What can I say but, Happy Sunday! I don't ever post on Sunday's but I was up stewing all night last night and therefore, had a brain full of stuff that I needed to get rid of...or vomit onto the pages of this blog...
I know I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I hate the word hate…but sometimes, it’s a necessity and there is absolutely no way around its use.
One of the things I hate most about myself is depending on someone and then being disappointed by that particular person’s behavior. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that people will disappoint us from time to time and I will even disappoint others from time to time too. But when I continue to open my heart and let the same people disappoint me over and over again…yeah, I really hate that about me.
It all started early in the New Year when I was dating Mr. Perfect for Me. (Oh wait, according to my dear friend JO, I need to create a new nickname for Mr. Perfect for Me, because he obviously wasn’t perfect for me…no, in the end he was a complete Jack Hole. So from here on out Mr. Perfect for Me will be referred to as Mr. Jack Hole.) Anyway, I was dating Mr. Jack Hole and suddenly, out of nowhere, Hot Fireman appeared…again, like usual.
You see, he has this pattern.
I like to call this pattern, the “he’s just not that into me pattern.”
We go out on a date, then we don’t see or talk to each other for weeks and then he comes back around and the process starts all over again. Very rarely does he ever follow through with a date. More often than not we make a plan to spend some time together, we spend a few days flirting and then, poof, he cancels on me at the last minute.
And he cancels with excuses that you can’t really be upset about. Because if you get upset about his reasons, it only makes you look like a tool. His three main excuses are, he has to work late, he doesn’t feel well, or he has to take his kids at the last minute. You see…all pretty legit.
But hearing these same excuses over and over and over again, really pisses me off.
And as expected, he did it again last night.
As I said before, he started contacting me again early in the new year and we finally got together for dinner the night before my birthday…two and half months after we first reconnected. I, unfortunately, ended up getting sick that night and had to cut our evening short, only to not hear from him again for almost three weeks.
Suddenly he appeared again earlier this week with the hopes that we could get together in the upcoming week. We made a plan for last night. And like clockwork, he cancelled on me at the last minute.
The thing that frustrates me the most is that before we got together for my birthday, he mentioned that he was taking himself off of the market and he wanted to try to see where things went with me, ...and then I didn’t hear from him again for 3 weeks…3 weeks people.
I have to be honest and tell you that I was excited about the prospect of dating him exclusively.
But his actions don’t speak “I want to pursue you exclusively.”
No no…his actions speak, “I call Julie whenever I think I have some free time, because I know she will be available, and then when something better comes along at the last minute, it’s ok to cancel on her because I know she will be waiting for me the next time I call.”
Yep…that’s what his actions speak to me.
And that reality sucks!
I’m 40…I know better!
He’s just not that into me.