Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Dracula the douche

As a special treat, I thought I would make my grand entrance back into the blogging world with a fantastic story about Dracula the Douche. If you are anything like me, this story will leave you completely dumbfounded at the end and probably thinking “oh no he didn’t” to yourself. I honestly don’t know how stuff like this always happens to me. I don’t know if I have “loser magnet” stamped on my forehead or what, but somehow I seem to attract losers like Charlie Sheen does hookers and porn stars.

It all started a month or so ago when my girlfriend told me she wanted to fix me up with some friends of hers. I was open to the idea. I was dating the Hot Fireman at the time, but we had not defined our relationship, so I thought, why not? The first guy she began talking about was Dracula the Douche. He was well known in our community, and not at all my type. You see, his reputation was that of having a huge and I mean HUGE ego, and I can’t stand that. So every time she would bring him up, I would either blow it off or quickly change the subject to one of the other prospects she had in mind.

But this past weekend my introduction to Dracula the Douche seemed inevitable. My girlfriend and I were attending a Halloween Party and she casually mentions that Dracula the Douche is going to stop by the party after the basketball game. I wasn’t overly excited, but thought, why not meet the guy? What’s the worst that could happen?


The moment of introduction was upon us…my heart was beating quickly, not only out of nervousness, but also in a “hurry up and get this over with” kind of way. I soooooo did not want to meet Dracula the Douche, but thought if I got it over with tonight I would never have to hear my girlfriend speak of him again.

Even though Dracula the Douche was dressed in full costume, I still recognized him the moment he walked in the door. He had that certain swagger about him. You know the one that some men have when they walk into a room so confident and think that every woman there wants him…yeah, that kind of swagger. He came up to my friend and gave her a big hug. While he was hugging her, his eyes were scanning the room, I’m sure to see if there was anyone there that he knew, but clearly he wasn’t focused on my friend.

She introduced us. He was quiet, not very outgoing, but struck up a very brief conversation before he became distracted by his beeping phone. And by very brief conversation, I mean no more than 30 seconds. Once he put his phone back in his pocket, he excused himself and said that his friend was in the parking lot and he needed to run something out to him and he would be right back. As he passed by me to go meet his friend I got a very uneasy feeling, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was definitely uneasy. I looked at my friend and said “he isn’t coming back.” She was dumbfounded by my statement and assured me he would be back…but I knew better. This is how douches behave! And I was right, he never came back and never contacted my friend to say he wasn’t coming back.

About ten minutes later I look over at my friend and she was a little teary eyed. I asked her what was wrong and she said that she was just shocked that a man would walk out like that never to return.

I have been single for five years so nothing about the way men behave shocks me anymore! You see, I learned, yet again from the likes of Hot Fireman that most men are afraid of telling a girl the truth. They would rather stop communicating all together with her, or walk out never to return, than to be open and honest. They would rather leave her hanging than tell her they weren’t interested anymore. It’s how men are wired, it’s no excuse and it doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it’s the truth.

I will admit, I don’t enjoy confrontation either, but I would rather confront a man with the truth then leave him hanging. I’m just that way. After all, we are all adults. At the very least, we deserve truth, common courtesy and respect, right?

But never fear…my evening wasn’t a total bust…it got better, much better and maybe one day soon, I will share that story too!


  1. Can't wait to hear the rest!

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. I'm anxiously awaiting Part 2. And, yeah, he's definitely a douch!



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