Monday, April 11, 2011

Don't make me go all Tome Cruise/Katie Holmes on your ass

Online dating sucks!

Reason #1 why I’m no longer doing it.

But…that statement alone doesn’t prevent my friends from uttering those scary words every once in a while.

What words, you might ask?

You know the ones…”I have this great guy I want to fix you up with.”

Yeah…those words.

My girlfriend who fixed me up with Mr. Jackhole is dying to fix me up yet again…but I’m not falling for it. Nope, not this time…and do you know why? Well besides the fact that I have sworn of dating anyone new, I’ve decided that I WILL NOT be compromising in any way on my short list of 5 Must haves, no matter how shallow that makes me.

And #1 on that list, is height.

Yep, I refuse to date anyone that is even ¼ of an inch under 6 feet tall again. And like Mr. Jackhole, this new guy is 5’10.

Nope…not gonna do it! Call me shallow, call me a bioootch, call me what you will, but I'm not gonna do it.

You see, I’m 5’7. That’s not super tall, but it’s kind of tall. I like to wear high heels. I’m not superficial, but when it comes to dating short men…then I have a problem.

I have no interest in looking like this on a date…

I have no interest in being the “big girl” in the relationship. And let’s face it, tall girls that date short men are the “big girls” in the relationship.

You see, I like to wear shoes like this…

…because they make me feel sexy.

I absolutely dread wearing shoes like this…

…because they make me feel frumpy.

So when I say I want to date someone who is over six feet, it usually means someone who is 6’2 or 6’3 because like women, men too lie on their online dating profiles.

This way when I guy tells me he is 6’2, I’m pretty much guaranteed to get someone who is at least 6 feet tall.

And from here on out, I will go by this rule of thumb, when picking and choosing between men to date: I will subtract 2 inches from their height, add 20lbs to their weight and deduct $50,000 from their income and that’s pretty much the reality that will show up at my front door.

Ahhhhh…such is life!


  1. Oh girl I so have your back on this. I have an approximate weight limit too. I must be smaller in both ways!

  2. I agree! Short guys are a NO!



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