Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Signing off

The problem…the boys with online dating profiles! Typical! They are the ones who struggle to hold down a decent job. They are the ones who think they can sing for a living but in actuality, they can’t. They are the artists who aren’t quite artsy enough. They are the lower management kind of guys that will probably not amount to much more. I know this sounds snobby, but I had higher hopes when it came time for my online dating experiment. I guess deep down, I knew it probably wouldn’t amount to much. But it was definitely the distraction I was looking for…for a couple of months anyway!

I learned many lessons during this little dating experiment I was conducting. The most prevalent lesson by far was that the online dating world is quite different from meeting real people, in real places, through real connections. I guess I knew this, but it has finally sunk in…loud and clear. So for this reason and the few others that I talk about below, I have decided to put an end to this crazy experiment and put my future relationships in the hands of God and of course, my friends too!

During this experiment, I also learned that online dating was kind of like shopping for candy in a candy store. It was an overwhelming task with all of the options that were thrown my way. It was sometimes difficult to make a choice..even if I was shopping for a “particular piece”. Often I would walk by the piece I went in looking for because something fancier or prettier caught my eye. I found myself shopping this way on online dating sites as well. I would often ignore the ones that might seem right for me because someone prettier and more savvy poked his head in my profile only to ultimately find out that the prettier fancier ones were not right for me. And by the time I figured out the prettier fancier ones weren’t right for me it was to late with the ones that fit my original ideals. I just couldn’t help myself!

Ok..I will admit that I am an instant gratification kind of girl in many areas of my life. But one thing I have learned over the years is that my dating life is one area where I have had to learn to take things slower. Online dating made this very difficult for me. I have found that I actually enjoy moving at the pace of real life interactions; a couple of emails, a few phone calls, meet for drinks or coffee, and then possibly dinner. Instead I was constantly being asked out within the first one or two online interactions. This was NOT flattering. It was borderline creepy and it almost made me feel cheap at times. My problem was that when I would tell men of this process that I thought was good for me to follow, I would be rejected. Very frustrating! What happened to the times of getting to know someone a little before meeting for dinner?

My biggest frustration by far with online dating is the fact that we are NOT a society of readers. I have found that most men don’t seem to take the time to really think about who they are or what they want before completing their online profiles. Most profiles seem to either be so incoherent and almost impossible to understand or have so many misspellings that nothing makes sense! This then leaves me with no choice but to put an even bigger focus on photographs. But, I was most frustrated with the men who clearly did not read my profile before sending me an email or a wink. I can’t tell you how many times I was contacted by men who were clear in their choice to date women that didn’t have kids…hello…I have two!

So , with these lessons, I think it is time to close my online dating account and move on to bigger and better things. As a “send off” to this experiment I have been conducting, I thought I would share some random thoughts I still have about several of the men I have dated or wanted to date over the years.

-I hate that I let you hurt me!

-I wasted almost a year on you. I thought that I loved you, but I feel like you never really cared. So I stopped answering your calls and got over you. I heard the other day that you are now engaged and I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I miss you!

-When you told me you didn’t ever love me and were never attracted to me, I believed you! It only took me 3 ½ years of good expensive therapy to retrain my brain…thanks for that!

-It took you “hooking up” with two of my friends to figure out you weren’t the one for me.

-I still haven’t moved on, I think of you everyday!

-I hate myself for letting you break my heart.

-Why did you pick her and not me? What is wrong with me? You made me feel ugly!

-He is so beautiful when he laughs, it makes me want to be funny!

-I wanted you too but didn’t admit it to you because you are friends with my ex-husband. Instead, I have spent countless hours convincing myself that I didn’t want anything more than a friendship with you. I’m so sorry I hurt you!

-I know you lied to me. I know you are still lying. I don’t forgive you.

-I’m moving on only because I have to, I still have feelings for you.

-I miss your friendship terribly, but have no choice but to keep my distance because of who your friends are.

Now that is what I call closure!

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