Kickin it cold dorm style with the Bachelor Pad

Can I first say that this show is so trashtastic that I’m struggling to get my head around it. I don’t know if you watched it or not, but I felt so dirty by the time it was over that I wanted nothing more than to take a shower.

Kudos ABC! Kudos! This is going to be a fabulous show!

Cast of Characters:

Tenley
Season: Jake, On the Wings of Love season
Nickname: Ms. Enchanted

Jesse B
Season: Ali, Needs to run a Brush through her hair season
Nickname: Humana, humana, humana

Natalie
Season: Jason, Don’t make me pull a Mesnick season
Nickname: Princess

David
Season: Jillian, Hot tub make out season
Nickname: My new crush (I love a good bad boy)

Gwen
Season: Aaron, I didn’t watch this season
Nickname: Momma

Jessie
Season: Jake, On the Wings of Love season
Nickname: Ms. Nark (because she is the one that ratted Justin out)

Jonathan
Season: Ali, Needs to run a brush through her hair season
Nickname: The Weatherman ( of course, I may be referring to him as the local funny boy…he had some great one liners that I will share with you later)

Nikki
Season: Jason, Don’t make me pull a Mesnick season
Nickname: Ms. Don’t sleep with him on the first date, it will just bite you in the butt

Juan
Season: Jillian, Hot tub make out season
Nickname: Mr. Hasn’t figured out he is gay yet

Wes
Season: Jillian, Hot tub make out season
Nickname: Mr. Toolbag

Krisily
Season: Charlie, I’m not really drunk, I just normally act this way season
Nickname: The girl no one remembers

Elizabeth
Season: Jake, On the Wings of Love season
Nickname: Resident Psycho

Jesse K.
Season: Jillian, Hot tub make out season
Nickname: Mr. Wus

Kyptin
Season: Jillian, Hot tub make out season
Nickname: Mr. Abs

Ashley
Season: Jake, On the wings of Love
Nickname: The Stewardess (remember she dressed up as a stewardess for Jake, our resident cargo pilot)

Payton
Season: Andy’s season (I have no idea who he is, I guess I missed that season)
Nickname: The other girl that no one remembers

Michelle
Season: Jake, On the wings of love season
Nickname: I’m not giving her one because she won’t make it past the first episode

Gia
Season: Jake, On the wings of love season
Nickname: Ms. Why is she here, she has a boyfriend

Craig
Season: Ali, Needs to run a brush through her hair season
Nickname: Mr. Don Johnson

Rules of the Game

Our Host, Chris Harrison reminds us again that there are nineteen contestants, or money hungry sex-aholics, as I like to call them, each with a chance to find love and win $250,000. Juan summed it up best when he said, “if I had the chance to walk away with $250,000 or the love of my life, I’d go for the money.” Shocking, I know, but he only said out loud what all 19 toolbags were thinking!

Best Quotes of the Night

“Michelle has the hottest body in the house, but if you hook up with her you have to be careful she doesn’t cut your thing off.” -Wes, Mr. Toolbag, referring to her psycho behavior during Jake’s season

“So how are the abs?”
-Our Host Chris Harrison, welcoming Kypton into the Bachelor Pad

“If Craig’s hair shows up without Craig, that would be great”
-Jonathan, The Weatherman, speaking about his nemesis Craig, aka, Mr. Don Johnson

“When Craig won the Twister competition, I knew there was pretty much no God.” -Jonathan, The Weatherman, speaking about his nemesis Craig, aka, Mr. Don Jonnson

“There just weren’t enough roses for Michelle’s personalities, besides, it’s hard to put a rose on a straight jacket.” -Jonathan, The Weatherman, speaking about Michelle, I’m not going to give her a nickname because she won’t make it past the first episode’s, departure from the show

And last but not least, to wrap up this fantastic recap of last nights events, I give you a list of things that I hope ABC has purchased in bulk at Costco for this season.

1. Band aids, for all of the back stabbing that will be going on.

2. Chlorine, to kill all of the germs/sperm in the bathrooms, hot tub and pool

3. Alcohol, there will need to be plenty in order to put up with Tenley who still craps rainbows and butterflies

4. Sunscreen, for all of the cleavage and nakedness

5. Waterproof mascara, for all of the waterworks. If last nights episode is any indication of the tears this season, we are in for a real treat.


Cool Kids remaining:
Tenley
Jesse B.
David
Gwen
Jessie
Jonathan
Nikki
Wes
Krisily
Elizabeth
Jesse K.
Kyptin
Ashley
Payton
Gia
Craig

Not So Cool Kids asked to leave:
Juan
Michelle

Until next week!