I'll have a Chai Tea Vodka Latte please

My mind is full of crap lately. And if you are anything like me, sometimes it’s difficult to get rid of the crappy thoughts that consume it on a daily basis. So, in an attempt to get rid of these mindless thoughts, I am going to try to say them out loud, ie: write them down here.

First and foremost, this man is H. O. T, hot...



...There, I said it! Sorry Ryan Reynolds…this is not a betrayl of you, it’s just a fact that needed to be stated.

I think they may be serving crack at school these days.

I’m convinced I will forever be known as “mom, the human coatrack.”

Mother nature clearly has some pent up sexual frustrations and she is taking it out on the Midwest, seriously snow on March 30th?

Cleaning my house is a big fat waste of time.

Cheap child labor is one of the benefits of being a parent.

I need to learn Korean so that I can see if the employees at my nail salon are, in fact, making fun of me.

Sleep is really just a luxury in my house anymore.

My laundry pile is kind of like Charlie Sheen, it NEVER goes away. Duh…loosing!

My “to do list” is multiplying quicker than the wives on the TLC show, Sister Wives.

Good things do occasionally happen to good people. I’m currently awaiting that occasion.

Calgon needs to take me away…or a hot fireman will do too.

Justin Beiber needs a new stylist. Anyone who convinces him it is still cool to wear your pants completely off your ass should not be paid good money.

Listening to my 7 year old sing Gun’s and Roses, Welcome to the Jungle, verbatim is both hysterical and disturbing at the same time.

If I don’t get back into a regular workout routine, I may just kill a unicorn.

I’m usually ready to go to bed before my kids are these days. Does that make me a bad mom?

Costco at noon is a great place to take your kids for lunch. What? Don’t judge me, you know you’ve done it before.

I need a maid, a chef, a chauffeur and a sugar daddy.

I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be a PTA mom or a room mom at my kid’s schools.

Wine has been my wingman as of late. Yeah, that’s not working for me either.