I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine, who I will call Adrian. I refer to him as Adrian because to me, he looks exactly like Adrian Grenier. Anyway, Adrian is quite a few years younger than me but we always seem to have really great conversations about the dynamics of men and women in relationships. He appreciates the advice I give him and I definitely appreciate the advice he gives me. There are many times when we both have light bulb moments as it relates to the inner workings of men and women and their relationships.
Our weekly lunches together are often full of comments like “hmmmm” or “oh my gosh I had no idea” or even “I apologize for the entire male/female race”. I love his insight and candidness. He makes me think, laugh and most importantly he reminds me to never ever give up on the male population, because there are still good single guys out there.
In one of our recent conversations, we got on the topic of “the chase”. I have always wondered if it was a myth or if it really existed. Lately, as I replay past relationships in my head I can’t help but think that this does actually happen. You know, once the guy “gets” you he gets bored and quietly disappears into the background and then you eventually never hear from him again.
The pattern is usually along these lines.
1. Boy likes girl
2. Boy contacts girl
3. Girl replies to boy
4. Boy contacts girl many times a day for a long time
5. Girl gets excited because boy is so interested
6. Boy invites girl on dates
7. Girl happily goes on dates
8. Boy continues to flirt and gets to know girl
9. Girl continues to get excited about boy
10. Boy “catches” girl (and by this I mean, he gets to the point internally in the relationship where the chasing isn’t as challenging)…so “catch” can mean a lot of things
11. Girl is happy that things are progressing and starts telling her friends about boy
12. Boy’s contact with girl starts to slow down a little
13. Girl starts to wonder if the boy is still interested, but tries to keep a positive attitude
14. Boy starts contacting girl every other day or so, but no more
15. Girl begins to get frustrated and confronts boy
16. Boy says things aren’t any different for him, he’s just busy
17. Girl believes boy
18. Boy stops calling girl altogether
19. Girl is hurt and can’t help but let it chip away at her self esteem
20. Boy has no clue what he has actually done
It’s sad isn’t it?
It’s sad on both accounts.
It’s sad that men can’t communicate with women their true feelings and its equally sad that women let men dictate the level of their self esteem. Unfortunately, I truly believe this is how we, were created and because of that, these habits we have had for years and years are hard habits to break.
But not this one!
I’m convinced that Adrian has the perfect solution to the “chase” problem. I have never heard anyone with a solution quite like his. However, I can’t give Adrian total credit for it, but I also can’t remember where he heard it from. So as far as this article is concerned, it was Adrian’s idea.
Anyway, his idea is this:
If the woman is a good quality woman, who you enjoy spending time with, and have a lot in common, then the chase shouldn’t stop after the first few dates. He thinks the chase should continue. And by this I mean, once you ask the girl out and she accepts, go out with her get to know her, get to know her for more than just the pursuit. Make sure she is someone that you could see spending quality time with. Then, and only then, chase her into a relationship. Once you are in the relationship, continue to get to know her, only on a deeper level, and then chase her again into engagement. Once you are engaged, don’t let the chase stop…continue chasing her into marriage and so on and so on.
Seems like the perfect solution to me for both men and women looking for love. Obviously this won’t work if the two people involved aren’t looking for the same things! But it seems worth a try!
Quite frankly, I think it’s brilliant!
Now, if I could just find someone interested in testing out this theory with me…