Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Does happiness cloud our minds

After my break up with Mr. Perfect for Me I did a lot of soul searching.

I realized that dating him was just a reminder of the fact that we, and by “we” I mean “women in general”, tend to get caught up in the moment when we are in what we think is a happy fulfilling relationship. We tend to overlook the little things, which often times end up becoming the deal breakers in relationships.

We can’t help it.

It’s in our nature.

During this period of soul searching, I came up with a list. A list of characteristics that I will no longer HEDGE on when it comes to the men in my life, no matter what my heart tells me! I have realized I have to grow up, take accountability for my behavior, my actions and most importantly, my heart.

Reputation is the issue here, in family life, relationships, and profession. It can be seen most easily in what he will choose to do when he is all alone. It is the way in which he lives his life. Does he do what he says he is going to do? Does he follow through? Does he make good choices?

Does he keep his word? This is a tough thing to do all of the time, especially in relationships. Circumstances sidetrack us, other priorities take precedence and overwhelm our thinking. Bottom line, does he do the right thing?

This, I consider the inner strength at the core of his heart. It is clear when we see how a man spends his money. Does he buy fancy cars or blow money on unnecessary things? I wholeheartedly believe you will find a man’s heart where his wallet is. Don’t get me wrong, it is fun to splurge every once in a while, but typically how does he spend his money? Is it to impress you?

I think peace is created by thought patterns. A man, whose actions come from his heart, is usually a peaceful man. Peace does not mean panic, or busyness. When the hurriedness of everyday life takes over, relationships tend to become dysfunctional. It’s ok to slow down and enjoy life. You don’t always have to be on the go.

Discipline. I once heard it said that the “will to win” is not what wins the game. The game was won long before it was played. It’s the will to prepare to win that wins the game. I think that the willingness of a man to discipline his life is the key to success in not only business but relationships as well.

Maturity, it doesn’t come with years, it comes with the acceptance of responsibility and growth. Mature men don’t necessarily need to be recognized or esteemed in public. He acts mature because he believes maturity is right. But more importantly, he is consistent, decisive and strong.

Last but not least, being someone’s friend instead of just being friendly is the key. Being friendly accepts no responsibility for the other person’s feelings or wellbeing. While being a friend is someone who accepts the bonds and context of being someone your friend can depend on.

It’s sad as I look back at these characteristics. I can’t believe I would hedge on any of these, but I did…on all of them with Mr. Perfect for Me…and it took me getting out of that relationship before I realized it.

Happiness clouds our minds…and if it clouds our minds then are we really happy?

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