Monday, March 21, 2011

The Great (not so scientific) experiment, Part Deux

So I teased you all a little last week. Yep, I’m not proud, but sometimes that is what it takes to get you to come back to my blog…and I will do whatever it takes to get you to come back. It’s kind of like my dating life. I’ve learned over the years that if you don’t give it all up immediately, they always come back for more.

It’s no secret to anyone how much I loathe online dating. I don’t know of one person in my life that has had any long term relationship come of it. But I hear, all of the time, how successful it is for others. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met a couple of nice guys online in the past, but nothing that I could ever see as long term.

A couple of weeks ago, I was on my computer working on my book and it occurred to me that the two times I have done online dating in the past, I may not have put myself out there like I should have. So I logged on and did a search, as a man in my community, just to see what my competition would be.

And I was shocked, shocked at the women that were my competition.

I couldn’t believe some of the profile pictures that I came across. Barely clothed and lots of cleveage seemed to be the common theme for women between the ages of 35-45. No wonder I don’t have a lot of success with online dating. I tend to stay on the more conservative side when it comes to the pictures I post. You know, fully clothed, no bikini shots…just the basics. And it was these conservative pictures that got me connections with guys that were NOT my type whatsoever, well, except for Hot Fireman, but that unfortunately went down in flames quicker than it heated up.

Quite honestly, it was a gentle reminder to me that men are very visual creatures. And that is something that I try not to think about a lot.

So I decided to conduct another experiment. One I’m not totally proud of, but one I needed to conduct for peace of mind.

Two weeks ago I created two online dating profiles, as a test of sorts, to see what kind of traffic I could get to come my way. The only difference between the two profiles was the profile picture. Everything else was the exact same.

The first profile I created using this picture below as my profile picture.

This is me on a day to day basis. My hair is about 2-3 inches longer now than it is in this picture, otherwise, it’s me, a mom who values communication, laughter and honesty above all else.

The second profile I created using this picture below as my profile picture.

This is me getting ready to go on a rare night out with hair extensions in and a tank top on, otherwise, it’s me, a mom who values communication laughter and honesty above all else.

The first week I put up the first profile of me…my normal everyday look. And here is what I came across:

Total Connections (winks & emails)- 800 (all men)
Locations: connections came from all across the country, even though I specified a 20 mile radius
Average age: 48 (my suggested range was 37-45)
# of people worth persuing: 1

The second week I put up the second profile of me…my Barbie look, as I like to call it. And here is what I came across with that profile:

Total Connections (winks & emails)- 1,803 (1,797 men and 6 women)
Locations: connections came from all across the country, even though I specified a 20 mile radius
Average age: 36 (my suggested range was 37-45)
# of people worth persuing: 3

For those of you doing the math...the percentage of people worth persuing is less than 1%! The odds of finding Mr. Right online at this rate are slim to none.

Very discouraging!

The number one difference between the guys that contacted me in both profiles was the number of “never married” guys that contacted my “Barbie profile” over my normal every day profile. I would guess that 60% of the connections I made with the Barbie profile were listed as never married. And at 40, that is a total deal breaker for me. You see, when a man hasn’t been married by the time he is 40 it says to me that “the most important thing in my life so far has been me.” And I am not remotely interested in being the woman that has to break him of that characteristic.

Quite frankly, I’m just floored at the results of this little test. But it definitely answers a lot of my questions. I now understand why I will never meet my Prince Charming online.

It's sad that if you don’t look like a Barbie doll men just flat out aren’t interested in even giving you a chance.

And that’s ok. Because I'm not interested in meeting someone who just wants to meet me because I look like a Barbie doll. To these men I say, "to bad, so sad, missed out on what you could have had!"


  1. I love it when you end with a "Sheilaism"...classic!

  2. I have had some success with online dating, but you definitely have to be willing to sort through mostly junk and guys you would never consider...but in the end, I think that represented people I met in person too. It takes a while to find a keeper.

  3. Sadly, I'm not shocked by your results. At least you have some luck in person... I don't date. period. There just never seems to be the opportunity!

    I will say my sister is marrying a man who just turned 40 and had never married. He's one of the rare ones who just hadn't found the right person.

  4. I have tried online dating sites with a zero success rate. The last date I went on from one of them was with a guy I grew up with. It was more of a "Geez, it's been a long time. How is the family?" kind of date.



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