someone that didn’t “look” like me. This gentleman walked through the gate of the outdoor eating area and came over to our table and just eyed the great looking food that was on our plates. You could almost see a sparkle in his eye as he looked at it. Had I been at that restaurant on my own or with my girlfriends I would have probably completely ignored the obviously hungry man. I’m not proud to admit that, but it is what it is and I can only learn from my experiences.

But there was something bigger happening last night that I wasn’t at all aware of at the time. I was completely shocked and taken aback when my non-boyfriend, boyfriend asked this hungry man to sit and join us for dinner. He offered up his plate of leftover food and even ordered him a glass of water. Let me clarify, I wasn’t really shocked that my non-boyfriend, boyfriend asked this gentleman to join us, because that would absolutely be something that he would do, I was shocked that I was actually able to be a part of something so awesome. My non-boyfriend, boyfriend and I were carrying on a conversation that this gentleman knew something about, so the fact that he could join in with us in his own little way was awesome. I could really feel something bigger than me working in my life…

As I laid in bed trying to process the events of the evening, I got a little teary eyed, sad and even a little mad at myself. I started to wonder how many times I had passed up an opportunity such as this because I could come up with a hundred reasons why it wouldn’t be good to invite a stranger over. You know, fleshly reasons, like how others would perceive me if I invited him to join me, or thoughts like, “what could I possibly have in common with this type of guy”. It made me sad.

I was thankful when my non-boyfriend, boyfriend called me this morning to help me process my feelings and help me understand that every single moment of my life as I know it, led up to that particular moment last night. Every piece of the puzzle came together and allowed me to partake in an awesome learning experience. It is a moment that I will truly never forget. And one that I hope I have the opportunity of participating in again.

This bachelorette makes me want to pull a Mesnick

Sorry my recap is a day late, but honestly, I tried, I really tried to watch the season premier and blog about it yesterday, but I just couldn’t get into it! I was so pumped to watch the first episode of the Bachelorette with America’s Sweetheart Ali, on Monday night, but I struggled, I really struggled. Ali is by far one of the most annoying people I have ever watched on TV. With her silly giggle, tense shoulders, and fake hair, I just couldn’t come up with a great re-cap ala last year’s On the Wings of Love.

So to keep it interesting (unlike Monday nights season premier) I’ve decided on a new format for my Bachelor/Bachelorette recaps…I hope you enjoy.

My hopes for this season’s Bachelorette: America’s Sweetheart

1. I hope that Ali finds a hairbrush this season.
2. I hope that ABC will not show her “pouty” face more than three times an episode
3. I hope that we won’t have to hear over and over and over again about how Ali messed up last season by choosing her career over the man of her dreams.
4. I hope that Ali doesn’t bug the crap out of me, as predicted, because if she does I will totally lose interest this season
5. I hope to see lots of buff guys making fools of themselves on national television…face it, it’s just good blog material.

The Bachelors

Chris H., 27
Real Estate Developer
Memorable Moment: Looks like Brody Jenner
Nickname: Brody
Standing: Rose

Jesse, 24
General Contractor
Memorable Moment: “How do you feel about dating a peculiar man?”
Nickname: Mr. Peculiar
Standing: Rose

Chris L., 32
Landscaper
Memorable Moment: when he told Ali she was “wicked hawt”.
Nickname: Cape Cod Chris
Standing: Rose

Ty, 31
Medical Sales
Memorable Moment: Good old country boy from TN who is the resident divorcee
Nickname: Bless his Heart
Standing: Rose

Frank, 31
Retail Manager (aka…Cashier at Target)
Memorable Moment: Came out of the limo via the sunroof
Nickname: Frankie Boy
Standing: Rose

On a side note: my annoyance factor with Ali is already high and we have only met the first five Bachelors…give me strength!

Justin, 26
Entertainment Wrestler
Memorable Moment: Absolutely loved it when he referred to the other guys as “jabroni’s” when talking to Ali
Nickname: R-Rated
Standing: Rose

Jay, 29
Lawyer
Memorable Moment: kept calling Ali “Sweetie” in a stalkerish kind of way…very creepy
Nickname: (no rose = no nickname, sorry, that’s how I roll)
Standing: No Rose

Chris N, 29
Entrepreneuer
Memorable Moment: Don’t remember
Nickname: (no rose = no nickname)
Standing: No Rose

Kasey, 27
Advertising Account Executive
Memorable Moment: watching him in the scenes for upcoming episodes, he seems a bit looney if you ask me.
Nickname: Nose talker
Standing: Rose


Kyle, 26
Outdoorsman
Memorable Moment: when he gets out of the limo and tries to “reel” her in with his imaginary fishing pole. I don’t know about you but I was very uncomfortable at that particular moment.
Nickname: no rose = no nickname
Standing: No Rose

Roberto, 26
Insurance Agent
Memorable Moment: He is definitely my front runner which can only mean one thing, he is the one with the girlfriend. I soooooo hope not, but I have a feeling.
Nickname: Rico Suave
Standing: Rose

Craig M., 34
Dental Sales
Memorable Moment: when he told Ali that he was glad he wasn’t Vienna and dating Jake
Nickname: Toupee Tom
Standing: Rose

John N., 27
Engineer Software Sales
Memorable Moment: (crickets…chrp, chrp)
Nickname: (no rose = no nickname)
Standing: No Rose

Tyler V., 25
Online advertising
Memorable Moment: (crickets…chrp, chrp)
Nickname: (no rose = no nickname)
Standing: No Rose

John C., 32
Hotel Business Developer
Memorable Moment: broke out a cubic zirconium, got down on one knee in an attempt to woo Ali upon their first meeting
Nickname: Cheese King
Status: Rose

Bare with me…only ten more cheese balls to go…

Jonathan, 30
Weatherman
Memorable Moment: in general, he is just a cheesy weather man and always seems to act like he is on camera. Now, I get that he is actually on camera, but nothing about him says genuine.
Nickname: Ron Burgundy
Standing: Rose

Craig R., 27
Lawyer
Memorable Moment: his main goal is to rat the other guys out
Nickname: Tattle Tale Craig
Standing: Rose

Steve, 28
Sales Representative
Memorable Moment: nothing memorable, but I do remember that he looks like Mr. Shu from Glee, can you say yummy?
Nickname: Mr. Shu
Standing: Rose

Kirk, 27
Sales Consultant
Memorable Moment: there were actually two for Kirk. First was the way he fashioned a rose out of the red handkerchief in his jacket pocket and second was the scrapbook he made for Ali that told the story of him
Nickname: Martha Stewart
Standing: Rose

Tyler, 25
Catering Manager
Memorable Moment: when he stepped out of the limo in his cowboy boots and told Ali that he wore them because he thought it was so cool that she wore cowboy boots when she first met Jake…hello, awkward…Ali wasn’t wearing cowboy boots when she met Jake…and I loved that Ali openly laughed at him when he was telling the story.
Nickname: (no rose = no nickname)
Standing: No Rose

Hunter, 28
Internet Account Executive
Memorable Moment: he forgot what he wanted to say to Ali at their first meeting because he was in the limo so long that all he could concentrate on was the fact that he had to pee. There is something to be said for honesty!
Nickname: Move outta my way I gotta pee
Standing: Rose

Derek, 28
Sales Manager
Memorable Moment: he looked like the deranged son from Wedding Crashers. He brought Ali a pile of dead leaves to throw in the air and make a wish.
Nickname: (no rose = no nickname)
Standing: No Rose

Phil, 30
Insurance Manager
Memorable Moment: I got nothing on him
Nickname: (no rose = no nickname)
Standing: No Rose

Derrick, 27
Construction Engineer
Memorable Moment: telling Ali the story of his experience with pre-mature ejaculation while in college
Nickname: Shooter
Standing: No Rose

Jason, 27
Construction Consultant
Memorable Moment: got out on the wrong side of the limo, climbed up on top and flipped off…touché Frankie Boy, touché
Nickname: (no rose = no nickname)
Standing: No Rose

Ali may be impressed with this group of yahoo’s, I , on the other hand, think they are the biggest group of cheese balls I think I have ever seen…this could be a rough season for the He Who Laughs Last crew.

Overall thoughts of the Evening

Ali, (upon entering the cocktail party for the first time)“like thank you so much for allowing me to come here tonight, like let’s get this party started…OMG” ok, maybe I overexaggerated this a little, but just a little.

Kirk made her a scrapbook based on all of the things that meant the world to him, apparently there was macramé involved as well as a picture of his mom….hmmmm?

Roberto is my definite front runner and Chris H. is a very close second.

Someone needs to shut down the weatherman (aka. Ron Burgundy) like a bad ferris wheel.

The following statement from the outdoorsman kind of creeped me out, “I’m thinking of taking that first impression rose and eating it, that way it would be in my soul forever.”

The following statement from a heckler in the group when R-Rated was called out for some alone time with Ali, “you can’t go wrong with a broken leg. The sympathy card is the way to get a girl.”

Lesson of the week:

If you tell a girl the story of your experience with pre-mature ejaculation in college upon first meeting her, you will surely be going home alone.

To cool for school

The week of Thanksgiving I had eleven people staying at my house. It was hectic but a blast! Four of the relatives that were at my house were teenage boys…I know, I know…my house still smells like a college fraternity all these months later. There is not enough Febreeze in the world to get rid of that smell permanently! Anywho, I learned a lot during that week about the school systems our kids are attending. I have an nine year old and a six year old so I am still a “rookie” when it comes to the school systems and their expectations of our kids. Needless to say, I was shocked at some of the things that I heard from my cousins and nephew.

First, apparently my nephew can take his iPod into study hall with him on a daily basis. What? An iPod in study hall? Really? Isn’t the purpose of study hall to study or catch up on homework? Oh and it gets worse. He also said that they can sleep in study hall. I was horrified! I would never have dreamt of sleeping in study hall 20 years ago, but I guess that that is one of the things that makes me old school. I was also shocked at how little my cousin, who is a senior in High School, was actually required to go to school. Now maybe he busted his butt the first three and a half years, but I was still floored.

This conversation I had with them along with the fact that it is the end of another exciting school year really got me thinking about the kind of education our kids are receiving these days. It’s no wonder why so many of them struggle with life once they graduate. I was intrigued…I wanted to know more. In order to feel more prepared about my sons and their future I felt inclined to see what kinds of classes colleges are offering our kids today and boy I was shocked at what I had found.

Check these out!

Columbia College/Chicago: Zombies in Popular Culture

Johns Hopkins University: Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll in Ancient Egypt
Mail Order Brides, Understanding the Phillipines

North Dakota State: Beer Appreciation (How can this school not be named the #1 Party School with a class like this?)

Occidental College/LA: The Unbearable Whiteness of Barbie

Princeton: Getting Dressed (seriously, aren’t kids that go to Princeton supposed to be pretty smart? Is this class really necessary?)

Rhode Island College of Design: The History of the Dirty Picture

Santa Clara University: The Joy of Garbage

State University of New York at Buffalo: Cyberporn and Society

Syracuse University:The Life and Times of Lil’ Kim

University of Chicago: Naked or Nude

University of Delaware:The Philosophy of South Park

University of Illinois: Oprah Winfrey: The Tycoon

Wow! And we wonder why we have a society full of murderers, porn addicts, alcoholics, commitment phobes, cheaters, wingmen and loosers, with no ambition and drive to make anything of themselves and who are only looking for the easiest way to make the next buck.

Thank God all I had when I was growing up was Sex Education!

Currently I'm schizophrenic, and so am I

I might have stolen this idea from here.

Any chance I get to talk about me, I take it…cause I’m cool like that. I think that’s why I created this blog. Me talking about myself five days a week or 260 days a year is almost like heaven on earth, or therapy, whichever you choose to call it. And I know you all can’t get enough of me either…so I give you my list of currents!

You’re Welcome!

Current Book
The Sea of Monsters by: Rick Riordan

Don’t judge…I’m reading it with my 9 year old. You all know me well enough to know that I don’t read adult books, but I love to listen to my kids read. So this kind of kills two birds with one stone. Plus I didn’t think it would be a good mothering skills for me to force my kids to read US Magazine out loud with me.

Current Music Fascinations
Pearl Jam, Back Spacer
Creed, Full Circle
The Elect (local live band)

I’m a rock and roll girl…It’s funny, (on a side note) when I was married, my ex LOVED music but I never understood his fascination with it. Now that we are divorced, I love the music that he used to want me to listen to. Go figure!

Current Shame-inducing Guilty Pleasure
Shopping, shopping and more shopping! But not really just shopping per say, but shopping for jeans…at last count I had 47 pairs…and can always find a need for more. Especially now…I am donating 20+ pairs to charity this week to make room in my closet for more!

Current Drink:
Non-alcoholic: Un-sweet Iced Tea
Alcoholic: Vodka & soda with a splash of tonic and extra lime

Wow! Does that drink make me sound a little “high maintenance”?

Current Outfit:
Long sleeve black T-shirt, jeans and flip flops

My office is moving yet again (4th time in four years) so I am packing this week…uggghhhhh… conveniently I am the only one that is ever around during the week of a move.

Current Celebrity Crush:
Ryan Reynolds

Current, past, and future…he never grows old! I’m drooling just typing this….He is absolutely Yummy! Let me know if any of you have any suggestions on how to “off” Scarlet Johansen…However, after seeing her in Iron Man II this past weekend, I think she could kick my ass in a heartbeat.

Current Mood:
Confused

Current Excitement:
A long three day weekend!

Current Anticipation:
The trainwreck that is the Bachelorette that starts TONIGHT. I am so excited to watch the irritatingly annoying Ali find the love of her life! I’m sure I will have many snarky things to say about her in my upcoming Bachelorette posts…stay tuned!

Current Picture:


This is from the Indiana State Museum. I love this picture because every time we go to this museum my kids say, “duh, who doesn’t know they are in Indiana?”

Current Quote:
“If it weren’t for off-putting my co-workers, I would wear my one piece Hannah Montana pajamas like all the time.” Ryan Reynolds, when asked what makes him happy by People Magazine. (it secretly makes me happy that he didn’t mention anything about his wife making him happy)

Current Worry:
Everyday is a worry for me...I'm a single mom trying to support (2) kids...I never stop worrying.

Current Project:
Cleaning out my closet. I absolutely hate cleaning out my closet. It is the size of a small bedroom and I have issues staying on top of it.

Let's keep spit balling some ideas

The other day I was going through some old journals and came across the list I had created 20 years ago in the search to find my soul mate. This was my pre-husband list and it is very detailed. I was shocked at how different it is compared to my list of requirements today. I thought some of you might get a kick out of the differences in my two lists sans 20 years apart.

1990 The Perfect Man:

1. Makes me smile
2. Sticks up for me, but still respects my independence
3. Lets me take charge of the remote control
4. Not afraid of PDA
5. His hand always seems to find mine
6. Dances with me even if he feels like a dork
7. Stares at me with loving eyes
8. Calls me for no reason
9. Loves me for me
10. Loves his family and is close with them
11. Loves life
12. Wants kids
13. Loves himself
14. A one woman man
15. Makes me laugh
16. Can laugh at himself
17. Is humble
18. Writes me little notes just because
19. Makes me feel beautiful
20. Wants someone to come alongside him as a partner
21. Has a job and works hard
22. Is honest
23. Is loyal
24. Takes care of himself physically, emotionally and mentally
25. Smiles and laughs with his heart and soul
26. Is not afraid to share himself completely
27. Respects himself and others at all times
28. Responsible
29. No drugs…No smoking
30. Handyman

2010 The Perfect Man:

1. Breathing

It’s funny how 20 years can change a woman, isn’t it?

You like me, you really like me

I love the world of blogging. I have not been blogging for a year yet and I have already met so many awesomely creative people. In fact, I never even read a blog before I started blogging, but now I’m addicted to so many. Why, you might ask? Well because blogs are like my celebrity magazines. Not only is it a way for me to take a look into other people’s lives, but the articles are usually short, sweet and to the point, perfect for an ADD reader like myself.


This past week was a really special blogging week for me because Sarah over at No Don’t and Stop thought I was worthy enough of a blogging award, my first, I might add. I have just recently become a stalker of Sarah’s blog because I love the way she writes. But after checking out her blog further, I realized we had a lot in common. Not only are we both single moms, but we both have the most adorable boys ever. We both have an unhealthy fascination with office supplies and neither of us can get through the book Love You Forever without crying like a baby. And one of the coolest things about Sara is that she has a super cute boyfriend who has recently encouraged her to go to church, which can only mean that she surrounds herself with fabulous people, one of them being Moi! And the circle evolves! If you haven’t checked her out yet, click on the link above, you won’t be sorry!

Now, this bloggy award is unlike an Oscar on two levels. You know when you are a woman and you get an Oscar there are only two things you must do. First, enjoy the limelight and second, file for divorce (I've already done both). But accepting an award in the bloggy world means a little more work. First, I must thank the person who sent it to me. Done. Second, I must tell you seven bits of information about me that you may not already know…

1. I have a twin brother who is seven minutes younger than me.

2. I love to sleep. Sunday’s without my kids are awesome. I have been known to sleep until 2 or 3 in the afternoon on occasion. I try not to do this much because when I do I just say to myself “where has the day gone” all day long.

3. Even though my mom has been gone for almost eleven years, I still think of her as my best friend.

4. I’m struggling to write my first book, because when I write I tend to isolate myself from the outside world. It’s a balance that I can’t quite figure out yet.

5. I love the show “Dog the Bounty Hunter”. It’s a train wreck that I can’t not watch!

6. I have been divorced almost five years. And to this day the only thing that I am still hurt about is not being able to spend quality time with my ex-mother-in-law and ex-sisters-in-law. Those girls mean the world to me and I miss them terribly.

7. I once sent a secret to PostSecret. Now I scan their website weekly in hopes to see it in print.

And last but not least, I have to give this award to 15 of my favorite bloggers. The tough part about this is that Sarah and I have many of the same favorite bloggers and I don’t want their heads to get to big. You know, like mine. So I am only giving this award to 5 of my favorite bloggers (these girls don’t even know that I follow/stalk them…they are going to be so surprised). I guess if there were a #8 to this game, I would have to say that I am a rebel, a rule breaker of sorts.

And the awards go to (in no particular order):

Handbags and Handguns

A City Girl in Rural Alaska

Life with Kaishon

Vodka Mom

Life according to Candice

If you like reading blogs, I highly recommend you check each one of these out. They all have their own talents and make me laugh.

A big Danke Schoen again to Sarah at No Don’t and Stop for my first ever blog award. Now I’m off to bring myself back down to reality.

Things I've learned along the way, Part #1

1. Unshaven legs, granny panties, sweaty after a workout…it doesn’t matter, guys still want to have sex with you.

2. My kids adjust so much better after a weekend with their dad if I let them play with their friends when they get home instead of making them get ready for the week ahead. It’s a total inconvenience on me, but if it keeps them from crying, moaning and complaining when they first walk in the door, I’m willing to make the sacrifice.

3. I am not a number. I am a human being with feelings. My weight, bank balance, number of FaceBook friends, and contacts in my phone do not define me.

4. He is my ex-husband for a reason. Why do I have to continue to put myself in situations that allow him to hurt me in order to be reminded of this?

5. Never eat a banana while shopping the aisles of the Home Depot on a Saturday morning. Don’t ask…just trust me on this one.

6. Men (and women for that matter) that wear sunglasses while indoors are total douches and can never be trusted.

7. Age is not necessarily an indicator of maturity. In fact, I have found that most men, no matter the age, 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and 50’s are always going on 15.

8. Failure is not the end result as long as you learned something and grew in the process.

9. Don’t live life based on the “shoulds” and “what if’s”. It can only lead to disappointment.

10. If humor is not the number one thing on your “list” for the opposite sex, then you should re-evaluate your list. It’s not always going to be ice cream, bunnies, and lollipops, but if you don’t have laughter then you are already starting behind the pack.

Top Ten Friday

Most of you know by now that I am a celebrity gossip whore. I love it. I can’t get enough of the Hollywood scene. I often think, it’s because it makes me appreciate my quite little life a lot more. Quite frankly, you couldn’t pay me enough money to be a celebrity. The paparazzi constantly trying to catch you making mistakes, people like me judging your every move…it would drive me crazy. So today’s Top Ten involves things I found online (mostly celebrity related) this week while stalking Hollywood royalty.

You’re welcome!

Top Ten current events online that make say hmmmmm.

10. This video. There are no words to describe how inappropriate it is, but oddly enough it is fascinating to watch as well…

9.The movie Knight and Day starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Here is the movie poster.



Hmmm, let me guess, it’s probably about a guy by the name of Knight and a girl by the name of Day who are polar opposites. He is probably and crazy action seeking adventureman and she is probably a low key, librarian type who has never done anything spontaneous in her life but somehow gets involved in some crazy scheme that Knight is involved in. And let me guess, they probably fall in love.

How original Hollywood, how original…

8. Hollywood trends. I get so sick of seeing people dressed in Hollywood trends in the Midwest. Am I saying that I don’t like Hollywood trends? No, absolutely not. What I am saying is that the outfits some women choose to wear are often worn in an inappropriate manner. Take this outfit for example.



I saw a woman wearing something very similar to this to a work meeting at lunch the other day. (The only difference was that she was wearing high heels instead of boots and the hem was a little higher) I knew it was a work meeting because she was surrounded by other men and women dressed appropriately for work. I loved the outfit, but not for work, not even casual Friday.

7. Oprah Winfrey’s no phone zone.



Don’t get me wrong I am a complete advocate of people not texting and driving. I support it 100%. But does Oprah have to get on every single band wagon? I hate the fact that her name is attached to this. People, she is not God? No matter how much she thinks she is, she does not rule the planet. Her word is not gold! Do it because it is what is right, not because Oprah jumped on the band wagon and told you to do it.

6. When people reject something you heard because they couldn’t verify it on Snopes.com. Has anyone actually done their research on Snopes.com? Why is Snopes.com the end all be all of rumors, hoaxes, and myths? For all we know it could be run by some 19 year old kid in his dorm room pushing the yes or no button every time someone wants to verify a source.

5. Matt Lauer.


He’s such a douchebag. I’m of the opinion that he suffers from “little man syndrome”, but that doesn't really matter right now. Apparently he cheated on his wife while he was in Vancouver covering the Olympics. I can’t help but wonder what thoughts were going through his mind as he was reporting on scumbags like Tiger Woods, Jesse James, and Teke Barber???

4. People using social media outlets as a means to get certain celebrities on certain shows. I have to admit that I thought it was kind of clever when I saw the “Betty White Host SNL” group on my home page on FaceBook. It was an ingenious idea and she was great on the show. But then Monday there was one for her to host the Oscars as well as one to make an appearance on Glee and I just recently came across one that wants Cameron & Mitchell (from Modern Family) to kiss before the season ends, and now there is one for Carol Burnett to host SNL. I am of the opinion that we let the people in Hollywood do their jobs!

3. Stephen Baldwin.



Yet another reason I find it very difficult to take him seriously when he talks about God.


2. This commercial. I LOVE IT!

And the number one current event in Hollywood this week......

1. Could it be?



Perez Hilton (leading gossip columnits) is reporting that Scarlett Johansen and Ryan Reynolds are having marital problems. While I hate to see any marriage break up this is one that I advocate. I have dreamed of the day of running to Ryans rescue and picking up the pieces.

OH HAPPY DAY!

That's how Julie C's it

I am 39 years young. In those 39 years I have always been a rule follower. Growing up I always did the sensible thing, I was always where I told my parents I would be, and I never missed curfew. Well except for the one time when my best friend and I drove my mom’s convertible camaro downtown for some fraternity convention and picked up a couple of guys that “made us late for our curfew”. I remember dropping my friend off at her house very early in the morning and peeling out of the driveway because I didn’t want to confront her mom who was waiting on the steps for her…ummm, us. I felt bad letting my friend take the heat for that, but I soon forgot about the heat she was taking when I got home to both of my parents angrily awaiting my arrival.

Nowadays (does that word make me sound old, or what?) my life doesn’t really include a lot of adventure. I am a single mom raising two boys struggling to find the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, I don’t have time for anything else.

In the five years since I’ve been divorced I’ve noticed a pattern among the men I have found myself attracted to: emotionally unavailable!

They are either in love with someone who isn’t in love with them, newly divorced and just want to sow their wild oats, or “not in a good place in their lives.” Quite frankly, I’m sick to death of this pattern. I often ask myself, why these men are the men that I am attracted to? Why can’t I find the guy that actually wants to be married and find someone to share his life with? Does that man even exist? Or maybe, just maybe, I am attracted to these men who can’t commit because it will make me feel better in the long run when a relationship doesn’t work out. Or maybe I am attracted to commitment phobes because I myself am a possible commitment phobe and just don’t know it yet? Hmmmm….

My problem is, more often than not, I get stuck in the friendship zone while waiting for these guys to grow up and figure out what they want in life. I eventually become the fist popping girl that they can count on at the last minute to fill the void in their evenings. I’m the one they call to go see a movie with when they don’t want to go alone, or the girl that likes to have a few drinks, listen to live music and not expect anything at the end of the evening. In the back of my mind I am “waiting out” their life phases, in the back of their minds, we are creating great friendships. But if I were being honest with you, without sounding like a complete b*&%$, I would tell you that I really don’t have time for phone buddies, text relationships, and pen pals. I barely have enough time in my life to nurture my true friendships and raise my kids.

But what is a girl to do?

I may not know what I am supposed to do, but I can tell you what I am going to do…

I’m going to take a stand! And by “take a stand” I mean take action…so last night I gave myself a little pep talk and decided to try and accomplish #71 on my “101 things to do in 1001 days”(yeah for me, $10 more into the “bucket jar”).

Goal #71: Ask a cute boy on a date

I bought concert tickets to one of my favorite bands this summer and I casually said to a friend of mine, “you should go with me.” And he flat out rejected me by saying he couldn’t commit to it right now because the next three months of his life were very busy. He doesn’t have a lot of free time, and what free time he has is usually unexpected and last minute. I was floored! I can’t believe someone can’t find 2 hours in their schedule three months down the road…In fact, I often think in situations like this, if he really wanted to go with me, he would find a way to make it happen.” If the roles were reversed and I really wanted to go to this concert with him, I would make it happen. And it’s these thoughts that I usually fester on and let chip away at the self esteem I have so desperately tried to work on.

Bottom line…you live and learn. What have I learned, you might ask?

1. I have learned that I will never ever ask a cute boy out on a date again.

2. I have learned that great friendships are two sided, both parties must give and take equally.

3. I have learned that if a friendship becomes lopsided, it may not be a true friendship and usually only ends up fulfilling the needs of one of the parties involved.

4. I have learned that true friendships involve more than just text conversations, emails, and phone calls.

5. I have learned that it is virtually impossible to create good “friendships” with people of the opposite sex.

And there you have it! That’s how Julie C’s it!

Celebrity math

If you read my blog yesterday you know that I am on a mission to complete some of the things on my "bucket list". I have given myself 2 1/2 years to accomplish 101 goals. If you haven't already read yesterday's post, check it out here.

In less than 24 hours I have already completed (1) of my goals, #51, be an inspiration to someone. Thanks to MrsJenB and Chele both of whom emailed me yesterday to let me know that I have inspired them to start their own lists. Yeah MrsJenB and Chele, and yeah for my first $10 deposit into the "bucket jar" (damn, now what will I do for allowance for Hamilton and Gibson this week?).

The two goals on my list that worry me the most are: #22, fall in love and #52, get married barefoot. If you have been any kind of follwoer on my blog, you know that I struggle daily to find Mr. Right. From the first date fiascos to the long term relationships, my path to finding "the one" has been long and hard, and unfortunately, it doesn't look like there is an end in sight.

So it got me thinking about the saying, "if you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always got." I don't know who said that, but it has always been a mantra for me when I'm giving advice to others. I, however, have never actually thought about it as it relates to me. But today, it finally hit home. I need to make some changes...physically, mentally and emotionally. I like to start with the easy changes so as not to get discouraged, so I decided to start with the physical changes.

Like any independent woman of the 21st Century, I immediately get online to figure out a strategy. And it hits me...what if I can figure out which celebrity I resemble the most and use that celebrities "style" persay, to jumpstart a "new look" for myself. I know its a warped way to think, but desperate times call for desperate measures. After all, I only have 2 1/2 years!

Through my research I was lucky enough to find the celebrity I most resembled, and boy was I shocked! I couldn't believe the computer generated program would match me with such a stellar person. I know you are all dyiing to know who I was matched with...

Drum roll please.......



Yep, apparently I resemble Jack Black with an 85% accuracy. If this doesn't hurt a chicks self esteem, I don't know what would. The second celebrity in line to match me is Alicia Silverstone, but only with a 45% accuracy.



Seriously? This program thinks I looke more like Jack Black than Alicia Silverstone? I might just have to end my life here...Quite frankly, I don't think I resemble either, but I will say when my hair was long I did have a couple of people (ok, drunk guys at a bar) tell me that I look like Alicia Silverstone.

So here is how I see the math on this particular connection...

Jack Black



MINUS the big belly



MINUS the goofy look



MINUS the musical talent



MINUS the energy



MINUS the facial hair



Divide him in half... (he is a very large little guy)

...and you may have something that resembles a very distant relative of mine.



Quite frankly, the only thing I see of resemblance between the two of us is that we both need an upper lip wax!

It's go time

There is a little challenge going around the blog community to create a list of 101 things you would like to accomplish in 1001 days, a bucket list of sorts. The only difference is that you only have about 2 1/2 years to accomplish everything...not a lifetime.

I have decided to take on this challenge because I am so famous for saying I want to do something and then never accomplishing it. This way it is in writing and at the end of the 2 1/2 years I give you permission to say "I told you so" if I don't get them all completed. However, I also reserve the right to a "right back at cha" if (and when) I do get them all accomplished. Deal?

My completion date for these "101 goals" is August 13, 2013.

1. Wear a bathing suit in public and NOT feel self conscious about it
2. Move into a new house
3. Go on an "adult only" vacation
4. Invest in the stock market on a regular basis
5. Purchase one piece of expensive jewelry for myself
6. Leave an inspirational note in an inconspicuous place for someone else to find
7. Watch the sunrise and sunset on the same day
8. Build an emergency fund of $10,000
9. Take pictures of 101 things I like about being a mom and document them in some way
10. Write an article that gets published in a magazine
11. Complete my book
12. Travel to all 50 states (23/50)
13. Fly on a trapeze
14. Paint something (not a wall, but a picture)
15. Scan and organize all my pre-digital pictures
16. Go on a multi day hike
17. Write a letter to myself to open in 10 years
18. See Kiss in concert
19. Go white water rafting
20. Spend a whole day in bed with someone I love
21. Be debt free (except for my house)
22. Fall in love
23. Adopt a dog and name it "kitty"
24. Perform a random act of kindness
25. Assemble an emergency first aid kit for my house
26. Write letters to Hamilton and Gibson to open on their wedding days
27. Renovate something
28. Give (10) just because gifts for no reason
29. Give a 100% tip
30. Create a budget and stick to it
31. Travel to Fiji and stay in a cabana on a dock in the ocean
32. Visit New York City again
33. Seal that trip with a kiss at the top of the Empire State Building (if this happens to be a girls trip, I expect on of my dear dear friends to take one for the team!)
34. Party in Las Vegas for my 40th Birthday
35. Go on a road trip on a whim without a plan
36. Exercise religiously
37. Give blood
38. Take dancing lessons
39. Learn to snow ski and/or snowboard
40. Watch (50) movies that I've never seen before (1/50)
41. Host a dinner party
42. Play glow in the dark golf
43. Take Hamilton and Gibson camping
44. Go without TV for a week
45. Complete a crossword puzzle without any help
46. Learn how to change the oil in my car
47. Have a picnic in the park
48. Have a "guilt free" spa day
49. Learn to cook
50. Cook Thanksgiving dinner by myself
51. Be an inspiration to someone
52. Get married barefoot
53. Take a photo with a celebrity (Bonus points if it is Ryan Reynolds)
54. Take a picture each time one of my goals is completed
55. Ride on the back of a motorcycle
56. Leave (10) random positive notes
57. Learn to play poker
58. Write a letter to my favorite author and let him know that he was the inspiration for me wanting to put my thoughts down in book form.
59. Buy a pair of Jimmy Choo's
60. Watch a movie at a drive in theater
61. Go kayaking
62. Get a complete physical
63. Go back to college
64. Take an audio tour of a museum or an art gallery
65. Ride in a gondola
66. Achieve my goal weight
67. Identify someone in my life that has inspired me and let him/her know
68. Fly in a hot air balloon
69. Become a wine connosieur
70. Get closure on a past hurt
71. Ask a cute boy out on a date
72. Visit a real Blues Bar in Chicago
73. Take a trip on a train
74. Volunteer on a regular basis
75. Go whale watching
76. Visit the Smithsonian
77. Go to an NHL game
78. Learn to juggle
79. Go back to Hawaii
80. Get 500 hits on my blog in one day
81. Research my family tree
82. Milk a cow
83. Learn how to throw a Frisbee
84. Ride a tandom bike
85. Make something with my own two hands and give it to someone special
86. Go for a walk in the pouring rain
87. Release a message in a bottle
88. Go see our local symphony
89. Restore contact with someone who is no longer in my life
90. Ring a church bell (the kind in a tower with a rope)
91. Visit a real castle
92. Go spelunking (this is a means to conquer a huge fear of mine)
93. Wear white in winter
94. Learn to whistle through my fingers
95. Take the cork off a bottle of champagne with a sword
96. Get a tattoo
97. Eat a star fruit
98. Get a tummy tuck
99. Look up at the night sky through a telescope
100. Put away $10 for each goal completed before August 13, 2013
101. Donate $10 for each goal I did not complete before August 13

Hot Hollywood

Last week was the marking of yet another chance for celebrities to show us how beautiful and important they are. In true Hollywood fashion the Museum Costume Institute Ball 2010 was no disappointment. I look forward to this event every year for the styles, glamour, and of course fashion blunders. And this year, there were many of each.

Here’s my recap…

Jude Law & Sienna Miller (aka: king & queen of break-up/make-up)- These two are so beautiful, but have always had a very rocky relationship. They have been on again off again more times than Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson. In fact, I give these two five minutes before breaking up again. That said…they are H.O.T. hot!



Brook Shields- I love this woman. I loved her on Lipstick Jungle, but that show only lasted one season…bummer. But what I really like about her are her “guns”. Look at those babies. In my perfect world, I would have her arms.



Diane Kruger- I don’t necessarily like her dress, but I can say, with 100% accuracy that she is definitely NOT on her period. Period.



Janet Jackson- This dress definitely wins the “Breast Dressed” award…That girl has a major rack! I wonder how I can get mine to stand tall like that. Any suggestions?



Maggie Gyllenhal- I’m not a fan of this dress either. Quite frankly, I’m a little scared that if she heads home from this event in the wee hours of the morning the local garbage man might chase her down in a case of “mistaken identity”.



Emma Roberts- I love Emma’s look, but the reason I put this picture up is that I thought everyone might enjoy the outfit of the woman behind her. Fantastic, isn’t it? (said with a large amount of sarcasm). It is my theory that just because you are in Hollywood it doesn’t mean that this outfit is cool or fashionable. Get over your bad self!



Oprah Winfrey- The higher the hair, the larger the breasts, the poofier the dress…the closer to God! Sorry if I have offended any Oprah fans, but her God complex just drives me batty!



Mr. & Mrs. Ralph Lauren- There are so many things wrong with this picture. Jeans with a tuxedo jacket, a woman in a tailed tuxedo, bad tans. I’m appalled! Mr. Lauren is one of the most world renowned designers and this is the best he could come up with. I have just one word to describe this fashion nightmare…lazy!



John Bon Jovi- Finally a picture that makes the evening all worth it. Is it just me or is he one of the most handsome men ever? Yumm-O!



Whoopie Goldberg & Andre Leon Talley- Need I discuss all the things that are wrong with this picture? I think the only thing of any substance is that Mr. Talley is the Editor-At-Large for Vogue…it’s people like him that make and break the fashion trends. Please, please, please pray that this trend doesn’t take off. Quite frankly, if I were his boss, he would be fired immediately!



Padma Lakshmi- This picture cracked me up. While Padma is strikingly beautiful, I couldn’t help but immediately be drawn to Matthew Morrison (from Glee…my favorite show) in the background. I think this is by far the best “I’m looking at my shoes to avoid checking out the boobs” look ever! Priceless!



Kristen Stewart- I have no words…I don’t get why Hollywood is all into her.



Eva Mendez- Clearly she sent a spy out to my grandma’s yard sale last year and purchased her old living room curtains.



Emma Watson- love the dress, but don’t necessarily need to see her “Who ha”!



Jude Law & Sienna Miller: UPDATE: Since the beginning of this post, they have broken up. Stay tuned for another update in five minutes!

Top Ten Friday: Mother's Day Edition

I thought I would dedicate today’s post to all of those moms out there who will be celebrated this weekend. Before I forget, if you are reading this and you are a mom, I say kudos to you…You have an awesome job.

With that being said, since my divorce, Mother’s Day has become the worst day of the year for me for two reasons. First, because my kids are never with me on Sundays (in my ex’s defense, if I asked he would let me have the boys for the day, but he gets them so little that I always hate to take them from him on his time.) and second, it’s just another reminder that my awesome mom is no longer with us. Although I think about her every single day, Mother’s Day is by far the toughest.

So, selfishly, to cheer me up a little, and of course to celebrate all those moms out there, I thought I would share my little list of the Top Ten Ways that You Know You are a Mom.

You’re Welcome!

10. You can complete an entire conversation in under one minute flat.

9. In the middle of that conversation, you may stop and yell…”look firetruck!” and then continue on as if nothing happened.

8. You can’t help but notice all of the stains on your clothes.

7. You have no idea what is happening in the world around you, but you can give great details of your child’s bathroom habits.

6. You frequently forget what you are talking about.

5. You can give ten good reasons as to why a glass of wine at nap time is a good thing for you.

4. Once you have had small children you are able to take more crap from people than you used to.

3. You sometimes can’t see the irony of calling your child a “son-of-a-bitch.” (Bless your heart!)

2. You often ask your children “do you want some advice” only as a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if they answer yes or no, they are going to get your advice anyway.

And the number one way to know you are a mom…

1. You understand that your role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for a lifetime.

And for those of you that are still looking for the perfect Mother’s Day Gift…might I suggest this…

Happy Mother's Day!

Pfffft.....

I don’t know why I am into such short blog posts lately, but I have just one question for you regarding the guy they arrested in the attempted bombing at Times Square this past weekend…

How did they find and arrest this guy…



…based on this picture…



I even blew up a picture of his face, and this is all I got…



…Yeah that’s right, he looks like every other guy with a full head of dark hair…

Hmmmmmm……

Feeling like I can't throw it into the ocean and I'm standing on the beach

Being a grown up is difficult. Sometimes I just wish I could go back to the innocence of my childhood where I knew my Prince Charming was waiting for me. At an early age, I was confident he would find me and that we would run off into the sunset together. No ifs, ands or buts about it.

The reality is, adult relationships are nothing like that! And it sucks when you finally realize that your Prince Charming probably doesn’t even exist. Because more often than not, when that Prince Charming makes his way into your life, your paths will probably not be aligned and you will probably not run off into the sunset together.

So my question is this, what happens when you meet a great guy that is not on the same path as you?

Let me set this up for you. Let’s say you are a single mom that has been divorced for a few years. You have spent an insane amount of time really working on yourself. You are finally ready to move on with your life. You are tired of the dating scene and the games. You want to meet a grown up boy and have a grown up relationship.

You meet a guy. The guy is great! He has a good head on his shoulders. He is spiritually yoked with you. He is a great father who is compassionate, caring, sensitive and a good communicator. I know…if your anything like me you are thinking. “She is living in a dream world. This guy does not exist.” But wait…here is the kicker, he is also at a stage in his life where he is into creating relationships, but not the “long term kind.”

You are on the path to finding your life partner, he is on the path of creating “relationships." You are convinced that your path is the right path…the path that God has created for you. He is convinced that his path is the right path...the path that God has created for him. There is nothing wrong with either of these paths. The issue lies in the fact that it’s two people, who connect on so many levels, that have a blast together, and are on two separate paths.

But my question is this…how do you know, and I mean really know, that the path you are on is the right path?

I guess I could answer my own question by saying, we really don’t know, but the way I look at it, there are three viable solutions to this problem.

1. Move on and follow your original path (aka. find Prince Charming)

2. Jump ship and follow his path (aka. Get to know one another, become friends and risk staying in the friend zone forever)

3. Wait patiently and leave it up to God (aka. the difficult, yet realistic solution)

You see why I hate being a grown up?

If you're going through hell, keep going

Today’s post is going to be short sweet and to the point…

I’m dieting…

I’m working out hard three days a week…

I’m hungry…

I’m tempted to eat this…



….the green apple jelly bean that has been sitting on the floor of my car for over a month…

I’m desperate!

HELP!

The cat's meow

Is it just me or do the weekends go by faster and faster every week? I am amazed at how fast this weekend went by. Maybe because it was mixed with a great work out, a little illness, a cute boy, and great friends all rolled into one.

In true He Who Laughs Fashion, I won’t talk about my illness, because let’s face it, who really wants to hear me talk about my many trips to the bathroom. I won’t talk about said cute boy, because that’s my policy (ok, maybe once I get a little more comfortable). And no one really wants to hear about my kick ass work out session, so, I guess it leaves me with nothing better to talk about than my friends. But, I just did that a few weeks ago.

Hmmm…could this be another bout with writers block?

Nope! Not for me! Never fear my fearless readers, I have a doozie of a post for you today.

Today is May 3rd, and it is National Hug Your Cat Day! Let’s celebrate. Come on everyone, grab your cats and join me at the water park for an intimate celebration. Oh wait, cats don’t like water…that’s ok, because I don’t really like cats.

Shhh, don’t tell anyone…

Seriously, I never understood the fascination with cats. They are sneaky, quick, and lazy. They clean themselves, (that, freaks me out), they make me sneeze and they go to the bathroom in a box of rocks. In fact, just writing about cats makes me want to itch my watery eyes.

If need be, I could overlook all of those issues. But if I were being honest with you I would tell you that the main reason I don’t have cats is that I don’t ever, and let me stress EVER, want to be known as the cat lady when I get older. Face it, if you don’t own a cat, they can’t call you cat lady, right?

They could call me spinster, I guess, but somehow cat lady seems worse.

Another thing about being a cat owner is when people say things like “the more time you spend with your friends, spouses, or animals, the more you start to look alike.” I know this is true, I’ve seen it first hand. So I don’t want to take any chances of ever looking like this…



I once dated a guy that had cats. (Single men + Cats = Weird, in my book.) This guy, let’s call him “CatMan” (I know, how original) was the nicest sweetest man and in all actuality, a really good boyfriend for our short lived “relationship”. But I couldn’t get over the fact that he had four cats. Looking back, one cat may have been tolerable, but 4 was just downright crazy. Bottom line, the cats were the ultimate “deal breaker”. But I can remember, in one of our arguments about the cats, he made the comment that “single men with cats is a new trend”. I didn’t buy it!

That is, until I came across an article from August 2009 in the New York Times about Single Men and Cats. It goes on and on about how more and more single, heterosexual men are owning cats as a means of companionship.

I guess I still don’t buy it. Here is my “cat theory”…

I think, single men who own cats use the cats as a replacement for relationships. Because in a way their lives are easier, more convenient, and simpler as a cat owners because a cat is something that doesn’t desire or demand a lot of love, attention and affection. More than likely they won’t easily find these qualities in a woman, so they pick the next best form of companionship that meets their need,s and that just happens to be a cat.

So for all you single men out there that own cats, I have just one thing to say to you…Always remember, Ernest Hemingway was a single man that owned cats and he committed suicide! Obviously Mr. Hemingways relationship with his cat produced the same results he would have probably had if he were in a relationship with a woman.

Just something to ponder guys.