I live in a house with all boys. As a refresher, there is my dad, and my two sons, 10 and 7. And in order for all of us to function and co-exist, we must adhere to certain rules. Therefore, my house has rules. Rules that are expected to be followed by all parties on a daily basis. Most of them are reasonable, some of them are weird, but all of them exist for a reason.
Before I share with you our basic He Who Laughs Last Commandments as we like to refer to them in our house, let me explain. You have to remember again, my house is full of boys. Some of these rules probably aren’t on the lists at most houses, because some of these rules are otherwise referred to as “common sense”, but it’s like I always say, McDonald’s puts “coffee is VERY Hot” on all of their coffee cups because some idiot spilled hot coffee on their crotch one day and decided to sue McDonald’s because they didn’t realize the coffee was going to be hot.
RULE #1:Do not lick anything, and by anything, I mean, windows, doors, floor, stair rails, tv’s, your friends, your cousins, and by all means, PLEASE DO NOT LICK each other.
RULE #2: Do not eat, dog food, fish food, boogers, dirt, soap, candles, pencils, crayons, or glue.
RULE #3: Do not put your toys in the oven, microwave, or working grill.
RULE #4: Do not put marbles, toys or your fingers up your noses or up the noses of friends, relatives and animals that we love.
RULE #5: I don’t care what your dad says, swimming in the pool does NOT constitute as a shower.
RULE #6; Do NOT, let me repeat, DO NOT pee on each other at any time. I don’t care if you are reenacting a Star Wars battle. Darth Vader would not be proud.
RULE #7: Do not put your shoes or underwear on any surface that is used to prepare or eat food.
RULE #8: Do not leave m&m’s, bubble gum, play dough or chap stix in your pockets when you bring down your laundry.
RULE #9: Do not stick your head in the oven, microwave, trashcan or toilet. Don’t ask me why, just don’t do it.
RULE #10: Do not kick anyone of the male species in the “family jewels” unless you want to know how it feels to be kicked there.
RULE #11: Dairy products do not go in the pantry.
RULE #12: Do not eat/drink toothpaste, hairgel or saline solution.
RULE #13: Do not get the newspaper in your birthday suite, at least put on some underwear. And no scratching yourself while at the mailbox either.
RULE #14: And last but not least, it is never appropriate to fart or burp. It doesn’t matter if you are pushing one out on “accident” or doing it with your armpit…those noises are never appropriate.
And that’s it…I don’t think it’s asking to much, do you?