Monday, November 16, 2009

My dreams are always one cloud away from where I am standing

Have you ever thought about your circumstances? I mean really thought about them? I have! In fact, I think about mine all of the time. And I think about them mostly in a way of how they will affect my future. Where will I be in ten years? Who will I be? What will I have? Who will I love? If there is one thing I have learned, it’s that ten years is a lifetime. Anything can happen. Some days I can’t even tell you what I need to accomplish in a day, let alone in the next ten years. But I’m going to try!

In ten years I will have an eighteen year old and a sixteen year old, both boys. I’m assuming they will hate me like most teenagers who hate their parents. I’m sure that I will be a totally uncool mom. But they will have to be nice to me because I will be the one with the car, the car keys and the money. I will be the keeper of all that is good and necessary in high school! I hope to be living in the house where my kids and all of their friends like to hang out. This, of course, would mean that I will need to have a stocked pantry and refrigerator, a killer big screen TV and all of the coolest hippest video games imaginable to man. And in order to have these things for my children, it means that I would have to have an amazing job that pays me a shitload of money.

Getting beyond the “stuff”…I hope that my boys and I will be able to have open dialogues about any and all topics. Girls, friends, feelings, who they are going to marry, letting them know that it’s ok if they don’t want to get married, their dad, school, their future, etc.

I’ll be almost fifty by then. Of course, by that time fifty will be the new thirty which would mean that I would be younger in ten years than I actually am now…crazy, huh? By that time, I hope to have a lot of years under my belt at my current job. Maybe do some more ladder climbing, have more recognition, and more appreciation from others for the job I am doing. Or maybe I will even have a combination of jobs that allow me more time with Ham and Gib and more time to persue my own ideas of the title I want after my name. A man? The idea of this now, I struggle with. I want to maintain my independence and I have no idea how to do that within the confines of a relationship anymore. But in contradiction, I also want someone in my life that could take care of me too…odd, isn’t it? It’s almost like I want my cake and I want to eat it too. Fiercely independent streak…be gone!

In ten years time? I want a strong mental state as well as physical. A good therapist. Great sex. A medication combination that works. A support system and a plan in place. No body/self-esteem issues. I want to be in a healthy relationship that will be an example to my kids. Bottom line…whether I have grand plans or not, the next ten years are going to happen. I can only hope that life will be kind to me. And in exchange, I will be kind to me and I will be kind to life too!

1 comment:

  1. I am struggling with this right now - dreaming those dreams and feeling they can be real. Thanks for the reminder!



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