As a single woman the two questions I get asked most by single men are,
1. What do you do for a living?
2. What are you working on?
I know, it seems weird, but it is what it is. The first one, “What do you do for a living” is the question I get asked most when I am out on the town with my friends, which as most of you know, is not much anymore. And the second question I usually get when I’m either at the bookstore or the coffee shop working on my book.
It never fails…it’s always one of those two.
I realized this weekend when I was packing up to leave the book store after a marathon writing session that my answers to these questions just might be what is scaring men off. I know it seems crazy, but it’s the only thing I can come up with.
After all, it can’t be “me”, because I am such a good catch, right?
Anyway, let me set the story up for you:
Scene: Me: hot, independent, single mom with nothing better to do on a Saturday night but sit at the book store working on my book. Laptop open, research scattered about, Venti coffee in one hand, pencil in the other.
Action: After a few hours of feverishly working away on my book I glance over to notice a tall good looking blond male staring at me. He kind of has a “Youth Pastor” vibe about him. Either I just pegged his job or it’s an occupational hazard for me. You see, I run a non-profit Christian Ministry during the week and I am usually surrounded by young “Youth Pastor” types.
Anyway, after sitting there for a couple of hours the Youth Pastor (as I will continue to refer to him) gets up to grab a stack of books to look at. After surfing through them for about 30 minutes he gets up to grab a cup of coffee. Once he is away from his seat, I look at the stack of books to see what is so interesting to him.
Major turnoff, all of the books are about narcissism…not good! But I digress.
I continue to feverishly work on my book. I think I’m onto something and don’t want to stop, but every once in a while I catch the “Youth Pastor” glancing my way. We play a game of cat and mouse with eye contact, but that’s about it. I’m trying to focus on my writing, I’m on a roll! About 9:45pm the bookstore employee comes over the PA to announce that the store will be closing at 10pm. I finish my last thoughts and start to pack up. The Youth Pastor finally gets the balls to strike up a conversation.
Youth Pastor: You look like you are working on something very important.
Me: I am. I’m writing a book!
Youth Pastor: May I ask, what it’s about?
Me: Sure, it’s about surviving after divorce
Youth Pastor: (turning pale) Sounds interesting, have a great night.
Me: (smiling uneasy) You too!
Wa wa wa…that’s it! You see, my answers to those two questions are 1.)run a non-profit Christian Ministry, and 2.) writing a book about divorce. And these answers, no matter which way you look at them, tend to scare men off. When I meet men in a bar they are usually immediately turned off by anything Christian related and when I meet available men outside the bar they are usually turned off by the fact I am writing a book about surviving divorce.
I just can’t catch a break!
I’m sure if I would have met that particular hot Youth Pastor at a bar and he asked what I did for a living, he might be interested in hearing me talk about my profession, but somehow the odds of me meeting a Youth Pastor at a bar are pretty close to zero. And to be honest with you if I met a guy at a bar and he said he was a Youth Pastor I would probably be totally turned off.
It’s a no win situation, a vicious cycle if you will! Whatever is a girl to do?