You can't throw the rope of love to someone who hates ropes

Recently I have been analyzing all aspects of my life from my job, to family, to friendships to relationships and I was reminded many times over not only how great my life is, but also how much it has changed over the years, specifically as it relates to my past relationships. I was reminiscing about how these relationships ended for the strict purpose of trying to find a pattern of some sort. But like normal my ADD kicked in and I got side tracked before I could conclude anything of any significance.

Do you want to know what I started thinking about, what got me side tracked? Dear John letters. Why, Dear John Letters you might ask? Honestly I have no idea, I can’t help that my mind wanders to such topics. All I know is that I just started laughing when I thought about the evolution of a Dear John letter as it could possibly relate to my life.

So, like normal, I thought I would share my twistedness with you…because let’s face it, that is why you are here, you like my twisted mind!

Enjoy!

My tween self

Dear John,

I guess we can’t go to the movies tonight because my dad said no. He said “no dating until you are 16”. I hate him.

You’re Friend, (my dad said we can still be friends as long as we go out in a group that is not coupled up)

Julie

My 15 year old self

Dear John,

You are a tool! Samantha said that you sent her a note during homeroom asking her for a slow dance at the Homecoming Dance. She said no because she knew I would be mad. At first I didn’t believe her because I thought she was trying to make me jealous. But then Carrie said it was true because she saw you writing the note. And then you acted weird to her at lunch.

Don’t ever contact me again!

Julie

My 18 year old self

Dear John,

I’m sorry I can’t go to prom with you. Kent just asked me to go and I have liked him like forever, but since he was going out with Christine, the slut, I didn’t think he liked me back. But it turns out he wasn’t really going out with Christine because when I asked him he was all like, “no way, she’s crazy” and I was like “but she said you were hooking up” and he was like “yeah, well she’s a liar” and I was like “I totally thought so.”

Let’s still be friends…like if you want

Julie

In my early twenties

My love Jonathan,

Hawaii is awesome! My parents are so uncool, but thank God I met some kids my age. Took a surfing lesson. Was told I was a natural. Gonna stay here and “hang 10” with the gang. My parents are pissed! If you ever come out this way stop by my room and I will give you tickets for half priced drinks (as long as Akoni isn’t around).

Aloha,

Julie

In my late twenties

Dear Johnnie Walker,

There is so much about our time together that I have enjoyed, unfortunately the time has come to part ways. I wish I could say that we will still be friends, but that would just be to difficult for me. Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you!

Good-by my love,

Julie

In my early thirties

From: Julie
To: Mr. John Smith
Date: Monday, January 7, 2005
Subject: Joke

Dear Mr. Smith,

Please use this as a request to stop sending me these inappropriate (not to mention chauvinistic) so-called “jokes” at work or you will leave me with no other choice but to forward these emails to Human Resources.

Respectfully Yours,

Julie

My current self

@John76 I’m Sorry, but I’m sure U saw this coming. #breaking up