Monday, November 22, 2010

Relationships anonymous

Hi my name is Julie and I have high expectations of men.

A good friend sent me an email last week and suggested this topic as a post. Her email started off by saying, “don’t take this personally, because I AM NOT talking about you, but…”

So how could I not think she was talking about me?

I know she was talking about me and I am not offended by it one bit whatsoever! She thinks that sometimes our (and by “our”, I know she means me, but generalizing myself with the entire population makes me feel like less of a tool) expectations of the opposite sex may be so unrealistic that we are probably letting potentially good matches slip through our finger tips.

I know she is right.

I know I have high expectations of men.

But I can’t help it!

Last week alone I let one potentially good guy slip off the radar because I just didn’t feel things between the two of us and quite frankly, I didn’t really have the energy to nurture a new friendship and get to know him on a deeper level either.

I know this is mean, but it’s the truth.

I feel bad, because he seemed like a perfectly good guy. He seemed normal. He had a good job, was a hard worker, was always interested in hearing about me and my kids, and reminded me not to give up on the good guys. I think he was talking about himself when he said that to me, but he just happened to catch me at a bad time, a time of transition. A time in between trying to figure out what happened with one guy who I really liked and the thought of moving on to the next.

I hate the in between!

But If I had to venture an even better guess as to why my expectations of men are so high, I would say it’s because I have a list. I have a list of qualities that my ideal mate would posses. And out of those ideal qualities, I have five that I consider deal breakers:

1. Accept my kids and I as a total package…no ifs, ands or butts about it
2. Be a hard worker…he doesn’t have to be rich, but he has to work hard
3. Values family and family time
4. Holds honesty and integrity at the highest level
5. Is at least 6 feet tall (I know this is shallow…but it is what it is, I’m not looking to be the next Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes)

That’s it.

Everything else in my book is negotiable!

I don’t think that these deal breakers are unrealistic in any way. I don’t think I am asking for too much.

But my problem is this…once I feel like one of these deal breakers is broken, I tend to move on mentally, and when I move on mentally, more often than not, it's over. I never give the guy a chance to explain himself, and I hate that about me. No one is perfect, most of all me, yet I struggle to show grace when I feel betrayed in some way.

And I hate that quality in me even more.

But not anymore!

This is me, turning over a new leaf!

Most of you that know me know that I am all about second chances. But the new me, you know the one turning over a new leaf, is all about third chances too.

In fact, I may be all about fourth and fifth chances if you catch me on a good day.


  1. If you feel like you're settling from the get-go, that doesn't bode well for the future. Each long-term relationship I've had has been with someone I found extraordinary. I don't think I'd settle for just a "good guy."

  2. There's nothing wrong with setting standards, especially when there are children involved. Family values and accepting you and your children as a package deal is of the utmost importance.

  3. Sugar I'm with you on the list... and I want 'em to look like they'd outweigh me when I'm 9 months pregnant... whether I intend to have babies with him is irrelevant... that's my qualifier and I'm sticking to it!

  4. No nickname for the guy you let go?



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