I want that

So I managed to survive my 40th birthday with grace and maturity all while keeping my dignity in check. I know some of you are surprised by that, but that’s what happens when one turns 40…it’s called personal growth people! I had a great week long celebration with family and lots of friends. Heck, I might even be so bold as to wish that 40th birthdays could happen every year…yep, it was that good.

But…

Oh come on, nothing is that good…you had to know there was a “but” coming somewhere along the way.

As much as I was looking forward to turning 40, there is still one thing that I really hate about it.

No, it’s not the fact that I woke up to this on Saturday morning…



…nothing like the smell of fire to make you sit up straight in your bed bright and early on a Saturday morning.

And no it’s not the fact that I think I got food poisoning during my birthday celebration with Hot Fireman on Friday night. (Sorry Hot Fireman, if you're reading this, I promise to make it up to you soon. And we both know soon in our schedules is within the next six weeks or your birthday, whichever comes first.)

And it’s definitely not that I haven’t accomplished any of the goals I set for myself to accomplish before I turned 4o.

Nope, it’s none of those…

The fact is the worst part about turning 40 is that those around you are also getting older too. And by “those around you” I mean my dad in particular.

I hate the fact that he is getting older.

In fact, I just got back from taking him home from the hospital. He was admitted into the ER after his cardiac rehab appointment.

It sucks to walk into a hospital and see the man you have looked up to your entire life laying there helpless and scared not knowing what is wrong with him.

It sucks to walk into a hospital and see the man you have looked up to your entire life and you know you can’t do anything to help him.

It sucks to walk into a hospital and see the man you have looked up to your entire life and you know that what he wants deep down inside is to be in heaven with his wife whom he loved dearly and lost 11 ½ years ago.

It just plain sucks!

But, what I realized when I was sitting there with him is that I want what he had with my mom! They were married for 35 years before she passed away.

They truly loved each other. Sure, they bickered and took each other for granted at times, but there was never any question as to their love for each other. I want that.

They never put on an act, they were always themselves when they were around each other. There was no judging…each was accepted by the other, no matter what. I want that.

They taught me and my brothers what love is and what it means to love, especially in the end when my mom was very sick and my dad was by her side 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I want that.

They brought out the best in each other. I want that.

They talked about everything and knew that listening wasn’t just about waiting for your turn to talk. I want that.

They always knew that no matter what tomorrow may bring, today their lives were more complete because they had each other, no matter what, through thick and thin. I want that.

Growing up. my parents quickly became the role models for the relationships I had in my life. The message of how they treated one another was deeply imbedded in my psyche. And I want my kids to have that same feeling about me someday.

Maybe they will…maybe they won’t, but let’s suffice it to say, I want that too!