Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Hot vs. I know I'm hot

I ran into an ex this weekend at a birthday party for a mutual friend. For the sake of this story, I’m going to call this ex, HOT. I was kind of shocked to see HOT at this party. I originally was prepared to see him there, but at the last minute heard he wouldn’t be in attendance and was secretly relieved. But a few drinks into the night and BAM...HOT arrived, unexpectedly. As we talked I was thinking back to the time, as adults, when HOT and I dated. It made me think about the men like HOT who are very attractive, but don’t know it , as compared to the men totally opposite of HOT that know they are hot and unfortunately have nothing else to offer society but their looks.

First, let me tell you a little bit about HOT. We went to high school together. He graduated a year ahead of me and was a big time wrestler. HOT is the kind of guy that is so good looking, but doesn’t realize how good looking he actually is. Humble would be a great word to describe someone like HOT. I LOVE this kind of guy! HOT and I weren’t great friends in high school…after all we were in different classes both of which consisted of over 700 students. We were acquaintances, both athletes, and had some friends in common. He always had very pretty girlfriends, and I always thought he was way to far out of my league. At least that is what I used to tell myself. Of course, maybe we never connected because I had a boyfriend in high school…who knows…

Flash forward to my adult life…About six months into my divorce I ran into HOT at a club. He came up to me and we started chatting. We were chatting like we knew each other in the past, but I honestly had no clue who he was. Finally he mentioned we went to high school together and when he told me his name, I was floored. Floored because he looked exactly like he did in high school, and I didn’t recognize him. Immediately, my insecurities set in. You know, the ones I had from when my ex-husband walked out on me. The ones when my ex told me he was not in love with me, and wasn’t attracted to me, EVER…those insecurities! I hate it when those insecurities rear their ugly heads!

HOT and I hung out that night at the club and I was excited when he asked me for my number. We ended up going out on some dates and the chemistry (physical and mental) was great. We connected on many different levels. I loved being around him! The problem, you might ask? The problem with us, I think, was that we were just at two different phases in our lives. He had been divorced for awhile and was just coming off of a break up (from the girl he eventually married, mind you) and I was no where near healed from, nor ready to move on from my broken marriage. Let's just say HOT and I were out to have a little fun! It was a while ago, but I think in all actuality we just eventually grew distant. He would call me and I would wait a couple of days to call him back. Then I would call him back and he would wait a few days to call me back…etc. We obviously weren’t right for each other!

I tell you all of this because that is why it was so good to see HOT this weekend! It was a reminder that there are genuinely good guys still out there. He was just one of those good guys. He is a hot guy, but doesn’t know he is a hot guy. There is just something about this kind of a guy that doesn’t know he is hot. It’s like there is this easy to be around handsomeness that is so much more satisfying and amazing than overt, total hotness! Keep in mind this is not low self esteem either. Believe me HOT is good with himself, just in a different way than those idiots with huge egos!

This is a guy who is totally unaware of how physically attractive he is. To me this means he has worked really hard to be awesome in other ways, like in his career or family life. He clearly has made a conscious effort to develop himself in other areas because he wasn’t counting on his looks to get him through life.

The difference between the kind of person HOT is and the guys that make it clear to you about how hot they are is that the ones that think they are hot never spend any time developing themselves because they are banking on their looks to get them through life. They don’t work to make anything else about themselves beautiful. Like, say…a personality, or brains, or talent. Pretty much they know they are hot on the outside and use that exterior beauty and only that, as their contribution to society…and that my friends is not pretty!

Don’t get me wrong, guys can also be on the other end of the spectrum…and by this I mean, someone who doesn’t know that he is hot but also sucks at life…this of course, is a very sad way to live. And there are also those that KNOW they are hot in a cocky, condescending, obnoxious, insecure way and don’t give a shit about what anyone else thinks, this too is very sad.

Bottom line…everyone is going to get old! The fortunate part is that the guys that are hot and don’t know it will be fine…it’s the jerks who think they are all that, that didn’t work on any other attribute that will have a life long battle with internal ugliness! And this, my friend, is no way to go through life!

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