Not anymore

For some reason I have been addicted to lists lately. I keep a running “to do” list at home and at work. Both lists have a box in front of each item that I am addicted to checking off. My palms actually get a little sweaty at the thought of being able to check an item off of one of these lists. This sense of accomplishment is huge for me. I don’t have a lot of people in my life to praise me on a daily basis, so this “checking items off” ritual is my form of pats on the back…it’s what keeps my tank full!

What this new found sense of accomplishment has taught me is that I’m not the girl I used to be. I’ve changed a lot over the years, some for the better, some for the worse. But through the good, the bad and the ugly, here is what I have learned:

I used to be the girl who worked out everyday. I am now the girl that realizes there is more to life than a six pack and killer arms.

I used to be the girl who was jealous of the lives celebrities lived. I’m now the girl who has realized that I could never be paid enough to be watched, criticized, and scrutinized for every move I make.

I used to be the girl who thought going to work solely meant working. I’m now the girl that knows if I don’t throw in a little fun while there, I will never get through the day.

I used to be the girl who thought ALL men were pigs. I’m now the girl that thinks most men are pigs.

I used to be the girl who drove an SUV because it was the cool thing to do. I’m now the girl that drives a sensible four door car because it gets me from point A to point B and gets more than ten miles to the gallon.

I used to be the girl who did not care about having God in my life. I’m now the girl that knows without God, I am incomplete.

I used to be the girl who dated jerks. I’m now the girl that just dates weirdos!

I used to be the girl who thought that people who were over thirty and not married were old maids. Now that I am over thirty and not married I don’t think that anymore.

I used to be the girl who wanted a lot of kids. I’m now the girl that thinks two or three is sufficient.

I used to be the girl who thought I couldn’t survive without a man in my life. I’m now the girl that knows that I can!

I used to be the girl who thought that I had to complete my list of life goals that I created when I was twenty. I’m now the girl who realizes that it is sometimes more realistic to change the plan in the middle of the game.

I used to be the girl who thought the perfect family was a traditional family…you know, mom, dad and 2.5 biological kids. I’m now the girl that realizes the perfect family is what you make it, as long as love is involved, it is the perfect family!

I used to be the girl who would just let things bother me and not stand up for what I believe in. I’m now the girl who will fight to the end for what’s right!

I used to be the girl who wasn’t very strong. I’m now the girl that could move mountains.

I used to be the girl who hated being single. I’m now the girl that is enjoying the journey.

I used to be the girl who felt guilty for having fun when my kids were with their dad. I’m now the girl that understands the importance of a little “me time”.

I used to be the girl who was afraid of failure. I’m now the girl that happily takes credit for my achievements and responsibility for my failures.

I used to be the girl who couldn’t make decisions without consulting others first. I’m now the girl that listens to my moods, follows my instincts, enjoys being silent and pays attention to what happens next.

But by far the most pertinent thing I have learned over the years is how important it is to continue love those around me, NO MATTER WHAT! I am learning to embrace the love, share the love and by all means, accept the love of those that want to love me.